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The Trans*/Non-Cisgender Thread

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    (Original post by Tortious)
    Yeah, I thought of you when I remembered. :mmm:

    If you don't mind me asking, how did you go about choosing your name? I appreciate it's probably quite an important step, so I'm curious to see how you decided what "sticks".
    Apparently I would have been called Tom 'had I been a boy' anyway, and it's a nice name, so I basically took it for that reason Plus there are a couple of fabulous people called Tom [my surname]. (I would say who, but that'd make it deeply obvious what my full name was )

    Plus it's sort of... normal, I guess? I didn't want to be one of those people who goes for something really Americanised and ~alternative and stuff; I've seen far too many transguys called Jayden or Skylar or something to ever have wanted that
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    (Original post by najinaji)
    Please do. I would happily place a bet on her transitioning at some point. Repression is a terrible thing...

    And after some rummaging around on the NHS website, I think you're allowed to start hormone treatment at 16, but I'm turning 18 later this year anyway, so it wouldn't be too awful waiting if I had to be 18 instead. It would probably take that long to get to the hormone stage in the first place. The important bits, such as getting my name changed, getting an updated ID and pressuring my school to accept it all and so on are doable at my age, I think.

    I hope you get to a GIC soon! I wonder why referrals take as long as they do? :confused:
    Oh god. If only I'd started hormones at 16.

    Legal name changes are possible at any age - you don't even need parental permission the moment you're 16. You will, however, need to get a new passport and get your bank details in a new name, which is what's putting me off doing so. I believe that school legally have to accept it, but I don't know if there's any protective legislation. (I have no idea what would happen were it an 'all-girls' school, either.)

    I don't have a clue. I think they're basically rubbish and have just forgotten about me.
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    (Original post by kerily)
    Shamelessly copied-and-pasted from my tumblr:
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    So tonight I had issues getting into a gay club because I’m trans.
    Disclaimer: I am HORRIFICALLY DRUNK and having to triple-check this for typos. I apologise if the tone is a bit off.

    So tonight was an UCL LGBT night out! I went to the committee meeting (which was MUCH less bad than I’d imagined) and then I had a drink in Phineas (VERY CHEAPLY) and then I got the tube down to Vauxhall for gay clubbing.

    Turns out they wanted to search you going in, just in case. No problems there. They came down the line asking everyone for the women to go to the front, because the woman to search them was stood with nothing to do. I didn’t join the women’s line, because I’m NOT A ****ING WOMAN. Nothing against women. I am just NOT ONE OF THEM.

    And the guy was like ‘are you going to get in the women’s queue?’ and I was like ‘no, I’m not a woman’ and he left me alone.

    Until I got to the front of the queue. And then he refused to search me because ‘he can’t search women’ and then he made me go in the women’s queue.

    I AM A ****ING MAN.

    THIS WAS A ****ING GAY CLUB.

    ****ERS.

    So I was searched by a woman. Despite not being a woman.

    And then, you know, making an enemy of the bouncer is really NOT how you should go into a club. So when I came out (about an hour ago, because I was in a bad mood and the drinks were overpriced) I stopped to chat to some friends in the queue, and he was shouting/gesticulating that I should go away pronto.

    ****ERS.

    I don’t understand why it’s SO ****ING ACCEPTABLE to give trans people ****.
    If he thought you were a women, I presume that it means you're pre-op? If so, you can't exactly blame him. It doesn't matter whether or not you're technically a women or man. Look at it from his point of view, he could be breaking his company policies or sexual harassment suits. Until you're post-op, troubles will continue to arise.
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    (Original post by Annoying-Mouse)
    If he thought you were a women, I presume that it means you're pre-op? If so, you can't exactly blame him. It doesn't matter whether or not you're technically a women or man. Look at it from his point of view, he could be breaking his company policies or sexual harassment suits. Until you're post-op, troubles will continue to arise.
    But he had no way of KNOWING that I've not had any surgery, because I wear a chest binder that effectively emulates the effects of a double mastectomy, and I highly doubt he was judging anyone else's gender based on using his x-ray vision to evaluate their genitalia. He was just going off his idea that I'm a little bit short (5'7, so not even that short) and that I have a relatively high voice; I'm androgynous-masculine in appearance and dress sense. And it's none of his business to go around saying 'you're a woman!' to people who aren't obviously either.

    I mean, would he also tell an effeminate cisgender man to get in the women's queue? Because with an attitude like that, he could easily end up doing so, which would also be dodgy if his company really does have laws about what gender can be searched by who.
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    (Original post by kerily)
    Oh god. If only I'd started hormones at 16.

    Legal name changes are possible at any age - you don't even need parental permission the moment you're 16. You will, however, need to get a new passport and get your bank details in a new name, which is what's putting me off doing so. I believe that school legally have to accept it, but I don't know if there's any protective legislation. (I have no idea what would happen were it an 'all-girls' school, either.)

    I don't have a clue. I think they're basically rubbish and have just forgotten about me.
    I know, I have that feeling. You'd still be taking them rather early if you start soon though!

    When it comes to changing my name, I'm a little unsure as to what to call myself. I rather like 'Gordon' at the moment, but I need to make sure it's concrete before I actually ask for it. I also think I should probably make things clearer to my mum...

    And apparently, it's a common problem. A lot of trans people report having to wait months for referrals to GICs. I suppose it's rather low-priority for a lot of GPs.
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    (Original post by kerily)
    But he had no way of KNOWING that I've not had any surgery, because I wear a chest binder that effectively emulates the effects of a double mastectomy, and I highly doubt he was judging anyone else's gender based on using his x-ray vision to evaluate their genitalia. He was just going off his idea that I'm a little bit short (5'7, so not even that short) and that I have a relatively high voice; I'm androgynous-masculine in appearance and dress sense. And it's none of his business to go around saying 'you're a woman!' to people who aren't obviously either.

    I mean, would he also tell an effeminate cisgender man to get in the women's queue? Because with an attitude like that, he could easily end up doing so, which would also be dodgy if his company really does have laws about what gender can be searched by who.
    It probably is your voice plus facial structure then, he would say the same to a cisgender male (unless he had a boner or was willing to erect it) who was androgynous so you should at least be a little happy he isn't transphobic. Lots of companies have such laws, it avoids hassle of females who complain unwanted harassment. He has to be cautious unfortunately.

    You could bring a strap on/plastic dick, next time.
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    (Original post by najinaji)
    I know, I have that feeling. You'd still be taking them rather early if you start soon though!

    When it comes to changing my name, I'm a little unsure as to what to call myself. I rather like 'Gordon' at the moment, but I need to make sure it's concrete before I actually ask for it. I also think I should probably make things clearer to my mum...

    And apparently, it's a common problem. A lot of trans people report having to wait months for referrals to GICs. I suppose it's rather low-priority for a lot of GPs.
    I'm basically going to tell my GP that I'm suicidal. Which wouldn't be that far from the truth, to be honest, were I not on antidepressants. I'm sick of living like this, that's for sure.

    I suppose 19 is quite young to start! (I'm 18, but 19 in February ) Hopefully I shall actually pass when I've been on T for a bit.

    I like Gordon. You should make sure you're sure with it, I guess I basically just went ahead with Tom because I liked it and it felt right (I've gone with 'Kerily' online since I was about 12, but it's not a very good real-life name ) Go with something you like, I suppose.
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    I'm just a curious human here to ask a question:

    What on Earth is a cis-gendered person?
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    (Original post by Sovr'gnChancellor£)
    I'm just a curious human here to ask a question:

    What on Earth is a cis-gendered person?
    The original post explains it; I suggest that you read it.
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    (Original post by kerily)
    I'm basically going to tell my GP that I'm suicidal. Which wouldn't be that far from the truth, to be honest, were I not on antidepressants. I'm sick of living like this, that's for sure.

    I suppose 19 is quite young to start! (I'm 18, but 19 in February ) Hopefully I shall actually pass when I've been on T for a bit.

    I like Gordon. You should make sure you're sure with it, I guess I basically just went ahead with Tom because I liked it and it felt right (I've gone with 'Kerily' online since I was about 12, but it's not a very good real-life name ) Go with something you like, I suppose.
    Oh dear. Hopefully you'll be able to get through to them.

    And it only takes a little while for T take effect, apparently. Apparently starting off with gel or patches makes it a little easier for the body to deal with, but I suppose it depends. I'm going to try for that as I have a terrible fear of needles. The idea of getting an injection every few weeks is horrible!

    And thank you. 'Tom' is nice and clear and simple. Makes a refreshing change to the 'Aydenn's and 'Mykchel's of this world...
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    (Original post by najinaji)
    Oh dear. Hopefully you'll be able to get through to them.

    And it only takes a little while for T take effect, apparently. Apparently starting off with gel or patches makes it a little easier for the body to deal with, but I suppose it depends. I'm going to try for that as I have a terrible fear of needles. The idea of getting an injection every few weeks is horrible!

    And thank you. 'Tom' is nice and clear and simple. Makes a refreshing change to the 'Aydenn's and 'Mykchel's of this world...
    Hopefully :yep: I've seen people who have had their voices drop and facial hair start to grow after something crazy like only a few months on T. The end may well be in sight! :love:

    Oh god, I know. I mean, good for them if they want to be called something like that, but... I just cannot stand the whole 'let's put lots of vowels and consonants in random places!' school of name-choosing
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    I've just read the whole of KhaosKomix and aah, feelings. Because the realisation of the morning is that other people aren't me, and that they don't think about things in the same way and that what I know to be true isn't the same for other people, and apparently they can't read my mind and know that.

    Holy ****, all that from a comic. A fantastic comic, but still. And aah, the feelings. It's all the feelings, every single one of them, and actually, it's 4.30 so I'm probably overemotional or something, but aah, I have feelings and so do the KhaosKomix people, and so do other people that exist in real life and.. holy ****, that's a lot of feelings. I think I preferred thinking that I was the only one who actually experienced them.

    I hope I'm not making a bad impression on my new next-door person. I haven't actually met her yet, but I'm sitting typing. I hope the keys aren't audible to her.

    In 29 hours, I have my first proper counselling thing. I want her to call me Andrew and write he in whatever notes she makes, but.. I don't know how to ask that without it being weird. The whole point of the counselling is to try and clarify gender-y things and I've told them everything on my form, but I didn't actually say "call me this", and the person I saw for the preliminary appointment called me -name which shall not be named- so I'm guessing that she wrote she and things.

    I was talking to my friend tonight and she said that I'd never seemed like a -name which shall not be named-. I'm not out to her, and we weren't discussing anything even remotely related, but.. well, that's good

    But I have to go and convince people that I'm actually a man and I don't want to. I don't like talking about myself that much- I only do it with people that I really, really trust and even then I worry. I don't want to have to go to doctors and whatever else and tell them how I feel because it has nothing to do with them. But then again, they control the drugs, so there's not much choice.

    Oh Goddd, I should go to sleep.
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    (Original post by ZZ9)
    I've just read the whole of KhaosKomix and aah, feelings. Because the realisation of the morning is that other people aren't me, and that they don't think about things in the same way and that what I know to be true isn't the same for other people, and apparently they can't read my mind and know that.

    Holy ****, all that from a comic. A fantastic comic, but still. And aah, the feelings. It's all the feelings, every single one of them, and actually, it's 4.30 so I'm probably overemotional or something, but aah, I have feelings and so do the KhaosKomix people, and so do other people that exist in real life and.. holy ****, that's a lot of feelings. I think I preferred thinking that I was the only one who actually experienced them.

    I hope I'm not making a bad impression on my new next-door person. I haven't actually met her yet, but I'm sitting typing. I hope the keys aren't audible to her.

    In 29 hours, I have my first proper counselling thing. I want her to call me Andrew and write he in whatever notes she makes, but.. I don't know how to ask that without it being weird. The whole point of the counselling is to try and clarify gender-y things and I've told them everything on my form, but I didn't actually say "call me this", and the person I saw for the preliminary appointment called me -name which shall not be named- so I'm guessing that she wrote she and things.

    I was talking to my friend tonight and she said that I'd never seemed like a -name which shall not be named-. I'm not out to her, and we weren't discussing anything even remotely related, but.. well, that's good

    But I have to go and convince people that I'm actually a man and I don't want to. I don't like talking about myself that much- I only do it with people that I really, really trust and even then I worry. I don't want to have to go to doctors and whatever else and tell them how I feel because it has nothing to do with them. But then again, they control the drugs, so there's not much choice.

    Oh Goddd, I should go to sleep.
    Go to bed. No coherent thoughts were ever thought after 2am

    I adore Khaox Komix. I honestly thought I wouldn't (the name does NOT bode well) but to be honest, it's fabulous.

    Can you just introduce yourself and say 'Hi, my preferred name is Andrew'? I find that it gets easier to do so the more you do it - which means that there are legitimately some people in my life who don't know my birth name

    In other news, I am going to DIE if I don't get a referral to a gender identity place sometime soon. I don't want counselling, I don't want support, I don't want to talk. All I want is a ****ing testosterone prescription. Seriously considering buying it online (even though I have no money, oho) if it doesn't hurry up.
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    (could a moderator actually read through the thread next time? before deleting my post? - then they would know that i wasnt trolling.)
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    (Original post by kerily)
    Go to bed. No coherent thoughts were ever thought after 2am

    I adore Khaox Komix. I honestly thought I wouldn't (the name does NOT bode well) but to be honest, it's fabulous.

    Can you just introduce yourself and say 'Hi, my preferred name is Andrew'? I find that it gets easier to do so the more you do it - which means that there are legitimately some people in my life who don't know my birth name

    In other news, I am going to DIE if I don't get a referral to a gender identity place sometime soon. I don't want counselling, I don't want support, I don't want to talk. All I want is a ****ing testosterone prescription. Seriously considering buying it online (even though I have no money, oho) if it doesn't hurry up.
    There were noisy people and I couldn't sleep

    I know! I don't know how I didn't come across it before, but it's fantastic and good.

    I think I'll try that. It'll come out all.. unconfident sounding though, because I'm horrendously nervous about meeting this woman It probably does get easier though, so I should try.

    If you told them you were going to buy it off the internet, would they see you faster? You know, to protect your health or something? (Please please don't buy it online) Also, have you phoned them? I waited ages to get a letter through with a psychiatrist appointment- it turned out that they had lost my referral or something :mad:
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    (Original post by ZZ9)
    There were noisy people and I couldn't sleep

    I know! I don't know how I didn't come across it before, but it's fantastic and good.

    I think I'll try that. It'll come out all.. unconfident sounding though, because I'm horrendously nervous about meeting this woman It probably does get easier though, so I should try.

    If you told them you were going to buy it off the internet, would they see you faster? You know, to protect your health or something? (Please please don't buy it online) Also, have you phoned them? I waited ages to get a letter through with a psychiatrist appointment- it turned out that they had lost my referral or something :mad:
    I don't have a phone number to contact. Have you ever tried getting in touch with a mental health place? It's REALLY HARD. I've emailed them but not got a response yet (obviously, since it's Sunday). I'm doing a walk-in appointment next week to get more antidepressants (which is hard in itself because they ****ing refuse to put them on a repeat prescription) so I'll mention it then if I've not heard before then.

    I might buy it online if I can't get it elsewhere. At the moment, the other alternative is honestly killing myself, and I don't want to do that.

    EARPLUGS.

    I do wish you luck with said woman. I'm very jealous.
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    (Original post by kerily)
    I might buy it online if I can't get it elsewhere. At the moment, the other alternative is honestly killing myself, and I don't want to do that.
    I kind of know how you feel. The thing to bear in mind though is the fact that you will get T eventually. It might take a few more months, but it'll happen at some point. If all else fails, I suppose, if you have enough time to have a job, you can go down the private route and then switch to the NHS again.

    Whatever you do, don't kill yourself, though. There're so many people who very nearly did it and decided not to, and their lives are so much better.
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    (Original post by kerily)
    I don't have a phone number to contact. Have you ever tried getting in touch with a mental health place? It's REALLY HARD. I've emailed them but not got a response yet (obviously, since it's Sunday). I'm doing a walk-in appointment next week to get more antidepressants (which is hard in itself because they ****ing refuse to put them on a repeat prescription) so I'll mention it then if I've not heard before then.

    I might buy it online if I can't get it elsewhere. At the moment, the other alternative is honestly killing myself, and I don't want to do that.

    EARPLUGS.

    I do wish you luck with said woman. I'm very jealous.
    Google? I just googled mine and called..

    Yeah, I suppose you're right. But even though it seems like forever now, once you've got T, you'll have so many more years to live. In six years' time, a few months won't bother you. It's **** now, but think of the future :hugs:

    They feel wrong in my ears

    I'm hoping it goes well. If not, I can just not go back
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    (Original post by kerily)
    Shamelessly copied-and-pasted from my tumblr:
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    So tonight I had issues getting into a gay club because I’m trans.
    Disclaimer: I am HORRIFICALLY DRUNK and having to triple-check this for typos. I apologise if the tone is a bit off.

    So tonight was an UCL LGBT night out! I went to the committee meeting (which was MUCH less bad than I’d imagined) and then I had a drink in Phineas (VERY CHEAPLY) and then I got the tube down to Vauxhall for gay clubbing.

    Turns out they wanted to search you going in, just in case. No problems there. They came down the line asking everyone for the women to go to the front, because the woman to search them was stood with nothing to do. I didn’t join the women’s line, because I’m NOT A ****ING WOMAN. Nothing against women. I am just NOT ONE OF THEM.

    And the guy was like ‘are you going to get in the women’s queue?’ and I was like ‘no, I’m not a woman’ and he left me alone.

    Until I got to the front of the queue. And then he refused to search me because ‘he can’t search women’ and then he made me go in the women’s queue.

    I AM A ****ING MAN.

    THIS WAS A ****ING GAY CLUB.

    ****ERS.

    So I was searched by a woman. Despite not being a woman.

    And then, you know, making an enemy of the bouncer is really NOT how you should go into a club. So when I came out (about an hour ago, because I was in a bad mood and the drinks were overpriced) I stopped to chat to some friends in the queue, and he was shouting/gesticulating that I should go away pronto.

    ****ERS.

    I don’t understand why it’s SO ****ING ACCEPTABLE to give trans people ****.
    That's shocking I would also have felt v v v depressed after that

    I have my own story to share about feeling misplaced :hugs:

    I had a really bad moment the other day when I was out with my course group having lunch after the end of exams. I really needed the loo so made my way to the door saying toilets on. When i opened it, I was faced with two huge doors one with WOMEN and LADIES emblazoned all over it and the other with MEN and GENTLEMEN. I'm too scared to use the mens in busy places as I don't feel i pass very well so after about 2 mins of standing staring at each door and feeling ****, I pushed open the womens one. A friend was in there already and could tell i was upset.I ended up ranting about how I shouldnt be in these toilets because I didn't feel that the terms on the door applied to me I came out of those loos and didnt say a word for the rest of the lunch when before that I had been happily joking and laughing away.

    horrible

    Also at work I was working away on the order lifting and moving heavy stuff when it came to the breaking down of the huge order trollies. I'd never seen that being done before so didn't know how but was trying anyway when one of the older men staff comes over and tells me that 'that's not for little girls like you to do' and 'even grown lads can't do it' I stood there in disbelief and again that had be in a really depressive mood for the rest of the day and even now when I think about it.

    I jsut feel like, clearly I don't present as much of a girl so why keep calling me stuff like that? I'm home again for semester break and I'm hearing female pronouns non-stop. I wish i had the courage to come out
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    Hi, im actually cisgendererd (is this the correct term? ) and I've been lurking here, and just posted to say this is really intersting to read about your experiences, and it is a shame that in the 21st century some of you must put up with peoples ****.

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