Strangest things a teacher's said to YOU? Version 2.0

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This wasn't to me but...

Random chav; I'm beautiful
Teacher; Only your mum thinks that

hahahah

okay i have lots but my favourite one was: "okay put you hands up and i'll finger you all one at a time"... she meant to say she'll point out or something but it just came out completely wrong.

Reply 122

signwithme

go be a prostitute in China.

this was in a bioogy lesson (and said to the whole class by the way)

Reply 123

username545910

Not really what he said, but we used to have a teacher who called all the girls "Princess." He also sucked his finger, ran up behind students, shoved his finger in their ear and shout WET WILLY!

:|

Reply 124

username793911

Our Biology teacher is brilliant, immature, but guaranteed to have us in stitches:

[To a boy texting under the table] "Your either playing with your phone or playing with yourself. Which is it?"

[To the lads in Y8] "Girls don't wake up one day and BOOM! (thrusts chest) have breasts...it's a slow gradual process. But your penis is a whole other story."

"All living things are called organisms. Or orgasms if you're dyslexic."

To a lad complaining the AS mock test was "just too hard." "That's what your mum said last night."

He also gives us the dirty mnemonics to remember stuff.
[For the wave spectrum]
"Randy Men Ingest Viagra Until eXplosive Growth"

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 125

TheCaledonian

"how'd you like to see my six and a half inch floppy?"

computing

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 126

Contrad!ction.

Oh, I've just remembered another one.

We were in a French lesson and someone said 'c'est chaud' instead of 'il fait chaud', meaning 'it's hot' in the sexy way. So the teacher picked up on it and explained why it was wrong. Someone else asked 'but miss, how can a place be sexy?' She replied 'how about a fanny massage parlour?' :lolwut:

Reply 127

Tabers

Some of these are so funny. I can't think of any at the minute though so I'll keep reading and maybe one will come to me.

Reply 128

muse_of_fire

"You remind me of my ex-girlfriend."

Reply 129

Payson.Keeler.

I wouldn't suggest doing GCSE German. If you want to live. Followed by a casual laugh.
I still dodge her if I see her in the corridor. Pretty sure she wants to kill me.

Reply 130

RastaMannn

My biology teacher sometimes came into class and said ''Waguwan guys''?

Reply 131

lonelykatana

My teacher was asking if I was in class the day before (I wasn't) as she was ill that day. I replied 'nope', so obviously one of them class clowns decided to say 'wayyhayy get in there', to which the teacher replied 'Sorry ethan, I tried to keep it a secret for as long as possible, but I cant anymore...'
I, along with the rest of the class was thinking 'wtf you on about?'
To which she went on 'me and him were on a hot date yesterday, thats why we weren't in'...
andddd there began the jokes from the rest of the class and flirting from the teacher for the rest of the year!

My electronics teacher, who was just an all around legend had us in stitches weekly, jokes ranging from gay porn to getting mashed on lsd.
My favourite quote from him, after asking why he has two laptops 'They are morons and offered expenses, so I took everythig I could from the bastards!'

Reply 132

lonelykatana

Original post by Ally312

[To a boy texting under the table] "Your either playing with your phone or playing with yourself. Which is it?"

Ive had that from a few teachers, my electronics teacher took it one step further though, saying 'You're either playing with your phone or playing with your self. If its the latter, I feel bad for your girlfriend because you did that very quickly!'

Reply 133

kka25

Original post by Addzter

A teacher said I was racist (and sent a letter home to my parents informing them of my being racist) because I asked a kid who said he'd been circumcised whether he was a Jew.

So? Nothing racist I could detect. Maybe he is for finding it racist?

Reply 134

Leon Trotsky

Original post by kka25

So? Nothing racist I could detect. Maybe he is for finding it racist?

Exactly.

God I hated that guy.

Reply 135

kka25

Original post by Addzter

Exactly.

God I hated that guy.

The more absurd thing is the letter. It's a bit damaging to the student in my opinion really.

Reply 136

tehFrance

Original post by adobe

youre no jew if youre tolerant to the scum, have you heard that muslims in england are being brought up to learn that all jews must be exterminated and learn how to cut peoples hands and feet off if they steal?

You realise that extremist muslims are few and far apart, right? they are not brought up with the teachings all Jews must die at all :colonhash:

Reply 137

adobe

Original post by tehFrance

You realise that extremist muslims are few and far apart, right? they are not brought up with the teachings all Jews must die at all :colonhash:

no you are wrong. very few muslims support terrorism BECAUSE 95% of them believe 9/11 was done by jews, and generally believe nazi propaganda. i know this because i went to a school full of them. even the turks who are supposed to be moderate were telling me about these conspiracy theories

Reply 138

tehFrance

Original post by adobe

So basically you are basing your view of 1.5billion (as of 2009 approx.) muslims on a couple of guys you went to school with :lolwut:

You are worse than my teacher was :colonhash:

Reply 139

gumball

Original post by MacCuishy

My science teacher pointed to his crotch , starting thrusting it and said "that's where babies come from ladies"

I was shocked firstly because he actually did it and secondly because babies actually come from the womb inside a woman.

But that's just me

We had a similar incident where our teacher was a doctor (PhD type), and she knelt on the desk and gestured to where her vagina was (not labia) and said "this is the vagina..."

It was pretty awkward.

Maybe as it's so commonplace it's on the syllabus!

Another strange thing I had was that a teacher said I looked like Ashton Kutcher (and I clearly don't) which was a tad strange.