[lightburns]

(Original post by Hylean)
But shouldn't we try to disassociate gender entirely from sex and physical characteristics? In short, destroy the notion of gender altogether? Gender as a construct arose from ideas about sex and roles of the sexes, which we then learnt didn't always equate, and now we've seen that gender is a mutable identity like any other and not dependent on physiology. So, why do we cling to that outmoded representation of gender as being even vaguely based on physiology?

I disagree. The brain structure studies that have been done on the BSTc (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_...rain_structure) suggest that brains could be sexed, in a way that would make most individuals of a binary identity. Biologically determined rather than socially constructed.

[Hylean]

(Original post by lightburns)
I disagree. The brain structure studies that have been done on the BSTc (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_...rain_structure) suggest that brains could be sexed, in a way that would make most individuals of a binary identity. Biologically determined rather than socially constructed.

Which has nothing to do with gender, however. It suggests that transsexuals rightly feel they are in the wrong body, and their brain chemistry/make-up agrees with this. It does not suggest that there is a gender identity binary or that we should build up an identity based on physiology and generalised personality traits.

Interesting read though.

[lightburns]

(Original post by Hylean)
Which has nothing to do with gender, however. It suggests that transsexuals rightly feel they are in the wrong body, and their brain chemistry/make-up agrees with this. It does not suggest that there is a gender identity binary or that we should build up an identity based on physiology and generalised personality traits.

Interesting read though.

In which case.. the word 'gender' is being overused. I often hear the phrase '"sex is between the legs, gender is between the ears" to explain transsexuality as a sex-gender mismatch. Really, the amount of different definitions that 'gender' has ended up having, it's probably a good thing to try and tighten that up.

[Hylean]

(Original post by lightburns)
In which case.. the word 'gender' is being overused. I often hear the phrase '"sex is between the legs, gender is between the ears" to explain transsexuality as a sex-gender mismatch. Really, the amount of different definitions that 'gender' has ended up having, it's probably a good thing to try and tighten that up.

This is what I mean. Gender is being used to describe an identity constructed from generalised traits exhibited by people with penes or vaginas, thus suggesting there is such a thing as a "real" man or woman based on how they act or look. I think we should get rid of gender altogether, as it's a useless category which leads to only more confusion than necessary. If we got rid of the idea that there was a gender identity based on the norms exhibited by people with penes or vaginas, then transgendered people would no longer suffer as much abuse.

Transsexualism, however, is a different matter and is clearly about more than just a gender identity, but is tied deeply to physical requirements. In a way, it's like the people who don't feel right without modifying their body in some way. I think that if we got rid of gender, this would also change the issues transsexuals face, and make it easier for them, because they'd no longer suffer attacks about not being "real" (in the same way) and we wouldn't have to "pass" for the other "gender" or whatever.

It's a bit confused, but do you see where I'm coming from? I'm not trying to belittle transgendered people, as I am one, or transsexuals, I just think they are two completely separate issues we've conflated into one.

[Tortious]

(Original post by Hylean)
But shouldn't we try to disassociate gender entirely from sex and physical characteristics? In short, destroy the notion of gender altogether? Gender as a construct arose from ideas about sex and roles of the sexes, which we then learnt didn't always equate, and now we've seen that gender is a mutable identity like any other and not dependent on physiology. So, why do we cling to that outmoded representation of gender as being even vaguely based on physiology?

...

Yea, but why are we still clinging to the vague connection? It only muddies the issue between gender, sex and transsexualism. If we got rid of the physical connection to gender, ie. got rid of gender, it would make life a whole lot easier. Trannsexualism being something completely different and not related to gender necessarily.

I'm confused - I thought transsexualism was related to gender in a sense (changing your physical sex to reflect your gender)...or am I confusing it with transgenderism? It's interesting to hear your suggestion that we get rid of the notion of gender though, since it's not what I thought you were going to say. I appreciate that this is pretty simplistic, but I've always thought of gender as being a Kinsey-style spectrum (not forgetting agender*, of course!), so it's not particularly problematic as long as it's understood as distinct from sex.

I'm not really sure whether it'd be possible to get rid of gender entirely because it's too closely connected to sex. I think that of the two, sex is probably more important in terms of attraction, but as BKS says, gender is a "cultural interpretation" and says something about your personality. I'm biologically female, but if (hypothetically) I were to present as male, that shows that I want to identify with what I think "male" stands for - it's not about having male genitalia, but about being strong, protective and chivalrous. I'm not saying for one minute that women can't be those things, but in a society which still operates based on gender stereotypes, it's a way of showing what kind of person I am - just like how getting a lesbian haircut after coming out is (apparently) a rite of passage.

*Out of interest, what's the difference between agender and androgyny? Are androgynes part of the group that's more "fluid", feeling both male and female?

EDIT: I'm going to bow out gracefully now, since you and lightburns can probably have a more meaningful discussion without me. If you find anything I've said so far offensive, I apologise profusely - it's born of ignorance and I've tried my best to avoid it (it's certainly not my intention to insult you!). If not, I'd better quit while I'm ahead.

[lightburns]

(Original post by Hylean)
This is what I mean. Gender is being used to describe an identity constructed from generalised traits exhibited by people with penes or vaginas, thus suggesting there is such a thing as a "real" man or woman based on how they act or look. I think we should get rid of gender altogether, as it's a useless category which leads to only more confusion than necessary. If we got rid of the idea that there was a gender identity based on the norms exhibited by people with penes or vaginas, then transgendered people would no longer suffer as much abuse.

Transsexualism, however, is a different matter and is clearly about more than just a gender identity, but is tied deeply to physical requirements. In a way, it's like the people who don't feel right without modifying their body in some way. I think that if we got rid of gender, this would also change the issues transsexuals face, and make it easier for them, because they'd no longer suffer attacks about not being "real" (in the same way) and we wouldn't have to "pass" for the other "gender" or whatever.

It's a bit confused, but do you see where I'm coming from? I'm not trying to belittle transgendered people, as I am one, or transsexuals, I just think they are two completely separate issues we've conflated into one.

No no, I agree with you. Now that I know the definition of gender that you are using, I agree. I think.

[Anonymous]

I really need to stop reading the 'would you date a transgender person' thread. The ignorance is astonishing. What I don't understand is why the people who ask uneducated questions don't just Google it and educate themselves rather than adding fuel to the fire by making ignorant remarks or asking questions that are easily answerable if they did some research.

If you're in a room with no internet having a discussion about transgender people then, yes, ignorant questions are forgivable (even though people could just educate themselves and never be in a position to ask such question) but when you're on the internet, why not put the same question into Google rather than on a forum where it will just spread ignorance? Most of the people on that thread are not trans so people who ask questions aren't going to get a great response anyway.

It leads me think that either
a) They don't actually want to know the answers, they are either just sarcastically asking stupid questions in order to be facetious
b) They are just too lazy to go and do some research for themselves
c) They are looking for answers from non trans people who are disgusted by trans people - answers that will be in line with their own disgust and make them feel good that they are not the only person who hates trans folk.

I don't see why my whole life should be spent explaining to others what being trans is like - lots of trans people (including me) have written blogs/articles/books etc. If people want genuine answers then the onus is on them to research - not on us to explain our very existence. Obviously, I would love for people to become educated on trans issues and the only way for that to happen is to speak/write about it. But learning is a two way street - I've explained myself countless times and I don't see why I should spend the rest of my life answering very personal and often intrusive questions especially when it just seems like a form of entertainment rather than for the sake of education. There is information out there. If people really gave a damn and genuinely wanted to understand what life is like for transgender people then they would do some research for themselves - there is so much literature out there written by trans people.There's no excuse for ignorance and it's not my responsibility to spoon feed everyone who doesn't get it.

I used to spend hours on sites like the Daily Mail etc - where ignorance is rife - responding to people who wrote disgusting comments about trans people but I came to realize that they are the type who don't want to be educated. They just want to spread hate. The people who genuinely want answers are very hard to respond to because it's impossible for me to explain everything in a short and simplistic form to someone who doesn't get it at all, especially when I've explained the same things to other people and my patience is thin and what seems blindingly obvious to me is like a rubik's cube to them. It's sort of like teaching algebra - the student needs to be able to understand English first, then basic numbers, then basic calculations, etc etc. You can't just give someone a set of equations and expect them to get it just because you're a Maths prof and it's obvious to you. Same with trans stuff - you have to start with the basics and separate sexuality and gender identity in order for people to develop an understanding. It's so obvious to me (because I live with it) so when people don't get it just exhausts me.

That is why if people genuinely want answers, they must do some research for themselves. We can't spoon feed everything since, as I said, learning is a two way street. At the same time though, I find it incredibly difficult to sit back and say nothing when someone says something completely ignorant - I at least like to inform them that they are wrong and at least ought to go and read a wiki page. But that's hardly going to make things clearer for some people who are hell bent on being offensive.

[lightburns]

And I'm still going on the 'would you have a relationship with a transgender person' thread. I have finally just told this guy that he's prejudiced. He didn't take it very well.

Sorry, but if you say that brains are not sexed, no matter what research is shown to you, and therefore transmen are just masculine females.. you are prejudiced. It's deciding that transpeople cannot be genuine because of your own simplified preconceptions of what sex is, and not allowing any evidence to be presented to question this.

Gah. Why does humanity do this? It is always an uphill struggle for a minority to gain acceptance. Yes, not just equality, but acceptance.

[fallen_acorns]

(Original post by lightburns)
And I'm still going on the 'would you have a relationship with a transgender person' thread. I have finally just told this guy that he's prejudiced. He didn't take it very well.

Sorry, but if you say that brains are not sexed, no matter what research is shown to you, and therefore transmen are just masculine females.. you are prejudiced. It's deciding that transpeople cannot be genuine because of your own simplified preconceptions of what sex is, and not allowing any evidence to be presented to question this.

Gah. Why does humanity do this? It is always an uphill struggle for a minority to gain acceptance. Yes, not just equality, but acceptance.

well you lasted longer then me...

What got to me, is one of the main people on that thread spoiting various transphobic things - is gay...

I mean, great youve got your equality (mostly) -- how about now being empathetic with another group trying to achieve theirs... - yet instead the views hes experssing, are remarkably similar to those arguing against homosexuality 10-20 years ago ( that its a choice, not proven, not biological,not normal with society, etc. etc.)

Just ignore it

[lightburns]

(Original post by fallen_acorns)
well you lasted longer then me...

What got to me, is one of the main people on that thread spoiting various transphobic things - is gay...

I mean, great youve got your equality (mostly) -- how about now being empathetic with another group trying to achieve theirs... - yet instead the views hes experssing, are remarkably similar to those arguing against homosexuality 10-20 years ago ( that its a choice, not proven, not biological,not normal with society, etc. etc.)

Just ignore it

I do love (!)* how his main argument is 'you shouldn't change the definition of 'man' and 'woman'!', during the period that homosexuals are (rightly) trying to change the definition of marriage!

*(!) is used in subtitles for the hearing impaired to mean sarcasm. I support the internet taking up this phenomenon, as it would make interactions so much easier.

[Alexander94]

(Original post by lightburns)

*(!) is used in subtitles for the hearing impaired to mean sarcasm. I support the internet taking up this phenomenon, as it would make interactions so much easier.

Off topic but I LOVE this! I don't understand sarcasm in real life, let alone online!

[lightburns]

(Original post by Alexander94)
Off topic but I LOVE this! I don't understand sarcasm in real life, let alone online!

There are more than a few people who have found themselves to be thought of as complete morons, because everyone around didn't realise that they were being sarcastic. It's even worse on the internet without the pitch cues!

[Alexander94]

(Original post by lightburns)
There are more than a few people who have found themselves to be thought of as complete morons, because everyone around didn't realise that they were being sarcastic. It's even worse on the internet without the pitch cues!

Indeed, although I am completely oblivious to pitch cues, at least people can tell you whilst you look confused, not while you insult them, that they were being sarcastic!

[Anomaly11]

(Original post by Alexander94)
Off topic but I LOVE this! I don't understand sarcasm in real life, let alone online!

(Original post by Alexander94)
Indeed, although I am completely oblivious to pitch cues, at least people can tell you whilst you look confused, not while you insult them, that they were being sarcastic!

Ditto!

[Anonymous]

Hi, I'm wondering if any one could help me with the following:

I was born biologically female but I identify as male. I'm going through the NHS route in order to transition but it's taking a long time so I'm not on hormones and I've had no surgery. Visibly I pass as male - about 95% of the time people who I meet refer to me as male - that is until they hear my voice and then they begin to look confused.

I'm intending to change my name within the next year to something male/gender neutral BUT after reading here: http://www.justice.gov.uk/tribunals/...ion-panel/faqs

I've found out that I cannot change my gender marker on my birth certificate without proof that I have lived as male for at least two years. I suspect that this 'proof' would be proof of living with a male name for 2 years and/or whilst on testosterone for 2 years and having medical documentation (e.g from a gender clinic) to prove this.

However, I don't see how I can live under a male name and present as male whilst still legally being a 'Miss' and having 'Miss' on my bank documentation, birth cert, passport etc. I would be virtually unemployable and I doubt a landlord would take me on - people would either think I was a liar (using a woman's documentation) or they would just discriminate (realistically!). So, is this the case? Is this what I really have to do?

Secondly, should I only change my name once I've started hormones - so then my voice and my name match (rather than having a girls voice and a boys name)? At the moment people assume I'm a boy under 16 but I'm 23! It could be another year (if I'm lucky!) until I get hormones and it might just make things more complicated in the mean time if I look like a pre-pubescent boy, have a girls voice, a boys name, and a girls ID.

What do I do?

It's so ****ed up I actually laugh rather than cry now!

[BKS]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm intending to change my name within the next year to something male/gender neutral BUT after reading here: http://www.justice.gov.uk/tribunals/...ion-panel/faqs

I've found out that I cannot change my gender marker on my birth certificate without proof that I have lived as male for at least two years. I suspect that this 'proof' would be proof of living with a male name for 2 years and/or whilst on testosterone for 2 years and having medical documentation (e.g from a gender clinic) to prove this.

However, I don't see how I can live under a male name and present as male whilst still legally being a 'Miss' and having 'Miss' on my bank documentation, birth cert, passport etc. I would be virtually unemployable and I doubt a landlord would take me on - people would either think I was a liar (using a woman's documentation) or they would just discriminate (realistically!). So, is this the case? Is this what I really have to do?

You can change other things before you change your birth certificate. I've lived as male for 3 years, been on hormones 2.5years, had chest surgery a year and a half ago. I've not changed my birth certificate- I can't be arsed. I have mates who've been on hormones 10+years who haven't done it. Unless you plan to get married or to retire your birth certificate is irrelevant to life.




You change change your name to whatever you want with a deed poll. Once you have done that it's legally your name so you can have it on your ID. If you want a M on your ID then you need a doctors letter. A doctor at a gender clinic will do it no problem. GPs can too but convincing them might be harder. The letter needed to say the likes of 'Bob is a female to male transsexual and will live as male forever therefore should have his gender marked as male on ID'. Works for passport and driving license. If your GP won't do that then you can still get a provisional/driving license with Mr Bob because the only gender marker on it is code in the card number so nobody ever noticed it. You don't need to have medically transitioned in any way for that.




Changing your birth certificate is done through getting a gender recognition certificate. You don't need to do anything medical for that but you need to have social transitioned- live as male all the time. Living as male doesn't necessarily require everyone reading you as male all the time. It requires you trying your best to live as male. So in practice that means change your name, have your name on uni/work/whatever records or bills, have your name change on your bank account, have male ID ect. Keep copies of somethings over time that show that- maybe 2 things from when you change your name to mark a start point then 3 more things from over the two years to prove you didn't just change it all back.

Secondly, should I only change my name once I've started hormones - so then my voice and my name match (rather than having a girls voice and a boys name)? At the moment people assume I'm a boy under 16 but I'm 23! It could be another year (if I'm lucky!) until I get hormones and it might just make things more complicated in the mean time if I look like a pre-pubescent boy, have a girls voice, a boys name, and a girls ID.

You'll likely struggle to get hormones without changing your name first. Gender clinics like to see that you have lived as (again tried your best) male before prescribing them. Most will say 6 months or 12 months living as male before they will prescribe. So change your name ASAP so that 6/12 months starts now rather than when you see the doctor. Means things will move quicker long term

Looking young goes with the territory. I'm 21 and if I shaved I'd still get a childs ticket on the bus. I looked older when I was 17 and being read as female than I do now. Before I started hormones, when I was 18, I was out with mates in a pub. I went round the corner to get money out the cash machine and a woman stopped me, literally grabbed me by the arm, and was all 'are you ok? do you know where you are going? are you on your own?'. She was really concerned because she thought I was a little boy who had ran away from home or something because I was out so late. You get over it is really all I can say on that one.

And not to be rude but you don't seem to know an awful lot so you might benefit from checking out queeryouth.net. I know it look awful but once you get over that it's good for trans info

[Anonymous]

(Original post by BKS)
You can change other things before you change your birth certificate. I've lived as male for 3 years, been on hormones 2.5years, had chest surgery a year and a half ago. I've not changed my birth certificate- I can't be arsed. I have mates who've been on hormones 10+years who haven't done it. Unless you plan to get married or to retire your birth certificate is irrelevant to life.




You change change your name to whatever you want with a deed poll. Once you have done that it's legally your name so you can have it on your ID. If you want a M on your ID then you need a doctors letter. A doctor at a gender clinic will do it no problem. GPs can too but convincing them might be harder. The letter needed to say the likes of 'Bob is a female to male transsexual and will live as male forever therefore should have his gender marked as male on ID'. Works for passport and driving license. If your GP won't do that then you can still get a provisional/driving license with Mr Bob because the only gender marker on it is code in the card number so nobody ever noticed it. You don't need to have medically transitioned in any way for that.




Changing your birth certificate is done through getting a gender recognition certificate. You don't need to do anything medical for that but you need to have social transitioned- live as male all the time. Living as male doesn't necessarily require everyone reading you as male all the time. It requires you trying your best to live as male. So in practice that means change your name, have your name on uni/work/whatever records or bills, have your name change on your bank account, have male ID ect. Keep copies of somethings over time that show that- maybe 2 things from when you change your name to mark a start point then 3 more things from over the two years to prove you didn't just change it all back.




You'll likely struggle to get hormones without changing your name first. Gender clinics like to see that you have lived as (again tried your best) male before prescribing them. Most will say 6 months or 12 months living as male before they will prescribe. So change your name ASAP so that 6/12 months starts now rather than when you see the doctor. Means things will move quicker long term

Looking young goes with the territory. I'm 21 and if I shaved I'd still get a childs ticket on the bus. I looked older when I was 17 and being read as female than I do now. Before I started hormones, when I was 18, I was out with mates in a pub. I went round the corner to get money out the cash machine and a woman stopped me, literally grabbed me by the arm, and was all 'are you ok? do you know where you are going? are you on your own?'. She was really concerned because she thought I was a little boy who had ran away from home or something because I was out so late. You get over it is really all I can say on that one.

And not to be rude but you don't seem to know an awful lot so you might benefit from checking out queeryouth.net. I know it look awful but once you get over that it's good for trans info

Thanks so much for you post! Yeah, I haven't got much of a clue about this stuff. I've read about getting a gender recognition certificate - I thought I had to have this before I could get 'M' on my passport/drivers license - I didn't know I could get a doctor to write a letter, so thanks for that.

But in the long run I think I would want the gender recognition certificate for peace of mind and so that I don't have to mess about with any other future documentation. For instance, when I apply to jobs they all want proof of ID and since I don't hold a passport they require my birth certificate - so this would cause me problems. I'll have to apply for a passport after I've changed my name and get my doctor to write me a letter to get the 'M' on it.

I hope you don't mind me asking - did you find the time between living as male without hormones and living as male with hormones awkward (in a social way)? I mean in the sense that physically you are the same but your name/gender marker is different - and many people don't understand that.
I'm struggling to see how I would feel, on a practical level, presenting myself as male and with a male name but still sounding and looking (without a binder) female and how people would react to that.

[BKS]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks so much for you post! Yeah, I haven't got much of a clue about this stuff. I've read about getting a gender recognition certificate - I thought I had to have this before I could get 'M' on my passport/drivers license - I didn't know I could get a doctor to write a letter, so thanks for that.

But in the long run I think I would want the gender recognition certificate for peace of mind and so that I don't have to mess about with any other future documentation. For instance, when I apply to jobs they all want proof of ID and since I don't hold a passport they require my birth certificate - so this would cause me problems. I'll have to apply for a passport after I've changed my name and get my doctor to write me a letter to get the 'M' on it.

I'm not sure you meant it that way round but just in case- get the doctors letter then apply for the passport. If not you may get charged to get a new ones issued with a M on it if you get another one first and it ain't cheap

I hope you don't mind me asking - did you find the time between living as male without hormones and living as male with hormones awkward (in a social way)? I mean in the sense that physically you are the same but your name/gender marker is different - and many people don't understand that.
I'm struggling to see how I would feel, on a practical level, presenting myself as male and with a male name but still sounding and looking (without a binder) female and how people would react to that.

Yeah it was awkward but there's pretty much no way round it. The medical system is less than ideal but you want hormones you need to jump through their hoops.

At uni my records were changed but I wasn't really being read as male. Too many people in classes knew me but they weren't friends so didn't know I'm trans. It would have been too much hassle to discuss it with them and I'm not one for big announcements so I let it be. I never acknowledge the awkwardness, I pretended it wasn't there. As far as I'm concerned it's other people's issue anyway for making assumptions about my gender.

Work was a bit more of a mixed bag. I was working at two youth groups both for the council and with the same manager for both. My manager read me as female first time we met but I pretended not to notice. It was a time when my ID didn't all match so in getting a police check done it was obvious to her than I'm trans since I had to show her my name change. The first group (boys, aged around 10) and my colleague read me as male. My boss came in with me and introduced me as male name and he. They thought it was funny I looked about their age but got over it.

The second group different people read me as different genders. Nobody said anything to my face but they were obviously talking, mostly to my boss. The funding for that job suddenly disappeared- I took that as my boss didn't know how to deal and wanted rid of me. On the upside it meant that I started a new job at the point I'd been on hormones a few months so was read as male pretty easily and anyone who read me as female assumed they were wrong.

Not sure if I answered your question. I guess I just kept my head down and rolled with it

[Anonymous]

(Original post by BKS)
I'm not sure you meant it that way round but just in case- get the doctors letter then apply for the passport. If not you may get charged to get a new ones issued with a M on it if you get another one first and it ain't cheap

Yes, that's what I meant . I really wanted to go abroad this year but there's no point in buying a passport until I've changed my name and started my social transition or else I'll have to shell out another £70 on a new passport.

(Original post by BKS)
Yeah it was awkward but there's pretty much no way round it. The medical system is less than ideal but you want hormones you need to jump through their hoops.

At uni my records were changed but I wasn't really being read as male. Too many people in classes knew me but they weren't friends so didn't know I'm trans. It would have been too much hassle to discuss it with them and I'm not one for big announcements so I let it be. I never acknowledge the awkwardness, I pretended it wasn't there. As far as I'm concerned it's other people's issue anyway for making assumptions about my gender.

Work was a bit more of a mixed bag. I was working at two youth groups both for the council and with the same manager for both. My manager read me as female first time we met but I pretended not to notice. It was a time when my ID didn't all match so in getting a police check done it was obvious to her than I'm trans since I had to show her my name change. The first group (boys, aged around 10) and my colleague read me as male. My boss came in with me and introduced me as male name and he. They thought it was funny I looked about their age but got over it.

The second group different people read me as different genders. Nobody said anything to my face but they were obviously talking, mostly to my boss. The funding for that job suddenly disappeared- I took that as my boss didn't know how to deal and wanted rid of me. On the upside it meant that I started a new job at the point I'd been on hormones a few months so was read as male pretty easily and anyone who read me as female assumed they were wrong.

Not sure if I answered your question. I guess I just kept my head down and rolled with it

Thanks so much for that response - yes, you answered my question .
I've been holding back on my transition for a few months because I'm terrified of the social implications. I'm looking for a job at the moment and it's scary enough without the extra hassle of having my gender second guessed by prospective employers and dealing with any discrimination. But this past week I finally decided that enough was enough. I've been attending interviews in women's clothes and make up and then getting home and taking it all off just as soon as I get through the door. It's ridiculous - it's like being an actor. So I'm not doing it any more. There's no point in living one life outside of my house and another inside of it - I'm only doing it to please others, meanwhile it's screwing with my head. You're much braver than I am, I don't know where people find the courage.
I think I'm beginning to see that, for me, there comes a point when courage is the only option left.

[BKS]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks so much for that response - yes, you answered my question .
I've been holding back on my transition for a few months because I'm terrified of the social implications. I'm looking for a job at the moment and it's scary enough without the extra hassle of having my gender second guessed by prospective employers and dealing with any discrimination. But this past week I finally decided that enough was enough. I've been attending interviews in women's clothes and make up and then getting home and taking it all off just as soon as I get through the door. It's ridiculous - it's like being an actor. So I'm not doing it any more. There's no point in living one life outside of my house and another inside of it - I'm only doing it to please others, meanwhile it's screwing with my head. You're much braver than I am, I don't know where people find the courage.
I think I'm beginning to see that, for me, there comes a point when courage is the only option left.

You hit the nail on the head yourself. There will be social implications, gender is too important to society for there not to be. Some point it is a case of throw yourself of the deep end. Bright side is if transitioning is what you want then even if you have a hard time for a while the 60 years after that will make it worth while by miles. I didn't feel very brave, it just felt like I'd hit an end of the line where there was no other choice but to go for it.

Actually, looking for a new job right now isn't all bad either. You might have problems but you will get a job eventually and you'll be able to start working as male. If it's what you want then you might even not need to be out to anyone/anyone but the boss. That's so much less hassle than transitioning while in a job already