[Cool Cat]

this is too difficult. I'm too terrified to even come out (to my family and some friends, some friends know varying amounts) and the shame/ guilt is too much

Don't need this crap

[Anonymous]

(Original post by BKS)
You hit the nail on the head yourself. There will be social implications, gender is too important to society for there not to be. Some point it is a case of throw yourself of the deep end. Bright side is if transitioning is what you want then even if you have a hard time for a while the 60 years after that will make it worth while by miles. I didn't feel very brave, it just felt like I'd hit an end of the line where there was no other choice but to go for it.

Actually, looking for a new job right now isn't all bad either. You might have problems but you will get a job eventually and you'll be able to start working as male. If it's what you want then you might even not need to be out to anyone/anyone but the boss. That's so much less hassle than transitioning while in a job already

Yeah, I'm hoping that I can begin work as male and avoid any uncomfortable conversations with colleagues!

(Original post by Cool Cat)
this is too difficult. I'm too terrified to even come out (to my family and some friends, some friends know varying amounts) and the shame/ guilt is too much

Don't need this crap

Remember you always have us lot to chat to. I was terrified when I came out too - thankfully my family have been accepting. Maybe you could write letters to them if you find it difficult to say to their faces? It gets better with time. Once you have told your family you realise how strong you are and, for me at least, other things pale in comparison. I'm petrified of socially transitioning (name change/starting hormones) because I know strangers will find it odd at first, but I'm much less scared about it than I was about telling my family. I suppose all of the crappy experiences make you realise that you are capable of dealing with that level of stress/unhappiness and so the other stuff is manageable so long as you remind yourself how strong you have been in the past.

[Tortious]

(Original post by Cool Cat)
this is too difficult. I'm too terrified to even come out (to my family and some friends, some friends know varying amounts) and the shame/ guilt is too much

Don't need this crap

I saw a transgirl in a shopping centre today. She was wearing hot pink jeans (like her 50-odd year old mum) and her mum said "come on, let's go to Claire's Accessories".

I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for you, but I thought I'd share that anyway since it shows that there are supportive people out there. How do you think your family would take it?

Haven't spoken to you in ages...

[Cool Cat]

(Original post by Anonymous)


Remember you always have us lot to chat to. I was terrified when I came out too - thankfully my family have been accepting. Maybe you could write letters to them if you find it difficult to say to their faces? It gets better with time. Once you have told your family you realise how strong you are and, for me at least, other things pale in comparison. I'm petrified of socially transitioning (name change/starting hormones) because I know strangers will find it odd at first, but I'm much less scared about it than I was about telling my family. I suppose all of the crappy experiences make you realise that you are capable of dealing with that level of stress/unhappiness and so the other stuff is manageable so long as you remind yourself how strong you have been in the past.

thanks, those are wise words indeed. I was thinking about doing the letter thing hmm

(Original post by Tortious)
I saw a transgirl in a shopping centre today. She was wearing hot pink jeans (like her 50-odd year old mum) and her mum said "come on, let's go to Claire's Accessories".

I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for you, but I thought I'd share that anyway since it shows that there are supportive people out there. How do you think your family would take it?

Haven't spoken to you in ages...

thanks, that story was nice to hear

I'm not sure, you see, we aint the kind of family to talk about stuff really so it's anyones guess. I think there would be shock butthings would start to make sense to them, eg. me wearing gradually more masculine stuff, and the haircut
I dunno


I've been feeling so so bad about the fact that I'm 24 already and I prob won't have the guts to say anyhting to my family for a few yrs yet and then with the years you have to do real life experience before being allowed T and then the years for that to really take effect.. Man, I really wish I'd felt like this sooner.. it's been on my mind and making me think dark things. (a lot of other things in my life are too though, I guess) but just the thought of all those yrs i could have been being known and thought of as a guy

[Tortious]

(Original post by Cool Cat)
thanks, that story was nice to hear

I'm not sure, you see, we aint the kind of family to talk about stuff really so it's anyones guess. I think there would be shock butthings would start to make sense to them, eg. me wearing gradually more masculine stuff, and the haircut
I dunno


I've been feeling so so bad about the fact that I'm 24 already and I prob won't have the guts to say anyhting to my family for a few yrs yet and then with the years you have to do real life experience before being allowed T and then the years for that to really take effect.. Man, I really wish I'd felt like this sooner.. it's been on my mind and making me think dark things. (a lot of other things in my life are too though, I guess) but just the thought of all those yrs i could have been being known and thought of as a guy

Well, I guess the main thing is not to think about how "really you were a guy and people always thought you were a girl", but what will make you happy in the future, if you see what I mean. (I guess I'm in a slightly similar position on the sexuality front!)

Ultimately, it's up to you what you do, but you're going to have to take crap from people for being different (such is life), so you need to go about developing a thick skin now and genuinely not caring what they think of you. If you're completely independent (I didn't realise you were 24! You look about my age... ) then I'd be inclined to get your haircut, put your long-term plans into action, and then tell your parents. Hopefully making steps towards transitioning will give you confidence, and then telling them won't seem like you're asking permission.

Anyway, have some hugs.

[Anonymous]

Okay, so I'm going to change my name soon - I'm still waiting to hear whether or not I have an appointment with the gender clinic but I guess the sooner I change my name, the sooner I can get hormones, plus I'm getting sick of people referring to me as 'Miss'. I pass as male in all situations except for when I have to show ID, or when I'm in the job centre and they call out 'MISS + my name'. I get completely stared at . So yeah, that needs to change.

Does anyone know how long (roughly) the NHS takes to tell you 'yes' or 'no' as to whether they will see you for the first time at a gender clinic? I'm thinking of going private in order to get on T if the NHS drags their feet. But I don't know if I'm eligible for top surgery on the NHS if I go private for the initial stages of transition .

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay, so I'm going to change my name soon - I'm still waiting to hear whether or not I have an appointment with the gender clinic but I guess the sooner I change my name, the sooner I can get hormones, plus I'm getting sick of people referring to me as 'Miss'. I pass as male in all situations except for when I have to show ID, or when I'm in the job centre and they call out 'MISS + my name'. I get completely stared at . So yeah, that needs to change.

Does anyone know how long (roughly) the NHS takes to tell you 'yes' or 'no' as to whether they will see you for the first time at a gender clinic? I'm thinking of going private in order to get on T if the NHS drags their feet. But I don't know if I'm eligible for top surgery on the NHS if I go private for the initial stages of transition .

I get your point totally.

I personally had to see a local general psychiatrist before the gender clinic I use (Charring Cross) would see me as they don't accept GP referrals. Even that took ages I (I think) getting an appointment with the help of PALS with the Psychosexual and Relationship Service at Guy's hospital as well as an appointment with my local mental health service, I chose to attend the former. However because this all took so long I went private to get T, I changed my name before my first appointment with my private doctor. It was expensive but in my mind it was worth it. It also didn't cause any problems with getting top surgery (I'm FtM) and my GP practice was happy to allow the practice nurses to administer my T injections.

Overall from my first appointment with my GP it took around 18 months to get my first testosterone prescription from the NHS, I feel privileged to have been able to afford to go private so I didn't have to wait that long to get testosterone.

[BKS]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Does anyone know how long (roughly) the NHS takes to tell you 'yes' or 'no' as to whether they will see you for the first time at a gender clinic? I'm thinking of going private in order to get on T if the NHS drags their feet. But I don't know if I'm eligible for top surgery on the NHS if I go private for the initial stages of transition .

You can still be eligible for top surgery funding. You have a right to choose whether to have NHS or private treatment and can't be punished for when you choose what. But you still need to play by NHS rules. To get funding approved you'll need to go to the GIC and meet their criteria, same as if you went with NHS for everything

[~MiserableLogic~]

How would you describe your gender and sexual identity?
Agendered and asexual.

What are your preferred pronouns?
I don't specifically have any. I have never been referred to as a female (as my sex is male), but recently being described as a 'man' or 'male' makes me uncomfortable. I prefer being called by my name.

Are you out to anyone in real life/offline?
Yes.

Do you have any long-term plans with regards to surgery/hormones/similar?
No. I find this unnecessary. Although I would prefer to have no genitalia.

[fallen_acorns]

(Original post by ~MiserableLogic~)
How would you describe your gender and sexual identity?
Agendered and asexual.

What are your preferred pronouns?
I don't specifically have any. I have never been referred to as a female (as my sex is male), but recently being described as a 'man' or 'male' makes me uncomfortable. I prefer being called by my name.

Are you out to anyone in real life/offline?
Yes.

Do you have any long-term plans with regards to surgery/hormones/similar?
No. I find this unnecessary. Although I would prefer to have no genitalia.

oh wow, havent seen this thread in a while

nice to meet you though

its rare to meet someone whose either agendered or asexual, let alone both, - but welcome to the thread

[~MiserableLogic~]

(Original post by fallen_acorns)
oh wow, havent seen this thread in a while

nice to meet you though

its rare to meet someone whose either agendered or asexual, let alone both, - but welcome to the thread

Thank you very much. I'm a rare, er, breed?

[fallen_acorns]

(Original post by ~MiserableLogic~)
Thank you very much. I'm a rare, er, breed?

hehe, well you know, as a trans person - its quite unsual to meet people who are less common then you :P - ive only ever met one asexual person in real life (and i spend alot of time in the LGBT community) - and never an agender person

its something thats always fascinated me, as well - its so un-relatable to anything I could experiance or know... I cant imagine quite what either are like to be honest.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by fallen_acorns)
I cant imagine quite what either are like to be honest.

I can't imagine what it's like to feel gender

[fallen_acorns]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I can't imagine what it's like to feel gender

huh? is this the same poster as before?

or is this another agender person?

[~MiserableLogic~]

(Original post by fallen_acorns)
huh? is this the same poster as before?

or is this another agender person?

It wasn't me. You now know two agendered people.

[Cool Cat]

I forgot about this thread.

Gender dysphoria is evil.

that is all

[fallen_acorns]

(Original post by ~MiserableLogic~)
It wasn't me. You now know two agendered people.

I hope so... - thought it may have just been someone arguing that you dont 'feel' gender. - a debate that ive had before with many people (fair points to both sides..) - but one that didnt really feel like having now :P

[fallen_acorns]

(Original post by Cool Cat)
I forgot about this thread.

Gender dysphoria is evil.

that is all

yep many many times yep

[Watch Key Phone]

(Original post by ~MiserableLogic~)
It wasn't me. You now know two agendered people.

Make that three! I'm increasingly sure I'm agender. I'm asexual too, so for that. I always feel a bit weird trying to get involved with LGBT-type stuff though, because I sort of lack the main things which they are actually for.

[BKS]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I can't imagine what it's like to feel gender

I couldn't then one day a few weeks agoI was male. Now I'm back to being agender again. Was quite a curious experience but I concluded I don't like having a gender. But maybe that'd have changed if I'd had time to get used to it