Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

Screwed up first real chance at a relationship

I'll make this anonymous and try and keep it general because I know at least one of the people involved is on here
Also short, because I hope people will actually read it

I first tried a relationship at 14. She was totally messed up, in lots of ways, especially as a compulsive liar. I believed her stories, told over months, and ultimately took extreme measures to stop her carrying out her threats of self-harm - eventually turned out she'd been lying about it, and being depressed, for attention.
Lots of regrets, totally not the right way to have a relationship.
I was new to the school, we got on quite well before, most people warned me away from her, her friends (who are normal, eventually turned against her, still get on with some of them) were up for it, everyone else warned me away.
I should have listened, but thought I'd got to know her (not this persona she'd created, and the "friends" I spoke to MSN, as it was then, that were actually her).

Anyway, loads of details missing, but since then I found it really difficult to trust anyone as much as I did her, and stayed away from relationships.
It was two years before I tried again and asked a girl out, it didn't go well - I tried with another couple during sixth form, but never got close to them, because I didn't know what to do, and also because I was always consciously stopping myself - I didn't want to go through the same thing again.

But a few weeks ago we went to pre-drinks in another flat (I'm in halls) and they'd invited this other girl (and others as well, but I didn't pay any attention to them!). We got talking and got along, lost her on the way there though. Thought it was just meeting someone, and for a couple of days thought nothing of it. Someone else from that night added me on facebook, saw they'd added her as well, so I did. Instantly got talking to her (I started it), and started texting after a while. Passed her on the way to/from uni a few times and had "real-life" conversations. She even came over and said hi once . Two weeks later we all went out again, it was a really good night, and I had my first kiss with someone I'd actually met, got to know, and she liked me/wanted to do it as much as I did. 19-year-old guys shouldn't say this, but it was a dream come true. (the girl above, you ask? Perfectly happy to get her kit off on webcam (she started it as well!) - but never once in 5 months wanted to kiss). We spent the rest of the night together - and most of the next day. I saw her a few times the next week, was a really good week, and it was two-way.
When she talked about having a boyfriend I was like "hang on, I've got a girlfriend?!". I was pretty shocked and should have freaked out - but I actually, eventually, loved the idea, and realised that, for the first time, I hadn't once thought about the first girl I was with before and stopped myself from getting into it - and I really started to like her like her, she said she was actually doing the same.
She called it off a few days later, totally understood why (long story - will give it away if I haven't already), but I was pretty cut up about it. We said we'd stay friends, but I couldn't see us going backwards.

I stupidly asked one of her flatmates if she'd said anything about it to her. She said she'd mentioned it in passing, but that was it.

Ages later, I was with someone else from the other flat, and the girl above was there. I saw she was texting the girl I was with. Totally impulsively, I scrolled back when she put the phone down. It was ****ing stupid, and she saw, and was understandably livid. She told her everything, and they were both furious. I saw something, and confronted her about it (she'd lied to me about something). I've missed the details out, and other stuff, to keep it general, but basically, there's no chance of anything happening between us again, she said. Breach of trust. I should know how that feels. I do, which is why I feel so bad about it.

I think that, given a while of being friends, me and her could have taken it slower and made it work. Now, there's pretty much no chance of that. I've apologised to both of them, and meant it, but it's pretty much a write-off wreck (see "other stuff" up there) -

Basically, any advice for how to try and fix this? Leave it for a few weeks and try and be friends, say hello and try to start again and build it up from there? Or try now, more than I have? Or totally forget about it?

Anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do? And was it successful? Or any general advice?

Thanks for reading this if you have and major love for any replies <3.

anyone?

Hey. I'm not sure if my advice is going to be very helpful but I think the more time you don't spend around someone with this degree of awkwardness, the more likely it is you'll be able to get on in the future. I guess just be friendly but not overly so, and take cues from the other person. Don't be too pushy with it and leave the ball in their court for if they want to be friends or not.

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Articles for you

What university is really like

How to write an excellent personal statement in 10 steps

What is an LLM and how could it benefit your career?

Powerful questions business students forget to ask their career advisers