[fallen_acorns]

(Original post by Anomaly11)
I'm OK thanks - apart from a rather painful lab session yesterday where the supervisor bloke kept hovering over me while I was standing with my (cis-female) friends and referring to us collectively as "girls". That's a term I find particularly hard to swallow, for some reason... Some positives though - my parents are both trying hard to switch their pronouns (mum succeeding more than dad), and I was very proud of my mum for her reference to me as her son, and then later, her use of "he" without even hesitating first. Which was a pretty triumphant moment for us both

Congratulations - your blog is now on my Favourites. You write really well. Just so you know

mm, the lab does sound annoying, but i guess there are always going to be these small annoyances. do you think things like this will get better over time?

the progress with your parents sounds amazing though im really glad for you + it must be so nice to hear all of the correct pronouns etc..

its still early stages with mine, weve spoken about it quite a few times, but im still not quite comfortable enough to pass around them yet - but over the next few weeks, it should happen.

+ thank you - im dyslexic, so that means alot. - I should probably try to actaully write properly for tsr posts.. but meh...

just posted some photos up... eeeeppp... quite scared/nervous now...

hope everyone on this thread is well,

lily

x

[najinaji]

(Original post by Anomaly11)
I'm glad it went so well
Not much else to say, really, just yay!

Thank you! Pleased to hear things are better for you as well.

[Anomaly11]

(Original post by fallen_acorns)
mm, the lab does sound annoying, but i guess there are always going to be these small annoyances. do you think things like this will get better over time?

the progress with your parents sounds amazing though im really glad for you + it must be so nice to hear all of the correct pronouns etc..

its still early stages with mine, weve spoken about it quite a few times, but im still not quite comfortable enough to pass around them yet - but over the next few weeks, it should happen.

+ thank you - im dyslexic, so that means alot. - I should probably try to actaully write properly for tsr posts.. but meh...

just posted some photos up... eeeeppp... quite scared/nervous now...

hope everyone on this thread is well,

lily

x

I'm hoping so - when I'm on hormones and stuff, things should (crossing fingers) get better... I haven't changed my name yet (as I haven't got one yet ), so they still know me as "female". I've just got to get over myself for now, basically, and hope I get on hormones etc soon. Thanks for the wisdom and perspective though

Yep, definitely good progress - thank you ! My dad's still doing the half-sarcastic thing whenever he tries though - but that's his kind of default mode, so he does it with anything and everything anyway...

If it helps at all, I've been out to my parents for over 2 years now, so they've had quite a while to get used to it all (not that that makes it any easier, I know, but still). Gender's also one of my "special interests", so it comes up at every opportunity, even if it's nothing to do with me - they've had a forced education over the years ... I've been somewhat masculine-looking by choice since puberty, so they were used to me presenting correctly before I came out - although it's probably easier for me to have presented as myself publicly than for you to, I assume? Maybe I shouldn't assume.

Patience is always advisable - as my Aspie mentor continually reminds me... And it looks like you've got the right approach - presenting as yourself around the people who understand and are the most supportive first, and then working up to those who may take longer. They'll get there, but try to ease them into it if you can, and make it as easy for them as you can, and they'll probably appreciate your sensitivity to their concerns and deal with it better.

Really? You're dyslexic? Seriously - you can't tell at all
And dare I suggest it makes you even more brave for starting a blog despite that fact?

I like the photos - they have a really cool effect in the background (although it may not have been deliberate, it's still cool). Can't think of the word for it, but it's a good thing, if that helps

[Anomaly11]

(Original post by najinaji)
Thank you! Pleased to hear things are better for you as well.

Cheers

[fallen_acorns]

(Original post by Anomaly11)
I'm hoping so - when I'm on hormones and stuff, things should (crossing fingers) get better... I haven't changed my name yet (as I haven't got one yet ), so they still know me as "female". I've just got to get over myself for now, basically, and hope I get on hormones etc soon. Thanks for the wisdom and perspective though

Yep, definitely good progress - thank you ! My dad's still doing the half-sarcastic thing whenever he tries though - but that's his kind of default mode, so he does it with anything and everything anyway...

If it helps at all, I've been out to my parents for over 2 years now, so they've had quite a while to get used to it all (not that that makes it any easier, I know, but still). Gender's also one of my "special interests", so it comes up at every opportunity, even if it's nothing to do with me - they've had a forced education over the years ... I've been somewhat masculine-looking by choice since puberty, so they were used to me presenting correctly before I came out - although it's probably easier for me to have presented as myself publicly than for you to, I assume? Maybe I shouldn't assume.

Patience is always advisable - as my Aspie mentor continually reminds me... And it looks like you've got the right approach - presenting as yourself around the people who understand and are the most supportive first, and then working up to those who may take longer. They'll get there, but try to ease them into it if you can, and make it as easy for them as you can, and they'll probably appreciate your sensitivity to their concerns and deal with it better.

Really? You're dyslexic? Seriously - you can't tell at all
And dare I suggest it makes you even more brave for starting a blog despite that fact?

I like the photos - they have a really cool effect in the background (although it may not have been deliberate, it's still cool). Can't think of the word for it, but it's a good thing, if that helps

ah ok, do you have any idea on names? + how far along are you with getting hormones? - my gp knows, but we havent spoken about it or done anything yet... and im not fully passing all the time - so its still along way off for me, which is a shame

& mm, i think my dad may be similar, im expecting some sarcastic responses etc... + its better then alot of other things they could do though. some of the stories you read about are truely horrific... how some parents can do some things, is horrid.

& yes i think you may be right, unfortunatly it is still far more accepted to dress masculin as a girl, then for a boy to wear a dress... but still, hopefully that may change over years. not for trans people, as were not boys - but just in general for males who like female clothing, but arent trans.

& thank you

& um... not really an effect, more just that I tried to slightly blur the back ground a little (not to much) just as i wanted to slightly hide identity(hence face blured) as im still not out to alot of people

[Anomaly11]

(Original post by fallen_acorns)
ah ok, do you have any idea on names? + how far along are you with getting hormones? - my gp knows, but we havent spoken about it or done anything yet... and im not fully passing all the time - so its still along way off for me, which is a shame

& mm, i think my dad may be similar, im expecting some sarcastic responses etc... + its better then alot of other things they could do though. some of the stories you read about are truely horrific... how some parents can do some things, is horrid.

& yes i think you may be right, unfortunatly it is still far more accepted to dress masculin as a girl, then for a boy to wear a dress... but still, hopefully that may change over years. not for trans people, as were not boys - but just in general for males who like female clothing, but arent trans.

& thank you

& um... not really an effect, more just that I tried to slightly blur the back ground a little (not to much) just as i wanted to slightly hide identity(hence face blured) as im still not out to alot of people

I'm getting there, name-wise, slowly but surely... I've not made a first appointment yet, but I'm going private, so I'm hoping it shouldn't be too long a wait... Wishful thinking there though, I expect...

Aw do you have a plan to get a referral from your GP any time soon? Passing is the bane of my life, so I feel for you there. The stupid rules about living in-role, while I understand the reasoning behind them, are designed to make any trans* person's life a total nightmare . But anyway...

Very true. My parents have been surprisingly good, so I can't complain. I have to remind myself how hard it is for them sometimes. The way some trans* people are treated by their families makes me so angry sometimes. I often wish there was something I could do to help them in some way, but I get depressed when I have to accept the fact that there's nothing I can do

That's another thing I hate - the stupid stereotyping. I won't get started on that one though; I'd never stop... But yeah, I'm hoping for the same things as you in the future (and I see and understand the distinction you've made as well - very good point)... Crossing fingers again...

Fair enough - it's still a good effect though, looks all shiny and cool and stuff
Apparently I can't use normal words any more

[fallen_acorns]

(Original post by Anomaly11)
I'm getting there, name-wise, slowly but surely... I've not made a first appointment yet, but I'm going private, so I'm hoping it shouldn't be too long a wait... Wishful thinking there though, I expect...

Aw do you have a plan to get a referral from your GP any time soon? Passing is the bane of my life, so I feel for you there. The stupid rules about living in-role, while I understand the reasoning behind them, are designed to make any trans* person's life a total nightmare . But anyway...

Very true. My parents have been surprisingly good, so I can't complain. I have to remind myself how hard it is for them sometimes. The way some trans* people are treated by their families makes me so angry sometimes. I often wish there was something I could do to help them in some way, but I get depressed when I have to accept the fact that there's nothing I can do

That's another thing I hate - the stupid stereotyping. I won't get started on that one though; I'd never stop... But yeah, I'm hoping for the same things as you in the future (and I see and understand the distinction you've made as well - very good point)... Crossing fingers again...

Fair enough - it's still a good effect though, looks all shiny and cool and stuff
Apparently I can't use normal words any more

whats going private like? - how come you made the decision to go private? - sorry for the questions, but i havent looked into private options.

+ um, im not sure, but yes, the live-in-role is annoying, but nessasary i guess.., still pretty terrrible though,

Im glad your parents have been great

mm... this thread could easily divuldge into a bashing of gender steryotypes im sure

[kerily]

(Original post by fallen_acorns)
mm thank you how are you?


+ if anyone is interested, ive just started a trans blog - just because typing down what im doing/my thoughts is proving really helpfull, and i wanted somewhere i could write in more depth than on this thread, so its this:

http://freakytransgirl.tumblr.com/

I'm following you now I don't tend to give out my tumblr on TSR, but should anyone from this thread be a fellow tumblrite and want a link, feel free to PM me.

[fallen_acorns]

(Original post by kerily)
I'm following you now I don't tend to give out my tumblr on TSR, but should anyone from this thread be a fellow tumblrite and want a link, feel free to PM me.

awesome how are you?

[Anomaly11]

(Original post by fallen_acorns)
whats going private like? - how come you made the decision to go private? - sorry for the questions, but i havent looked into private options.

+ um, im not sure, but yes, the live-in-role is annoying, but nessasary i guess.., still pretty terrrible though,

Im glad your parents have been great

mm... this thread could easily divuldge into a bashing of gender steryotypes im sure

... expensive is the only word I can think of right now
But seriously, I decided to go private simply because of there being more choice about everything and it's easier to have input this way. And the fact that I had some savings which would cover appointments at least (not hormones or surgery though ). That helped ... No worries, I like questions!

I'm one of those annoying people where everything's black and white (at least it is with my gender stuff), so I won't have anything to do with people who don't accept or take me seriously. Since that was the response I got originally, I was put off NHS-ing. Plus, I'm incredibly impatient. But that's not the point

True, RLE-wise - I was put off transitioning originally because I hated the jumping-through-hoops-ness of it all, but eventually I had to accept that it couldn't be avoided, so I'm trying to take the least painful route for as long as I can afford to... which won't be all that long, I'm sure... But, on a positive note, this thread is very useful for letting off steam for everyone RLE-ing, whenever it gets painful

Thank you - me too
I keep telling them how much it's appreciated (and how proud I am of their patience with it all) that they're trying. Since my dad's a racist and a homophobe, he's doing pretty well

I'm all for stereotype-bashing, gender or otherwise! I wouldn't want to clog up this poor thread with it though...

[Alexander94]

Hi My name is Alex

How would you describe your gender and sexual identity?
Male but was FAAB, Sexuality wise I'm not too fussy, but currently have a long term GQ partner
What are your preferred pronouns?
Male He, Him, His but Neutral "they etc." dont offend me tooo much.
Are you out to anyone in real life/offline?
Out to almost everyone, dad is a dick about it, mum doesnt know, friends are awesome
Do you have any long-term plans with regards to surgery/hormones/similar?
I want T soon but am getting nowhere with GP's so I am holding off until I move to uni in september so I don't have to faff around changing GP/traveling miles to a GIC. Top surgery is in my wildest dreams

I was just wondering if you had any advice about being Trans at uni...

[fallen_acorns]

(Original post by Anomaly11)
...

mm, i agree with you on the black and white thing. my parents raised the issue the other day: hinting that I was wrong in not having anything do to with people who dont accept me. but I dont think they quite comprehend how being friendly with someone who doesnt agree with my very being, is impossible...

Good luck with the RLE - im still only part time ish.. (all the time, when im not at home/home town) but hopefully that will change soon...

(Original post by Alexander94)
Hi My name is Alex

...
I was just wondering if you had any advice about being Trans at uni...

hello!

umm... ive not actaully done it myself - as im currently on a break from uni - however i know people who have. When you get there, join the unis LGBT socieity, they will probably be amazing at helping/supporting/being there for you.

[Anomaly11]

(Original post by fallen_acorns)
mm, i agree with you on the black and white thing. my parents raised the issue the other day: hinting that I was wrong in not having anything do to with people who dont accept me. but I dont think they quite comprehend how being friendly with someone who doesnt agree with my very being, is impossible...

Good luck with the RLE - im still only part time ish.. (all the time, when im not at home/home town) but hopefully that will change soon...

There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, as far as I'm concerned, but then again, that may be because that's what I do too... But it isn't easy to pretend you're OK with their narrow-mindedness and carry on as "normal" (whatever that means ), so I'm totally with you on that one.

Thank you I'm still part-timing in a way though
I'm essentially estranged from most of my family, so whenever I do see them, I end up pretending to be female because it's my parents who'll have to deal with the "consequences" of my deviance. But I estranged myself because they're not nice people, so the way they think about trans* people (and really anyone who isn't a carbon copy of them) isn't likely to change, sadly...

At uni, it's stupidly complicated. I don't know enough people to be known in the way I want to be, so I'm still dealing with a lot of "she" and "her" from those who don't know me - which makes me even more desperate for hormones because I think it's mainly my voice that gives me away. But good news: I came out to my Personal Tutor, who took it in the best possible way ("Oh, right." *Shrugs shoulders and moves on*), so now I can get on with name changing and gender marker changing...

Good luck to you too - I hope it changes soon for you as well!
Btw, is it OK if I add you to my Blogroll?

[Anomaly11]

(Original post by Alexander94)
Hi My name is Alex

How would you describe your gender and sexual identity?
Male but was FAAB, Sexuality wise I'm not too fussy, but currently have a long term GQ partner
What are your preferred pronouns?
Male He, Him, His but Neutral "they etc." dont offend me tooo much.
Are you out to anyone in real life/offline?
Out to almost everyone, dad is a dick about it, mum doesnt know, friends are awesome
Do you have any long-term plans with regards to surgery/hormones/similar?
I want T soon but am getting nowhere with GP's so I am holding off until I move to uni in september so I don't have to faff around changing GP/traveling miles to a GIC. Top surgery is in my wildest dreams

I was just wondering if you had any advice about being Trans at uni...

Hello and welcome

I'm in the same position as you, GP-wise, so you have my sympathies on that one!

Out of interest, when you say "being trans at uni", do you mean being openly trans or going stealth?

[Alexander94]

(Original post by Anomaly11)
Hello and welcome

I'm in the same position as you, GP-wise, so you have my sympathies on that one!

Out of interest, when you say "being trans at uni", do you mean being openly trans or going stealth?

Probably being openly trans I dont pass well enough to go stealth...

[Anonymous]

Do you have to have felt like a boy all your life to be trans (I was born female)
I remember that from a very early age I used to pretend in secret that I was male characters from films/cartoons I liked, and when I tried to pretend to be a female character, it didn't feel right.
However I never questioned my actual gender until about 18. Before that I have always been a tomboy and worn boy clothes... but I never really thought about changing. Ever since I turned 18 (im 19 now) I can't imagine trying to act more female and I have become more and more male acting/looking, cut my hair etc were less make-up.

So yeah, most trans people I have seen/spoken to say they've always felt like the gender they weren't born as. But I don't feel like i've always been a boy... I just can't live happily as a girl.

Does this make me transgender? Thanks x

[Nynyflower]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Do you have to have felt like a boy all your life to be trans (I was born female)
I remember that from a very early age I used to pretend in secret that I was male characters from films/cartoons I liked, and when I tried to pretend to be a female character, it didn't feel right.
However I never questioned my actual gender until about 18. Before that I have always been a tomboy and worn boy clothes... but I never really thought about changing. Ever since I turned 18 (im 19 now) I can't imagine trying to act more female and I have become more and more male acting/looking, cut my hair etc were less make-up.

So yeah, most trans people I have seen/spoken to say they've always felt like the gender they weren't born as. But I don't feel like i've always been a boy... I just can't live happily as a girl.

Does this make me transgender? Thanks x

It's possible that you are genderqueer, have a google.

[Anomaly11]

(Original post by Alexander94)
Probably being openly trans I dont pass well enough to go stealth...

Same here... I'm only in my first year, but name changes and stuff didn't happen in time for me to start as male, so I've just had to come out as I go along. People, for the most part, have been brilliant, and it's already been suggested, but joining the uni LGBT society is a good idea.

Is there anything in particular that you're worried about?

[Alexander94]

(Original post by Anomaly11)
Same here... I'm only in my first year, but name changes and stuff didn't happen in time for me to start as male, so I've just had to come out as I go along. People, for the most part, have been brilliant, and it's already been suggested, but joining the uni LGBT society is a good idea.

Is there anything in particular that you're worried about?

I wont be able to change my name until I am at Uni either and my first choice uni has a nice GIC in the town I have heard so I am willing to hold out for that. If I try to talk to my friends IRL they just say "you pass it will be fine" but I dont want to turn up and make a **** out of myself. I have been trying to find out about the LGBT society as I know some societies just put the T there for show... I worry about everything. Obsessively. Also I have heard that Exeter is a bit white upper middle class hetro normative lifestyle so I'm not sure I want to throw myself into that...

[Anomaly11]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Do you have to have felt like a boy all your life to be trans (I was born female)
I remember that from a very early age I used to pretend in secret that I was male characters from films/cartoons I liked, and when I tried to pretend to be a female character, it didn't feel right.
However I never questioned my actual gender until about 18. Before that I have always been a tomboy and worn boy clothes... but I never really thought about changing. Ever since I turned 18 (im 19 now) I can't imagine trying to act more female and I have become more and more male acting/looking, cut my hair etc were less make-up.

So yeah, most trans people I have seen/spoken to say they've always felt like the gender they weren't born as. But I don't feel like i've always been a boy... I just can't live happily as a girl.

Does this make me transgender? Thanks x

Don't let anyone judge how trans* you are. If you feel trans*, then you're trans*. There's no typical trans* experience, contrary to popular belief, and everyone is different. (However, from what you've said, it does sound like you're trans, at least in the broadest sense - if that helps at all )

Don't rush anything. If you feel like taking steps towards maleness, that doesn't necessarily mean you're FTM, nor does it mean you're anything else, unless you decide it's an appropriate term for you. You're just you. At the same time, you can be FTM and not take any more steps towards maleness than you already have. None of that makes you any more or less "real" or trans*.

Personal bit:

Spoiler:

Show

My decision to transition came about when I realised that I couldn't see myself living as female, working as female, or interacting with anyone else as female. Maleness comes much more easily and naturally to me, so that's really as far as my reasoning goes. My actual gender identity is much more complicated, but it doesn't affect anything medical because I already know my plans for transition and how far I want to go with it.

So, as far as I'm concerned, as long as you know where you're going (which takes time for all of us), then it's not for anyone else to judge how you identify.

I hope it gets clearer for you soon.