[CJ 24K]

"To be honest class, I never went through puberty."

"I hope your texting down there, because no-one should ever look at their own crotch and smile so much."

"If you live in the desert too long the heat starts getting to your head, and you end up getting in a jeep and shooting each other."

"I'd like to give you all high marks but you're all scrotes so...."

[-strawberry-]

This wasn't to me, but a teacher once said to a girl "If you don't stop that then I'll finger you!" (he meant in a "put my finger up and wiggle it" kind of way, if you get what I mean )
The same teacher also used to hit a pen on a table to make us stop talking when we got loud. Once he did it and no one took any notice, so he yelled "I don't bang the table for my own amusement!" That was pretty funny.
Oh and same guy, he was talking about a biscuit eating competition, and he just said "Lubrication is the key" and that was enough to set us all off...

[shezshez]

I always had trouble spelling quantitative in psychology, so I spelt it quantititive, and my teacher said 'one too many tit's in that.'

[cyfer]

I had a biology teacher talk to us for 30 minutes about different types of alcohol and what has the best taste... whilst constantly reassuring us he wasn't an alcoholic....


On the other hand one teacher had such flamboyant hand gestures whilst teaching that he smacked my friend in the face and didn't apologise.

Oh and:

"If you're looking at your crotch and smiling, I don't want to know what you're doing."

Edit (me remembering more):
My friend was bored in art class and mimicked the action of oral sex, at which point the art teacher turned around (who is the most gruesome whale in existence)....

We were talking about hard and soft water in Chemistry and the teacher couldn't stop making jokes about his dick :P It was hilarious

[Ra Ra Ra]

We once had to have a class on internet safety, so our ICT teacher had to tell us about the dangers of creepy men on chat rooms, and the like. For some reason it got into a conversation about porn:

Teacher: Yes, well, I never got why so many people watch porn on their phones. Porn on mobile phones is much poorer quality than porn on the internet...

(Awkward silence. Looks of utter disbelief, smirks, etc.)

Teacher (realising what he'd just said): ...So I've been told.

He never got over that, bless him

[Pawsies]

My french teacher spelling stripey as strippy.

To this day I have never laughed so hard. She never understood


Some more gems:

You’ll have to wait I’m off to Sainsbury’s

Hey gays.
Us: Did you just call us gay?!

IN MY PAST LIFE....I worked with cows

Tutor called Shaun:
Sean? Seen? I’m not called Seen! –mishear- SHEEN? Haha. You’re Mr Sheen?!!

So what does this mean?
I don’t know...if I knew I would have put it on there.

[Ra Ra Ra]

Another one (for all of you who did Of Mice and Men at GCSE )

My teacher took great interest in Curley and his glove full of vaseline, and the fact that he did so to keep his hand soft for his wife

Anyway, someone stated the obvious:

Pupil: But sir, that's gross!

Teacher: I don't know. How would you like it if I came into class with a glove full of vaseline?

God, I miss English

[hbk4894]

my spanish teacher "lets have a bit of news?"

[Contrad!ction.]

My old French teacher used to act out her translations. Some of her imitations were amazing, especially 'un cheval' - she's got quite a knack for galloping.

[GnomeyD]

after finishing a mock exam in biology, my teacher told me to write my phone number on my paper so he could 'ring or text me to tell me how i did'. I didn't write my number on there, and my paper was never marked.

[Intriguing Alias]

(Original post by Contrad!ction.)
My old French teacher used to act out her translations. Some of her imitations were amazing, especially 'un cheval' - she's got quite a knack for galloping.

I was getting so frustrated at the stupidity in the video in your sig until I saw the date posted

[Contrad!ction.]

(Original post by hassi94)
I was getting so frustrated at the stupidity in the video in your sig until I saw the date posted

Haha, Vi Hart wouldn't be stupid enough to actually claim those things were true

[dweedman]

This wasn't really surprising, I have such informal relations with my ICT teacher, but it was just hilarious.

In ICT class

(my friend next to me playing games)

teacher: for god's sake why don't you DO some work!?

friend: **** off sir!

teacher: (walks off) same to you!

[Abed1993]

Well this may not be related but ..

There was this somalian boy in my maths a level class and he didn't turn up to any lessons for like 5 months...

My teacher askED him, where were you for the past 5 months?
He replied, i was here 2 months ago!!

It was funny at the time

LOL

[R4INBOW]

Having a discussion about Mitosis with my friends

Teacher: WHAT'S THIS I HEAR ABOUT FISTING?

Us: or

[Over The Rainbow X]

(Original post by Ra Ra Ra)
Another one (for all of you who did Of Mice and Men at GCSE )

My teacher took great interest in Curley and his glove full of vaseline, and the fact that he did so to keep his hand soft for his wife

I miss GCSE! Our teacher found it awkward having to explain that bit to a bunch of 15/16 year olds!

[Ra Ra Ra]

(Original post by Over The Rainbow X)
I miss GCSE! Our teacher found it awkward having to explain that bit to a bunch of 15/16 year olds!

I miss GCSE, too! We spent literally every lesson trying to convince our teacher that George and Lennie had a thing for each other...

[M1F2R3]

At a parent-teaching meeting: [When telling my tutor I'm not really interested in pursuing chemistry] "You have to apply to Oxford". -

During GCSE maths "A-level maths is easy"

[Over The Rainbow X]

"You know you've found love when your partner appreciates a dutch oven."
"Boys, periods are disgusting. Girls, have you ever had little blobs of blood come out, a little bit like cold gravy? It wiggles!"

God bless my English teacher!

[christielovesyou]

One of our music teachers has a habit of randomly shouting out inappropriate comments about sex to get attention. For example:

When talking about organum - "Yeah yeah, I know, it sounds like 'orgasm', hahaha!" (must be noted that he said this very sarcastically as if we were laughing about it...in all honesty, we were really pretty nonplussed when he said the word "organum" anyway)

And "CAN WE ALL JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT MY SEX LIFE?" (when we weren't. Like, at all)

Ad most recently, when trying helping take one of musical rehearsals for the school show - "CAN WE ALL JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO MRS SO-AND-SO TALK ABOUT SEX?!" (when really, all she was doing was trying to get us to learn harmonies and sex played no part in this - we're doing Hairspray, for God's sake, it's hardly dirty)

It's um...interesting, to say the least.