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My girlfriend won't have sex with me
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Original post by silverbolt
She is doing wrong by receiving without giving (something many women are all too quick to complain about when the shoes on the other foot) He is pleasuring her sexually and yet it is not reciprocated.
As for the two month thing, luckily I've never been in a relationship where sex is withheld until a woman makes up her mind she wants to date me but not sleep with me. Relationships ive been in (cept when i was younger, sex has always been something that was well got out of the way with quite quickly. After all the sooner you start having sex the sooner you learn how best to pleasure your partners body. But each to their own.
If she wants to wait then thats fine and her choice and as i already said she shouldnt be pressured into it. However in saying that, she shouldnt be having her cake and eating it,
As for the two month thing, luckily I've never been in a relationship where sex is withheld until a woman makes up her mind she wants to date me but not sleep with me. Relationships ive been in (cept when i was younger, sex has always been something that was well got out of the way with quite quickly. After all the sooner you start having sex the sooner you learn how best to pleasure your partners body. But each to their own.
If she wants to wait then thats fine and her choice and as i already said she shouldnt be pressured into it. However in saying that, she shouldnt be having her cake and eating it,
again i still dont see why she should be punished, she's just not ready because she's not confident enough or something. it's fairly mysoginistic to say that she's deliberately withholding sex, it's not as though she's being selfish, and she's certainly not "doing wrong" as you put it.
if her bf wants to finger her that's his priority, theres nothing wrong with that. tbh it's probably better that he does since it will prepare her for the real thing, perhaps. saying "youre not giving any so i wont give back" will only put tension in the relationship and would certainly qualify as putting the pressure on.
end of rant.
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by MrHappy_J
again i still dont see why she should be punished, she's just not ready because she's not confident enough or something. it's fairly mysoginistic to say that she's deliberately withholding sex, it's not as though she's being selfish, and she's certainly not "doing wrong" as you put it.
if her bf wants to finger her that's his priority, theres nothing wrong with that. tbh it's probably better that he does since it will prepare her for the real thing, perhaps. saying "youre not giving any so i wont give back" will only put tension in the relationship and would certainly qualify as putting the pressure on.
end of rant.
if her bf wants to finger her that's his priority, theres nothing wrong with that. tbh it's probably better that he does since it will prepare her for the real thing, perhaps. saying "youre not giving any so i wont give back" will only put tension in the relationship and would certainly qualify as putting the pressure on.
end of rant.
Bangs head*. Are you deliberately taking things out of context or are you just naturally obtuse?
Christ i never said she was doing wrong by not having sex with him, i never said she should be punished and i never said she was doing wrong by not having sex and i never said she is deliberately with holding sex.
As for his priority to finger her well she's happy enough to accept it isnt she? Its a two way street and in no way is he completely on the blame form wanting sex.
And as for the "your not giving any so i wont give back" research threads on here/other forums/womens magazines/etc etc, when the shoes on the other foot and its a woman complaining that response is all too quick to come out. You call me mysoginistic
so exactly what are you being?(edited 12 years ago)
In terms of actually having sex, give her time because she's a virgin and she's clearly not ready and any pressure you put on at this point would definitely be a step in the wrong direction.
I do see what you mean about not getting anything back from her though, it sounds very frustrating. Definitely talk to her and tell her because she might not even realise it's an issue. She's your girlfriend so it's pretty evident that she likes you and I'm sure if she knew that this was upsetting you she'd start giving back, even it's a just a handy when you're getting frisky
I do see what you mean about not getting anything back from her though, it sounds very frustrating. Definitely talk to her and tell her because she might not even realise it's an issue. She's your girlfriend so it's pretty evident that she likes you and I'm sure if she knew that this was upsetting you she'd start giving back, even it's a just a handy when you're getting frisky
Its a bit frustrating, but OP must first realise that there are TWO people in the relationship.
You, and her.
She simply seems not be comfortable with having sex. You do want it. Each of those are valid and ok opinions by themselves, however one of you is going to have to end up giving some leeway.
FIRST I would give her a bit of time. As I said, it doesn't seem like she's hell bent on not giving anything up, but that she's sexually inexperienced and probably uncomfortable with the whole situation. Putting pressure on her to do things is simply not going to help the situation.
After a few days or so, you should probably engage in a NON CONFRONTATIONAL discussion about your sex life, that you feel its a bit unfair that you do your best to pleasure her, but that you do not feel that you are getting the same effort that you yourself are putting in. Point out to her that while there is nothing wrong with how she feels, that you would really love her to explain what her expectations are, what she is and isn't comfortable with, and what things you can do together to make her feel more comfortable. Don't go too quickly, try to hit each topic showing that you care about her, but explaining on the same hand that you would love to see the relationship progess, and that this is an important part in the progression of the relationship
You, and her.
She simply seems not be comfortable with having sex. You do want it. Each of those are valid and ok opinions by themselves, however one of you is going to have to end up giving some leeway.
FIRST I would give her a bit of time. As I said, it doesn't seem like she's hell bent on not giving anything up, but that she's sexually inexperienced and probably uncomfortable with the whole situation. Putting pressure on her to do things is simply not going to help the situation.
After a few days or so, you should probably engage in a NON CONFRONTATIONAL discussion about your sex life, that you feel its a bit unfair that you do your best to pleasure her, but that you do not feel that you are getting the same effort that you yourself are putting in. Point out to her that while there is nothing wrong with how she feels, that you would really love her to explain what her expectations are, what she is and isn't comfortable with, and what things you can do together to make her feel more comfortable. Don't go too quickly, try to hit each topic showing that you care about her, but explaining on the same hand that you would love to see the relationship progess, and that this is an important part in the progression of the relationship
Ok, thanks for the responses. I have spoken to her and she says she has a rule of waiting for 3 months before she will have sex in a relationship. Seems a bit stupid and arbitrary to me....I told her this but don't think I changed her mind. She also said she'd like to lose it somewhere special like a hotel or something. This I don't really mind that much but is she being too demanding??
Original post by MrHappy_J
what a douche.
if she's not ready she's not ready, it's not really her fault.
if she's not ready she's not ready, it's not really her fault.
She's ready for him to fiddle her downstairs when she pleases, but not ready to return the favour?
I call bs, lay down the law and if she's still not having it, her ass -> the curb.
There is no problem with girls wanting to wait but there's no time for hypocrisy.
How can she find BJs disgusting? Best thing: Go down on her and eat her out (search guides on internet, some are useful). If your doing it right, she'll literally be moaning like crazy after a few minutes. THEN just stop, when shes wanting you to carry on! Explain this is exactly how frustrated you feel, when shes not aleast giving you BJ's
Well if she's OK with you touching her, I really don't see the big deal with her giving you a hand/blow job. The next time she tells you to make her come, ask her to do the same thing for her. Don't pressurize her into having intercourse though. She'll think that's the only thing you're after.
Original post by marie1304
if she wont give in the bedroom then you shouldnt give either. it's not really fair that she's happy to take but gets all moral, high and mighty when you want your share. it's kinda like you're her bbeeeyatch
As unPC as this is I agree.
Original post by Anonymous
Ok, thanks for the responses. I have spoken to her and she says she has a rule of waiting for 3 months before she will have sex in a relationship. Seems a bit stupid and arbitrary to me....I told her this but don't think I changed her mind. She also said she'd like to lose it somewhere special like a hotel or something. This I don't really mind that much but is she being too demanding??
Given that she never had sex before, where did this "rule" come from?
It might seem silly to you or me, but for whatever reason it's clearly important to her. Arguing over it is just going to make her think you're a dick, and she'll probably tell her friends that too. Sooooo... either you wait and reopen the conversation after another month, or you give up.
As for wanting to do it in a hotel first time - she's probably got lots of ideas as to what her first time "should" be like, having waited this long. It can be totally romantic in your own house with a little bit of effort, so talk to her about what exactly her expectations are.
Original post by silverbolt
Bangs head*. Are you deliberately taking things out of context or are you just naturally obtuse?
Christ i never said she was doing wrong by not having sex with him, i never said she should be punished and i never said she was doing wrong by not having sex and i never said she is deliberately with holding sex.
As for his priority to finger her well she's happy enough to accept it isnt she? Its a two way street and in no way is he completely on the blame form wanting sex.
And as for the "your not giving any so i wont give back" research threads on here/other forums/womens magazines/etc etc, when the shoes on the other foot and its a woman complaining that response is all too quick to come out. You call me mysoginistic so exactly what are you being?
Christ i never said she was doing wrong by not having sex with him, i never said she should be punished and i never said she was doing wrong by not having sex and i never said she is deliberately with holding sex.
As for his priority to finger her well she's happy enough to accept it isnt she? Its a two way street and in no way is he completely on the blame form wanting sex.
And as for the "your not giving any so i wont give back" research threads on here/other forums/womens magazines/etc etc, when the shoes on the other foot and its a woman complaining that response is all too quick to come out. You call me mysoginistic
so exactly what are you being?you did say she was "doing wrong". you said, and i quote: "She is doing wrong by receiving without giving". if there's one thing i cant stand its people denying that theyve written something when they blatantly have.
i dont she why he should stop doing that to her - it might get her in the mood to go further.
im a 19 yo virgin myself so i can sympathise with the girlfriend. stop being so confrontational.
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Ciaran88
She's ready for him to fiddle her downstairs when she pleases, but not ready to return the favour?
I call bs, lay down the law and if she's still not having it, her ass -> the curb.
There is no problem with girls wanting to wait but there's no time for hypocrisy.
I call bs, lay down the law and if she's still not having it, her ass -> the curb.
There is no problem with girls wanting to wait but there's no time for hypocrisy.
you sound like a potential rapist tbh.
no means NO.
Original post by Anonymous
Ok, thanks for the responses. I have spoken to her and she says she has a rule of waiting for 3 months before she will have sex in a relationship. Seems a bit stupid and arbitrary to me....I told her this but don't think I changed her mind. She also said she'd like to lose it somewhere special like a hotel or something. This I don't really mind that much but is she being too demanding??
Ok, that should have been communicated a little bit earlier on in the relationship so that you at least know where you stood in regards to it. I'll never understand this "minimum timeframe balony"
Three months isnt that long a wait if she places such value on her virginity, you, I and many others may not get why people do have such an outdated viewpoint on losing thier virginity as if its any big thing but there we go.
I guess this is a WAFVMAFM moment, like the image of her perfect wedding she may well have imagined the perfect way to lose her virginity for some time. How much do you like her? How much do you think shes worth it. If you like her enough then do the hotel thing if you want to. IT shows you value her enough to make her perfect moment come true. Of course the truth that often losing your virginity is awkward, painful and over very quickly (and excuse the pun very anticlimactic) will come out but you have at least put the effort in.
But ask yourself this. The night goes perfectly, the meal the dance the wine, the music all the romantic stuff and you go back to the hotel room you have forked out for. And then she changes her mind and says she would still like to wait. Where do you go from there? You cant force her into it but you will be understandably irked by it. What then will happen with your relationship?
Original post by MrHappy_J
you did say she was "doing wrong". you said, and i quote: "She is doing wrong by receiving without giving". if there's one thing i cant stand its people denying that theyve written something when they blatantly have.
i dont she why he should stop doing that to her - it might get her in the mood to go further.
im a 19 yo virgin myself so i can sympathise with the girlfriend. stop being so confrontational.
i dont she why he should stop doing that to her - it might get her in the mood to go further.
im a 19 yo virgin myself so i can sympathise with the girlfriend. stop being so confrontational.
i dont care if your a virgin or have a vagina that gets entered more times than the channel tunnel.
And i did not say it was wrong of her to not have sex. I said it was wrong for her for receive without giving. It is wrong for her to gain sexual gratification from him without reciprocating in return. A significant difference.
I shall say it again for a third time seeing as you clearly have issues understanding it. If she wants to wait to have sex for whatever reason then thats her choice, however it is not fair that he gives her sexual pleasure without her reciprocating even if its on the same strain, mutual masturbation.
And if im being confrontational its because your double standards are frankly pissing me off.
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Firstly, she's a virgin. However, we're both 20. We've been together for 2 months, and she won't have sex she says until she feels ready. She also won't give blowjobs as she says she finds it disgusting. She has never made me cum/orgasm. I've made her orgasm loads of times by fingering her.
I'm getting very, very frustrated. I do like her, and I don't just want to be with her for sex. However, I really do beleive that sex is an important part of a healthy relationship, and it just feels good!!!
Has anyone been in a similar situation and could offer any advice? How can I get her to want to have sex with me???!
I'm getting very, very frustrated. I do like her, and I don't just want to be with her for sex. However, I really do beleive that sex is an important part of a healthy relationship, and it just feels good!!!
Has anyone been in a similar situation and could offer any advice? How can I get her to want to have sex with me???!
Me, we broke up. I can't stand selfish lovers tbh. Sit down with her and talk to her about her issues with physical intimacy. Don't be pushy but do be clear that you have feelings and needs from a relationship to. Explain that you find it unfair that you do these things for her (making her feel good) but feel frustrated that there seems to be little return.
Tell her you can wait to have sex but she needs to be a bit more understanding of your problems in the relationship to, and if she just isn't ready to open up more with you in this regard then maybe you guys should call it quits.
No point trying to draw blood from a stone and it can't be helped if you both have different needs and are at different points within the relationship.
Firstly, the fact that someone negged you is ridiculous. Secondly, stop fingering her/giving her orgasms. If you can't have them, neither should she.
As others have asked (not sure if you've answered this, I've not read the whole thread) but what's her stance on handjobs?
As others have asked (not sure if you've answered this, I've not read the whole thread) but what's her stance on handjobs?
Original post by MrHappy_J
theyve been together for TWO MONTHS for goodness sake. people have had to wait a lot longer than that, and their relationship still survived. if he likes her enough he'll wait. if he doesn't, he'll ditch her and find someone else. I don't see why the poor girl should be punished, she's done nothing wrong.
The fact they've been together two months is irrelevant in this case, as she's happily taking from the OP and only objecting to returning the favour. It's not about her not being ready, she sounds like a selfish cow tbh.
Original post by MrHappy_J
you did say she was "doing wrong". you said, and i quote: "She is doing wrong by receiving without giving". if there's one thing i cant stand its people denying that theyve written something when they blatantly have.
i dont she why he should stop doing that to her - it might get her in the mood to go further.
im a 19 yo virgin myself so i can sympathise with the girlfriend. stop being so confrontational.
i dont she why he should stop doing that to her - it might get her in the mood to go further.
im a 19 yo virgin myself so i can sympathise with the girlfriend. stop being so confrontational.
Your double standards make me sick!
OP stop fingering her and just watch and see how frustrated she becomes after about a week.
Original post by Zamolxes
Most girls on here will tell you to wait until she's ready, and you're a complete ******* for ever demanding sex.
However..were the situation reversed...they would have an entirely different opinion.
The truth is you're 20, and life is too short to spend it with a prude. Seriously, move on. I saw situations like this in highschool so many times, chances are she's not really into you and she's probably waiting for someone better to come along to lose it to. It's her virginity after all.
However..were the situation reversed...they would have an entirely different opinion.
The truth is you're 20, and life is too short to spend it with a prude. Seriously, move on. I saw situations like this in highschool so many times, chances are she's not really into you and she's probably waiting for someone better to come along to lose it to. It's her virginity after all.
what you said last may be true, or she may actually not be ready theres just no telling, i say wait a while longer and see what happens
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