[jazzykinks]

Nothing's happened over the past few days. I've come to a decision about part of my life that was stressing me out...but just when I think I'm firm on it, something else happens and I change my mind again, fml.

I had another driving lesson and it's all coming back to me. I think I'll book my test next week because there's a waiting list, so I should be test-ready by the time it comes around.

I had a Skype session with my bello boyfriend. It was so good. I got butterflies and had to dress up for it a little bit. I put on a summer dress with pink roses on, just because I wanted to look nice for him. I hadn't seen his face for 2 weeks! He said I looked beautiful, although I disputed this because I've lost weight unfortunately. We talked for over an hour and got into some pretty deep stuff, actually. I needed to ask if he was happy in the relationship, now we've had time apart to think, but I didn't need to. He said as much anyway. He said that he's 18 and shouldn't be after a stable, long-term relationship, but he's happy the way things are. I couldn't stop smiling! Madre mia, he looked gorgeous, even though he was casual and had his glasses on. How lucky am I? Every time I see him -- even through a webcam, now -- I fall in love all over again and get that mad crush sensation!

Mum is hitting up Exeter tomorrow. Cannot wait! We've been all hyper on the phone to each other today. I'm going to get up early and hit the gym as we're having pizza tomorrow night and my stomach could do with some toning and weights.

I was feeling really depressed today, though. I don't want to be doing a degree. I f*****g hate studying and it's the last thing I want to do. The thing is, I don't have a choice. If I drop out, I have to move back home. That's just not an option for me -- I'd end up getting sectioned if I did because things are so bad. Besides, what about my boyfriend? I can't believe I'm willing to endure another 2 years of doing a degree for him...but he's worth it. We need to be in the same city, I guess. x

[jazzykinks]

Mum's come down to Exeter! We've had a lot of fun thusfar. Friday night we didn't really do anything, we just ate pizza and caught up. Saturday was spent pigging out in La Tasca and shopping. We also watched a movie in the evening and I had a little tipple. Today, we've chilled out and organised my room a bit, done a few odd jobs like sewing my skirt (it got ripped whilst clubbing -- we go hard!) and we're going to a cocktail bar tonight, but only for one drink because she's got a cold. I absolutely love having her around!

Tomorrow, we have to go shopping again. I couldn't find any shoes that I liked and we're stocking up on drinks as well. We're going to Bella Italia, her favourite (along with La Tasca) for lunch. I'm definitely having some Amaretto as a digestif.

I spoke to the boyfriend on Skype yesterday. All is well and he's actually began revision, which is more than I can say for myself . I am quite annoyed with him, though. There are a couple of big issues that I need to talk with him about as they will affect us. The problem? He doesn't like doing stuff like this if it's not face to face. That's lovely and all and I agree, but we can't be face to face for another couple of weeks and he'll want to celebrate when we first meet up, so it will have to wait even longer. These things are really important to me, but he doesn't want to chat about them until he's back in the country. They're making me really anxious and worried :\ I guess I have no option but to wait, unfortunately. x

[jazzykinks]

Ahhh! We ate at Bella Italia yesterday. I bought cider and we ended up buying jewellery (we got a bit carried away in Debenhams...). Unfortunately, mum is going back today really upset. I've gotten so attached to her all over again and become used to having her around and cuddling her. She's been a complete babe, trying new things and such. I'm proud of her. She's finally living her life and she keeps screaming YOLO. She had a cocktail and got drunk after half the glass!

I met up with a friend yesterday. I know what my feelings are and it was a silly, schoolgirl crush. I'm glad he's such a chill guy because there's no awkwardness or anything. We're just going to be friends and help each other through our depression etc. I feel a little bad for even looking at someone else lustfully, but now I know I have to give myself completely to my boyfriend. I know who I should be with and I am happy. There are things that I need to iron out with him, but I think it's for the best and if we love each other, we'll be able to change each other for the better. x

[jazzykinks]

Nothing has really happened, not until yesterday. I went on Skype to talk to the boyfriend and we had a lovely chat. I've fallen in love with him all over again and I'm just counting down the days until he comes back! A week now. On Saturday evening, he will be here in Exeter, sleeping in my bed. Heaven.

I went out clubbing with a couple of the locals (although one is also a student) last night. It was good and we had a good time. The music was great. We all got pretty drunk. The only thing that pissed me off was the lack of respect of the guys in the club. Honestly, it did my nut in. My having a boyfriend was deemed irrelevant by everyone and one guy even tried to force himself on me and kiss me. Disgusting, actually disgusting. If I say I'm not interested and I have a boyfriend, I bloody well mean it! So many guys tried it with me. There was one guy that had his sleazy, pervy eyes on me all night and every time I walked past him he literally grabbed and pulled my arm to try and get me to come over. What makes some guys think that they can do that? It's disgusting and it makes me feel like I'm being objectified. I have come out with my girls and I am not interested in grinding on a guy or getting off with anyone. Don't objectify me. The way I am dressed is due to my feeling comfortable in my clothing, it is not for your amusement or perverse pleasure. F**k off! x

[jazzykinks]

I have a stalker. Fantastic. I am being bombarded by messages and calls by this one perv that keeps popping up in nightclubs. I don't want to know. Thinking of going to the phone shop and getting his numerous numbers blocked.

I didn't end up at the gym today. I got out of bed at 1.30pm. This week, I'm going to be really strict on myself and get up at a decent hour. It was really hard though as it was like I was paralysed; my mind was awake but my body wouldn't physically move out of bed.

One week until the boyfriend comes back <3 so excited! x

[jazzykinks]

Today, I got out of bed at 9.45am. This is a record, honestly. I haven't been awake and up so early in ages, perhaps since I finished sixth form! It really set me up for the day, although I did feel like I was going to faint at one point. I waited until I felt okay and then went to the gym. First proper workout in about a month. I feel so good about myself and it really spurred my appetite -- I've been eating all day. Hopefully this continues and this has kickstarted my appetite so that I can put on the 4kgs I've lost over the past month.

I had a driving lesson today. Same as usual. Going to book my test for the beginning of August.

The boyfriend is back on Saturday night cannot wait! x

[jazzykinks]

Wow. It's been about a week since I last updated! So much has been going on. I've actually started 'revision' for the exams (in quotation marks simply because I never went to the lectures to learn the stuff in the first place). I've also been quite busy with the boyfriend we've seen each other a lot since he came back, but I'm happy because I adore him and I love spending time with him.

I went out with the girls last Friday night. Rococo's was £1.99 night, so things were cheap and the atmosphere was awesome. I bumped into my ex, who turned a bit psycho when I dumped him. We figuratively kissed and made up so we're going to give friendship a go. I made friends with some marines and was still drinking at almost 5am. There's one in particular that has been texting and he seems like a lovely chap, so hopefully I'll see him tomorrow night when I'm out on the town with the girls. If not, perhaps a drink at some point.

I need to check cinema times -- me and the boyfriend are going to go to the cinema this week and have some lovely pizza before. I'm cooking a roast dinner on Sunday for us, and next Sunday he's doing a traditional Italian meal. YUMMY! x

[jazzykinks]

Sunday went really well. I was running around so much, trying to get ready and keeping an eye on the roast dinner in the oven, but it was worth it. Loads of washing up though! We chilled out in my room and then went clubbing. It was a pretty epic night -- I ended up being a dancer on stage!

Nothing else has been going on, really. I've had a bit of a cold which got pretty critical last night/this morning, so I did what I usually do: veggie diet (basically lots of fruit and veg, more than I'd usually eat) and garlic. This entails me eating a whole bulb of garlic slightly roasted. Garlic is a life-saver. Don't knock it until you've tried it. If you want to get over a cold/flu fast, GARLIC. I now feel fine!

Tomorrow is Orange Wednesday Can't wait. I've never actually taken advantage of it before, so it should be good. Besides, I can't think of a better combination than pizza, a movie and sex x

[jazzykinks]

I just realised that soon enough, I won't be posting in here because I won't be a fresher. WTF.

Anyway, I just wanted to rant about the idiots I have to share with. The cleaner came this morning at about 11am. Now the kitchen is a f*****g mess. I don't understand how they treat this place like a dump. Temporarily, you are living here. CLEAN UP AND KEEP IT TIDY.

In other news, The Hunger Games was really good! We had the whole screen to ourselves, which meant we could make out and talk about the movie freely. It was a great time. I never knew such a simple date could be so good! We're seeing each other tomorrow and then not seeing each other for a week as we have exams. Not fun. At least revision is coming along pretty well and by the end of tonight, I should have made notes for everything x

[jazzykinks]

My first exam is on Thursday, then I have another on Saturday. After that, I'm dropping Philosophy forever! I cannot wait. Meetings and discussions have been going on about my changing degree and, from what I've heard, it looks promising. I can't wait to change degree. I know things are going to get a lot better once I change because I'll be doing something easy and enjoyable, realising my full potential.

I can't wait till Saturday, though. After that exam, the boyfriend's taking me out. We're going to the chip-shop (a little private joke between us, but we're actually going there) and then we're going to the pub next door to watch the CL final and have a couple of pints. Then on Sunday, an authentic Italian meal. As for the rest of the week, who knows? We're spending it together as it's his last week in England. I have an Italian exam on that Thursday whilst he has Spanish the following day, but we're not too bothered as we know we'll do okay.

I can't wait until the weekend, although it's only Monday! x

[jazzykinks]

Mum's going to wake me up daily and stay on the phone until I get out of bed. I'm happy because it means I can get stuff done. I mean, yesterday I woke up at 3.30pm and wasted the day. I was so upset about it that I burst into tears when I called mum. This morning, she called and I got up. It was so difficult because I'd had practically no sleep, but I managed it and I accomplished everything that I needed to do today. I went to the gym and went to the shops, although they didn't have a lot on the shelves today so I will probably have to go again some time next week or on Sunday (which I was hoping to avoid).

I cannot wait until Saturday. End of Philosophy forever. Bring it on. I'm a little nervous about my exams because it feels like ages since I last did any and I'm completely out of the loop. Luckily, I have special consideration so I don't have to sit my exams in the daunting sports hall; I'm in a classroom and I can have one 15 minute break per hour to de-stress, eat and drink. At least the worst exam is the first one and then it will get easier. x

[jazzykinks]

Had a revelation about my life last night. I had nothing to do after reading over my notes so I dug out my old photos and diaries from when I was anorexic. It was enlightening. All I can say is that I've been given a second chance at life so carpe-f*****g-diem!

BRING ON TOMORROW. I'll be so bloody glad after tomorrow's exam is over. I'm nervous because I didn't go to any of the lectures and I don't understand some of it. It seems that the difference between A Level and uni level stuff is that at A Level, you understand it. At uni level, you don't. At least I know I'll nail one question -- it's about God's existence etc., so stuff I did for AS Level (got 97% then...so it looks promising!) and it's still pretty fresh. I can still argue my way well. I don't know which other topics to revise. I'm currently taking a break, hence the update. We shall see. Perhaps free will and determinism? Did that for A Level Ethics but always hated it. Hmmm.

40%, here I come! It's all I need. I'm dropping Philosophy so I need the bare minimum to pass this side of my degree and then I'm rolling. x

[jazzykinks]

The exam went okay. The first question I answered was easy and I know I've done well on it because I just regurgitated stuff I learnt for A Level. The second one was a little harder and I don't think I've done very well on it, but as long as I get over 40%, I don't really care too much.

Boyfriend's been sending me suggestive texts. Love it!

I absolutely despise the people I live with. They are disgusting. They have no sense of cleanliness and I feel sorry for our cleaner who has to deal with the pigsty that is the kitchen. It's all because of one person, really. She treats this place like a dump. I cannot wait until everyone leaves and I can live by myself next year. I've got a studio room on campus. Absolute heaven and worth the money. I somehow think that the boyfriend is going to spend majority of his time in there with me as opposed to his room. Fair enough -- everything's in one room, so a trip to the kitchen from the boudoir is nothing.

In other news, it has officially passed midnight, so it's technically Friday. This means that TOMORROW I CAN GO WILD...until Thursday (Italian exam). Bring on the lad-date I have with the boyfriend -- chippie, footie and the pub. HEAVEN. x

[jazzykinks]

Philosophy is officially over for me so happy. It was a bloody difficult exam though. I think that if I was continuing Philosophy next year, I probably would have cried during the exam. The second set of questions was so difficult and I chose the best out of the worst, but it was still bloody awful. I'm relieved it's over. I hope I've passed.

Anyway, enough about that. It's time to celebrate the end of Philosophy. Going out tonight with the boyfriend. I cannot wait I just hope time doesn't drag between now and when we're meeting up. x

[DoctorSatan]

(Original post by jazzykinks)
Philosophy is officially over for me so happy. It was a bloody difficult exam though. I think that if I was continuing Philosophy next year, I probably would have cried during the exam. The second set of questions was so difficult and I chose the best out of the worst, but it was still bloody awful. I'm relieved it's over. I hope I've passed.

Anyway, enough about that. It's time to celebrate the end of Philosophy. Going out tonight with the boyfriend. I cannot wait I just hope time doesn't drag between now and when we're meeting up. x

Congrats! I did my final ever exam last week, and as I put my pen down, I had a voice in the style of the android's voice in Alien: Resurrection say "Your degree is now complete". I was really tempted to walk out of the exam room, and just pump my fist and shout "**** Yeah!"

Now, reality's caught up with me and I'm looking for work atm....

[jazzykinks]

(Original post by DoctorSatan)
Congrats! I did my final ever exam last week, and as I put my pen down, I had a voice in the style of the android's voice in Alien: Resurrection say "Your degree is now complete". I was really tempted to walk out of the exam room, and just pump my fist and shout "**** Yeah!"

Now, reality's caught up with me and I'm looking for work atm....

Ahh you are SO lucky! I can't begin to imagine how good that must feel. Well done I know what you mean. Uni is like a little bubble and then you think 'ohh s**t, I need to be employed...' x

[DoctorSatan]

Yep, it really did! I'm also an Exeter student and thankfully no kitchens caught fire in the proximity of any of the rooms where I sat my exams (see most recent edition of Expose!). I've applied for a few jobs today, but now I don't have much else to get on with I've been catching up on TV, cooking different dishes (when revising I lived on pizzas, spaghetti carbonara and fish & chips), and not much else really. Should be attempting to lose a stone or two & start learning German but my brain's turned to mush

[jazzykinks]

(Original post by DoctorSatan)
Yep, it really did! I'm also an Exeter student and thankfully no kitchens caught fire in the proximity of any of the rooms where I sat my exams (see most recent edition of Expose!). I've applied for a few jobs today, but now I don't have much else to get on with I've been catching up on TV, cooking different dishes (when revising I lived on pizzas, spaghetti carbonara and fish & chips), and not much else really. Should be attempting to lose a stone or two & start learning German but my brain's turned to mush

Ahh a fellow Exeter student awesome. LOL I don't really bother with Exepose considering I'm never really around campus apart from being in my room :\ I know what you mean -- exams have made me so lazy! German? Jheeze, German is not fun. I studied it for 2 years because I decided I'd do a GCSE in it for jokes and it was so annoying! Good to know though, I guess. x

[jazzykinks]

So much has happened. On Saturday, we watched the CL final in the pub. I didn't think either team really deserved to win. It was quite a boring much but we had our own fun.

On Sunday, the boyfriend cooked me an authentic Italian meal. I am such a lucky woman. Not only is he generally a lovely boyfriend, but he can also cook. It was absolutely delicious! We were so stuffed afterwards but it was definitely worth it. I couldn't move! For the first time, I didn't feel the slightest bit of guilt after a meal. Although I've been recovered for 2 years, I still feel a little guilty. I had a food baby after the meal but he really made me feel okay about it and he's right -- it's better to enjoy yourself and not deprive yourself. I was so happy. He made the meal with love and I felt that love so much that it overcame any guilt.

On Monday, we had dinner together again. He'd brought back a special type of sausage from Italy, so we had that with some ciabatta bread and the leftovers from the previous day. It was so lovely and I cannot wait to taste other delicacies from his region this summer. We then went to a cocktail bar and got a little frisky. I don't know why, but this cocktail bar really does it. Good drinks and decor with a good atmosphere too. At midnight, I wished mum happy birthday!

To celebrate mummy's birthday, we went out and had Lebanese yesterday, followed by dessert at Michael Caines'. HEAVEN. Both places that we ate at were fantastic. We also enjoyed a salsa night at one of the local clubs.

Tonight? Going to cook a bit of pasta and then we're going to go and see The Dictator. Bring it on!

Tomorrow is MY FINAL EXAM! It's Italian so I'm not too worried (it seems to be my speciality, if you know what I mean ). I was speaking to the boyfriend in Italian whilst tipsy the other night and he commended my skills, saying that if that was me when tipsy, I will have absolutely no problem and he's pleasantly surprised by how good my Italian is. I don't think it's good enough to properly understand everyone when I go there this summer, but hopefully I'll brush up a bit before getting on the plane! x

[jazzykinks]

Thursday was nice. We went to a dressy restaurant and my boyfriend looked stunning. The exam went really well too and I finished within an hour, although I panicked loads because I woke up at 9am and my exam was at 9.30am. Still, it went well and I couldn't have asked for it to be better. We ended up doing shisha at night as the weather was lovely.

Yesterday was good. His exam went well and we met up to go to Nando's. Nando's is our farewell place! It was so tasty. It gets tastier every time we go! Afterwards, we sat outside the cathedral and then bought a bottle of wine. We had quite a bit of alcohol. The goodbye was hard, but in the end, we'll see each other in just over a month and in a couple of weeks I'll be partying with the girls in Tenerife!

I'm just going to chill out today and pamper myself x