Results are out! Find what you need...fast. Get quick advice or join the chat
Hey there Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

English Narrative Writing (Short Story) Controlled Assessment

Announcements Posted on
    • Thread Starter
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Hi. I have my GCSE English Narrative Writing controlled assessment coming up next week (probably on Wednesday but I can't be sure). I'm in Year 10. Our English teacher asked us to plan our written piece tonight and make a start tomorrow. However, because I was bored, I did the plan on the weekend and I've completed my first draft today. Our school runs the WJEC (Welsh Joint Education Committee) English course. I'm doing my piece on "The Test". And before anyone points it out, I haven't written about a real test because our teacher said that we can interpret the title in any way we like and as long as it conforms to the traditional meaning of "test" i.e. a struggle of some sort, it's fine with him.

    I would accept any feedback and tips on how to improve. If possible, I would like a mark out of 20 and a letter grade. No offensive or inappropriate language please. Also, you may come across "fever/hyperthermia". The slash is there because I couldn't decide which word to use so I'll decide in the final draft. Please read fully the following piece:

    So there it is. If you think I could improve a particular sentence, quote the sentence and then tell me what could add or remove.
    DO NOT COPY. I own every bit of this work and it would be plain cheating to copy anything from here. (unless you're taking an idea and paraphrasing it). Remember to mark it out of 20 and give me a letter grade please. No rude comments please, though feel free to offer constructive criticism.
    • 19 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    It's been a while since you posted and nobody's replied yet...maybe you should check out MarkedbyTeachers.com, TSR's sister site. It has the largest library of essays in the UK.

    They've got over 181,000+ coursework, essays, homeworks etc.. all written by GCSE, A Level, University and IB students across all topics. You get access either by publishing some of your own work, or paying £4.99 for a month's access. Both ways give you unlimited access to all of the essays.

    All their documents are submitted to Turnitin anti-plagiarism software, so it can't be misused, and the site's used by hundreds of thousands of UK teachers and students.

    What's more, you can take a look around the site and preview the work absolutely free. Click here to find out more...
    • 2 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    16-17 out of 20.
    Grade A.
    I don't think you have the natural flair in your writing necessary for an A*, though.

    I strongly recommend that you remove this thread, as I doubt many people will take note of you asking them not to copy. Also, if the exam board tests this piece of work for plagiarism, it will come up on their systems immediately.
    • 3 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I agree with mynameisnt on your grade as being an A, although I do think that with a few changes to the story (add a bit more speech or make the last third a bit longer) it could definitely achieve A*
    • Thread Starter
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I have removed it as suggested by mynameisnt. I had the assessment today. I changed the story quite a bit. I had my teacher look over it and he suggested that I add a few things e.g.- a cyclical ending and more dialogue. I did that (added speech and extended the piece by adding a new ending) and added a few more things. The piece took up six sides of A4-sized lined paper and I'm surprised I finished it in less than an hour because I'm usually a slow person.

    My teacher said it was very good and he couldn't find anything drastically wrong with it. I also got my descriptive writing grade back. I got 19/20, which is an A*. I shall post here when I get my grade and I may even put the up-to-date version of the piece here. I really hope I get an A* because I have made quite a few changes.

    I wish to convey my humblest gratitude to mynameist and goodmorningworld for constructive criticism and encouragement.
    • 24 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    im doing the same controlled assessment :-) .. haha i realise this is like a year old :L but ... i need help on how to move from an A to an A* aswell
    • 1 follower
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    • Thread Starter
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by techno836)
    im doing the same controlled assessment :-) .. haha i realise this is like a year old :L but ... i need help on how to move from an A to an A* aswell
    Sorry about that. I would have helped but I literally haven't logged into TSR since posting the final reply to this thread. It's a bit late now, isn't it? :{ How did you do in your Engilsh GCSE (not sure what year you're in)?

    Regards,

    Hyde
    • 24 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Hydeman)
    Sorry about that. I would have helped but I literally haven't logged into TSR since posting the final reply to this thread. It's a bit late now, isn't it? :{ How did you do in your Engilsh GCSE (not sure what year you're in)?

    Regards,

    Hyde
    Haha I got an A in language and an A* in literature :-)

    12 now... Not doing English :L
    • Thread Starter
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by techno836)
    Haha I got an A in language and an A* in literature :-)

    12 now... Not doing English :L
    Nice one! I had an A* in both with 193/200 UMS in Language and 188/200 UMS in Literature. I didn't take English at AS level either. The exam practice for the GCSE finals really got to me. :/

Reply

Submit reply

Register

Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. By joining you agree to our Ts and Cs, privacy policy and site rules

  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: November 21, 2013
New on TSR

So how did you do?

Come into the GCSE forum to share your grades

Article updates
Reputation gems:
You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.