Tomorrow it's the meeting about changing my degree. I'm excited and nervous. I just hope there's a way out of Philosophy, although from what they've told me it does look promising anyway.
I'm missing the boyfriend. Pretty standard. I wonder how he's getting on. I know it's easy for him because he's with his family and friends, whilst I'm still stuck in Rowe House with a bunch of b*tches who make me feel uncomfortable. It's boiling. I have my door open with a door-stop. One of the b*tches does this every day, even if it's cold. So why is it a big deal when I leave mine ajar? Because they're bitches and they're f*cking immature, that's why. I hope they p*ss off soon so I can live in peace.
I'm contemplating going home early, although I really don't want to because my dad has loads of time off and I can't stand him. He promises he won't be abusive, but I doubt he'll stick to that promise as he's broken so many before. I just hate it here, though. Realistically, it's 13 days until I go home for the summer/my holidays, but time is dragging. Hopefully tomorrow will go by fast due to my meeting and I'm starting to train again too. I hope so. Today has just been s*it. x
My degree change has been approved! I'm so happy! This is going to make the next two years a lot easier, to say the least. Languages, here I come. It's down as doing a BA Modern Languages, but by the end of the 3 years it will say something like BA Italian with Spanish. I am so happy! This calls for a celebration, which naturally involves alcohol. I'll just have a little bit of cider for now.
Other than that, I've been to the gym. I had a full work out for the first time in just over a week but it seems that the lack of working out during the past week or so hasn't affected my fitness, so yet another reason to have a smile on my face. I had to wear my shorts because it was so hot and I caught the eye of the fittest personal trainer! I was really happy. He came downstairs a couple of times to check me out. When I was leaving, he was on the upper level with a client and he just eyed me all over and once again for good measure after I'd collected my stuff from the lockers. Love it.
Ended up going out on Monday and Wednesday night. I got quite drunk on Monday (we were predrinking and playing Never Have I Ever -- guaranteed to get me drunk) but it was good fun. Yesterday we went to one of the local pubs for a few drinks and some intellectual discussion. Arguably, that was more fun.
The countdown is on. 9 days until I am reunited with my mummy for the summer well, some of it at least. I can't wait. I miss her so much and she said she really misses me too because I'm her strength bless!
Going to go to the gym tomorrow and the shops. I need to get a couple of things in for the holiday, like some sunscreen and a kaftan. Does anyone know where to get a nice kaftan? x
They've been the flatmates from hell and I haven't done anything but try and be polite and friendly. They deserve a taste of their own medicine, hence it would be just desserts if they did know about this blog! x
My feet hurt! I've been all over town trying to get some last minute bits for my holiday in about 10 days' time. I went into town today at about 3pm after having been to the gym. I managed to get the kaftan that I was dying to get and the right sun-screen too, so I'm all set. Also got some plasters for those annoying foot injuries incurred on nights out on one's 'Lads on Tour' holiday.
My session at the gym was good, but I can't help but think I'm a distraction in my hotpants. Sue me; it's summer and it's hot. At least I'm attracting the hottest guy at the gym. It's funny to see someone so confident just stumble as a result of my legs! Tomorrow I'm going to do more weight training. Today was mostly cardio as I was going into town anyway, which inevitably meant carrying back tons of luggage.
I am so pumped for Tenerife. 24/7 boozer with my lovely girlies! I couldn't give a toss about having a bikini body though. I'm comfortable with how I look so sod anyone who doesn't like it. Holidays are about relaxation and I hate how there's so much pressure on women to look perfect for the beach. Hardly relaxing. I will have my carbs and enjoy them, thank you very much.
Going home next Saturday and I cannot wait to get away from these bitches. I never have to see them again Italy in a month too! WOW. Trebisacce, here I come! I woke up to a really sweet message from my boyfriend this morning. Such a Romeo x
This time next week, I shall be back home with my mummy, chilling on the sofa with a large glass of wine (or vodka and coke, depending on what my dad's got on offer in the alcohol department...) and I CANNOT WAIT. I'm apprehensive about going home of course, but it's better the devil you know. After 18 years of abusive behaviour from my dad, I know how to deal with him. By all accounts, he seems to have changed and he is drinking less, so maybe things will be good. He's also seen the light in regards to me and my behaviour. He's grateful that I've always been honest about what I've been doing, rather than the family friend's daughter that he used to wish was his. I'm optimistic but still scared. My counsellor is going to help me think of coping strategies before I leave.
I was going to go out tonight, but it was pushed back. We couldn't get enough numbers for tonight so we're going out tomorrow. It will probably just be a quiet one; perhaps shisha at the Quay or a couple of drinks at the pub with some tv on. I cannot wait. One of my mates was asking for a sober night out tonight and I snapped up the chance. I don't think drinking is essential to have a good time.
Tomorrow, I'm going to the gym. Not doing anything else. Monday is a cream tea at 4pm and also Skype with the boyfriend later on. Tuesday is the Enchanted Garden Ball. So excited! I guess from Wednesday onwards I'll be packing for the holiday with my girls. I am so excited! x
Going to the gym didn't happen. I'm absolutely exhausted and would rather go all of next week. Besides, I had a little revelation last night. For the first time ever, I looked in the mirror and loved what I saw. That's a major breakthrough for me and something I never, ever thought would happen. I'm really proud of myself. It's taken so many years of self-hatred but I'm finally happy with how I look.
I am actually so angry today. The biggest b*tch here came home at 5am, was yelling with her boyfriend in the corridor, slamming doors and making an unnecessary amount of noise. I wanted to get out of bed and punch her face in. It woke me up and I couldn't go to sleep for ages afterwards, hence my lack of energy today and exhaustion. I have had enough. Things are getting worse every day here. I don't feel safe or comfortable. My first year has been hell regarding accommodation. I hope no one else has such a bad experience next year.
I'm counting down the days until I go home. Better the devil you know. At least I'll feel safe and comfortable. I won't be in such an extreme, hostile environment. x
Okay, slightly annoyed. The internet connection has been messed up all day when I need it the most because there's nothing to do until tonight's ball. I've been trying to watch things online all day and it's been stop/start. Really frustrating! (First world problem, I know)
Tonight is the ball! I am so excited about all the little things on offer. It's going to be rubbish though because the weather is going to ruin it. It does not feel like June at all. It's freezing. I went out clubbing last night and almost died on the way to and from the club. We had to queue outside for ages too. So much for summer. I really can't wait until Tenerife next week. Lord knows I need some sunshine and heat! Still, hopefully the ball won't be completely ruined. I best have a few shots before I leave to keep me warm and such
The boyfriend is doing well. He said I look really healthy and curvy now and he can't wait to see me next month. Less than a month! It seems the time apart has done us good because he seems to now appreciate me more, which is never a bad thing, and he misses me a lot. He's all excited! I don't think he cares about his birthday -- he seems more excited about my flying out to Italy than the birthday presents I've gotten for him! Bless him!
This week is going to be messy, but in such a good way. I had a cream tea with the girls yesterday followed by a lovely drunken night out. Tonight is the ball. Tomorrow it's shisha at the Quay. On Thursday, there's a Beats and Bass garden party (although given the weather, it may just be moved inside the Ram). On Friday, I am definitely going out to Rococos for a final £1.99 night before returning back home to mumma on Saturday. Great week! x
The ball was okay. It was a bit disappointing because it got boring quite fast. I think it's one of those things that you have to go to with a big group to have a thoroughly good time and I didn't, hence I didn't enjoy it too much. The weather was also bad but it had stopped raining at least. It was a good way to spend an evening, I guess. I met lots of new people and really hit it off with this post-grad guy that's just finishing his MA.
I woke up still drunk. Sign of a good night, really! I also had to go to my counselling session. I'm not finding it helpful any more. I may request to see someone else in the new academic year. I was absolutely exhausted from the past couple of days of incessant partying so I've decided to have a night in tonight as I'm going out on Thursday and Friday night. My last Rococos on Friday for this year! Cannot believe it. Rococos is always good. It's a pretty s*it club but it's the people that make it so good. x
I'm going home tomorrow I'm happy. I'm relieved. I'll be in a better environment than I'm currently in. Some of the b*tches are moving out now, thankfully. I will never have to see them again! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! I've packed my suitcase and just have to do my hand luggage and put some last minute things in tomorrow morning.
The Euros begin today. I'm so excited. I've been supporting Spain for ages, even when they were **** years ago. I do want Italy to do well though, but I have my doubts (thanks to the boyfriend filling me in on the squad). Clearly, England are going to fail, but I shall support them until they get knocked out.
I was really ill last night so I'm not going out tonight. I think it's best and I know travelling tomorrow will be tiring. I'm so excited about the holiday though and seeing my beautiful mummy. I think I may just collapse into her arms and start crying when I see her. It's been a tough year. x
LAST DAY AT UNI. I just booked my taxi to take me to the station, but booked it for about half an hour early so I definitely don't miss my train. I also want to get a magazine for the ride, so I'll be popping into Smiths' before I board the train. Luckily I've got the fast train. I'm surprised because it was dirt cheap so I thought I'd be on the slow train, but it will only take 2 hours to get to Reading and then 10 minutes to get home.
I spoke to mum this morning to make sure I have everything and she's a ball of excitement. Anyone would think it's Christmas! I can't begin to put into words how much I love my mumma. She is incredible. She's beautiful, strong and inspirational. Everyone that meets her wants her to be their mummy! I can't wait to see her. I know I'm only home for a couple of days before flying out but it's better than nothing. I think it's going to be emotional when I see her outside the station. The absolute babe also bought some vino yesterday so we can celebrate tonight when I'm back.
Monday = Manchester. Tuesday, we're flying out. BRING IT ON. GO HARD OR GO HOME!
I'm so happy to be leaving these b*tches that I've had to live with for the past year. So relieved. It feels brilliant. Karma will come and bite them up the a*se next year. I'm a firm believer in karma; I've seen it so many times with people who have wronged me.
Of course, I will be updating after my holiday but I'm not entirely sure if I'll be updating from now until then. If not, have a great week or so and I'll fill you all in once I'm back from Tenerife! x
Hello all! I just came back from Tenerife. It was such a good holiday and a week with my girls has done me a world of good. It's given me some perspective on my life and it's made me realise that a lot is going wrong and I don't have enough self-respect or strength. In essence, I am not the 'independent woman' I want to be, or thought I was. I need to buck up my ideas and that's starting from now. I won't let men define me any more. I was just oblivious to the fact that they were.
It was a crazy holiday. We did so much and I often woke up still drunk! We missed the breakfast a lot of the days, but when we did have it, it was absolutely lush. We've also come out of the holiday with loads of private jokes and sayings, thanks to these lovely Scottish lads we met who were just full of banter.
The hotel itself was totes amazeballs (one of our phrases). It was honestly a slice of paradise and I would definitely recommend it, although it's not where all the clubs are. Saying that, you do want respite from the strip after a night out or during the day. Very friendly staff -- some of them were a little too friendly
My phone got stolen, though. FML. My parents aren't taking that well and I'm awaiting a throttling from my mum when my dad leaves for work. Fantastic. The thing is, how do you know someone is going to rob you? How can you tell what a thief looks like? It could have happened to anyone but, given my run of bad luck, it happened to me. I'm just glad I was unharmed, but I don't think my mum seems to feel that way. She's so concerned about the material goods, it's unbelievable.
Anyway, I'm now currently waiting for my module results from uni and awaiting my next trip -- Italy. I leave on 2nd July and I'm going for a week. Luckily it will be a cheap holiday as I'm staying with my boyfriend! I can't wait to get in some more sun! x
Things have calmed down and I'm glad to be home. I miss the holiday and the lack of reality that comes with going abroad, but I know that it can't last, unfortunately. I'm just looking forward to my next holiday, although some serious issues need to be addressed with the boyfriend whilst I'm there. I'm slightly scared about that, but being with the girls for a week has really made me wake up and smell the coffee.
I'm going shopping today with mummy. The weather isn't great but hopefully it holds out and it is brightening up as we speak. x
I wasn't feeling that great today. I'd been inside too many days and the great weather meant that I wanted to go out rather than waste the day as the two appointments I had got cancelled. I ended up going out to smoke some shisha. I really hate my home town.
I couldn't sleep last night. I kept thinking about things, mulling them over and listening to The Script to try and restore my faith in love. I eventually did fall asleep but it was very disturbed with lots of waking up and shaking.
I have to go back to Exeter to collect all my stuff -- and my boyfriend's -- tomorrow. We're hiring a van and it's going to be an absolute mission. It's going to take all day and be exhausting considering I live on the top floor and there are no lifts. I can imagine that whatever weight I may have put on (apparently none) is going to drop off by the end of tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to being in the front of the van with my parents for 3 hours there and 3 hours back either. Or getting up so early. We're going to be up and about before 8am. Great. I wasn't even up that early for my last year of sixth form!
I'm looking forward to going to Italy. I really need another holiday. x
I came back from Italy last Monday but I've been so busy running around after everyone since I returned. Italy was absolutely incredible and I can't wait to return. Things at home are not good at all and I regret coming back. I regret not being selfish and demanding that my parents pay over a grand for me to stay at uni for the holidays.
I love the Mediterranean diet. It does wonders for my skin and my body. The food was so good and my appetite just rocketed. I had pizza so many times and pasta every damn day -- heaven!
The most important thing? My relationship with my boyfriend. Wow. Just wow. I cannot begin to describe how beautiful everything was. I didn't have to say anything. He just stepped up. Every moment we were together was somehow romantic. Even if we were just together, not doing anything, it felt good. That's why that week was the best week of my life. A week with the person that you love, giving 100% into your relationship. What more could you ask for in life?
Things aren't good. I am going nuts here. There's nothing to do and nowhere to go. I don't exactly have the safest hometown (it has a bit of a reputation, in all honesty) and I find that my depression is worsening, although it's partially to do with something else entirely. That's not really in my hands and I know I'm not guilty of anything, but it's pretty upsetting nonetheless.
However, I did some shopping today. I managed to get a gorgeous Jane Norman dress in the sale and some sexy but playful lingerie. Every cloud has a silver lining, I guess.
My girls have invited me on a night out next weekend and I can't wait. We haven't seen each other since Tenerife, which feels like ages ago! One of my besties is having a party too. It's fancy dress and you have to go as a fictional character. I was thinking of going as Lara Croft, weather permitting of course. Or Jack Sparrow, minus the facial hair. My usual dress up gear isn't suitable -- a stripper isn't a character, neither is Beyonce...
I proposed that the boyfriend and I should perhaps go on holiday together if he has enough money. I know I do as I was planning another trip to Italy. Hopefully he has some saved up from being at home during the summer and we can go somewhere, but I guess I'll only really know when we next talk to each other. Spain? I would love to go somewhere in Spain, perhaps Madrid.
I can't believe I'm saying it, but I miss uni. I miss having my friends there and more than anything, I miss seeing the boyfriend practically every day. x
I wish I didn't care so much about things and I wish I was occupied enough so that I didn't analyse every little detail. It just hurts me and it's self-destructive, although I do think that sometimes, these thoughts are justified.
I just have to stop being so upset and pick myself up (with the help of antidepressants). I need to hold on to the truths that I actually have rather than what I think is going on.
Today was alright. Had a lot of banter with the parents. Could have been worse, I guess. Shame I have driving both days of the weekend, though. x