How to deal with an unreasonable step-mother?
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- Anonymous poster #1
- Thread Starter
How to deal with an unreasonable step-mother?I say step-mum but she's really just the partner of my dad, they're not married.
My step-mum is an unreasonably stressy person and has the most foul moods. She shouts at my dad all the time (at least every other day, not an exaggeration) and that includes horrible swear words and insults at 2am, enough to wake the neighbours up (kind of why I'm writing now as I've just come off a back-end of a blow-out).
She says, the reason for why she's angry all the time is because my dad pisses her off all the time (they work together in their own business). But when she insults my dad so badly, I just can't stand it. ESPECIALLY when I hear it through my floor. So often, I go downstairs and have a go at her for picking on my dad all the time. Normally, she says something like "go away, it's betwen me and ya dad", but today, she actually personally insulted and shouted back at me saying I'm just a stupid little kid (because I have 3 stuffed toys around, as if that automatically makes me a worthless child) and that I should grow up and stay out of adult's business (I'm 23, and I've just come back from uni and a gap year).
I find it laughable how I'm supposed to cope with someone who thinks like this. I can be a fiery person myself but I have greater self-control and awareness about it. She just thinks she's right all the time and will just dismiss whatever you say. How on earth do you deal with someone like this?
Off the record, I don't think my dad and her are good together but when they first got together, we got along okay. I just don't know how to deal with someone like this. Another thing, she owns the house we live in (which I love) so if they broke-up, my dad and I would get kicked out. It's horrible.
How do I diffuse this kind of personality for normal day-to-day living, and how do I deal with this personality when she's screaming at my dad? How many of you could handle someone shouting blue murder at your parent you love? -
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Re: How to deal with an unreasonable step-mother?Have you talked to your Dad about this? You say they aren't good together and from what you've said that's true but unless he feels the same way there isn't much more you can do. Sadly, he may even be sticking around due to the implications of their business and housing.
I'm very close to my family and simply would not tolerate verbal abuse towards them, but your Dad has to want to make this stop before you can move forward with him. -
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Re: How to deal with an unreasonable step-mother?It's your Dad's decision, nothing will change for him until he wants it to which would be hard if they are sharing a business and he's living in her house, which is why he is probably tolerating it. It's slightly different for you since I assume this is tempory and eventually you will move somewhere.
Have you said anything to your dad? Told him that you don't like the arguments? But if she starts on you, make sure you stand your ground. Do you still get on well enough with her during normal times, when nothing has wound them up? Maybe slip something about the problem subtly during a conversation with her. -
- Anonymous poster #1
- Thread Starter
Re: How to deal with an unreasonable step-mother?Even if I move somewhere, I can't cope knowing that every day I'm not there, she's shouting down at my dad, especially when there isn't a 3rd party to neutralise things a bit.
When I have brought this up with my dad, he's a bit slippery about it and doesn't answer anything properly. I can understand if he's keeping shtum for the financial situation.
How do I deal with this impossible step-mother on a day-to-day basis? I say day-to-day because barely an evening goes past when my anxiety levels don't rise because she's screaming at my dad again. -
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- TSR Demigod
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Re: How to deal with an unreasonable step-mother?Up to him if he puts up with it or not, unfortunately you can't run other peoples lives for them.(Original post by Anonymous)
Even if I move somewhere, I can't cope knowing that every day I'm not there, she's shouting down at my dad, especially when there isn't a 3rd party to neutralise things a bit.
When I have brought this up with my dad, he's a bit slippery about it and doesn't answer anything properly. I can understand if he's keeping shtum for the financial situation.
How do I deal with this impossible step-mother on a day-to-day basis? I say day-to-day because barely an evening goes past when my anxiety levels don't rise because she's screaming at my dad again.
Step mother / step daughter relationships are known for being pretty toxic.
Have you got any siblings you could blow off some steam with? -
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- Exalted Member
- Location: the Festival State
Re: How to deal with an unreasonable step-mother?Hey there,
My apologies for bringing this thread up but I just typed in 'Stepmother' and 'How to Deal' on Google and this was one of the results!
I'm having similar problems at the moment. Although I don't live with either of my divorced parents (one lives interstate anyway and I rarely travel these days due to my mortgage), on the rare occassion my dad will invite me out for tea with him and his new partner. I'm a pretty friendly person and get along with most people I meet, but this woman riles me! She does the 'upper hand' thing all the time, e.g. if I mention that it was difficult in my final year of my Masters, she'll go 'oh big deal, you think that's hard my cousin (twice-removed
) is doing a PhD!' (I know people doing a PhD too and that's great but it's not the point
), or 'It was a hard slog, but after 6 long years of working really hard I finally had my deposit for the apartment approved' said to my dad then she'll go 'So what? I have a friend who owns a $500 000 house. Are you after some kind of medal?', and the best one yet: 'bought *such-and-such* dress on sale, under 50% of the price* and her response is like 'My neice is doing extremely well in her fashion design course' to which I have to respond 'that's sensational, I'm really happy for her'. 
It's at this point I'm thinking "you did that on purpose, you're being a childish idiot I'm leaving, get over yourself". Then make up an excuse and go home. Also like the OP's situation, she gives him grief too and tries to control as much of his life as she can, including his phone which means she will read all his texts, including the ones I sent.
I own my own flat (it's actually nice! Refurbished 2 bed and more luxurious than theirs which is comforting, + near the beach too), have so for the past few months now, & it's great. Am happier now, but cos of her I totally avoid seeing my dad these days. It's sad, cos when I was growing up I was a tomboy so was closer to him then my mum.
OP I would recommend having a chat with your dad and just be firm but polite. My sister and I have told our dad we're not seeing him unless his partner tones her **** down or it's just us guys. You have the choice to not like her as well and make it clear you'd like nothing to do with her unless she quits her juvenille behaviour xLast edited by Ash Pearson; 18-06-2012 at 13:16.
) is doing a PhD!' (I know people doing a PhD too and that's great but it's not the point
