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Unreasonable Housemates

Anonymous #1

My housemates seem to have developed a massive problem with my boyfriend staying round recently. He stays round at my place for half of the week and I stay at his for the other half, so he is only ever at mine for a max of 3/4 nights a week and I am away for the rest. They have decided that he can only stay for 2 nights a week as they say he will bump up our bills. But he rarely showers at our house, he does that at his own and whenever he eats it is whatever I am eating so it would be cooked anyway, he outs a few things into the washing machine with my load but that also doesn't make any difference to them. My view is that I pay the same amount of rent as the others, yet am only there half the time, so there is no harm in having two people there half the time instead of one all the time. We also pay our rent as bills included, so whatever the bills do come to does not make a difference to what we pay. I don't understand why they have such a problem and it is making my boyfriend uncomfortable to be around them at all, they are meant to be his friends too from before we ever got together.

Reply 1

kat91s

If it makes no difference to what you pay, then they've basically just given you an excuse. They don't like him being around. Work out what the reason is. Could it be that either or both of you make a nuisance of yourselves while he's there?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

We don't, this is what I don't understand. We either watch telly and chat with them in the living room or we are up in my bedroom quietly. I didn't even suspect there was a problem until they told me over facebook this weekend, it all seems a bit odd since all of his housemates and mine have been good friends the whole time we have been at uni.

Reply 3

J0nes_X

I'm not trying to stick up for them, but just a point you might not have considered, when they signed the house contract, he wasn't inlcuded in it, and to have someone round at your house CONSTANTLY can be annoying and invading. However, I'm not suggesting that is the case for you, afterall your housemates were friends with him before as well.

Reply 4

LouisaMae

I would understand if it was constantly, but it is 4 nights a week maximum and more often it is three. I am just a bit confused by it all as it is not affecting any of them, most of the time it is just a case of he comes over quite late, sleeps in my room and leaves for uni with me in the morning. I have told them all this but they still don't seem to understand my point.

Reply 5

L18

I don't see why it ****ing matters. Unless you and your boyfriend constantly make out in the living room, then why the **** does it matter?

In regards to the 'bills' issue. The 'rise' would be neglible. Explain to them that although they are students, they need to stop being such a tight arse.

Unless your boyfriend is conducting nuclear experiments in your bedroom of course.

Reply 6

username234673

I don't blame them. That'd do my head in too. You all agreed for so many of you to live there, and now half the time, you've got someone else there. It's nothing to do with bills or anything. I'd imagine it's because your house mates probably were all looking forward for you all to hang with each other as a group, not have you ditching them for your fella or dragging him along with them (regardless of whether they're friends beforehand). How about you cool it off for a month or two, say only have him over twice a week, just to see how it goes.

Reply 7

HARRY PUTAH

Yes they are being unreasonable but I found with my flatmates, you dont want to live with everyone you meet/are friends with.

I cannot stand 3 of my flatmates.

Reply 8

xfirekittyx

Maybe it's because they didn't sign up with living with a couple the whole time? Like I know in this group of people, there are two people who everyone likes as indivduals but as a couple, you just don't want to be around them! If they are single as well, it could just be you're unintentially rubbing how happy and smug you are in their faces when they are not or maybe it's seen as for your own good, spending every night with someone could be seen as unhealthy and you should spend some time apart from lectures apart? It could be that they miss just having you by yourself? I can theorize all I want but you're not going to know unless you ask them, explain about the bills and everything and see maybe if you can reach a compromise of 3 nights a week? Will it be so terrible spending one day without him? Saying all this I am swayed to your side by the fact they had to talk to you on facebook?! As well as the fact that even if they think it's unhealthy, it's your decision at the end of the day if it's not affecting them in any negative way.

Reply 9

Fizzingwhizbee

Why do you spend EVERY night together?

No offence I'd find it annoying, a practical stranger living with me for 50% of the time, when they signed up they agreed to live with x number of people not x+1.
Also they might feel a little abandoned as you spend so much time together.

They're not THAT unreasonable imho. Maybe spend at least 4 or 5 nights at his a week until they cool down?

Reply 10

Fizzingwhizbee

Original post by xfirekittyx

Ok this ^.
It's not normal to spend every night together as a young couple, surely you want time apart/time with just your friends?

Reply 11

hippieglitter

Some people are often touchy about having people stay round. In my house it was usually ok with bf/gf, but we had a friend who would constantly outstay his welcome and treat our house like a hotel, eventually we just had to ask him to go home and explain that although he was welcome to come over we couldn't allow him to stay more than one night. I think they are being a bit unfair if he is only there for 3 nights a week and doesn't tend to shower there, why not bring this up and mention that your bills are inclusive so it makes no difference, if they have a problem with him they should just come out and say it.

Reply 12

TruetoMyself

Its a difficult one, especially as the bills excuse is clearly BS-if your bills are included. Why dont you ask them how their expenses could go up, when bills are included in the price? Are they that dumb?

Obviously if worse comes to worse...things are in their favour (the contract didnt include him). They certainly not as good friends as you thought, since seeing you happy doesnt seem to matter to them at all. In my opinion, they are seeking to distance you from your BF (maybe to spend more time with you or just plain jealousy). What a bunch of D**ks, jealous T**ts. Few of my friends had much of their time at Uni ruined by idiots who had nothing better to do. It will come to a big argument in this case I have a feeling....but everything may as well be in the open. These people are not your friends....

Reply 13

LurkerintheDark

Original post by mikeyd85

You make a very reasonable point. But you have to admit that the stuff about the bills is BS.

Reply 14

username234673

Original post by LurkerintheDark

You make a very reasonable point. But you have to admit that the stuff about the bills is BS.

Perhaps, though as neither op or her fella stay at either residence too much it would be unfair on either to make regular contributions to the running if either household. Perhaps once a month or so, the partner should do something nice for the house mates and occasionally do their bit in the upkeep of the house.

Reply 15

Lefse

I was in a pot/kettle/black situation with my last flatmate. My boyfriend would visit me from a different country and would therefore stay about a week at my place every month. My stingy flatmate got annoyed and said the bills were a lot higher when my boyfriend was about (which can't have been the case), but the thing that bugged me the most was that my flatmate's gf practically lived there! He had no right to get so annoyed at my bf being there. It caused a bit of a rift between us and then I luckily found my own place to move into.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Yeah I get the point about staying every night, but there is a good reason for it. Something quite traumatic happened to me recently and it affects me quite badly at night, so he is there mostly to support me etc. That is another thing that hurts as I don't understand why they aren't being slightly more understanding as I have told them I can't be alone at night right now. And he does empty the bins and wipe surfaces down purely because one of the housemates is such a dirty pig and never cleans up after himself and everybody else has to or live in filth! That housemate is now being really aggressive with me whenever I try to talk to him nicely or ignoring me completely. Why can't they just grow up?!

Reply 17

xfirekittyx

Original post by Anonymous

But relying on another person may not be the best solutuion; it's a quick fix to feeling safe again. As great as he sounds, he may not be there forever and the trauma may grow worse from avoiding confronting it. It'd be better to find some other way of coping, if it affects you badly at night it sounds like you need to see a counsellor/ some kind of therapist. Best of luck!

Reply 18

LouisaMae

I am just beginning to see a counsellor so I am hoping the night problem will improve, I do manage ok whilst I am at home but it seems to worsen at Uni, so it is only there that I need him. And it is very recent too, as in a month or so, so I am still in v. v. early stages of starting to get over it. I just think that it is a little insensitive that they would try to push him out of the house right at this moment when they can see how much I need the support.