(Original post by Anonymous)
It's a hard life having Aspergers Syndrome, struggling to make friends and go out socially has always been very hard for me, afraid of not being accepted by anyone and I've been bullied in the past so that hasn't helped me at all. I'm a 22 yr old male and I've written this so people can know my story, I hope it dosent bore you and I hope to one day meet more people with Aspergers who just might understand.
As a kid, I loved Horses and I never understood why I did and still do but all I knew was that I wanted to ride them abdly, spent hours riding and not stopping but never got the chance to do so and I feel gutted about that because I was afraid that people would laugh at me and call me gay or something
I was diagnosed when I was 13 years old but they spent eight years testing me for it and ever since that day, I slowly got worse and worse with my confidence, eventually it left altogether, I didn't care about anything or anyone anymore, I just wanted to be left alone and I even wanted to end it all at one point but I made a promise to myself that I would never do something like that and that I would always find a way back and so far I have kept my word.
I can remember a time when I was a very happy person and it was all before I knew I had Aspergers, I had good friends and I can't ever remember getting angry about anything, life was great as a kid for me but it was when I entered my teen years that my life fell apart, my so called friends stabbed me in the back and left me alone for five years, I didnt have another friend until I left for college. My GCSES suffered because of my depression, that and I was taken out of many classes and placed on a flexible learning course with other students who struggled but they all just messed around and I couldn't concentrate at all.
I joined college when I was sixteen despite horrible GCSES and weirdly enough I started to turn things around, I started talking to people and made friends. I decided to join Drama since I love acting BUT EVERYTHING that happened to me in school finally surfaced and I got so stressed one day in class that I was recommended to see a cousellor who I told everything, things I could never tell my parents and I felt great afterwards, like a new person, like I had been wearing an Iron Mask all of my life and I taken it off for the very first time and my marks shot up, I even found a girlfriend who i'm still with today. I ended with a DDD and a place at University, I felt fantastic and looked forward to the future.
I was so happy that after so many years of studying my way out of the hole that school had dug for me, I had done what they said I could never do but after I arrived at University, I wished I had never bothered in trying to go in the first place. Freshers week was awful.
I hated it, all everyone wanted to do was go out everynight and get as drunk as they could, I'm not that kind of person and because of that I really struggled to fit in with anyone, Freshers Week was the worst week of my life. I've always been a quiet person and a few people at Uni have called me that before so I got depressed and wanted to quit but for some reason, I decided to keep going and to not give up or everyone at home would have been right all along that I wouldn't be able to cope with the stress.
I slowly liked it a little more as time got on but whenever we had group work to do, I hated it because I always convince myself that noone will want to work with me and that noone likes me
I have always worked better alone. I can never take a joke and I take everything seriosuly, I was once an hour late for a meeting and I got so depressed, I cried all afternoon over it. It's like I think if I slip then I'll go back to others making choices for me and I'll never get to do what I want with my life again, I'll be babied because noone thinks I can do it by myself or my school does, College believed in me and helped me grow up as a person.
I am now a 2 nd year University Drama student and I set it upon myself to give myself more social oppourtunites by joining a few societies so I can get out of my room more but I'm still terrified that noone will like me and I'll stay alone, my girlfriend is very worried about me and thinks I should quit if I'm getting depressed, she wants me to be happy but I don't want to give up after everything that I've fought for just because some people don't talk to me, I'm a human being and I have to put some effort in as well I've spent too long assuming that friends will come to me, I have to leave my shell and keep trying, after all what do I have to lose.....
Whether I fail or succeed, I can at least say I tried my best but I refuse to go down without a fight.