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Depression Society MKVI

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    #2

    (Original post by Webberino)
    Hopefully, just need to stop being lazy now. Hmm.
    Would have to do an MSc instead then which would mean wouldn't get funded by student finance and can't afford to pay the fees and rent. Could try to find a uni that offers scholarships but might be a long shot. Hmm maybe I will go and cry to my advisor and see what he says.

    Thanks :hugs:

    Have you seen nuture lady around yet? :hugs:
    Ah right, yeah. My sister didn't stay and do a masters for that exact reason.
    Definitely see what he says, he might have thought of something you hadn't.

    I have not but I have promised myself that I will go and actually look for her tomorrow. I saw her today but she was with a police officer and I didn't want to interrupt.

    Wish my teachers would stop going on about how close and important our exams are. Most people have already started revising but I cant bring myself to do it whatsoever. I can barely construct a sentence without repeating a word and having to go back and correct it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's exactly how I feel.

    I get what you mean. With no disrespect to you, hearing and reading all these it gets better stories does tend to grind you down after a while. Really glad you're feeling a bit better though.

    Hope hospital doesn't have to be an option for me, couldn't imagine how much that would upset my mum.

    Yeah, I understand what you mean. A teacher of mine and a student mentor at my school are the only ones who know the full extent of things and they do say they care and they're forever telling me I can speak to them but I see what you mean about it being their job.

    It's not that mean, I know where you're coming from. I bet he sees loads of people and tells them the same thing so I imagine that plays a part in it.
    It isn't disrespectful at all, I know exactly what you mean.

    I was getting steadily closer to screaming and throwing things the more people told me I'd feel better at some point. It doesn't matter that you'll feel better soon, because you're dying now.
    I know I'll get ill again too, which is the thing that was really distressing me. I'm distracting myself either by playing xbox all day, sleeping as much as I can, or walking with an audiobook playing loudly in my ears.
    It isn't great, but it's something, I guess.

    I think I apologised to him a while after I said it (or at least, I hope I did). He was very understanding anyway. I definitely remember thanking him after our final session, so at least there's that. :lol:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ah right, yeah. My sister didn't stay and do a masters for that exact reason.
    Definitely see what he says, he might have thought of something you hadn't.

    I have not but I have promised myself that I will go and actually look for her tomorrow. I saw her today but she was with a police officer and I didn't want to interrupt.

    Wish my teachers would stop going on about how close and important our exams are. Most people have already started revising but I cant bring myself to do it whatsoever. I can barely construct a sentence without repeating a word and having to go back and correct it.
    Worried he will think I'm being pathetic to want to do a masters when I'm so lazy though. Suppose it's better to ask though. :ashamed2:

    Ok good luck for tomorrow. :hugs:
    Must be annoying, you can only do what you feel up to. :console:
    #2

    (Original post by Nut.)
    It isn't disrespectful at all, I know exactly what you mean.

    I was getting steadily closer to screaming and throwing things the more people told me I'd feel better at some point. It doesn't matter that you'll feel better soon, because you're dying now.
    I know I'll get ill again too, which is the thing that was really distressing me. I'm distracting myself either by playing xbox all day, sleeping as much as I can, or walking with an audiobook playing loudly in my ears.
    It isn't great, but it's something, I guess.

    I think I apologised to him a while after I said it (or at least, I hope I did). He was very understanding anyway. I definitely remember thanking him after our final session, so at least there's that. :lol:
    Can relate to that too.
    Does it feel like you're just passing time until the inevitable happens? Not actually living a life? That's how I feel anyway.

    Good stuff
    #2

    (Original post by Webberino)
    Worried he will think I'm being pathetic to want to do a masters when I'm so lazy though. Suppose it's better to ask though. :ashamed2:

    Ok good luck for tomorrow. :hugs:
    Must be annoying, you can only do what you feel up to. :console:
    I highly doubt he will think that at all and you are certainly not lazy! :console:

    Thanks
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Can relate to that too.
    Does it feel like you're just passing time until the inevitable happens? Not actually living a life? That's how I feel anyway.

    Good stuff
    Yeah pretty much.

    It's difficult to explain to people who haven't felt it (like most GPs) but my mood is more or less ok at the moment, while at the same time it doesn't feel like there's a point to anything.
    We're born, we do stuff, we die.
    That's it. I'm being petulant at the moment and deciding that no, I don't want to get a 9-5 job until I'm 70, and maybe I don't want a mortgage, and maybe I don't need a degree etc. etc. (Hence all the distracting I'm trying to do).

    My eating's got really restricted, but even as I'm doing that, part of me is thinking "why does it matter if you're skinny or not, you're still going to die whether you're fat or thin", and another (bigger) part of me is saying "what's the point in eating nice food if the moment it's gone, you might as well have not eaten it, because the moment's over."
    How many Easter eggs have I eaten as a kid, but now, as an almost-20-year-old, I don't care if 6 year old me ate chocolate or not.

    I can't really explain it properly. It's like - if I buy chocolate, I'd rather put off eating completely, because that way there is the promise of chocolate in the future, rather than it being something in the past.

    And that's now extended into my entire attitude to food. :/
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    I don't know why, when i'm worried, I get this "itchy pins and needles" feeling near my shoulders.
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    (Original post by Nut.)
    Yeah pretty much.

    It's difficult to explain to people who haven't felt it (like most GPs) but my mood is more or less ok at the moment, while at the same time it doesn't feel like there's a point to anything.
    We're born, we do stuff, we die.
    That's it. I'm being petulant at the moment and deciding that no, I don't want to get a 9-5 job until I'm 70, and maybe I don't want a mortgage, and maybe I don't need a degree etc. etc. (Hence all the distracting I'm trying to do).

    My eating's got really restricted, but even as I'm doing that, part of me is thinking "why does it matter if you're skinny or not, you're still going to die whether you're fat or thin", and another (bigger) part of me is saying "what's the point in eating nice food if the moment it's gone, you might as well have not eaten it, because the moment's over."
    How many Easter eggs have I eaten as a kid, but now, as an almost-20-year-old, I don't care if 6 year old me ate chocolate or not.

    I can't really explain it properly. It's like - if I buy chocolate, I'd rather put off eating completely, because that way there is the promise of chocolate in the future, rather than it being something in the past.

    And that's now extended into my entire attitude to food. :/
    that seems illogical to me, because if you eat the chocolate, then that is an experience that you do have, and once it is in the past, you are able to have the experience of eating something else. just because it is no longer happening, is no reason to think that is as good as it never having happened at all. in fact i'd say that is totally wrong as a comparison.

    moments pass- you can't have all of the moments all of the time. and even if you could, why would that be better? the difference, the clash between the presence of something and its absence is how you know it was ever there.

    i've eaten a **** ton of lindor truffles this month. like i ate probably 6 or 7 today. of course i don't care that i had them now, but when i did have them they were ****ing good. what else does one need other than that?
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    Work was exhausting. And someone stole all our tips


    I think I might be going on a date on Friday. Bricking it.



    Hope you're all doing okay xxx
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    (Original post by littleshambles)
    that seems illogical to me, because if you eat the chocolate, then that is an experience that you do have, and once it is in the past, you are able to have the experience of eating something else. just because it is no longer happening, is no reason to think that is as good as it never having happened at all. in fact i'd say that is totally wrong as a comparison.

    moments pass- you can't have all of the moments all of the time. and even if you could, why would that be better? the difference, the clash between the presence of something and its absence is how you know it was ever there.

    i've eaten a **** ton of lindor truffles this month. like i ate probably 6 or 7 today. of course i don't care that i had them now, but when i did have them they were ****ing good. what else does one need other than that?
    The difference between the two of us is probably that I've felt fat since I was about 8, and used to be told off by my mum for eating or asking for too many 'treats', so when I eat them now I feel guilty, and fat after I eat them.

    I can't remember a time in my life that I've eaten anything 'unhealthy' without feeling a huge amount of guilt afterwards. I can't eat 'unhealthy' food in public, at all, in case people are looking at me thinking "look at that fat cow". A month ago I was swinging between binging and restricting, but now that I'm just restricting, I feel better about myself.

    Maybe I'm still mildly depressed at the moment, but because I'm so much better than I was when I was hospitalised people aren't noticing and just think that I'm 'well' again.

    My memory isn't doing so good these days, so even good experiences that I've had are blurred or just feel insignificant.
    Hypomania, for example, felt really good when I had that, but once it's gone all it leaves behind is the knowledge that somewhere in my past I've felt a ****load better than I do right now, and why can't I feel that good now, and have been depressed in the past instead.
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    I don't see the point in anything any more :sad:
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    (Original post by Nut.)
    The difference between the two of us is probably that I've felt fat since I was about 8, and used to be told off by my mum for eating or asking for too many 'treats', so when I eat them now I feel guilty, and fat after I eat them.

    I can't remember a time in my life that I've eaten anything 'unhealthy' without feeling a huge amount of guilt afterwards. I can't eat 'unhealthy' food in public, at all, in case people are looking at me thinking "look at that fat cow". A month ago I was swinging between binging and restricting, but now that I'm just restricting, I feel better about myself.

    Maybe I'm still mildly depressed at the moment, but because I'm so much better than I was when I was hospitalised people aren't noticing and just think that I'm 'well' again.

    My memory isn't doing so good these days, so even good experiences that I've had are blurred or just feel insignificant.
    Hypomania, for example, felt really good when I had that, but once it's gone all it leaves behind is the knowledge that somewhere in my past I've felt a ****load better than I do right now, and why can't I feel that good now, and have been depressed in the past instead.
    ahhh yeah, i sort of read it like a theory rather than a thought process, sorry.

    maybe, or maybe it's something to do with the eating thing. i understand the hypomania thing too. when i was depressed after the hypomania a few weeks ago that sort of perspective slotted easily into the wider idea that everything related to being happy was in the past, feeling that good would never come again and how i felt now was how i could expect to feel all the way into the future. i guess one's relationship with the past/present/future is easily distorted like that.
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    (Original post by littleshambles)
    ahhh yeah, i sort of read it like a theory rather than a thought process, sorry.

    maybe, or maybe it's something to do with the eating thing. i understand the hypomania thing too. when i was depressed after the hypomania a few weeks ago that sort of perspective slotted easily into the wider idea that everything related to being happy was in the past, feeling that good would never come again and how i felt now was how i could expect to feel all the way into the future. i guess one's relationship with the past/present/future is easily distorted like that.
    Yeah, it's annoyingly easy to distort. Like the number of times I've thought "I'll be forever single", when I'm not even 20 yet.
    It makes no sense when you dissect it logically, but the mind perpetuates it either way.
    Hopefully my therapy stuff will help with it a bit anyways!
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I don't see the point in anything any more :sad:
    :hugs: Anything you want to talk about?
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    (Original post by thatsthebadger93)
    :hugs: Anything you want to talk about?
    Nothing really to say. I'm going to watch sad videos and cry myself to sleep.
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    I don't know why I keep getting thoughts about her having more fun than me :sad: :cry2:.
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    Morning everybody. Hope everybody's ok-ish.

    Got absolutely nothing to do today.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Nothing really to say. I'm going to watch sad videos and cry myself to sleep.
    Hope you managed to get some sleep last night :hugs:

    (Original post by 35mm_)
    Morning everybody. Hope everybody's ok-ish.

    Got absolutely nothing to do today.
    Same, my one activity today is watching the Lion King
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    (Original post by thatsthebadger93)
    Same, my one activity today is watching the Lion King
    I've never watched it
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    I've never watched it
    :eek: You so need to watch it then! In a massively sad way 'tis one of my favourite films, also you can pretend you're being intellectual as it's based on Hamlet
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