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Football Jokes

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Results day: make sure you know what to expect before you get your grades. Here's how to be ready. 22-07-2016
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    'Yesterday I was sleeping under a bridge, Now i'm on the finest ship in the world sipping champagne with you fine people'

    - Bebe's speech to teammates after signing for Utd
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    The FA have issued a new rule in light of recent events ...

    .. anyone who passes the ball to Carroll will be booked for timewasting.
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    Torres reportedly fell out of a boat while on a fishing trip over the weekend, he didn't hit the water, he missed
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    Carlos Tevez said he wants a club not in Europe. Liverpool is set to make £1000m bid on Carlos Tevez and not even play him a single second.
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    Wayne Rooney has got his own back on Everton fans after convincing Darren Gibson to sign for them.
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    Liverpool set to make a late offer for the Beachball at Sunderland. Their regs apart from Downing, Carroll, Kuyt will go the other way.
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    <Something abnormal happens>

    <Liverpool/Man City make offer for abnormal occurrence>

    You can stop with those jokes now - they're old and repetitive, like Harry Redknapp.
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    big blow for Liverpool fans. Andy Carroll is not in African cup of Nations because he isn't African
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    Saw this on Facebook, thought it was pretty funny :

    John Terry and Rio Ferdinand are warming up before England's first game at Euro 2012.
    "Nice armband Rio" says Terry. "Cheers mate, my brother got it for me" Rio replies.
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    Liverpool have bid £51m and Andy Carroll for that cat that ran into the pitch last night at Anfield. They are going to just going to donate that cat to the foster home.
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    (Original post by lol_this)
    Liverpool have bid £51m and Andy Carroll for that cat that ran into the pitch last night at Anfield. They are going to just going to donate that cat to the foster home.
    Did that even make sense in your head? Or did you just forget the punch line?

    :facepalm:
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    (Original post by Fusion)
    'Yesterday I was sleeping under a bridge, Now i'm on the finest ship in the world sipping champagne with you fine people'

    - Bebe's speech to teammates after signing for Utd
    :rofl2: HAHAHAHAHAHA...it's the image of that actually happening which gets me. :captain:
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    Arsene Wenger: "I won't quit"

    That's not the French spirit.


    I've got a trial soon at Old Trafford, to see if I'm up to scratch and whether Sir Alex Ferguson will use me.

    To be honest, it's the biggest day in any young referee's career.
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    http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fb...e=1&permPage=1
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    A pound coin was thrown onto the pitch at Ibrox. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid.
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    Flights in England are cancelled because of the the dust that came out by Liverpool's trophy cabinet opening.
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    (Original post by lol_this)
    Liverpool have bid £51m and Andy Carroll for that cat that ran into the pitch last night at Anfield. They are going to just going to donate that cat to the foster home.
    That's the worst thing I've had to read since the last time I tried to make sense of a Spurs teamsheet.
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    (Original post by lol_this)
    Flights in England are cancelled because of the the dust that came out by Liverpool's trophy cabinet opening.
    Is that because there are so many trophies in there collecting dust or because we just won a tin pot cup?

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    A bit old but (after the 3-3 draw):

    Reports that Chelsea fans trashed Howard Webb's car after the game are false. Everybody knows he travels on the Man United team bus.
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    (Original post by Fusion)
    Liverpool sign Bent

    Spoiler:
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    Can't believe how good this one is haha

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