[Robinson's_Crusade]

(Original post by Boobies.)
Wow, so much pressure to get rid of the hair, OP! I can see why you'd get so annoyed if you're OK with it.
Personally, I think that if you are happy with it - after weighing up the pros and cons, knowing you'll get comments etc - then you should stick with that. The bullies only win if you do something you don't want to just to please them, so if the only reason you're keeping the hair is to 'beat' the bullies, I'd move on, but if you actually do feel comfortable with your natural appearance, great.

However, the point about your parents - maybe if you spend a small period of time shaving/otherwise getting rid of the hair and try it out, your parents will accept that you've tried and if you don't prefer it they'll let you make the decision to not remove the hair in future without bothering you?

It has a factor and it's what people tend to understand easier (although apparently not on this thread... ), but I was happy with who I am. If it was caused by an illness, I think I might be less happy, but being too sensitive to my own androgens is just part of who I am. I used to dress the same as anyone else and not feel self-conscious about it.

But now I don't, and it's only since my parents started that it's changed. I just want them to stop making me feel like **** and go back to being happy about it.

[Rgman27]

(Original post by Robinson's_Crusade)
I guess I'm not that emotionally mature, I still see it as me versus them ... and if I change it, they've won. Their years of torment beat me down and made me give into them.

Don't listen to all these people.

It isn't about being emotionally mature. They are being out of order. If they want to convince you of something then there are better ways of doing it than being insulting. Giving into somebodies demands isn't being mature.

I assume that you have to live with them. So, the best way to do it, is simply to do what they want. However, when you have the ability to. I would be hurtful.

IE Not talk to them, don't invite them to important events and etc. When they ask you, then tell them, it was because you were deliberately hurtful to me. By the way, I would warn them that this will be the eventual outcome of their behaviour.

It may take a while to implement this, though. Just think of it like losing a battle to win a war.

[bammzie]

I have that "Can't do what they want me to because it means they win" because of bullying too.

I know that talking to them simply makes them say "Well if you do what we tell you to, we'll stop." but have you ever gone so far as to say that you would shave in your own time or take medication if they didn't start bugging you about it in the first place?
Or perhaps that it's your life, not theirs and that you will do what you want with your body, hair or no hair?

[catoswyn]

Parents always go on about something... I should know I am one! It is a sign of caring but it does sound as if your parents are communicating in a way that makes you feel pressurised and as if you feel that they are saying that you are not alright exactly as you are.

Its your body and your life. Do whatever you want with either.

For the immediate problem here are some suggestions:

1. Arrange a counselling session for all three of you where you can all communicate in a 'safe' space with more guidance from an outside person. This may enable your parents to hear what you are saying. Appointments can be arranged via a GP or privately. There is usually a long wait as demand is high. If you can't do this or they are not willing try to arrrange one for yourself. Counsellors work in schools, colleges and universities. It would give you a place to talk to someone and let off some steam about your parents and how you are feeling.

2. Write down what you want to say in a clear letter. Give it to your parents. In the letter try to acknowledge that you understand and have heard all their concerns. Sometimes people go on repeating things because they don't feel you'got it'. Thank them for their concern but state clearly that you are considering your own options and will make your own decisions in your own time. Say that you would now appreciate it if they would stop talking about the issue and give you the space and time to make those decisions.

3. Is there a trusted family member such as an aunt, grandparent, sister, brother, mom's best friend etc who you may find it easier to communicate with and who may be able to intervene with your parents on your behalf and point out how upsetting you find the communications??

4. Maybe divide and conquer.... try talking to them seperately and if possible persuading one at a time that you need them to be quiet about this. Hopefully get this person on your side to deal with the other one. At the moment they seem to be a team rather than individuals. As you know them best it may work to choose ways of communicating that best appeals to their different personalities and type. If one parent is dominant in their relationship then that one may be able to prevent the other one from continuing with the barrage if you can get them on side. Play it by ear.

5. If they really won't shut up then maybe ear plugs and gritted teeth until you can leave home later! Its hard but maybe find new ways to let it wash over you and blank them out... meditation techniques such visualising a place in your head that you retreat to when they start upsetting you or learning to relax and breath so that you don't get the stressed reaction to them. There are lots of things on-line about this kind of thing as well as classes and books.

Last but not least they are expressing their own fears and worries not yours. Don't let their anxieties become your anxieties. They might be worried about appearance and jobs and all that stuff. You don't have to agree with them or adopt their point of view. You can't change their opinions or their worries but you can let yourself be happy and feel what you feel about things.

Good luck!

[Boobies.]

(Original post by Robinson's_Crusade)
It has a factor and it's what people tend to understand easier (although apparently not on this thread... ), but I was happy with who I am. If it was caused by an illness, I think I might be less happy, but being too sensitive to my own androgens is just part of who I am. I used to dress the same as anyone else and not feel self-conscious about it.

But now I don't, and it's only since my parents started that it's changed. I just want them to stop making me feel like **** and go back to being happy about it.

Like I said, maybe conforming for a while will get them off your back? It seems like talking isn't really working. If you'd rather not do that, you could sit them down and explain to them that it's their negative attitude that's making you feel self concious, rather than the hirsutism. Or you could try and show them ways in which your life is normal.. introducing them to understanding friends, maybe getting a part time job or something, so they'll stop worrying that this will hold you back.

It must be very unpleasant, but I think their hearts are in the right place. As parents, they're probably more scared of the hurt you might feel at being picked on/rejected etc than you are, and want to protect you from it.

[Gontak]

(Original post by Robinson's_Crusade)
I know they don't care. I know they don't even know what I am and am not doing with my hair now, years after leaving the school.

Well they're winning now because as you said yourself you're not doing anything. If you life amounts to nothing, if you don't go and succeed, they've won. If you can show that you can accept your problem, like you say you have, overcome it and do better than them you win and there's nothing they can say otherwise. But you're letting your problem hold you back and it's sad that you're doing it because you're letting them win and don't even know it.

To be honest, if you're going to do something about it don't do it for anyone else but do it for yourself. Right now Its obvious you don't believe shaving it is for yourself, but for everyone else and that's fine. You're keeping it to prove a point that you can keep it if you want to, but I hope one day you realise that truely dealing with it is not caring about others, shaving it if you have to, and going on and doing the best you can with your life. That's the best way to beat those bullies.

[Megaross]

They want whats best for you, honestly, not to be rude but hairy women aren't accepted greatly in society and it's likely you'd be at a major disadvantage.

I'm fat, hairy as a wolf and ugly to boot. But I do my best to keep that under control because appearance has a staggering effect on people.

I personally agree with their argument because it's out of love and not hate. You need to sit down and talk to them, tell them they're making you feel this way.