[Anonymous]

(Original post by Webberino)
I don't know sometimes I wonder if it wasn't my laziness that started all this off in the first place.

How are you feeling? Did you get to see the nuture lady today?


Are you ok?

I'm quite sure it wasn't

I couldn't find her anywhere

Today in maths I actually did work! Was only 3 questions but still.
My sister was messing about earlier kicking me in the back. I lost it with her and started hitting her so she started shouting at me. She left the room so that cued me crying hysterically for a bit. I get annoyed so easily, physically lashing out at my sister is becoming far too common.

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Came up with another (probably fool-proof) plan today. I was far too tempted to do it when I came from school, I didn't though, obviously.
I can't imagine what my sister would do if she found out I am using the razors she bought for me to SH, it doesn't seem right. After resisting so well last night I seem to have justified it in my head again today so I doubt there will be much resisting later.

How've you been today?

[bullettheory]

(Original post by 35mm_)
They told me to take my diazepam early and that was it. ****ing waste of ****ing time. I told them what was happening and all they kept saying as 'well, this is an ongoing issue isn't it' without really offering any advice they asked me if i was suicidal and i said yes, so they said 'just take your diazepam and get an early night'.
feel so hopeless right now.

Wow, sorry you had such **** advice from them Could you call your CPN in the morning, for a bit of support from them? Keep talking on here if it helps.

[bullettheory]

(Original post by Nut.)
Yeah tell me about it.
Scars are taking so long to fade too.

Have you got Bio Oil? That works well.

[Webberino]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm quite sure it wasn't

I couldn't find her anywhere

Today in maths I actually did work! Was only 3 questions but still.
My sister was messing about earlier kicking me in the back. I lost it with her and started hitting her so she started shouting at me. She left the room so that cued me crying hysterically for a bit. I get annoyed so easily, physically lashing out at my sister is becoming far too common.

Spoiler:

Show

Came up with another (probably fool-proof) plan today. I was far too tempted to do it when I came from school, I didn't though, obviously.
I can't imagine what my sister would do if she found out I am using the razors she bought for me to SH, it doesn't seem right. After resisting so well last night I seem to have justified it in my head again today so I doubt there will be much resisting later.

How've you been today?

Thanks

That's a shame, hopefully she will be around tomorrow.
Yay! Well done!
These things happen, I'm sure she will understand.

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Good that you managed to resist that.
Hope something changes between now and then and you feel able to resist.

Slightly better I think. In my break that I usually spend the whole hour in a lounge place I managed to bargain with myself and spend half of it the library and did a bit of work, that felt quite good. Was really tired by the end of the day though and didn't really do anything in my seminar. Kind of slipping behind with my new schedule a bit and didn't factor in the new work I would be given so probably going to get worse.
Apparently there is going to be a film crew in the lecture tomorrow for university publicity, I don't know who it's going to be seen by but they better not point the camera in my direction!

[superwolf]

(Original post by 35mm_)
I'm sick of mods deleting my posts. There was nothing wrong with what I just posted and I seriously needed some help. I didn't explicitly talk about suicide/self harm or anything like that; it was about paranoia and delusions.

Make a thread in ask a moderator if you're bothered. I've been considering making a thread myself too regarding their overzealousness/inconsistency in deleting suicide/self-harm related posts. I didn't see what your post was, but if you don't think it was inappropriate then I'd go ahead and ask why it got deleted.

Hope you're doing better now than your other posts suggest.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Webberino)
Thanks

That's a shame, hopefully she will be around tomorrow.
Yay! Well done!
These things happen, I'm sure she will understand.

Spoiler:

Show

Good that you managed to resist that.
Hope something changes between now and then and you feel able to resist.

Slightly better I think. In my break that I usually spend the whole hour in a lounge place I managed to bargain with myself and spend half of it the library and did a bit of work, that felt quite good. Was really tired by the end of the day though and didn't really do anything in my seminar. Kind of slipping behind with my new schedule a bit and didn't factor in the new work I would be given so probably going to get worse.
Apparently there is going to be a film crew in the lecture tomorrow for university publicity, I don't know who it's going to be seen by but they better not point the camera in my direction!

Hopefully!
She doesn't really know anything, the only thing she knows about is when my old science teacher phoned home at the end of September. I'd prefer for her not to know anything tbh, it'll keep her off my back.

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In a way I hope there isn't anything that stops me, I've been horrible today. My mum is pottering around the house atm so I can't do it yet. My mind is so sick and twisted.
Btw, I made it sound like my sister bought me razors so I could SH, that isn't the case obviously

Sounds like an improvement to me, well done
Hopefully it won't be too long before you see your mentor so you could possibly work a new one out together?
That sounds horrifying, I suggest sitting behind tall and/or bushy haired people.

[Nut.]

(Original post by bullettheory)
Have you got Bio Oil? That works well.

Yeah I have, they're just taking a long time.

I should really have got them glued or stitched after I did it, but I didn't want to draw attention to it, so I've got about 5 3-4mm wide dark pink lines.

The saving grace is that there isn't a particular order to them, so I could theoretically say a cat scratched me or something, and hope that the person doesn't ask more pressing questions.

Edit: also I'm being slightly healthier today... I'm 'boiling' broccoli by running my tap as hot as it'll go into a bowl full of the good green stuff (kitchen is bouncing again so don't fancy using the kettle or a saucepan. It's not bad, bit crunchy, but they say you're not supposed to over-boil veg .

[ParadoxSocks]

I really can't stop crying at all and now my head really hurts and I have that stupid essay and my room is a mess and everything is a little bit pooey.

[Anonymous]

can anyone help out with the thread below?
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=1942466

really just want a nice happy life, but i feel ill be stuck in this rut forever... i really want to get help but the question is how?

[headunderwater]

(Original post by superwolf)
Make a thread in ask a moderator if you're bothered. I've been considering making a thread myself too regarding their overzealousness/inconsistency in deleting suicide/self-harm related posts. I didn't see what your post was, but if you don't think it was inappropriate then I'd go ahead and ask why it got deleted.

Hope you're doing better now than your other posts suggest.

I did make a thread which they're yet to answer.

I'm a little better now. Voices have calmed down but still feel terrified. How have you been doing?

[headunderwater]

(Original post by ParadoxSocks)
I really can't stop crying at all and now my head really hurts and I have that stupid essay and my room is a mess and everything is a little bit pooey.

I'm really sorry that things are so crappy at the moment. Is there anything we can do for you?

[superwolf]

(Original post by 35mm_)
I did make a thread which they're yet to answer. My post went along these lines: people in my head are telling me to hurt myself and others. Apparently that's against TSR rules.

I'm a little better now. Voices have calmed down but still feel terrified. How have you been doing?

Well hopefully they'll reply saying that you're awesome and right about everything, and that in the future depsoc will make all the rules.

Glad to hear it. Is there anything you can think of that you usually find comforting, like a favourite album/film, talking to someone on skype, hiding under your duvet with a torch, or melting an entire tub of ben and jerry's then drinking it all ( I have never done this )...?

I'm ok-ish. Made it in to all my classes this week, for possibly the first time this semester, but on the other hand my mood's been pretty low a lot of the time and I'm way behind on tons of work - which makes me feel even worse - but meh, holidays and meet up soon.

[Webberino]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Hopefully!
She doesn't really know anything, the only thing she knows about is when my old science teacher phoned home at the end of September. I'd prefer for her not to know anything tbh, it'll keep her off my back.

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In a way I hope there isn't anything that stops me, I've been horrible today. My mum is pottering around the house atm so I can't do it yet. My mind is so sick and twisted.
Btw, I made it sound like my sister bought me razors so I could SH, that isn't the case obviously

Sounds like an improvement to me, well done
Hopefully it won't be too long before you see your mentor so you could possibly work a new one out together?
That sounds horrifying, I suggest sitting behind tall and/or bushy haired people.

Ah right, yeah guess it makes things easier. Sure she wouldn't too bothered by earlier anyway.

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It's not your fault, no reason to punish yourself
Yeah I got that

Thanks, not much really, should do some more work this evening but as soon as I reached my bed I was doomed.
Yeah hopefully, hope the stuff with the letter gets sorted out ok, can't help feeling something is going to go wrong.
Good plan
The lecturer always asks questions that no one usually answers so it could be rather embarressing.

[ParadoxSocks]

(Original post by 35mm_)
I'm really sorry that things are so crappy at the moment. Is there anything we can do for you?

I think I'm just feeling a little bit sorry for myself is all.

Are you okay?

[headunderwater]

(Original post by ParadoxSocks)
I think I'm just feeling a little bit sorry for myself is all.

Are you okay?

Not really but trying to make it through the night

[bullettheory]

My mood has taken a completely massive downwards swing. Literally don't care about myself anymore. I don't matter, there is nothing worth really living for at the minute. Messed up relationships, uni, hobbies, everything. Just want to go for a drive and floor it round some country lanes. I know this is probably a bad idea, but does it even matter? I don't care. Just want it to all go away.

[headunderwater]

(Original post by bullettheory)
My mood has taken a completely massive downwards swing. Literally don't care about myself anymore. I don't matter, there is nothing worth really living for at the minute. Messed up relationships, uni, hobbies, everything. Just want to go for a drive and floor it round some country lanes. I know this is probably a bad idea, but does it even matter? I don't care. Just want it to all go away.

Please keep yourself safe. You're worth much more than you think.

[ParadoxSocks]

(Original post by 35mm_)
Not really but trying to make it through the night

I'll probably be around all night if you want to talk.

I managed to clean up a little bit of my room and made food. Head still really hurts though

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Webberino)
Ah right, yeah guess it makes things easier. Sure she wouldn't too bothered by earlier anyway.

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It's not your fault, no reason to punish yourself
Yeah I got that

Thanks, not much really, should do some more work this evening but as soon as I reached my bed I was doomed.
Yeah hopefully, hope the stuff with the letter gets sorted out ok, can't help feeling something is going to go wrong.
Good plan
The lecturer always asks questions that no one usually answers so it could be rather embarressing.

Maybe not, she was talking to me fine afterwards.

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I suppose so.
I just feel so worthless so this brings back the thoughts of wishing nobody cared about me so I could do it and then more guilt

Beds are such a great place, aren't they?
If both ends know about the letter then hopefully it won't.
Plenty of awkward moments are definitely going to occur

[bullettheory]

(Original post by 35mm_)
Please keep yourself safe. You're worth much more than you think.

I don't think so, thought I was getting over this, but I'm clearly not, which is a big pain.