Boy friends comes from strict muslim parents, what should I do?

If he chooses you, he'll probably get disowned (I come from a strict family as such, Muslim - Sunni)
It's difficult because she is likely to never accept you due to the strength of her culture.

It depends on how much he means to you and you to him, like would you convert to Islam for him?

This is a more cultural trait, not religion. Islam has nothing to do with the attitude of your bf's mum. You think Islam allows for disowning? No. Culture is the problem here.

leave him now

Yes I have tried to learn from their culture, but she has made a really bad name for many muslim women. All she does is discriminate other women, control and practically bitch about everyone and everything. She told my boyfriend that it wouldn't matter if I converted she just doesn't like the fact that I am white.... how racist? It makes her seem so intimidated but she is his mother?!?



I think they are very interchangeable, what ever it is. She is doing something wrong



It is so difficult but thank you!

If she disowns him that is very wrong, of course. But we must not blam religion here which many unfortunately do as soon they hear it has something to do with Islam.

Family name is on the line here. If her son marries a white person, all her relatives will look down on her and see her as a failure of a mother. This is very common in the Pakistani culture. Gosh, they have problems with allowing their children to marry Bangladeshi people even though they're practically the same people. Does Islam forbid that? No. It's their culture.

Ahhh I get it now, that makes perfect sense! But at the same time its horrific =[ because all it has done has made her children rebel

Yeah but for them culture is too important. It's only out generation that will take a more lenient approach towards culture but that's because we're growing up in a multicultural society.

I'm sure that if this is what your boyfriend wants his mother, your future mother-in-law () will come round to it.

I think another reason for their reluctance is they think a white girl is untrustworthy and will not be prepared to live with her husband for her whole life. I think anyway.

Its funny because her sister married a German man (his white) and she hasn't talked to her sister in the past 5 years! She makes sure their own mother and siblings do not speak to her as well She is so religious that if she respects other peoples culture she thinks she is going against God. Some times I think that being in a multicultural society has made it even worse because these type of people are even more strict on their children



Thats so judgmental, she even interrogated me when she thought we were just 'friends,' the majority of girls who sleep around, drink like fish and do drugs actually all come from muslim families in our school, although that such a small sample but still makes a point.

I can see where your coming from. Usually - and as sexist as it sounds - the guy is generally allowed to do as he pleases, and its the daughter that the paretns are particularly weary about. Judging by the fact she wears make up and allows you into her home means shes obviously not very religious, it sounds like more of a cultural thing. I really do doubt that his parents would disown him over, say, marrying you; but you should keep in mind if her parents dont like you now for no apparant reason other than race, they probably never will. And as bad as it sounds, despite this, you have to put on a brave face, be polite and come accross as nice - Do NOT give them an excuse to hate you more. Things such as alcohol, smoking, anything of a sexual nature probably wont go down well, so you have to paint yourself as an innocent girl in their presence as much as possible. You CAN make it work, if you both genuinly care about each other. And fyi, theres a different between strict muslims and obsessive control freaks. Strict, educated muslims generally tend to accept anyone on the basis they are good people. My uncle married a very religious christian lady a few years back, they both practice their faith and get along fine. His family was willing to accept her on the basis that she gave up alcohol - they never showed any hatred towards her, welcomed her into their home and on the wedding day bought her a £40,000 BMW. Their children are now muslim and both parents agreed to this.

There's no doubt it's gonna be tough but it is not impossible. The fact you've been allowed in to her house already is a good sign.

question is what is your religion??

Atheist I guess, sometimes I believe there is a God or higher being, but not necessarily a religion to follow =/ there fore I am not a 'person of the book' if you know what that means

call your self open minded, sounds better, the problem is with muslim guys and some girls is they follow a strict religion yet most dnt understand what their following. Many on here will disagree with me but tis true. Also muslim families dnt usually like none - muslims involved in their lives, being from bradford ive grown up understanding this. Usually if they sort of accept you they will demand you follow their customs,their ways, meaning:
Convert to Islam
marry
have kids
follow their ways
and so on

as a family member found out...No way

I know what you mean, his dad was going on about how women in britain are 'set loose in society' and ruining things, and his mother told me that majority of hell is made up of women!?! She wears make up because she is over compensating for the fact that she cant wear the clothes she wants and she's extremely insecure you make a really good point. I did a really bad thing in saying that I don't drink alcohol anymore, BUT BECAUSE I had a huge allergic reaction to spirits. Yet her best friends daughter drinks like a fish, tries to make my life a misery and does drugs, but I cannot say ANYTHING its so irritating. Thank you for your advice! I just think that my boyfriend is really hypocritical because he cannot stand his mother and he doesn't want to marry a muslim but he cannot tell her that



Thank you The problem is ... not anymore. In the beginning I thought my boyfriend was quite controlling because he told me not to wear makeup or bleach my hair further... finally I realized it was because he wanted to take me to his house....

the main thing is if your happy together it shouldnt matter however is he going to go against his religion and his parents?

What does your boyfriend say/think about all this? Does he think his mum will come round to it?

You seriously do not know what's been going on the last few months, the mention of me gives her a cardiac arrest... last time she had to be sedated and sent to A&E. His dad is quite cool, he can be abit of an ass because he constantly tries to put me down but he makes sure that his son doesn't kill his wife. I just hate lying, but thank you



Nop, I applied to Cambridge last October, I got an interview and his parents didn't even congratulate me on it or any of my offers. They push him away from saying I would leave him for a white guy with loads of money who will end up cheating on me because 'white people' have no morals blabla. Yesterday I found out I didn't get in, which I don't mind about, but its the first time he properly came to see me and spent time with me. He told me that he needs to concentrate on his work and his scared that I will always have the opportunity to run away, so he needs his family close. I did a bad thing last year because I said we would move in together then changed my mind, he trusts me but not in the sense that he can disrespect his parents. Their love for him is just conditional, its sickening

From your reply to my post you seem to be implying that your BF seems to doubt whether you two could work long-term or have I just misunderstood. You really need to discuss the situation with him. Ask him where you stand with him and his family. If there is no chance that his mum will accept, it may, though I hate to say it, be best to move on.