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Kinks at Uni of Exeter - Philosophy and Italian

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    Just did it. Feeling relieved. He said he was okay and that when I said it last night, it had come as a shock. He said he knew that I hadn't really changed my mind. Now he's sending bitchy texts. Fantastic.

    My mum is proud of me for doing the right thing though.

    Italian presentation almost done. Need to finish it and then I'm baking a cake x
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    I've been so busy lately! It's been crazy. TP on Thursday was really good and I got to know one of the girls really closely at predrinks. I casually gave my number out to 2 guys that night. I didn't have any expectations of either of them but they both texted the very next day. I've been on a date with both of them. One of them has no chance. He's just too insecure and has no confidence. It's not attractive.
    What made you think he was insecure?
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    (Original post by Wave)
    What made you think he was insecure?
    It was obvious. He got his brother to ask me to dance with him. He was a bit of a pushover. Everything about him screamed 'no confidence' and he did admit it to me later on. The way he walked, his aura...everything.
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    It was obvious. He got his brother to ask me to dance with him. He was a bit of a pushover. Everything about him screamed 'no confidence' and he did admit it to me later on. The way he walked, his aura...everything.
    Aura... I see. So it is true there is no hiding it :sad:

    What I don't understand is why girls are so anti-shy guys. Men aren't anti-shy girls. Is it because shy guys take too much effort to open up? because i can understand that as shy girls can be aloof and off-putting. but if it's just because girls like to be around confident people then I think that is just a shallow attitude. Why is rejecting someone for not being too attractive frowned upon but rejecting someone for being quiet acceptable?
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    (Original post by Wave)
    Aura... I see. So it is true there is no hiding it :sad:

    What I don't understand is why girls are so anti-shy guys. Men aren't anti-shy girls. Is it because shy guys take too much effort to open up? because i can understand that as shy girls can be aloof and off-putting. but if it's just because girls like to be around confident people then I think that is just a shallow attitude. Why is rejecting someone for not being too attractive frowned upon but rejecting someone for being quiet acceptable?
    Yeah...it's like, positive attracts positive
    I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we have our own insecurities, and someone like that really just struck me as having no confidence. Girls don't want a guy who is insecure because it's just not good for them. And I personally love a confident guy.
    To be honest, I would happily reject a guy because he wasn't good looking too. I guess I'm just abnormally honest/superficial! x
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    Ever so slightly pissed off with myself. I couldn't sleep last night due to being 100% paranoid. I was so scared all night. However, I got a visit from security and I did feel a bit better. It's meant that I missed my lecture at 9am. I woke up at 12pm. I've not done a lot. Italian presentation needs to be done. Going to have to bake my cake on Thursday now. FML.

    But, on the bright side, I'm seeing my boyfriend later and going to go clubbing. Yay. x
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    He keeps emotionally blackmailing me. It's pissing me right off. I want to move on from this and progress but he keeps dragging me down. I've had to start popping pills again.

    Last night was strange, initially. I think there was a bit of a distance between me and the boyfriend because of what has happened with the ex. By the end of the night, we were our normal selves and this morning it was magical. Just the way he looked at me and everything. We've decided on Wagamama's to celebrate our anniversary next Wednesday.

    I've skipped all my classes today. I cannot concentrate and I feel like my mental health is deteriorating a little bit. I don't even want to go downstairs and get the post from the other building. Just going to have a pyjama day and stay in and be antisocial. x
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    I'm seriously messed up in the head. Keep over-thinking. Part of me is regretting the decision. I don't know. We're meeting up on Sunday for a chat. I think it will probably be Starbucks because he's going clubbing on Saturday and he'll have the family dinner on Sunday. I'm kind of upset at the thought that he might get another girl. How bad is that? And, as I'm typing this, 'We Belong Together' by Mariah Carey pops on my Spotify. Fantastic. Anyway, I feel bad because I have always given people 2 chances and I haven't with him. If I talked to him, maybe things could improve and he could improve. I don't know.

    Things are going well with the boyfriend, I have to say. There are some issues that we need to iron out though. When I'm not with him, I don't feel like he loves me. When we are together, it's amazing. I really need him to step up because I don't want to regret this. I will put everything into it and I already do, but he needs to do the same. It's a 50-50 thing at the end of the day.

    I ended up going clubbing with one of my girls last night. We both needed to let our hair down and I needed to escape my turbulent life, get tipsy and dance the night away, which is precisely what happened. The boyfriend was also going to be there but we said we would just have separate nights. We ended up coming home together, though. I didn't mind that too much because it was nice to cuddle someone when asleep. It was a good night out though. Good music, atmosphere and people. I really needed some girl time!

    One of my girlies is coming down for the weekend tomorrow so excited. I kind of want her to meet both of them so she can help me make a judgement. It also depends on the ex, of course. There's nothing to say that he wants to know me, I'm simply assuming. And it depends on what happens when I talk to the boyfriend tomorrow.

    I had my Italian presentation. It went really well and I adore my Italian teacher. She's absolutely lovely. We spent so much time talking about anorexia in English afterwards. She's such a sweetie. Definitely giving her a present at the end of term

    I've done nothing productive this evening. Had a bit of banter in the kitchen at dinner, but that's it. I wanted to go for a drink or be a bit sociable with someone tonight to celebrate the presentation, but that didn't materialise, so I've just watched tv, over-analysed my life and got depressed on the phone with my mum, who proceeded to have a bit of a tiff with me. Lovely. x
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    Fire drill at 7.50am. On my day off.

    FUUUUUUUUUUUUU. x
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Fire drill at 7.50am. On my day off.

    FUUUUUUUUUUUUU. x
    nice blog, but your love life is a tad confusing to follow. id thought you put that you broke up with your bf, yet next post you were talking about seeing him, are you going out with your bestie?
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    (Original post by jelly1000)
    nice blog, but your love life is a tad confusing to follow. id thought you put that you broke up with your bf, yet next post you were talking about seeing him, are you going out with your bestie?
    Thanks! My life is way too confusing :\ basically, dating my bestie, so he's now my boyfriend. My ex still wants me, I'm still in love with him but I know that he's no good for me. Seeing him tomorrow to kind of close that chapter of my love life. x
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Thanks! My life is way too confusing :\ basically, dating my bestie, so he's now my boyfriend. My ex still wants me, I'm still in love with him but I know that he's no good for me. Seeing him tomorrow to kind of close that chapter of my love life. x
    ah i see. lucky for some having 2 guys that like them anyway good luck sorting things out
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    (Original post by jelly1000)
    ah i see. lucky for some having 2 guys that like them anyway good luck sorting things out
    I wish! The ex was a complete psycho in the end. Kept threatening to kill my current boyfriend and he was basically trying to emotionally blackmail me; he was saying that either I am with him as his girlfriend or he wants absolutely nothing to do with me. I chose the latter :P thanks anyway! x
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    A few things have happened. My ex is a complete moron and I realised that because he was trying to emotionally blackmail the whole time. However, the boyfriend is being so romantic. I couldn't be happier.

    I'm really worried about my mum, though. She's so depressed. I called her this afternoon and she told me that she's been crying all morning. She asked dad if she could stay in Exeter with me for a week because she needs a break and we've not seen each other in three months. He said no. Of course he did, the selfish idiot.

    Skipped classes today. Really not mentally with it at the moment. Trying to find a job too, but a flexible one so it works around my hectic summer holidays. I'm going to Tenerife with my girlies and then spending the rest of the time in Italy and some of it in Exeter too.

    Cannot wait till tomorrow going out for dinner with the boyfriend and then seeing him again on Thursday for a smoothie at the smoothie bar. I also need to do my grocery shopping. x
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    I'm hungry :\ what the hell. Tofu and seafood chow mein, sugar snap peas and hot chocolate hasn't done it?!

    My mum's not getting any better, to the point where it feels like she's trying to get me down a bit too. I feel like I can't talk to her about things any more and it hurts because she's my best friend. I don't even feel like calling her unless it's admin stuff that I can't do myself because it's confusing. I've tried talking to her and just filling her in about what's going on, but she either interrupts and talks about something else entirely or is completely unresponsive and distant. I don't know what's worse. I want to be there for her but at the same time, I have a lot of stuff to deal with and I need her support too. She's not there for me any more. I guess it's part of being independent. I don't think I'll call her tomorrow. See what happens; after all, if she needs to talk then she can call me and make the first move. That way she'll be prepared to talk.

    Dinner last night was lush really delicious food and we were howling with laughter the whole way through. Too many private jokes and innuendos for us to keep serious. We took a romantic walk and then had a hot drinks, cocktails and shots before coming home. Smoothies were nice too! He carried my shopping all the way back to my flat, the sweetie. We're not seeing each other till Monday now. It's important to have space and independence because we fell for each other because we're individuals. You always have to stay true to who you are in a relationship, not be a clone of the other person. My brother's gone and done just that and it's ridiculous -- his girlfriend's word is infallible.

    St Patrick's Day on Saturday! So excited. Going to spend it drinking lots of cider. I'm going clubbing at night because a club is doing special St Patrick's Day cocktails and shots. The problem is trying to find someone to go with. I don't really mind going by myself, though. At least I won't have to look after anyone!

    Got a bargain of a dress today. It's gorgeous! £50 reduced to £25. Need somewhere special to wear it though.

    So much to do tomorrow! It's my day off but it's going to be so bloody busy. I have so much admin stuff to do, essays, presentation, gym and talking to my lovely cleaner over a cuppa in the morning. Bring on Saturday -- need to let my hair down! x
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    I've cried every day this week. My love life is perfect but my family life is messed up and I hate my degree. I want to change it. I don't care how. I have to change it before I go insane. It's upsetting me so much that I'm feeling suicidal. I don't want to do it any more. I don't want to study. I want to drop out but of course, I can't. If I drop out, I'm basically killing off my relationship. I have to stay here, so changing is the only way. I doubt they'll let me, but there's hope.
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    I hate my family. Ruined St Patrick's Day thusfar. I'm also ill at the moment -- stomach bug. My eyes are sore too. They look puffy and horrible.

    I don't want to go to town but I have to. Hate days like this. I'm not going to wallow in sadness though. Although it's the easiest thing to do, I'm not going to do it because I deserve better. I deserve a good day. x
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    Yesterday was ruined. My friends let me down at the last minute and I ended up staying in, despite being excited about St Patrick's Day since the beginning of March. The bf did invite me to go clubbing with himself and the lads but I didn't want him to not spend a night out with them. They hadn't been on a night out together in a while. It's important for us to have our respective lad time.

    To cheer myself up, I decided to vent into my actual handwritten diary. Then I got angry. I ended up reading from the beginning of the diary to the last entry I wrote and all the memories made me feel better. I actually felt okay after.

    The bitch that lives opposite me came back from clubbing and was outside my door yelling at whoever was with her and standing next to her. They came back extremely late and were hyper. Now I'm going to be a bitch back. I've tried resolving the issue in an adult manner, but clearly I need to play dirty before she gets the f*****g message.

    Quite a lot to do tomorrow. I have to go to the gym, submit my mitigation evidence, talk to my personal tutor about changing my degree and I have a DSA assessment. Oh joy of joys. Going to be rushed off my feet and wound up all day, although the gym may do me some good, mentally. I'm seeing the bf at 9pm but his texts are on the slow boat to China so I have no idea wtf we're doing. He better tell me before I start getting ready. No point wearing a mini skirt if he wants to sit by the Quay; I won't be able to feel my legs!

    Feeling a lot better the tummy bug was sorted by about 6pm yesterday and I've been eating normally today (although I have been a lot hungrier). I went to the gym for the first time in forever and it felt so refreshing! Doing my full work out from tomorrow as my tummy was hurting too much to do any stomach crunches today. It's been a productive day too; I've done a lot of my Italian presentation and, hopefully, I should have it completed before midnight! x
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    I'm in Rowe House it's en suite double bed. What accommodation are you thinking of applying for? Ahh I know people that do PPE -- looks so hard!
    Ooh, which block? It is rather nice having a double bed, even if the mattress seems to be made of plastic!
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    (Original post by Jemeter)
    Ooh, which block? It is rather nice having a double bed, even if the mattress seems to be made of plastic!
    Are you in Rowe? I'm block T Yeah but it's comfy and so practical!

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Updated: September 18, 2012
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