Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

so, there's this guy...

warning: extremely long post ahead

i met him in august last year, a friend of a friend introduced me to him when he was in the country (and region in general) on holiday. we all went out in a group for food, movies, picnics and having fun in general. he stayed for about 3 weeks then left to visit other places. we all exchanged emails, phone numbers, skype details and all that jazz, and i started talking to him on skype A LOT. there isn't a day that goes by where we dont leave each other messages if the other isnt on, though he leaves me more messages than i do, asking me how i am, how my day was, telling me of a funny thing that happened while he was travelling, etc. and we really hit it off, like i have never clicked with someone so well in such a short amount of time.

one day, i got into a car accident and was in the hospital for a few weeks, one of my friends in said group told him i suppose and he just popped up in my hospital room one morning with a bunch of flowers and a clearly concerned look on his face. he stayed the whole day, just talking to me, and making fun of my poor bedridden self, fluffing my pillows, getting me blankets, and just being EXTREMELY sweet in general he did this for a few more days up until he had to go back home... in toronto, yes canada. the thought of him going away literally halfway across the globe upset me, but i chose not to tell him this, but the same thing was on his mind and he told me. he said he's never been interested in someone younger than him (dont freak out its only a 3 year age gap), and he's never fallen for someone as quickly as he did with me, yes, he said he loves me and he'll miss me a lot and he promises to come visit me the next time he's in the area. i was so bloody happy i freaking CRIED and said i love him too and i'll miss him so much.

we talk on a daily basis still after that; on skype, texting and the occasional phone call. the time diff and the fact that he works throws things off a bit, but we still manage to talk to each other at least once a day even for a brief moment. for xmas he actually mailed me a webcam with a note that said 'i just miss seeing you, and your lameass PC has no webcam, please dont freak out, love you' (mind you i have a very good PC, it just doesnt have a built-in webcam) and then we started webcamming! it was great being able to hear his voice AND see him again (god he's the most adorable thing in the whole world, extremely cute, EXTREMELY! sigh... :h:

)

now, i play mmo's; wow, dota, rom, sro, etc. but not as actively as i used to, so i play something more.. girly i guess; pw. i was running a dungeon with a few mates when he hit me up on skype asking what im up to, and i told him 'oh running a dungeon with a couple of people' and he asked what game i was on, and i told him, and it turns out, he's an admin of a private server of the same game! i wonder why this never popped up in our conversations before though... but anyway, he invited me to play on the server he's on, and i did! now, with pw, theres an IG marriage system (yes yes laugh at me all you want), and in the server of his, he is ig hitched (e-hitched!) with another member of the server staff. and for some reason, i get really bothered by it, like REALLY bothered. cause we'd go to random places on the map and just talk and mess around (yes like a date of sorts, its the closest thing we can get to physically being near each other) and then his e-wife would pop up and say hi and stick around and jump into our conversations. i expect him to say something like 'i'll see you later, can you leave me for a bit', but he didnt, he LET HER STAY. and it bugs me ._. she's a nice enough girl though. same age as he is.

so when we talk on skype, we have another conversation item, the game. anyway, one day, he tells me that his e-wife admits to liking him, more than just a friend. he even copy-pasted his skype convo with her to me. and i didnt know what to feel. how to read this situation. what this situation is. we argued a lot about it, and i end up not talking to him for days. i went mad for those couple of days, not talking to him mind you, missed him terribly. he'd leave me texts and skype messages though, saying he loves me and wishes id talk to him again, and to forgive him for being an idiot and for hurting me. and id come back to him eventually. anyway, this cycle did not stop here, he'd bring it up when it bothers him and the cycle would repeat. i just got fed up with it one day and gave him an ultimatum, choose her or me. he says that he chose me, he chose me from the day we met, that she doesnt mean a thing to him, that what we have is more substantial, etc etc. and he goes and divorces her IG! i never told him to, but he did anyway and ofc, im happy, but then he's miserable, and so is the girl, and he gets more miserable that the girl hates him (she thinks that hes been stringing her along), he admits to me that he cant not be with her IG and my head says 'fine then leave him to sort his feelings out and choose properly' but my heart says 'stay, he loves you, shes nothing to him, stay'. i told him what my head said and he begged me not to leave him, but he ends up remarrying her IG anyway! yes it pissed me off, yes i told him, but he again says all these sweet things that im the only one he really cares about, and being the girl that i am, i just forgive him, i cant help but forgive him.

for me, things slowly started going downhill from there, our conversations were shorter, made up for with many i love yous and i miss yous, and right now i just dont know what to do. im confused, hurt, angry, upset, and i need advice from someone who doesnt personally know either one of us. am i totally over reading things and jumping into conclusions? how do i know that he isnt saying all these sweet nothings to her too? should i confront the girl, knowing that it may upset him? O.o im in desperate need of any advice...

Reply 1

summer93

Having never played any of these games I can't understand entriely what you mean but at the end of the day, I think what you have to remember is that it is just that, a game, and whilst he may have married her in it, it's you he's chosen in real life :smile:

I think he probably just remarried her on it cos he feels sorry for her, he probably rejected her for you and knows that it's upsetting to be rejected so is just trying to keep her somewhat happy there. In all, he sounds like a really nice guy who clearly likes you a lot so I wouldn't worry about what's happening in some game. If anything, it could just highlight another positive about him in that he cares for people's feelings - this certainly seems the case since he turned up at hospital to see you! I'm also in a LDR so I get that the distance is hard sometimes, especially since it makes it far more difficult to see what the other person is up to but if I were you I'd just forget about the game and maybe concentrate on something else - like plans to see each other again or something xx

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