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My girlfriend won't have sex with me

Firstly, she's a virgin. However, we're both 20. We've been together for 2 months, and she won't have sex she says until she feels ready. She also won't give blowjobs as she says she finds it disgusting. She has never made me cum/orgasm. I've made her orgasm loads of times by fingering her.

I'm getting very, very frustrated. I do like her, and I don't just want to be with her for sex. However, I really do beleive that sex is an important part of a healthy relationship, and it just feels good!!!

Has anyone been in a similar situation and could offer any advice? How can I get her to want to have sex with me???!

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Reply 1
How does she feel about handjobs?

If she won't have sex until she feels ready, you need to respect that. Figure out whether she's worth waiting for or not, and either stop pressuring her or leave.
Reply 2
Yeah, what about handjobs?
Have you said any of this to her?
I understand your frustrations, but you can't make her want to have sex with you. All you can do is make sure she feels comfortable enough with you now to feel ready later.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
How can I get her to want to have sex with me???!


If you really like her, you'll wait until she's ready and not try to pressure her into it.
Reply 4
thats sweet but i am sure she will get you out the blue and she will want it like there is no tommorow.
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous

if she wont give in the bedroom then you shouldnt give either. it's not really fair that she's happy to take but gets all moral, high and mighty when you want your share. it's kinda like you're her bbeeeyatch
Reply 6
Yeah. Either get her to give you blowjobs and or handjobs in return or stop seeing to her needs. Relationships are 2 way streets.
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
Firstly, she's a virgin. However, we're both 20. We've been together for 2 months, and she won't have sex she says until she feels ready. She also won't give blowjobs as she says she finds it disgusting. She has never made me cum/orgasm. I've made her orgasm loads of times by fingering her.

I'm getting very, very frustrated. I do like her, and I don't just want to be with her for sex. However, I really do beleive that sex is an important part of a healthy relationship, and it just feels good!!!

Has anyone been in a similar situation and could offer any advice? How can I get her to want to have sex with me???!


Most girls on here will tell you to wait until she's ready, and you're a complete ******* for ever demanding sex.

However..were the situation reversed...they would have an entirely different opinion.

The truth is you're 20, and life is too short to spend it with a prude. Seriously, move on. I saw situations like this in highschool so many times, chances are she's not really into you and she's probably waiting for someone better to come along to lose it to. It's her virginity after all.
Original post by Zamolxes
Most girls on here will tell you to wait until she's ready, and you're a complete ******* for ever demanding sex.

However..were the situation reversed...they would have an entirely different opinion.

The truth is you're 20, and life is too short to spend it with a prude. Seriously, move on. I saw situations like this in highschool so many times, chances are she's not really into you and she's probably waiting for someone better to come along to lose it to. It's her virginity after all.


This.

OP, you need to stamp your authority on the situation. You're a man and it's time you started acting like one.
Reply 9
I was going to say 2 months isn't that long, just give a little more time. But then it says you've fingered her without issue. I'd actually understand if she was saying she wasn't ready for anything sexual yet...but really that's not true if she's let you make her orgasm. It's just she doesn't seem prepared to give you anything back in return....so I'd bring up ASAP tbh because it's not fair on you really.
Reply 10
Original post by Anonymous
How can I get her to want to have sex with me???!


Really odd way of phrasing it.. You can't make her want to have sex with you, it doesn't work like that. Don't even think about pressuring her, she has to come round to the decision in her own time.

You're not sexually compatible at the moment - you're giving but getting nothing in return. Obviously that's frustrating. There's nothing disgusting about a BJ or a handy though.. Bit selfish of her not to offer you any pleasure. A healthy sex life is vital to a well-rounded and truly fulfilling relationship.

2 options:
Be patient and see if she changes, but withhold what you do for her until you are getting something in return, or -
Ditch her and meet someone who'll readily satisfy you.
Reply 11
You just be together for 2 months, this is not long. so it's understandable for your gf to reject you. You need take time to know the relationship.
Original post by sil3nt_cha0s
This.

OP, you need to stamp your authority on the situation. You're a man and it's time you started acting like one.


what a douche.


if she's not ready she's not ready, it's not really her fault.
Original post by Annora
If you really like her, you'll wait until she's ready and not try to pressure her into it.


So she can dangle this in front of him for as long as she feels like and hes supposed to just plod along like a dutiful little puppy until she decides to put him out of his misery. He satisfies her, but she doesnt satisfy him.

No doesnt work that way. Its a two way street, sex is an important part of an adult relationship, if they are not compatable then its an issue that needs to be addressed.

I agree that he shouldnt pressure her into sex, however in saying that there is a massive difference between pressure and an honest open conversation about the expectations of the relationship
Original post by silverbolt
So she can dangle this in front of him for as long as she feels like and hes supposed to just plod along like a dutiful little puppy until she decides to put him out of his misery. He satisfies her, but she doesnt satisfy him.

No doesnt work that way. Its a two way street, sex is an important part of an adult relationship, if they are not compatable then its an issue that needs to be addressed.

I agree that he shouldnt pressure her into sex, however in saying that there is a massive difference between pressure and an honest open conversation about the expectations of the relationship


theyve been together for TWO MONTHS for goodness sake. people have had to wait a lot longer than that, and their relationship still survived. if he likes her enough he'll wait. if he doesn't, he'll ditch her and find someone else. I don't see why the poor girl should be punished, she's done nothing wrong.
OP I'm going to guess that the reason why she feels like this is because she's shy/not very confident. It's hard to think of yourself as sexy when you haven't had much sexual experience and I reckon that her holding off on sexual things for you is more because she's apprehensive that she won't do it right than because she's selfish.

Doesn't mean that that's okay though. You can't pressurise her into sex - I'm sure you remember how nervous you were for your first time - but you can encourage her to be a bit more sexual with you. Suggest watching porn together and then her giving you a hand job - and just remind her that you'll tell her what you do/don't like so she doesn't need to feel concerned about it.

If she still says no then you need to ask her why not. You need to give her the space to feel ready for sex, obviously, but if she's refusing to play ball full stop with no real reason then you need to question how much you're willing to wait for her.
Original post by Sweet_Heart
OP I'm going to guess that the reason why she feels like this is because she's shy/not very confident. It's hard to think of yourself as sexy when you haven't had much sexual experience and I reckon that her holding off on sexual things for you is more because she's apprehensive that she won't do it right than because she's selfish.

Doesn't mean that that's okay though. You can't pressurise her into sex - I'm sure you remember how nervous you were for your first time - but you can encourage her to be a bit more sexual with you. Suggest watching porn together and then her giving you a hand job - and just remind her that you'll tell her what you do/don't like so she doesn't need to feel concerned about it.

If she still says no then you need to ask her why not. You need to give her the space to feel ready for sex, obviously, but if she's refusing to play ball full stop with no real reason then you need to question how much you're willing to wait for her.


somehow i doubt that this will help...porn can be really disturbing to someone who hasn't had any experience before.
Original post by MrHappy_J
somehow i doubt that this will help...porn can be really disturbing to someone who hasn't had any experience before.


I'm not suggesting hardcore. Most girls hold back because they're scared that they won't know what they're doing (that's certainly my case) so I just think that OP needs to give her some pointers/make her feel that she's not going to 'do it wrong' if that makes sense.
Original post by Sweet_Heart
I'm not suggesting hardcore. Most girls hold back because they're scared that they won't know what they're doing (that's certainly my case) so I just think that OP needs to give her some pointers/make her feel that she's not going to 'do it wrong' if that makes sense.


yeah with that i agree, your post seemed sensible until you said "watch porn and ask for a handjob" lol. i just dont think that's the solution to their problems. :dontknow: i caught my neighbour watching porn once and all I could think of was "AAARGH WHAT'S THAT?!!"
it just seems so impersonal.

but i do agree they should talk about it.
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by MrHappy_J
theyve been together for TWO MONTHS for goodness sake. people have had to wait a lot longer than that, and their relationship still survived. if he likes her enough he'll wait. if he doesn't, he'll ditch her and find someone else. I don't see why the poor girl should be punished, she's done nothing wrong.


She is doing wrong by receiving without giving (something many women are all too quick to complain about when the shoes on the other foot) He is pleasuring her sexually and yet it is not reciprocated.

As for the two month thing, luckily I've never been in a relationship where sex is withheld until a woman makes up her mind she wants to date me but not sleep with me. Relationships ive been in (cept when i was younger, sex has always been something that was well got out of the way with quite quickly. After all the sooner you start having sex the sooner you learn how best to pleasure your partners body. But each to their own.

If she wants to wait then thats fine and her choice and as i already said she shouldnt be pressured into it. However in saying that, she shouldnt be having her cake and eating it,

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