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Strangest things a teacher's said to YOU? Version 2.0

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    my spanish teacher used to call me by my nickname , i didnt want him but he still did it.
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    Come and put your balls next to my balls-my chemistry teacher.

    He often says funny things.
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    (Original post by RetroRocker)
    At my old school, the teachers had catchphrases.

    My German teacher's was: "Are you German?" Everytime anyone got any question right
    My French teacher's was: "Errr... Folks..." Which sounded much better with her accent than it does written down...
    My French teacher also once said to the entire class: "Folks, there is more energy in Pete Townsend's little finger than there is in this whole room..."

    I can also remember a group of us talking to our food tech teacher about children, and she randomly said that she was glad every time she got pregnant bacause her time of the month was really painful. That was followed by an awkward silence...

    Ahhh... memories! :P
    We had a joke in chemistry that one of the Chemistry teachers regularly got bored of teaching so just got herself pregnant. Our other teacher even laughed with us!
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    any more?
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    Teacher taking me home in his car. To the left, crossing the road, are typical chavs - tracksuit-wearing, drinking, pushing prams, swearing etc. He can't remember where I live, so he says 'Right, isn't it?'. 'Yeah'. 'Should've done the gene pool a favour and gone left'.
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    Me: Sir, I saw a woodpecker outside at lunchtime. (He loves birds)
    Chemistry teacher: Oh my goodness, really? Where?
    Me: Over in that big tree in the park *points out window*
    Chemistry teacher: I'll be right back..

    Two minutes later, we saw him running over the school field and into the park.
    He didn't get to see the woodpecker and came back inside looking so disappointed.

    He is honestly the most inadvertantly funny teacher I know.
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    We're doing an assembly on Arab culture and well, you look a bit like one so you can be our Arabic man.
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    (Original post by TheHansa)
    We're doing an assembly on Arabic culture and well, you look a bit like one so you can be our Arabic man.
    Meh. xD
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    My chemistry teacher paused our chemistry lesson on friday to ask "Who wants me to make them a mug of tea?" He's usually scary and intimidating, so I'm guessing he used hydrochloric acid instead of water

    He spent a good half an hour taking our "orders" and running around school finding enough mugs O.o :coffee::coffee::coffee::beer:
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    well, my old history teacher said how when she was four years old (she must be at least 60 and completely crazy now) said she want happy she wasn't getting any attention from her parents so got some garden shears, and chopped her little brother's finger off! She said after this she still wasn't happy as she never got any attention from her parents as it was all focused on her brother!

    I say my old history teacher is weird and crazy as she makes seriously not funny jokes and we laugh at her when she laughs at her own jokes though she thinks we are laughing at the joke e.g. "And they chopped off his head!" Not funny to me!

    There are other things she said, but whether they are too inappropriate, or if its just too awful of me to tell of her life and embarrass her on TSR...
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    Well another as a person not so much just a sentence said is my physics teacher. I could quite frankly write 10 articles about the strangeness of him... I did a graph wrong, he could not tell me it was wrong but he just pulled the weirdest face when i did a curve graph rather a line of best fit, my friend just cracked up!(Most helpfully he explained all the types of graph you can and can't do.)

    There was a science quiz in assembly and it chose a winner who received a prize for who ever got the most correct in each year group and my friend won it and the prize was a flippin' coconut! And he was just pissing himself with laughter when they came out a box and people were so surprised and then I just thought "Thats typical!"
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    (Original post by PinkyPurply)
    My French teacher asked me if I was tired in French.
    I said I was just late.
    I see what you did there.
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    "Remember, kids, maths is like cocaine. Sniff it, don't inject it." :perv:

    :zomg::nooo: Followed by the longest silence
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    our form tutor saw some girls putting hand lotion on, and then he told them to 'stop creaming themselves up', considering I have never heard anything remotely inappropriate out of his mouth, it was quite a shock, hilarious none the less :P
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    any more?
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    the one the only Annie Mac.
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    my french teacher was looking through a school dictionary with drawn pictures of penises on it. She said "why are the drawings always small". If you think this was out of order its nothing compared to what I regretfully said next. "why? do you like them big miss?" I got a weeks detention. lol
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    I was having a cover lesson in the library, and i saw Ryan Giggs' autobiography, i said 'who'd read that?', a girl sitting next to me said 'who's Ryan Giggs?' and the librarian said, 'a man who can keep his dick in his pants'
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    (Original post by 08rbut)
    I was having a cover lesson in the library, and i saw Ryan Giggs' autobiography, i said 'who'd read that?', a girl sitting next to me said 'who's Ryan Giggs?' and the librarian said, 'a man who can keep his dick in his pants'
    lol
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    "To be honest class, I never went through puberty."

    "I hope your texting down there, because no-one should ever look at their own crotch and smile so much."

    "If you live in the desert too long the heat starts getting to your head, and you end up getting in a jeep and shooting each other."

    "I'd like to give you all high marks but you're all scrotes so...."

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