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Depression Society MKVI

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    Just done my first morning at my new job. And I loved it!

    Was really anxious and on edge before I went in but I think I am really going to like it there. The people are nice, its a job I will enjoy and the atmosphere there is really good.

    I have spent almost 2 years working really hard to get my mental health sorted and although I have had a little dip recently and am back on meds, I finally feel like I am getting back to normal (whatever that may be!)
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    Just had the email to say my extenuating circumstances appeal was successful! :dance: I'll now get first sits in the ones that I missed. Best day ever.

    Only problem is they want to have a meeting on the 11th of April :unimpressed: and I don't quite know how to say I can't do it without sounding like I don't appreciate everything they do for me.
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    (Original post by Nut.)
    IIRC you're on a fairly high dose of Q aren't you?

    If you come off it cold turkey you're more likely to experience mood swings/ mood instability.

    I haven't read up on how Q works for quite a while now but I know it's something to do with dopamine. When I was close to a point of not taking it because I was suspicious about what other effects it might be having in my body, on hormones or metabolism or whatever I was given a pharmacy helpline number I was told I could call to ask questions about my meds.

    It's based in Norfolk but I don't see why they wouldn't answer questions from anywhere. I can PM you the number/email if you like?




    :awesome: I'm here all week!

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    And all month/ all year too, if I'm honest
    i'm back on Q

    first day off was great, slept 5 hours and got into work and enjoyed it, somewhere around the 5pm mark was where it started spinning off into bad territory, had a few drinks, decided to contact this guy to meet up, went off to brixton, chatted to the bouncer and the DJ and the barman, got a bit uncomfortable with things and then it spun off even further... went to chase up the people who don't speak to me anymore, they weren't in, so i stormed off back home, slept another 3 hours... the next morning i went back round everyone's house to find him and i spent all day pacing around their rooms shouting at them and generally being mental. that evening things took a turn for the even worse after i ambled out and the ex shoved 20 quid in my pocket for a taxi and i ended up lying on the pavement crying and then i had a panic attack (apparently) and started vomiting nothing as i hadn't eaten anything since the day before... then he and his friend taxi'd me home while to get my meds while i trembled in the middle going "I'M SCARED KASDFKAJSDFIOWEF". also now i am back on it it knocked me out cold like the old days ffs.

    my advice (that i should have taken in the first place but you live and learn): don't cold turkey off Q
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    (Original post by avhhs)
    Thanks :hugs: So far I've had my driving lesson and done my homework. Now I need to get ready for school, and also after school I need to do my ICT work. I heard the social worker is coming at around 2.
    I miss my driving lessons, they were so much fun it's gone 2 now though so hope all of the stuff with the social worker went alright? and hope the work goes ok, sat inside doing my dissertation which sucks on a day as sunny as today :hugs:
    #2

    (Original post by Webberino)
    Will do that, don't know why I was so sure that date was still in the holidays. :facepalm:
    Missing first lecture because I didn't have time to have a cup of tea and get there on time so I chose the cup of tea. Not even a nice cup of tea because there was no milk. Feel so bad. :sigh:
    Hope he doesn't randomly decide to take a register today.
    You could try and make up the missed lecture with doing other work? Might help the guilt.
    If he doesn't usually then the chances of him doing one today are very low :hugs:

    My English teacher chose my barely written answer to read to the class. He wasn't at all bothered that it wasn't finished, he just handed it back to me and said it wasn't finished. Must definitely do his homework this week.
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    Yikes... I just asked this girl out... afew months ago or even afew weeks ago I would never have done that... I deffo think the CBT is helping... only prob now I have done it im nervous as hell.....
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    (Original post by warp2125)
    Yikes... I just asked this girl out... afew months ago or even afew weeks ago I would never have done that... I deffo think the CBT is helping... only prob now I have done it im nervous as hell.....
    you did it though! good luck
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    (Original post by littleshambles)
    you did it though! good luck
    Thank you

    Will be honest.. I didnt think CBT would work... I really thought I would need meds to put me back on the straight and narrow. Maybe life is worth living after all..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You could try and make up the missed lecture with doing other work? Might help the guilt.
    If he doesn't usually then the chances of him doing one today are very low :hugs:

    My English teacher chose my barely written answer to read to the class. He wasn't at all bothered that it wasn't finished, he just handed it back to me and said it wasn't finished. Must definitely do his homework this week.
    Will try that, he should be putting the notes up online in a few days. When he came into the problem class straight after the lecture he did look at me and I was worried he realised but then he was nice to me when he needed to squeeze past me () so he didn't seem mad anyway. Going to try to go to his office hour tomorrow morning about the question I was stuck on.
    Handed in harder module work, couldn't do all of last question, but overall it was alright. My advisor wasn't in his office and now he's away til Friday so guess will have to ask about exam timetable then.
    Had meeting with mental health advisor, don't know why I get so anxious and hardly say anything when I see him, he's really nice. He said he was going to see if he could get me more time in the exams, would feel guilty though, don't think I need it. Just need more time between now and exams starting! :afraid:
    He was asking if there were any people I spoke to online then he asked what the site was called. Got a little paranoid he was going to find this and everything I'd written, particularly regarding mentor.


    He sounds quite nice.
    How are you today? :hugs:
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    Motivation gone. Usually a precursor to my mood dropping. I was enjoying being mostly ok

    (Original post by ParadoxSocks)
    Just had the email to say my extenuating circumstances appeal was successful! :dance: I'll now get first sits in the ones that I missed. Best day ever.

    Only problem is they want to have a meeting on the 11th of April :unimpressed: and I don't quite know how to say I can't do it without sounding like I don't appreciate everything they do for me.
    Good to hear

    Just say that you already have plans for that day, and so will be in another part of the country? You can always offer to attempt to rearrange if you really need to, but it would be much much appreciated if you didn't need to.
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    (Original post by Phoenix07)
    I miss my driving lessons, they were so much fun it's gone 2 now though so hope all of the stuff with the social worker went alright? and hope the work goes ok, sat inside doing my dissertation which sucks on a day as sunny as today :hugs:
    To be honest, what happened was that I stayed behind in school to do ICT, but some people really pissed me off. So I just got up and left, and then "did a runner" (didn't go home). Instead I have gone somewhere else. I think I will return home soon.

    I really don't know what to do now. I just don't care about work anymore. I'm going to fail in ICT because I missed out quite a bit, but I just wanted to get away from the situation.

    Suicide reference:
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    Again getting thoughts of doing it. Just don't see the point in anything. Just want this torture to end
    #46

    I'm seeing a uni counsellor and today she brought up that she thought I had symptoms of depression...I was aware of it already but to hear it from someone else was scary
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm seeing a uni counsellor and today she brought up that she thought I had symptoms of depression...I was aware of it already but to hear it from someone else was scary
    Can be positive too. Means you can now put together a plan to reduce the symptoms and improve your quality of life.

    :yes:
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    (Original post by avhhs)
    To be honest, what happened was that I stayed behind in school to do ICT, but some people really pissed me off. So I just got up and left, and then "did a runner" (didn't go home). Instead I have gone somewhere else. I think I will return home soon.

    I really don't know what to do now. I just don't care about work anymore. I'm going to fail in ICT because I missed out quite a bit, but I just wanted to get away from the situation.

    Suicide reference:
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    Again getting thoughts of doing it. Just don't see the point in anything. Just want this torture to end
    Sorry you've had such a rubbish time today hun :hugs: You are only in your first year of college at the moment though, you have plenty of time to sort stuff out and catch up on the work and stuff! Especially if you talk to your college about everything that is going on at the moment, they are usually pretty good at helping out with things...if you haven't already spoken to them?

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    I am really sorry you are thinking about it again huni you have just got to try and stay positive and push through the bad times at the moment! like I said last night you are a lovely lad and things will get better for you at somepoint, you just have to try and wait it out! :hugs:


    Hope you're ok hun :hugs:
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    This is what my close friend said to me today "Just forget you're depressed, FORGET you're upset. Just don't think about it. DON'T think at all, don't think about ANYTHING. Just BE" didn't know how to reply to that, nor do I exactly know HOW actually to JUST BE. No but seriously, am I missing something? How do I suddenly turn everything off and go back to JUST BEING. How do I be 'myself', what does it all even mean? :indiff:
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    (Original post by ViceVersa)
    This is what my close friend said to me today "Just forget you're depressed, FORGET you're upset. Just don't think about it. DON'T think at all, don't think about ANYTHING. Just BE" didn't know how to reply to that, nor do I exactly know HOW actually to JUST BE.
    How to just be or how not to just be. That is the real question.

    Something for you to consider...
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    (Original post by los lobos marinos)
    How to just be or how not to just be. That is the real question.

    Something for you to consider...
    That is definitely a question.




    Surely if it were that simple I wouldn't be mentally ill? It's like she's forgotten that part and I'm CHOOSING to be this way. Don't really know how I should be feeling tbh.
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    (Original post by ViceVersa)
    Surely if it were that simple I wouldn't be mentally ill? It's like she's forgotten that part and I'm CHOOSING to be this way. Don't really know how I should be feeling tbh.
    Thing is, it's really hard for someone who does not have mental health illness to understand.

    Sounds like she is trying to be supportive and helpful. People say things that are well intentioned and from their perspective sounds correct. But to us? Might as well have been spoke in Swahili lol

    Don't worry about it. Just feel happy that she was trying to help. She's your friend. I'm sure she must have meant well
    #2

    (Original post by Webberino)
    Will try that, he should be putting the notes up online in a few days. When he came into the problem class straight after the lecture he did look at me and I was worried he realised but then he was nice to me when he needed to squeeze past me () so he didn't seem mad anyway. Going to try to go to his office hour tomorrow morning about the question I was stuck on.
    Handed in harder module work, couldn't do all of last question, but overall it was alright. My advisor wasn't in his office and now he's away til Friday so guess will have to ask about exam timetable then.
    Had meeting with mental health advisor, don't know why I get so anxious and hardly say anything when I see him, he's really nice. He said he was going to see if he could get me more time in the exams, would feel guilty though, don't think I need it. Just need more time between now and exams starting! :afraid:
    He was asking if there were any people I spoke to online then he asked what the site was called. Got a little paranoid he was going to find this and everything I'd written, particularly regarding mentor.


    He sounds quite nice.
    How are you today? :hugs:
    That's good then, well done! :hugs:
    Don't feel guilty, if he thinks you need it then take it. It could make all the difference.
    Oooh, that would be embarrassing! :mmm:

    Had a mostly rubbish day at school but just been having a good laugh with my sister involving melted chocolate and a kiwi Even when I was laughing, there is still this heavy feeling in my chest I can't shake off. It started when all this first began but it just won't go.

    My sister suggested we go swimming next week. My mum and I managed to talk her out of it without any suspicion as to why I don't to go being raised I think.

    I think I have worked out a trigger that makes me feel worse too. My mum has a habit of complaining a lot, sighing and getting angry easily, stuff like that. It automatically makes me tearful when she's like that. I don't think she's overly happy herself and I don't expect her to pretend she's fine when she's clearly not. I've never spoken to anybody about this because if it ever got back to my mum it would make things worse and no doubt make her feel like it's all her fault.

    Possible SH trigger
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    Haven't self-harmed since Saturday and now the guilt is beginning to set in. :sigh: I can't believe I'm currently considering it being a reward for doing homework.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's good then, well done! :hugs:
    Don't feel guilty, if he thinks you need it then take it. It could make all the difference.
    Oooh, that would be embarrassing! :mmm:

    Had a mostly rubbish day at school but just been having a good laugh with my sister involving melted chocolate and a kiwi Even when I was laughing, there is still this heavy feeling in my chest I can't shake off. It started when all this first began but it just won't go.

    My sister suggested we go swimming next week. My mum and I managed to talk her out of it without any suspicion as to why I don't to go being raised I think.

    I think I have worked out a trigger that makes me feel worse too. My mum has a habit of complaining a lot, sighing and getting angry easily, stuff like that. It automatically makes me tearful when she's like that. I don't think she's overly happy herself and I don't expect her to pretend she's fine when she's clearly not. I've never spoken to anybody about this because if it ever got back to my mum it would make things worse and no doubt make her feel like it's all her fault.

    Possible SH trigger
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    Haven't self-harmed since Saturday and now the guilt is beginning to set in. :sigh: I can't believe I'm currently considering it being a reward for doing homework.
    Thanks :hugs:
    Doubt I would be able to keep concentrating any longer, the exams are 3 hours long as it is. Unless I had a little nap half way through.

    Glad you had a good time with your sister. :hugs:
    Had that feeling before, can't be pleasant to have it there all the time. :console:
    That makes sense. Understandable you wouldn't want her to find out. Do you know if the CAMHT will be doing much with your mum? If they are they might teach her better ways of letting out frustration or something anyway.
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    Well done, that's great. :hugs:
    Sorry the guilt is still happening. :console:
    Could you try thinking of another reward (preferrably involving tea )?
Updated: May 3, 2012
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