How to get my ex back if he isn't interested?
So the thread title says it all really.
My ex, of 5 years- i'm now 20 finished me the other day. Argument after argument we had, he said he didn't love me like he did when we were first together, he couldn't take the arguing anymore and he needed space to think and clear his mind. we were always 'sorting things' an trying again, 100s of times we tried to make it work.. it never did. Because things just never changed
Obviously i practically begged him to stay with me, but he wasnt interested, said he wanted to move on and i should do the same.
I want nothing more than for him to be in my life, but i can't make him love me if he doesn't. After all that time and we have been apart 2 weeks it just seems like he has got over me already 
I know now where the relationship was going wrong and how I needed to change It has only been since we have broken up i realised i need to change my ways.. but to be honest there are parts of him that need to change also.
Anybody ever been in this situation, an any advice on what to do? I just cannot imagine my life without him in it. When we got on together we were so good. the best
My ex, of 5 years- i'm now 20 finished me the other day. Argument after argument we had, he said he didn't love me like he did when we were first together, he couldn't take the arguing anymore and he needed space to think and clear his mind. we were always 'sorting things' an trying again, 100s of times we tried to make it work.. it never did. Because things just never changed
Obviously i practically begged him to stay with me, but he wasnt interested, said he wanted to move on and i should do the same.
I want nothing more than for him to be in my life, but i can't make him love me if he doesn't. After all that time and we have been apart 2 weeks it just seems like he has got over me already I know now where the relationship was going wrong and how I needed to change It has only been since we have broken up i realised i need to change my ways.. but to be honest there are parts of him that need to change also.
Anybody ever been in this situation, an any advice on what to do? I just cannot imagine my life without him in it. When we got on together we were so good. the best
Original post by Anonymous
So the thread title says it all really.
My ex, of 5 years- i'm now 20 finished me the other day. Argument after argument we had, he said he didn't love me like he did when we were first together, he couldn't take the arguing anymore and he needed space to think and clear his mind. we were always 'sorting things' an trying again, 100s of times we tried to make it work.. it never did. Because things just never changed
Obviously i practically begged him to stay with me, but he wasnt interested, said he wanted to move on and i should do the same. I want nothing more than for him to be in my life, but i can't make him love me if he doesn't. After all that time and we have been apart 2 weeks it just seems like he has got over me already
I know now where the relationship was going wrong and how I needed to change It has only been since we have broken up i realised i need to change my ways.. but to be honest there are parts of him that need to change also.
Anybody ever been in this situation, an any advice on what to do? I just cannot imagine my life without him in it. When we got on together we were so good. the best
My ex, of 5 years- i'm now 20 finished me the other day. Argument after argument we had, he said he didn't love me like he did when we were first together, he couldn't take the arguing anymore and he needed space to think and clear his mind. we were always 'sorting things' an trying again, 100s of times we tried to make it work.. it never did. Because things just never changed
Obviously i practically begged him to stay with me, but he wasnt interested, said he wanted to move on and i should do the same.
I want nothing more than for him to be in my life, but i can't make him love me if he doesn't. After all that time and we have been apart 2 weeks it just seems like he has got over me already I know now where the relationship was going wrong and how I needed to change It has only been since we have broken up i realised i need to change my ways.. but to be honest there are parts of him that need to change also.
Anybody ever been in this situation, an any advice on what to do? I just cannot imagine my life without him in it. When we got on together we were so good. the best
If you ever figure it out, please tell me your secret.
Obviously he didnt feel the same. At the end of the day you can't force someone to be with you.
I understand it will be very hard for you but, as dgeorge said, you need to move on! Unless he's suggested there's a possibility the two of you may get back together, given that you both change, there really is no point in chasing someone who isnt interested.
Its the biggest cliche but time really is a healer
I understand it will be very hard for you but, as dgeorge said, you need to move on! Unless he's suggested there's a possibility the two of you may get back together, given that you both change, there really is no point in chasing someone who isnt interested.
Its the biggest cliche but time really is a healer
Thanks for the advice guys, it is so so so hard moving on after such a long time, especially as he was my first. & You always think 'we will be together forever'.
I have read a bit into some relationship psycholgoy and it suggests that ignoring him for around 3-4 weeks, give him a call and go from there. If it works i will be sure to let yous know. Anybody ever been in this situation before?
dgeorge is probably right though no matter how mnay times i try and convince myself it will maybe work in the future
I have read a bit into some relationship psycholgoy and it suggests that ignoring him for around 3-4 weeks, give him a call and go from there. If it works i will be sure to let yous know. Anybody ever been in this situation before?
dgeorge is probably right though no matter how mnay times i try and convince myself it will maybe work in the future
Original post by EmilyBrown
Thanks for the advice guys, it is so so so hard moving on after such a long time, especially as he was my first. & You always think 'we will be together forever'.
I have read a bit into some relationship psycholgoy and it suggests that ignoring him for around 3-4 weeks, give him a call and go from there. If it works i will be sure to let yous know. Anybody ever been in this situation before?
dgeorge is probably right though no matter how mnay times i try and convince myself it will maybe work in the future
I have read a bit into some relationship psycholgoy and it suggests that ignoring him for around 3-4 weeks, give him a call and go from there. If it works i will be sure to let yous know. Anybody ever been in this situation before?
dgeorge is probably right though no matter how mnay times i try and convince myself it will maybe work in the future
I've sort of been in this situation before. We got back together but it wasn't the same, and when we broke up again - within 3 months - it was even worse. I wouldn't recommend it unless you're completely prepared for the fact that if you do give it another go, it might not be everything you remember/want it to be.
I have also been in this same position - we actually ended up breaking up, going back out, breaking up, and going back out again in order for me to realise that this guy and I simply weren't working. It was never the same going back out with him, and there was so many problems that he'd created after the break up (naturally) and he never wanted me to mention them - so it was as if he'd never hurt me. It was very hard and eventually, I realised it just wasn't right at all. Do I miss this guy? Yes. Do I love this guy? Yes. But does this work? No.
And I think it's maybe time for you to realise that too
And I think it's maybe time for you to realise that too
Original post by Anonymous
So the thread title says it all really.
My ex, of 5 years- i'm now 20 finished me the other day. Argument after argument we had, he said he didn't love me like he did when we were first together, he couldn't take the arguing anymore and he needed space to think and clear his mind. we were always 'sorting things' an trying again, 100s of times we tried to make it work.. it never did. Because things just never changed
Obviously i practically begged him to stay with me, but he wasnt interested, said he wanted to move on and i should do the same. I want nothing more than for him to be in my life, but i can't make him love me if he doesn't. After all that time and we have been apart 2 weeks it just seems like he has got over me already
I know now where the relationship was going wrong and how I needed to change It has only been since we have broken up i realised i need to change my ways.. but to be honest there are parts of him that need to change also.
Anybody ever been in this situation, an any advice on what to do? I just cannot imagine my life without him in it. When we got on together we were so good. the best
My ex, of 5 years- i'm now 20 finished me the other day. Argument after argument we had, he said he didn't love me like he did when we were first together, he couldn't take the arguing anymore and he needed space to think and clear his mind. we were always 'sorting things' an trying again, 100s of times we tried to make it work.. it never did. Because things just never changed
Obviously i practically begged him to stay with me, but he wasnt interested, said he wanted to move on and i should do the same.
I want nothing more than for him to be in my life, but i can't make him love me if he doesn't. After all that time and we have been apart 2 weeks it just seems like he has got over me already I know now where the relationship was going wrong and how I needed to change It has only been since we have broken up i realised i need to change my ways.. but to be honest there are parts of him that need to change also.
Anybody ever been in this situation, an any advice on what to do? I just cannot imagine my life without him in it. When we got on together we were so good. the best
Sorry you've found yourself in this situation. I know what it feels like, as I was in the same situation back in July, and will say that if he's not interested there is no way you can get him back. You may think as you say that you need to 'change your ways' but even if you do this, it mightn't have much of an effect (speaking from personal experience). It is hard, but try and put him to the back of your mind and try to concentrate and put your energy/focus into something else, as it can help.
On a different note, I've now found myself in the complete opposite situation were my ex is trying to get me back, so I've been on both ends of this. By the way, are you still on talking terms with him, or have you cut off communications with each other completely?
Original post by EmilyBrown
Thanks for the advice guys, it is so so so hard moving on after such a long time, especially as he was my first. & You always think 'we will be together forever'.
I have read a bit into some relationship psycholgoy and it suggests that ignoring him for around 3-4 weeks, give him a call and go from there. If it works i will be sure to let yous know. Anybody ever been in this situation before?
dgeorge is probably right though no matter how mnay times i try and convince myself it will maybe work in the future
I have read a bit into some relationship psycholgoy and it suggests that ignoring him for around 3-4 weeks, give him a call and go from there. If it works i will be sure to let yous know. Anybody ever been in this situation before?
dgeorge is probably right though no matter how mnay times i try and convince myself it will maybe work in the future
That sounds like something, what is it? Oh yeah... manipulation. Perhaps indicative of the underlying reasons why he left you in the first place.
Yes time is the greatest healer. But time alone isn't enough if you want to make your life so brilliant that you never have to feel strung out like that ever again. You need to use your time to address the real reasons why it didn't work out - accepting your responsibility and not just his. It's easy enough to point the finger, but he's gone now. It's over. Now there is only you.
So fer cryin' out loud don't be a needy girl. Don't ring him or hassle him no more. Instead turn that attention inwards and ask yourself what you can do now to up your game. When you're single you can re-design yourself totally according to what YOU want, instead of developing according to what you think he wants. Can't you see how this is the much better approach?
Tell us more about what his point of view was. Did you give your life up for him? Did you let yourself go with your appearance/sex life? Did you depend on him to make everything better?
It's totally selfish to try and use 'tricks' to force another person into wanting you. Don't play the game of 'I have no time for you - please fall back in love with me'. You have to stop resisting the reality - which is that he doesn't want you. Accept that, and consider how you can now sort your life out so that you can be the kind of woman who don't get left.
Ironically, your best chance at getting him back is in fact to do this. It is to be fully engaged in your life, not in a superficial way in order to trick him into thinking you're oh so over it, but authentically by focusing on your own life, friends, goals, hobbies, studies, and all the rest of it. Not only will this mindset help you get over it quicker, but it'll benefit you on every level. When you release a man from your jailing expectations and control because you're too busy enjoying your life, that's when he will want you the most and the balance will be restored. But, the important bit is that if you do that JUST to get him back, it won't work. The magic won't happen.
Instead of wallowing over how to get him back, picture this: some spring day when you're walking down your high street on a friday evening in your favourite outfit, nice hair, tasteful makeup, to see the girls and have cocktails and good times, everything sorted, your life in order.... you see him and can just wave and say hi and honestly not feel sad anymore. Can you imagine the freedom in that moment? Can you see that how you manage your attitude in this situation determines everything else?
I call for personal renaissance! Come on, think Bridget Jones, this is the best way to deal with any breakup.
(edited 12 years ago)
Im in your situation right now
granted my boyfriend was only of 8 months but yes i loved him
and he simply text me one day as soon as he had left to uni ' I dont love you i have a new girlfriend' and its killing me that he is saying the same words to that girl hugging her and kissing her like he use to do to me
the honest piece of advice i can give as its been 7 weeks ive been single is talk about him as much as you want then when you yourself feel you are bored of the subject thats the first step
delete him out of yourlife
i was i suppose still am desprate to have my ex in my life even if its just the occasional text to be friends DONT because everytime he texts me there cold and he is brushing me off my old feelings return i hope again that he will tell me he still loves me or i get hurt even more by hearing about his new girlfriend his new life at uni , what you dont know doesnt hurt you
also dont do what i did
i went out clubbing a few times and got with everything male im not a slut i would never carry on like this but i went totally of the rails drinking, snogging everything that was male smoking , weed you name it i did it and after a few weeks of the rail i felt no better
so hold your head high go out with your friends and family and over time as cliche as it sounds you will get over him then if he turns around and says i want you back you can say no and not care dont keep in contact as he will think he has you hanging on, when single life aint going to great or he cant find a current girlfriend he will use you dont let yourself be used remember its his loss at the end of the day your the better one you will be fine message me if you need any help or want to talk it through i know exactly how you feel and the pain your in
granted my boyfriend was only of 8 months but yes i loved him
and he simply text me one day as soon as he had left to uni ' I dont love you i have a new girlfriend' and its killing me that he is saying the same words to that girl hugging her and kissing her like he use to do to me
the honest piece of advice i can give as its been 7 weeks ive been single is talk about him as much as you want then when you yourself feel you are bored of the subject thats the first step
delete him out of yourlife
i was i suppose still am desprate to have my ex in my life even if its just the occasional text to be friends DONT because everytime he texts me there cold and he is brushing me off my old feelings return i hope again that he will tell me he still loves me or i get hurt even more by hearing about his new girlfriend his new life at uni , what you dont know doesnt hurt you
also dont do what i did
i went out clubbing a few times and got with everything male im not a slut i would never carry on like this but i went totally of the rails drinking, snogging everything that was male smoking , weed you name it i did it and after a few weeks of the rail i felt no better
so hold your head high go out with your friends and family and over time as cliche as it sounds you will get over him then if he turns around and says i want you back you can say no and not care dont keep in contact as he will think he has you hanging on, when single life aint going to great or he cant find a current girlfriend he will use you dont let yourself be used remember its his loss at the end of the day your the better one you will be fine
message me if you need any help or want to talk it through i know exactly how you feel and the pain your inQuick Reply
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