Best way to deal with the silent treatment when dating?
ok first - girls please do not hijack this thread with your own stories of how your bf is giving your this, how sad it is, why it arose etc. if you wanna discuss your own situation make another thread.
my question is: you have been dating/flirting with somoene for a couple months, normally texting say 10 x a day then suddently you say someonething, have a fight or something. then he/she stops returning all your texts and calls and you know they are annoyed byt dont know why and your messages of 'whats wrong' and 'are you upset about soemhting' go unheeded. assumig you are gonna see this person again at school/uni/whatever, how do you react?
whats the best way to deal with thse passive aggressive types?
it is obviously a controlling thing dont by very insecure people who lack the maturity to say whats wrong and why they are upset.
my question is: you have been dating/flirting with somoene for a couple months, normally texting say 10 x a day then suddently you say someonething, have a fight or something. then he/she stops returning all your texts and calls and you know they are annoyed byt dont know why and your messages of 'whats wrong' and 'are you upset about soemhting' go unheeded. assumig you are gonna see this person again at school/uni/whatever, how do you react?
whats the best way to deal with thse passive aggressive types?
it is obviously a controlling thing dont by very insecure people who lack the maturity to say whats wrong and why they are upset.
Scroll to see replies
Ignore them and get on with my life, obviously.
Original post by Schroedinger's Pandora
Ignore them and get on with my life, obviously.
you wouldnt ask them what was wrong or try to ring them? if you would, how many times? woudl you offer to meet and talk? i know the passive aggressor is trying to provoke a response which makes you fuss over them, but problem is, it works
Original post by Schroedinger's Pandora
Ignore them and get on with my life, obviously.
This....... res ipsa loquitor.
If he is using that technique, the worst thing you could do to counteract it is by trying to talk to him.
*highly experienced user of silent treatments
If you've asked them directly what's wrong once and they haven't replied then I wouldn't keep texting. You've made the first move, when they're ready to talk about it they'll come to you.
Original post by Erich Hartmann
This....... res ipsa loquitor.
i dont know what this means?
If he is using that technique, the worst thing you could do to counteract it is by trying to talk to him.
why? if i ignore him, and he is ignoring me, how can we get back together?
*highly experienced user of silent treatments
but why? thats so immature imho, why couldnt you just talk to them and say whats wrong?
i dont know what this means?
If he is using that technique, the worst thing you could do to counteract it is by trying to talk to him.
why? if i ignore him, and he is ignoring me, how can we get back together?
*highly experienced user of silent treatments
but why? thats so immature imho, why couldnt you just talk to them and say whats wrong?
Original post by Oppro
Dump him. I already have 1 child, I don't need another thanks. It's one thing to say "look I'm p***** off about xyz & I just want time to cool down, I'll call you tomorrow" & another to just ignore you. That's just childish.
i agree totally. but i'm almost 26, wheras my bf is only 21 and i thought it is a normal reaction of a young boy. i cant dump him because i love him. but i agree its immature.
Original post by Sweet_Heart
If you've asked them directly what's wrong once and they haven't replied then I wouldn't keep texting. You've made the first move, when they're ready to talk about it they'll come to you.
these are the reactions the passive agressive hottie is looking for,
-you beg him to talk to you--so he is reassured that someone wants him
-you follow him around--so he can then claim he feels smothered and storm off
-you pick fights to get him to talk--so he can say you started the fight
-you escalate to rage--so he can respond in unhealthy, abusive ways but claim that you are the one with the problem
-you apologize first--so he knows you still want to be close to him
-you do sweet things to try to entice him back--so he gets some romantic things
-you get exasperated and cover his consequences for him
-you beg him to talk to you--so he is reassured that someone wants him
-you follow him around--so he can then claim he feels smothered and storm off
-you pick fights to get him to talk--so he can say you started the fight
-you escalate to rage--so he can respond in unhealthy, abusive ways but claim that you are the one with the problem
-you apologize first--so he knows you still want to be close to him
-you do sweet things to try to entice him back--so he gets some romantic things
-you get exasperated and cover his consequences for him
Original post by Helenia
Call him. Once. Ask if everything is ok and say you're worried you haven't heard back from your texts.
If he either doesn't answer, or won't talk to you, cut your losses and get out of the relationship.
If he either doesn't answer, or won't talk to you, cut your losses and get out of the relationship.
Helenia, you are AWESOME!!!! im freaking out here, i've tx him 3x already apologising (beakring in mind i dont know whats up), asking if he is ok, and asking him not to spill my secrets (the las time we spoke was when i shared private stuff about my dating history which wasnt even bad considering im 25 and a virgin and only 1 prior real relationship with a 40 y/o dude. oh yeah and my bf knows i used to date his mate, who got obsessed with me after i dumped him).
but he hasnt repluied. i am worried he will tell people the private stuff i told him. i am also real hurt that such a cute baby faced dude will be mad at me and not tell me why, and am afraid i may not get any more hot snogs from this guy...
if i call him and he sees he has a missed call from me, is that enuogh do you think? or do i tx as well to say i tried to call? he is only 21 so very immature.
oh yeah, we have alot of mutual friends and see each other in the same social groups alot, do you think he wil eventually make up with me? if so can we get back to gether?
how do i know if i have been dumped by the silent treatment or if he is just temporarily mad?
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by shinytoy
how do i know if i have been dumped by the silent treatment or if he is just temporarily mad?
Jesus H Christ. Don't you think you'd be happier without this bull****?
As the recipient of many, silent treatments, the best thing to do is to ALWAYS ignore.
I would text/call ONCE. After that and I get no real response as to the issue, then I hit the MUTE button and go silent myself.
Since you've already sent a number of email's kissing your significant other's ass, the best option is actually to say that you are frustrated, that you're willing to work on the issue but he/she is behaving like an ass, how dissapointed you are that he/she cannot even speak to you about their issues. and THEN ignore. This person is only looking for attention. Once this attention dries up, they will eventually return to you. In the tiny case that they don't, then they weren't worth your time anyway
Personally, I have realised that someone throwing a silent tantrum, who cannot even express what is wrong or what their issue is, is simply expressing immaturity. Adults don't throw tantrums to get attention, children do
On another note, how have you "fallen in love" with him? IIRC, you've only been seeing him for a couple of months. If you're just looking for a hottie then move on. If you continually have issues with his behaviour, then I suggest that you move on. I would also suggest that you look at your own behaviour in the relationship to see what might have caused this.
26 and still a virgin? I'm not judging but shinytoy whooooooa.
I would text/call ONCE. After that and I get no real response as to the issue, then I hit the MUTE button and go silent myself.
Since you've already sent a number of email's kissing your significant other's ass, the best option is actually to say that you are frustrated, that you're willing to work on the issue but he/she is behaving like an ass, how dissapointed you are that he/she cannot even speak to you about their issues. and THEN ignore. This person is only looking for attention. Once this attention dries up, they will eventually return to you. In the tiny case that they don't, then they weren't worth your time anyway
Personally, I have realised that someone throwing a silent tantrum, who cannot even express what is wrong or what their issue is, is simply expressing immaturity. Adults don't throw tantrums to get attention, children do
On another note, how have you "fallen in love" with him? IIRC, you've only been seeing him for a couple of months. If you're just looking for a hottie then move on. If you continually have issues with his behaviour, then I suggest that you move on. I would also suggest that you look at your own behaviour in the relationship to see what might have caused this.
26 and still a virgin? I'm not judging but shinytoy whooooooa.
Original post by shinytoy
Helenia, you are AWESOME!!!! im freaking out here, i've tx him 3x already apologising (beakring in mind i dont know whats up), asking if he is ok, and asking him not to spill my secrets (the las time we spoke was when i shared private stuff about my dating history which wasnt even bad considering im 25 and a virgin and only 1 prior real relationship with a 40 y/o dude. oh yeah and my bf knows i used to date his mate, who got obsessed with me after i dumped him).
but he hasnt repluied. i am worried he will tell people the private stuff i told him. i am also real hurt that such a cute baby faced dude will be mad at me and not tell me why, and am afraid i may not get any more hot snogs from this guy...
if i call him and he sees he has a missed call from me, is that enuogh do you think? or do i tx as well to say i tried to call? he is only 21 so very immature.
oh yeah, we have alot of mutual friends and see each other in the same social groups alot, do you think he wil eventually make up with me? if so can we get back to gether?
how do i know if i have been dumped by the silent treatment or if he is just temporarily mad?
but he hasnt repluied. i am worried he will tell people the private stuff i told him. i am also real hurt that such a cute baby faced dude will be mad at me and not tell me why, and am afraid i may not get any more hot snogs from this guy...
if i call him and he sees he has a missed call from me, is that enuogh do you think? or do i tx as well to say i tried to call? he is only 21 so very immature.
oh yeah, we have alot of mutual friends and see each other in the same social groups alot, do you think he wil eventually make up with me? if so can we get back to gether?
how do i know if i have been dumped by the silent treatment or if he is just temporarily mad?
There is no way you can know for sure if he refuses to speak to you, but I wouldn't think that the outlook is good, tbh. If he picks up the phone when you call, then you can talk things through. If he doesn't, then I would say don't badger him and just leave it. You have made your effort to get in touch, and if he wants to speak to you, he will.
I can't say whether you will eventually make up and/or get back together. But I wouldn't spend too long agonising over things; if he doesn't answer your call or contact you, then for whatever reason it's pretty much over.
Original post by tomatosardine
Jesus H Christ. Don't you think you'd be happier without this bull****?
do not use the Lords name in vain. Blessed be the Most Sacred Name of the Lord.
Original post by dgeorge
As the recipient of many, silent treatments, the best thing to do is to ALWAYS ignore.
I would text/call ONCE. After that and I get no real response as to the issue, then I hit the MUTE button and go silent myself.
i dont get how, if you both start ignoring each other, how does it get resolved.
Since you've already sent a number of email's kissing your significant other's ass, the best option is actually to say that you are frustrated, that you're willing to work on the issue but he/she is behaving like an ass, how dissapointed you are that he/she cannot even speak to you about their issues. and THEN ignore. This person is only looking for attention. Once this attention dries up, they will eventually return to you. In the tiny case that they don't, then they weren't worth your time anyway
thanks, thats what i think but im 25 and he is only 21 so it is a maturity thing i guess.
On another note, how have you "fallen in love" with him? IIRC, you've only been seeing him for a couple of months. If you're just looking for a hottie then move on. If you continually have issues with his behaviour, then I suggest that you move on. I would also suggest that you look at your own behaviour in the relationship to see what might have caused this.
no we were very close firends for like a year, and i think he fancied me and was asking me out for part of it, but i ignored it as i didnt fancy him. but then only a couple months ago i woke up and REALLY fancied him and we started texting and dating and flirting loads and now am in lovve with him
26 and still a virgin? I'm not judging but shinytoy whooooooa.
I would text/call ONCE. After that and I get no real response as to the issue, then I hit the MUTE button and go silent myself.
i dont get how, if you both start ignoring each other, how does it get resolved.
Since you've already sent a number of email's kissing your significant other's ass, the best option is actually to say that you are frustrated, that you're willing to work on the issue but he/she is behaving like an ass, how dissapointed you are that he/she cannot even speak to you about their issues. and THEN ignore. This person is only looking for attention. Once this attention dries up, they will eventually return to you. In the tiny case that they don't, then they weren't worth your time anyway
thanks, thats what i think but im 25 and he is only 21 so it is a maturity thing i guess.
On another note, how have you "fallen in love" with him? IIRC, you've only been seeing him for a couple of months. If you're just looking for a hottie then move on. If you continually have issues with his behaviour, then I suggest that you move on. I would also suggest that you look at your own behaviour in the relationship to see what might have caused this.
no we were very close firends for like a year, and i think he fancied me and was asking me out for part of it, but i ignored it as i didnt fancy him. but then only a couple months ago i woke up and REALLY fancied him and we started texting and dating and flirting loads and now am in lovve with him
26 and still a virgin? I'm not judging but shinytoy whooooooa.
i know, i'm busting. really struggling to hold it in. my vibie has wear marks but i know it is rightful that i should preserve myself for my husband in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony on my wedding night. which is why i need to make up with this dude. fast.
Original post by Helenia
There is no way you can know for sure if he refuses to speak to you, but I wouldn't think that the outlook is good, tbh. If he picks up the phone when you call, then you can talk things through. If he doesn't, then I would say don't badger him and just leave it. You have made your effort to get in touch, and if he wants to speak to you, he will.
I can't say whether you will eventually make up and/or get back together. But I wouldn't spend too long agonising over things; if he doesn't answer your call or contact you, then for whatever reason it's pretty much over.
I can't say whether you will eventually make up and/or get back together. But I wouldn't spend too long agonising over things; if he doesn't answer your call or contact you, then for whatever reason it's pretty much over.
you're right. and it sucks.
Original post by shinytoy
do not use the Lords name in vain. Blessed be the Most Sacred Name of the Lord.
i know, i'm busting. really struggling to hold it in. my vibie has wear marks but i know it is rightful that i should preserve myself for my husband in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony on my wedding night. which is why i need to make up with this dude. fast.
you're right. and it sucks.
i know, i'm busting. really struggling to hold it in. my vibie has wear marks but i know it is rightful that i should preserve myself for my husband in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony on my wedding night. which is why i need to make up with this dude. fast.
you're right. and it sucks.
i dont get how, if you both start ignoring each other, how does it get resolved.
It doesn't. Either way, you need BOTH parties agreement for resolution. The person in this situation isn't looking for resolution, but simply wants to air out their anger. You continually replying asking what's wrong will only fuel them. As I said, if they don't reply, and you've sent them a message similar to what I've said, then you simply move on. Not everything in this world can be fixed, and this goes for relationships too
thanks, thats what i think but im 25 and he is only 21 so it is a maturity thing i guess.
Age is not the same as maturity. If he's doing that at 21 he'll probably be doing that at 31 as well. The gf I have now is younger than my previous, but she doesn't throw the same fits as the other, older one. As a matter of fact, she's lovely
no we were very close firends for like a year, and i think he fancied me and was asking me out for part of it, but i ignored it as i didnt fancy him. but then only a couple months ago i woke up and REALLY fancied him and we started texting and dating and flirting loads and now am in lovve with him
Sounds like you're infatuated, not in love. Two different things, trust me.
i know, i'm busting. really struggling to hold it in. my vibie has wear marks but i know it is rightful that i should preserve myself for my husband in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony on my wedding night. which is why i need to make up with this dude. fast.
For the love of his holy meatballs, I hope you're not serious. You're trying to rush a relationship into marriage for sex? I can assure you that this 100% does NOT work
Original post by dgeorge
As the recipient of many, silent treatments, the best thing to do is to ALWAYS ignore.
I would text/call ONCE. After that and I get no real response as to the issue, then I hit the MUTE button and go silent myself.
.
I would text/call ONCE. After that and I get no real response as to the issue, then I hit the MUTE button and go silent myself.
.
what usually happens? do they start talking again? or do they dump you?
The amount of people here who suggest ending the relationship over a situation like this just amazes me...
Don't listen to those idiots. If you're thinking of ending a relationship over a bit of a silent treatment then you'll would never last in the future if you're thinking long-term lmao... It's a bad idea coming here and talking to these people with their terrible advice.
You should just do what you think is right to patch things up... Make your best efforts whilst upholding your integrity. Things like this are so easy to overcome with a bit of communication. I would tell you how I overcame this myself but you'll probably accuse me of "hijacking" your thread so peace!
Don't listen to those idiots. If you're thinking of ending a relationship over a bit of a silent treatment then you'll would never last in the future if you're thinking long-term lmao... It's a bad idea coming here and talking to these people with their terrible advice.
You should just do what you think is right to patch things up... Make your best efforts whilst upholding your integrity. Things like this are so easy to overcome with a bit of communication. I would tell you how I overcame this myself but you'll probably accuse me of "hijacking" your thread so peace!
Original post by shinytoy
out of interest, is anyone here the passive aggressive type to actually DO the silent treatment to people?
No, it's idiotic and there's no hope of solving problems with such jejune behaviour.
Original post by An Aspiring Guy
The amount of people here who suggest ending the relationship over a situation like this just amazes me...
Don't listen to those idiots. If you're thinking of ending a relationship over a bit of a silent treatment then you'll would never last in the future if you're thinking long-term lmao... It's a bad idea coming here and talking to these people with their terrible advice.
You should just do what you think is right to patch things up... Make your best efforts whilst upholding your integrity. Things like this are so easy to overcome with a bit of communication. I would tell you how I overcame this myself but you'll probably accuse me of "hijacking" your thread so peace!
Don't listen to those idiots. If you're thinking of ending a relationship over a bit of a silent treatment then you'll would never last in the future if you're thinking long-term lmao... It's a bad idea coming here and talking to these people with their terrible advice.
You should just do what you think is right to patch things up... Make your best efforts whilst upholding your integrity. Things like this are so easy to overcome with a bit of communication. I would tell you how I overcame this myself but you'll probably accuse me of "hijacking" your thread so peace!
So how do you propose she overcomes this problem "with a bit of communication" if he won't speak to her?
This is not a couple of hours of sulking, it's several DAYS of complete blanking. If someone I was dating was immature enough to do that, I wouldn't be hanging around waiting for them to grow up.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Obsessive friend
- is it normal for your mum to ignore you when shes mad?
- What should I do??!
- Awful experience working at Tesco Express… thoughts?
- Daily log of my toxic friend
- What's going on with him?
- I have realized I am an incompetent doctor and need help.
- Argument with my mum
- Girl said she wouldn't?
- Crush on black girl at uni ? (Uofg)
- dropping out of uni? Rent payments?
- Unsure whether to start new job (sort of!)
- Do you find people fooling around distracting?
- Do you believe in love at first sight on a dating site?
- A newly gf went behind my back
- Compelling Personal Reasons for extra funding?
- Renting on Benefits
- addiction (please help if you aren't into)
- Am I asking for too much time from my bf ?
- EE(Everything Everywhere) Interview tomorrow help!!
Latest
Last reply 3 minutes ago
Official University College London Applicant Thread for 2024Last reply 4 minutes ago
Do you think £9,984.00 per year apprecentship is worth it?Last reply 4 minutes ago
fujitsu degree apprenticeship 2024Last reply 6 minutes ago
Official Cambridge Postgraduate Applicants 2024 ThreadLast reply 6 minutes ago
Question regarding grades for entry requirementsLast reply 8 minutes ago
Primary Education with QTS Interview - English & Maths TestLast reply 10 minutes ago
HSBC Degree Apprenticeship 2024Last reply 12 minutes ago
Google level 4 software development apprenticeshipLast reply 13 minutes ago
Official: University of Manchester A106 2024 Entry ApplicantsMedical Schools
1249
Last reply 13 minutes ago
Inlaks, Commonwealth, and Other Scholarships for Indian Students 2024: ThreadTrending
Last reply 4 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 1 week ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceTrending
Last reply 4 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 1 week ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choice
