Would you date a guy who is emotionally distant?

Has a sense of humour and has energy and is interesting- so not some sort of depressed zombie. But never shares his feelings or talks about himself or shows emotion.

Would you move on to someone else? What if he was hot?

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Reply 1

LittleBigX

Original post by Callaghan

NEVER

Can't be hot enough to make up for that. There are guys out there that are hot and have feelings. I'd rather take one of those, thank you.

Reply 2

digitalfever

Original post by Callaghan

A guy that is emotionally distant has issues…. You can’t change a man and no amount of “hot” would change my mind.

Reply 3

Callaghan

Original post by LittleBigX

NEVER

Can't be hot enough to make up for that. There are guys out there that are hot and have feelings. I'd rather take one of those, thank you.

Original post by digitalfever

A guy that is emotionally distant has issues…. You can’t change a man and no amount of “hot” would change my mind.

It's funny that you say that because my real life experience is the complete opposite. Girls trying to 'fix' these guys and open them up. Also, hot guys will always get dates no matter how psychologically screwed up they are.

Reply 4

sil3nt_cha0s

Original post by LittleBigX

NEVER

Can't be hot enough to make up for that. There are guys out there that are hot and have feelings. I'd rather take one of those, thank you.

They'd rather not take you.

And OP: never share too many of your feelings with a girl, or else you'll be viewed as a wet sponge and a nice guy.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 5

platorepublic

Original post by Callaghan

Um I would prefer this guy over someone who shares his feelings but is rather ugly.

Which is obviously not a good choice on my part. But I can't help it. :frown:

Physically attraction always gets me first.

Reply 6

alawhisp

Original post by Callaghan

Girls that want to fix guys are a bit naïve. Smart women will avoid emotionally cold and distant men as it's not a good foundation for a healthy and lasting relationship.

If you're just talking about dating, well, that's different to entering a relationship. I am sure they could still get lots of dates with lots of women. But if someone is dating with a view to going into a relationship if they click enough, an emotionally mature and intelligent woman won't bother with a man who is absolutely incapable of ever opening up.

Original post by sil3nt_cha0s

And OP: never share too many of your feelings with a girl, or else you'll be viewed as a wet sponge and a nice guy.

That depends entirely on the nature of the relationship and the kind of feelings you are discussing. Crying about your inability to pick a lettuce at the supermarket is going to grate, but it's good to know some deeper things sometimes.

Reply 7

sil3nt_cha0s

Original post by alawhisp

I don't trust anyone with my deeper feelings other than myself. And young girls are complete emotional wrecks who seek attention and validation wherever possible, so they don't want to be dealing with the emotional baggage of a guy.

Reply 8

kat91s

Kind of sounds like my boyfriend - doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings but he just doesn't share them. He can't even remember the last time he cried. He did admit to holding back tears when he spoke to me for the first time after I left to study abroad though.

I am the complete opposite - I am very emotional and raging with hormones half the time, so if we were both that way we probably wouldn't work.

Reply 9

alawhisp

Original post by sil3nt_cha0s

I don't think many people would trust their deep feelings to someone they didn't know very well, but eventually surely you'd need to be able to trust someone with things like that? "Young girls" indicates girls without much emotional or mental maturity, and they usually are not long term relationship material, I am sure most people know that. More mature women are a different story - they tend to recognise that everyone has some baggage.

Reply 10

LittleBigX

Original post by sil3nt_cha0s

They'd rather not take you.

Are you an emotionally inhibited guy and therefore my words did offend you?

I don't really like really hot huys either, they can be shallow, as because of looks they can afford to be so, so I'm not losing out when they don't want me. :tongue:

But I'd always take the more approachable and emotional mature guy, no matter who of the ones at choice is best looking.

Reply 11

LittleBigX

Original post by Callaghan

It's funny that you say that because my real life experience is the complete opposite.

Girls trying to 'fix' these guys and open them up.
Also, hot guys will always get dates no matter how psychologically screwed up they are.

Aah.. these kind of girls. They have issues of their own.
The average girl though wants a bf who she can relate to and talk to.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

After meeting my current bf, I realised that I couldn't be with someone that didn't talk about how he feels, purely because I'm insecure and I need reassurance, luckily my bf is the very reassuring type, he's a bit of a woman tbh :tongue:

Reply 13

Lily'

i'd prefer a guy who wants to share his feelings, because then you would know your place in the relationship and you would know where its's leading too. And also it's best to share feelings because what if one of you is falling deeply inlove and the other doesnt like long term relationships;awkward.
But it's not your choice who you fall for, you just gotta accept it and smile :smile:

Reply 14

zipp

I did date a guy like that, and eventually he did open up- as far as I know I;m the only person he's ever opened up to.. then he started having problems and just clammed up altogether, went cold and distant and has never spoken to me or anyone about it since we broke up. Surely people like this will crack one day and it'll all come tumbling out?

Reply 15

aurcen

I don't really think there's a problem with it. Maybe you've just never asked him. You know, it's crazy because I was faced with the same problem recently. Like my friends said the same thing. I joke, I make them laugh, I'm good company but they know nothing about me. But the thing is, they've never asked. Maybe he's just the type of guy who isn't going to tell you anything unless you ask him about it. Maybe he just feels like everything about him you may find important isn't very important to highlight. Well, that's what I feel at least. Hope this helped.

Reply 16

Lucia.

I've dated someone like that and it's not good because they end up expecting you know what they're feeling without actually telling you; and at the same time, they don't seem to understand your emotional cues.

Reply 17

pinkbullets

My ex was emotionally distant. He's still emotionally distant now. I thought I could fix him but all that happened was he broke up with me without an explanation and cut all contact with me. I think I like a challenge and that is how I ended up in that situation. I somehow wish I hadn't got involved with him now.

Reply 18

digitalfever

Original post by Callaghan

Girls who are trying to 'fix', 'change' or 'save' these guys are just as incapable of having a relationship as the men who can't talk about his emotions. You don't need to open up emotionally to open your legs and hang out with someone now and then. But to create an actual relationship you need to be able to share a bit more than the superficial laughs and late night romps.

Reply 19

Studentus-anonymous

Original post by Callaghan

Women do it all the time... :rolleyes:

Seriously, romance is dead from my experience. We're a society of commitmentphobes, love is cheap and fleeting and affection is now called 'being needy'.