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Thinking of dropping out

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    I'm doing Classics at Oxford and I'm thinking of dropping out. I don't like my subject anymore (and I'm not that good at at it) and although I've met some nice people, I feel like my social life is a bit boring- I've only been clubbing about three times since freshers, I think. We don't have any kind of kitchen and no-one hangs out in the common room ever, so we don't really socialise spontaneously, it's always planned in advance. I wish I could leave my room and see people but I don't unless I text them all and ask if they're busy first, and a lot of the time they're working. I'm planning on applying this cycle for Speech and Language Therapy at places like Reading and Newcastle- I wouldn't have to accept any offers until May so I can go do another term at Oxford in the meantime and see how it goes. My family were so incredibly pleased when I got in to Oxford, it feels like I'm going to be a massive disappointment to them if I leave. I had doubts about it before I went, but I kinda got swept along. What do you all think? Am I insane?
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    Have you talked to your family? I'd talk to them about your feelings now- I'm sure they just want you to be happy?
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    Have you spoken to your college tutors/welfare staff/Senior Tutor about how you've been feeling? :console:
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    I just hope you realise how many people in the world would kill (literally) for a place at Oxford. Still, if it't not right in your heart there's no point in flogging a dead horse.

    edit: Actually don't know what I've said wrong here! ho hum.
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    As others have suggested, If I were you I really would talk to everyone concerned first and see if they can help/change your mind. Talking to your tutors might actually make you change your outlook and view on the course!
    It really is a tough decision to make, but at the end of the day you need to decide what is right for you
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    TBH you should've thought about all that before you applied. Also, you're in Oxford, a social life isn't what you're there for. Maybe if you start studying in the time you spend trying to socialize you'll do better.

    Sorry, might be sounding a bit mean, but it's true.
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    durate et vosmet rebus servate secundis
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    A social life isn't the most important thing. This is coming from a person with a 2 day hangover. Not fun at all.
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    (Original post by cberry)
    Have you talked to your family? I'd talk to them about your feelings now- I'm sure they just want you to be happy?
    I have, they don't particularly want me to be happy so much as well-educated and rich

    I haven't talked to my tutors at all yet, you guys are right and I probably should. I'm just a bit scared that they're gonna be like my parents.
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    (Original post by PinkSprinkles)
    I have, they don't particularly want me to be happy so much as well-educated and rich

    I haven't talked to my tutors at all yet, you guys are right and I probably should. I'm just a bit scared that they're gonna be like my parents.
    Try talking to your tutors about how you're feeling. Even if Classics isn't for you and you'd want to quit, you'd eventually have to let them know anyway. I'm sure they'd want to know how you're doing and feeling so far :yes:
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    (Original post by PaperSnowAGhost!)
    A social life isn't the most important thing. This is coming from a person with a 2 day hangover. Not fun at all.
    This is true, and if I was really enjoying my course I wouldn't mind so much, but I'm not

    (Original post by smashah)
    TBH you should've thought about all that before you applied. Also, you're in Oxford, a social life isn't what you're there for. Maybe if you start studying in the time you spend trying to socialize you'll do better.

    Sorry, might be a sounding a bit mean, but it's true.
    I'm sorry, but how exactly do you know how much I've been working? o.0
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    (Original post by smashah)
    TBH you should've thought about all that before you applied. Also, you're in Oxford, a social life isn't what you're there for. Maybe if you start studying in the time you spend trying to socialize you'll do better.

    Sorry, might be a sounding a bit mean, but it's true.
    I'm not at Oxford however I just replied to a post of a similiar nature in the medicine forum RE dropping out of medical school. Someone posted something similiar to what you have done and I have to say, although I know what you are saying it has to be the most unhelpful post in the world.

    Sometimes you really don't understand the situation and understand how unhappy someone can be unless you yourself are placed in the same position. Therefore it's quite difficult to preempt how you are going to feel 1 year- 18 months down the line...so I find your comment a bit harsh and irrelevant. Sometimes things are never as they seem.

    Besides which, everything in moderation.....even moderation. Socialising and taking a break is essential for mental health. We are not robots and even if we were even computers crash.

    OP, take a think about what you really want. It's your life and even though it might seem a little selfish you really have to put what you want first, because only you will be doing it. Do take your time though and don't take a knee jerk reaction because its a little tougher than you thought.

    I hope you make the right decision for you.
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    (Original post by smashah)
    TBH you should've thought about all that before you applied. Also, you're in Oxford, a social life isn't what you're there for. Maybe if you start studying in the time you spend trying to socialize you'll do better.

    Sorry, might be a sounding a bit mean, but it's true.
    I really despise opinions like the above.

    No, the OP shouldn't "have though about all that before she applied". The OP has the same right as anyone else, whether she studies at Oxford or not, to a social life.

    I agree with your point that "a social life isn't what you're there for", but neither is having no social life at all, whilst studying for a course that the OP isn't happy with. University is about getting a good degree at the end of the day, and studying a subject that the OP no longer enjoys, combined with constant work and little social life, surely will have a negative impact on her degree.

    To the OP, as others have said, talk to people about this. Find out why you no longer like your subject; what made you apply for Classics in the first place? Why aren't you enjoying it now - is it the workload?, the tutors?, the content of your particular degree itself?. If it's the workload, maybe Oxford isn't for you. If its your tutors, maybe you could change colleges? If it's the content of the degree itself, maybe a different Classics/Ancient History course at another University may be a better option. Or is it simply this issue with the "social life"? If so, I'm sure Oxford has some bars/pubs/clubs to go to, find others in your college/Oxford via facebook or societies that enjoy socialising and make new friends!
    All in all, find the root of the problem, and work from there. I hope you feel better about it all soon. :console:
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    It's been a term. Most 1st terms are fairly ****e (coming from experience). Making friends etc takes time, and I'd stick it out for a year (though consider changing course, so talk to your tutors). Better friends leads to a better social life, and more spontaneous social interaction. Do talk to your parents and everyone, but don't give up yet.
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    As Athena mentioned about, consider doing a subject change! I've known a couple of people who have switched into different (Cambridge) Tripos subjects after first year. Talk to your tutors and Director of Studies about it, most should be perfectly willing to help you find your place.

    Also, I have to say that you can't rely on your staircase for a social life. I became best friends with the guy who lived next door to me in first year, but otherwise you have to hunt around in societies, sport, random events in order to meet people.

    Take heart that at least Classics is a fair bit more sociable than CS .
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    I think most of us have thought of dropping out at some point or another, but we're thankful that we didn't.

    Particularly in first year, especially in first term, I felt a bit down. Much of it came from the people doing my subject at my College (St Hilda's) - there's just no cohesion whatsoever in my year. All the English students, Law students etc act as a group of friends, sharing notes and essays, hanging out etc, but linguists seem - at my College - to jealously and closely guard their work like nothing else, and are quite bitchy about one another.

    I also ended up living in the building I didn't like that was quite antisocial. Add all that to money troubles/worries and a shock to the system in terms of the workload, and I was ready to get out of there.

    Then I discovered societies. I mostly can't stand people in my College, but I have loads of friends from other Colleges. I got involved in drama, student journalism, OUSU etc etc and that just changed everything around. Spend your working time in the Sackler or something and maybe meet some other Classicists? Chat to people at lectures/join Classics soc? (The President doesn't bite - good friend of mine!)

    Maybe pick up a College-level sport; try rowing or hockey/netball? That way you'll see people every morning/other morning for training and you'll tend to hang out in the College bar/go for meals together.

    I'm happy to chat to you about whatever if you inbox me
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    (Original post by PinkSprinkles)
    I'm doing Classics at Oxford and I'm thinking of dropping out. I don't like my subject anymore (and I'm not that good at at it) and although I've met some nice people, I feel like my social life is a bit boring- I've only been clubbing about three times since freshers, I think. We don't have any kind of kitchen and no-one hangs out in the common room ever, so we don't really socialise spontaneously, it's always planned in advance. I wish I could leave my room and see people but I don't unless I text them all and ask if they're busy first, and a lot of the time they're working. I'm planning on applying this cycle for Speech and Language Therapy at places like Reading and Newcastle- I wouldn't have to accept any offers until May so I can go do another term at Oxford in the meantime and see how it goes. My family were so incredibly pleased when I got in to Oxford, it feels like I'm going to be a massive disappointment to them if I leave. I had doubts about it before I went, but I kinda got swept along. What do you all think? Am I insane?
    The amount of time I've spent thinking about dropping out... I'm just hoping the whole "it gets better after first term" thing is true. Talk to tutors or welfare people and if they're just like your parents, keep going til you find a tutor or dean to talk to who is truly there for you. I think I'd be in a very dark place without my sister, boyfriend and lovely new friend in college - classics student too, as it happens. You guys are lovely! I'm not particularly into clubbing but without friends to go to the pub with (enough happens spontaneously but its hard to gather a big group), it'd be a lot more of a struggle.

    Is it the social side or the academic side which is the biggest issue? Social problems can nearly always be resolved - I know people through sports and different clubs, and also through my sister and a lot of people at her college. It's good to escape sometimes however, if you don't like your course or Oxford, full stop, then yes it'll probably be a better idea to try and transfer to a uni or course you prefer. It's a lot of work to do something you don't enjoy. Your family will hopefully see it from your point of view - what's more important, your happiness and fulfillment or being able to say "I got my degree from Oxford"?

    Too many parents would opt for the latter, without thinking about the rest. If necessary, sit your parents down, explain as best you can and hope for the best.
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    Dropping out isn't the worst thing in the world. People put so much pressure on others to go to/stay at university and do courses that they don't want to do and make dropping out seem like the scariest thing ever. It really isn't.

    Don't worry about leaving Oxford for a 'lesser' university - some aren't cut out for that kind of lifestyle - I know I wouldn't be! And don't worry about what you're parents will think - at the end of the day it's your life you have to live and if you're not happy with it then only you can change that. Sure they might be disappointed but you can't live your life in order to fulfill their aspirations for you. Do what you think will make you happy.
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    I hate all the people that post in this thread without having been in similar situations and reply with bs such as 'OMG, youre horrible because theres 1000s people wanting to be in your position bla bla' or 'you can't quit, its oxford' when they cleary don't have any idea what theyre talking about (not that Oxofrd is now a secretive magical palce that onyl those inside it can fully understand its workings, far from it, but thas the opinion people on the outside have). No, Oxford/Cambridge is a university like many others.

    The OP has no responsability whatsoever to those who failed to get in and she shoudlnt feel guility about them, this is real life, not pixie fairyland. The OP if she really thinks its not for her, she has every right to drop out without feeling pressure from people saying 'NOOOO, its Oxford, your life would be ruined' cause it wont.

    That said, i also thought of dropping out, not as seriously as you probably, more like a lingering thought. If there are things you don't like, since Im guessing its the 1st year, remember you may never ever see them again- you only have to pass your prelims and burn all corresponding notes to it in a vengeful fire. Also, talk to the tutors, I was feeling quite gloomy myslef thinking I wasnt good enough until my tutor actually told me he thought I was good...which really changed my perspective.

    Sicne what youre applying for is very different to your subject I think its a good idea you apply this cycle and then wait out, see if it gets better. That being said, do try to stay positive because if you think everyhting will stay the same i.e bad, chances are it will probably be that way.
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    (Original post by diddums)
    I hate all the people that post in this thread without having been in similar situations and reply with bs such as 'OMG, youre horrible because theres 1000s people wanting to be in your position bla bla' or 'you can't quit, its oxford' when they cleary don't have any idea what theyre talking about (not that Oxofrd is now a secretive magical palce that onyl those inside it can fully understand its workings, far from it, but thas the opinion people on the outside have). No, Oxford/Cambridge is a university like many others.

    The OP has no responsability whatsoever to those who failed to get in and she shoudlnt feel guility about them, this is real life, not pixie fairyland. The OP if she really thinks its not for her, she has every right to drop out without feeling pressure from people saying 'NOOOO, its Oxford, your life would be ruined' cause it wont.

    That said, i also thought of dropping out, not as seriously as you probably, more like a lingering thought. If there are things you don't like, since Im guessing its the 1st year, remember you may never ever see them again- you only have to pass your prelims and burn all corresponding notes to it in a vengeful fire. Also, talk to the tutors, I was feeling quite gloomy myslef thinking I wasnt good enough until my tutor actually told me he thought I was good...which really changed my perspective.

    Sicne what youre applying for is very different to your subject I think its a good idea you apply this cycle and then wait out, see if it gets better. That being said, do try to stay positive because if you think everyhting will stay the same i.e bad, chances are it will probably be that way.
    Thanks

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