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Muslims that still live with parents + going out

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    (Original post by bananacake14)
    Oh right. I'm not a muslim sorry :P
    so did you read the title of the thread... or is this forum a lucky dip for you?

    wow.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm an 18 year old girl living with muslim parents (I plan to move out for uni though) and was interested to hear curfews and rules from others with muslim parents. I just want to say that I myself do not consider myself a strict muslim. I believe in God but I'm not sure I agree with a lot of muslim rules etc. My parents don't pray, my dad drinks, but they've always been kinda strict with my sister and me. I have to let them know a couple of days before I go out where I'm going, when I'll be back, and sometimes they'll say I can't go for practically no reason. When I was 16 they wouldn't let me go out for a meal with friends at 6pm on a Friday because the city centre would be full of 'drunk hooligans'. I'm allowed out occasionally until around 10pm with friends if I'm going out for a meal or something, but they seem pretty intrusive with it and I can tell they don't approve. (My dad often asks why I don't just go out earlier). :rolleyes:
    I suppose the main thing is that you are safe and recognize the fact that your family care for you and would be concerned about your safety away from home, and not do anything stupid. My sister lives all the way up in Manchester and obviously we get concerned if we dont hear from her in a day / her safety etc and its annoying sometimes when she doesn't give us that piece of mind The other thing I would say is that regardless of your family's religious status, you should look into religion more where you are unsure, and do not form judgement on islamic rulings on the basis of media influence and coverage, but actually try to arrive to your OWN judgements.

    Peace!
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    (Original post by RectalExamination)
    I suppose the main thing is that you are safe and recognize the fact that your family care for you and would be concerned about your safety away from home, and not do anything stupid. My sister lives all the way up in Manchester and obviously we get concerned if we dont hear from her in a day / her safety etc and its annoying sometimes when she doesn't give us that piece of mind The other thing I would say is that regardless of your family's religious status, you should look into religion more where you are unsure, and do not form judgement on islamic rulings on the basis of media influence and coverage, but actually try to arrive to your OWN judgements. Peace!
    I have tried, believe me, I have, but it's difficult when I have parents that don't pray, my dad drinks and they never go to mosque / meet with or socialise with other muslims, so whilst we fast during ramadan, the rest of the time it just feels like they're imposing these strict and somewhat unfair restrictions on when I can go out, often without reason. I can't talk to them because if I try and reason they will just shout at me to be quiet and do as I'm told. It's unfair because my dad doesn't follow Islamic rules. He drinks and says that "oh men drink anyway and that it's not haram". I couldn't care less whether he drinks or not if he's not preaching to me about not doing it. Yes I'm a girl and Islam is less lenient with this in general, but I still find it difficult to live following Islamic rules this way. As I said in my OP, I do believe in God, but all the other rules and stuff that goes with it, I'm not so sure.
    Had I been brought up with more conventionally religious muslim parents, I would probably have followed it properly. I think this is especially important when being brought up in a western country anyway, because it's much easier for me to be swayed into not wanting to follow Islam. I do believe my upbringing is (I won't say to blame because I don't wish I had been brought up in a more religious family) the reason as to why I don't feel properly muslim.
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    My parents have always tried be strict with me on things like curfews and knowing where I am going out to. I blame my older brothers - if they didn't get smashed and stoned constantly, sleeping wherever or getting arrested I don't think my parents would come down on me as hard as they do. Anyway, you just have to break the rules and take the consequences a couple of times. It's going to be hard because they will come down on you like a tone of bricks the first couple of times. After you have taken the consequences and still break their rules they eventually give up and just sort of accept that your lifestyle includes staying out late.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    LOL its kinda funny how everyone points out the faults their parents have but yet dont look at whether they may just be asking for too much, i guess you'll all only realise when you become parents yourselves your parents do a lot for you and obviously love you a lot, love and respect them for as long as they live ..
    Oh shut up you pusseh. It's "too much" to go out? What kind of basement dwelling freak are you? It's normal to go out.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have tried, believe me, I have, but it's difficult when I have parents that don't pray, my dad drinks and they never go to mosque / meet with or socialise with other muslims, so whilst we fast during ramadan, the rest of the time it just feels like they're imposing these strict and somewhat unfair restrictions on when I can go out, often without reason. I can't talk to them because if I try and reason they will just shout at me to be quiet and do as I'm told. It's unfair because my dad doesn't follow Islamic rules. He drinks and says that "oh men drink anyway and that it's not haram". I couldn't care less whether he drinks or not if he's not preaching to me about not doing it. Yes I'm a girl and Islam is less lenient with this in general, but I still find it difficult to live following Islamic rules this way. As I said in my OP, I do believe in God, but all the other rules and stuff that goes with it, I'm not so sure.
    Had I been brought up with more conventionally religious muslim parents, I would probably have followed it properly. I think this is especially important when being brought up in a western country anyway, because it's much easier for me to be swayed into not wanting to follow Islam. I do believe my upbringing is (I won't say to blame because I don't wish I had been brought up in a more religious family) the reason as to why I don't feel properly muslim.
    I think although upbringing plays a huge part in one's beliefs, you cannot totally put your lack of 'faith', so to speak. in that fact. The fact that you are conscious of the idea that you would have followed the religion properly had your parents been more religious, to an extent, negates the notion that your upbringing is the reason for you not feeling like a proper Muslim. This is, of course, if you're claiming that your upbringing has been the *sole* reason - which you made it seem like :dontknow:

    My parents were always quite strict with me when I was younger and I hated it at the time, but in retrospect I think it worked out best for me. There was a point where they went, what I deem to be, really lenient - and because they'd been quite strict up to that point, I just tried to find a middle ground which didn't step over the line of their expectations but which I was happy with too.

    Anyway, your father's lack of trust has less to do with him being a Muslim parent and more to do with him as an individual regardless of his 'religion'.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have tried, believe me, I have, but it's difficult when I have parents that don't pray, my dad drinks and they never go to mosque / meet with or socialise with other muslims, so whilst we fast during ramadan, the rest of the time it just feels like they're imposing these strict and somewhat unfair restrictions on when I can go out, often without reason. I can't talk to them because if I try and reason they will just shout at me to be quiet and do as I'm told. It's unfair because my dad doesn't follow Islamic rules. He drinks and says that "oh men drink anyway and that it's not haram". I couldn't care less whether he drinks or not if he's not preaching to me about not doing it. Yes I'm a girl and Islam is less lenient with this in general, but I still find it difficult to live following Islamic rules this way. As I said in my OP, I do believe in God, but all the other rules and stuff that goes with it, I'm not so sure.
    Had I been brought up with more conventionally religious muslim parents, I would probably have followed it properly. I think this is especially important when being brought up in a western country anyway, because it's much easier for me to be swayed into not wanting to follow Islam. I do believe my upbringing is (I won't say to blame because I don't wish I had been brought up in a more religious family) the reason as to why I don't feel properly muslim.
    Fair enough, incase you thought otherwise though, your father's logic about drinking not being harram because men drink is completely ridiculous, it is both so obviouslly harmful to your health and harmful to society. I understand, parents should actually set that example before teaching you, but dont forget that just because you are flawed it doesn't mean you cannot teach your children the right way for their sake. You have to be strong not to be swayed by common culture without your own consideration, it would be sheepish.

    I do pray you find the right path for yourself
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    LOL its kinda funny how everyone points out the faults their parents have but yet dont look at whether they may just be asking for too much, i guess you'll all only realise when you become parents yourselves your parents do a lot for you and obviously love you a lot, love and respect them for as long as they live ..
    I agree with you on this My parents have been quite strict on me, in terms of going out etc, but I'm glad that they were like that. If I had been left to my own devices, I'd probably be a druggie or a teenage mum (with the environment in school and with my friends), but they've always been against letting me go out extremely late, or letting me hang around with guys (I only speak to them in class, I don't have any of the guys from school on facebook or anything). Before you guys ask, my parents aren't overly religious in the sense that the women are forced to take hijab and aren't allowed to step foot outside the house. My parents have given my sisters and I the freedom to be as religious as we want in terms of prayer and clothing, however, they have always been against the traditionally forbidden stuff like alcohol, pre marital sex, and so we too are against that kind of thing. I'm happy that my parents took that decision to be strict on us girls, or god knows what could have happened under peer pressure and what not.
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    (Original post by RectalExamination)
    Fair enough, incase you thought otherwise though, your father's logic about drinking not being harram because men drink is completely ridiculous, it is both so obviouslly harmful to your health and harmful to society. I understand, parents should actually set that example before teaching you, but dont forget that just because you are flawed it doesn't mean you cannot teach your children the right way for their sake. You have to be strong not to be swayed by common culture without your own consideration, it would be sheepish.

    I do pray you find the right path for yourself
    Disturbing username.

    (Original post by Med_Geek)
    I agree with you on this My parents have been quite strict on me, in terms of going out etc, but I'm glad that they were like that. If I had been left to my own devices, I'd probably be a druggie or a teenage mum (with the environment in school and with my friends), but they've always been against letting me go out extremely late, or letting me hang around with guys (I only speak to them in class, I don't have any of the guys from school on facebook or anything). Before you guys ask, my parents aren't overly religious in the sense that the women are forced to take hijab and aren't allowed to step foot outside the house. My parents have given my sisters and I the freedom to be as religious as we want in terms of prayer and clothing, however, they have always been against the traditionally forbidden stuff like alcohol, pre marital sex, and so we too are against that kind of thing. I'm happy that my parents took that decision to be strict on us girls, or god knows what could have happened under peer pressure and what not.
    Your parents sound like they did a good job :p:
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    My dad is a strict Catholic, so I was never really allowed to go out before uni.
    Now I'm at uni I've probably drank my weight in alcohol
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm an 18 year old girl living with muslim parents (I plan to move out for uni though) and was interested to hear curfews and rules from others with muslim parents. I just want to say that I myself do not consider myself a strict muslim. I believe in God but I'm not sure I agree with a lot of muslim rules etc. My parents don't pray, my dad drinks, but they've always been kinda strict with my sister and me. I have to let them know a couple of days before I go out where I'm going, when I'll be back, and sometimes they'll say I can't go for practically no reason. When I was 16 they wouldn't let me go out for a meal with friends at 6pm on a Friday because the city centre would be full of 'drunk hooligans'. I'm allowed out occasionally until around 10pm with friends if I'm going out for a meal or something, but they seem pretty intrusive with it and I can tell they don't approve. (My dad often asks why I don't just go out earlier). :rolleyes:
    As a Muslim male, my parents aren't so strict about where I go, on condition i come back home at a reasonable time. I have a smaller sister, and I'm sure they'll be a LOT more strict on her, and I admit, even I'll be strict on where she goes when she's older. Not for the sake of it, but because she's a female, and females are a lot more vulnerable outside on their own. I'll be keeping a close eye on her, and if she were to go out with friends, I would come and chapperone her, and keep a close eye on any boys who talk to her.

    You can't hate on me for being a protective loving brother can you? I've seen what some teenagers (especially the male ones) in South London are like first hand, and I wouldn't want them to come anywhere near my sister with the intention of getting her into bed. I wouldn't even want them to date her at all. Neg me all you like guys, but at the end of the day I want my sister to be safe.
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    (Original post by HumiT)
    :rofl: is the library seriously open during the early hours of the morning? My uncle always used to come home at 4 am and claim he was in the library and my grandma always believed him (no one else did though).
    During exam season its open 24/7. Otherwise the library is normally open til about 11pm or something. Well if he got a good degree maybe he was telling the truth, if not then yeah he probably was lying. My parents would never believe me, even coming home at 11pm (takes me 75 minutes to commute) from the library was something they questioned.
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    I am not Muslim but I think that trust is important. As long as you are following the rules and not doing anything bad, your parents should be able to trust you to have a social life and to be responsible. My parents would rather I didn't drink but I do it anyway, I don't care how they feel about it as long as I am responsible. Plus they drink too, so it's kind of hypocritical of them. It's not as though you are all children. Also I think that the double standards thing is wrong.

    Move away for uni, then have your freedom
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    (Original post by Abir Ishtiaq)
    As a Muslim male, my parents aren't so strict about where I go, on condition i come back home at a reasonable time. I have a smaller sister, and I'm sure they'll be a LOT more strict on her, and I admit, even I'll be strict on where she goes when she's older. Not for the sake of it, but because she's a female, and females are a lot more vulnerable outside on their own. I'll be keeping a close eye on her, and if she were to go out with friends, I would come and chapperone her, and keep a close eye on any boys who talk to her.

    You can't hate on me for being a protective loving brother can you? I've seen what some teenagers (especially the male ones) in South London are like first hand, and I wouldn't want them to come anywhere near my sister with the intention of getting her into bed. I wouldn't even want them to date her at all. Neg me all you like guys, but at the end of the day I want my sister to be safe.
    Protecting or controlling?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    LOL its kinda funny how everyone points out the faults their parents have but yet dont look at whether they may just be asking for too much, i guess you'll all only realise when you become parents yourselves your parents do a lot for you and obviously love you a lot, love and respect them for as long as they live ..
    It's not too much to ask to go (and be allowed to go) out with a group of friends once in a while, whether it's to a resturant or the cinema or shopping or whatever, as long as you are responsible and don't do anything stupid.
    #7

    People, people I have it worse - I have to be home by 7pm and I am 19 years old in my second year of uni.

    It's so difficult to hang out with friends and the boyfriend, I miss it on tons.

    Though I have screwed up a lot (in their eyes), what they see things is wrong is not what I see as wrong because I am not religious. I lied a lot in the past to do the things I wanted and got caught a lot and have totally shattered their trust.
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    (Original post by Med_Geek)
    I agree with you on this My parents have been quite strict on me, in terms of going out etc, but I'm glad that they were like that. If I had been left to my own devices, I'd probably be a druggie or a teenage mum (with the environment in school and with my friends), but they've always been against letting me go out extremely late, or letting me hang around with guys (I only speak to them in class, I don't have any of the guys from school on facebook or anything). Before you guys ask, my parents aren't overly religious in the sense that the women are forced to take hijab and aren't allowed to step foot outside the house. My parents have given my sisters and I the freedom to be as religious as we want in terms of prayer and clothing, however, they have always been against the traditionally forbidden stuff like alcohol, pre marital sex, and so we too are against that kind of thing. I'm happy that my parents took that decision to be strict on us girls, or god knows what could have happened under peer pressure and what not.
    You've got your own mind your own mind to make your own decisions, whether good or bad that's how you learn.
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    (Original post by HumiT)
    I don't get why you have to go out at night?
    Most people start to go to clubs about 11pm.
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    (Original post by merryhappy)
    You've got your own mind your own mind to make your own decisions, whether good or bad that's how you learn.
    Well the fact that they've steered me away from all of the crappy stuff early on helps me in that process of determining what is right for me, and what is wrong

    (Original post by mel0n)
    Your parents sound like they did a good job
    Indeed
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    (Original post by Med_Geek)
    Well the fact that they've steered me away from all of the crappy stuff early on helps me in that process of determining what is right for me, and what is wrong



    Indeed
    But that's exactly it, what they interpret as right and wrong may not be in line with what you think what is.
Updated: April 21, 2012
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