[rmhumphries]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Oh I see. I wish I could have that though, a partner I could be open with etc. I've never had one so I've always seen people with a partner as extremely lucky people because they're guaranteed at least one person to show affection to towards them.

But then everyone also has negative points about them, and people you are close to can also cause more pain, as well as main happiness. The best thing is to try and be happy with yourself, then find someone who adds to you, but doesn't define you.

[superwolf]

(Original post by someonesomewherexx)
Sigh...Why do I always feel like I'm not good enough, not smart enough, that I will never be able to do anything worthwhile because I'm not what people want..It's hit me so much now because it's time to start applying for internships/jobs...while I have no problem writing CV's and cover letters, I can't help but think that they'll have an extremely different perception of me, If I get invited for an interview that I will be very crap at...I'm just tired of feeling this way I guess. Sorry if this is the wrong thread to write this in.

Do you think you might have problems with low self-esteem? Obviously you must think something's wrong, or you wouldn't be posting in this thread. Seeing a doctor about this could help you, as they should be able to tell if you've got a mental illness (in which case welcome to the gang ) and prescribe or refer you on for treatment. You could also try doing things on your own to increase your self-esteem - I'm not much of an expert on this, but I expect that doing things like exercising and looking after yourself physically, or doing something worthwhile like volunteering might help you realise that you're no worse than the rest of us, and probably a pretty decent person.

(Original post by ViceVersa)
Boyfriend is no more.

Sorry to hear that. Still, you were probably too awesome for him anyway.

Look after yourself, and look on the bright side - now that you're single, you're free to come chasing after me.

(Original post by Munchies-YumYum)
i am depressed, what kind of rituals do you guys recommend?

I like to stick with tradition and go for ones involving virgins, but others on here take a more modern approach. If in doubt, consult with your local witchdoctor.

(Original post by Nut.)
Having another day where I'm pissed off with my meds.

Today it's because I've decided I might want to try grapefruit, but Mr Quetiapine says "NO".

If I wasn't so scared of relapse and ending up back in hospital I would be doing this -> to Mr Quetiapine, but as it is...

Mr Quetiapine is not a friendly man. However if you like I could introduce you to Mr Gin and Juice, who I find to be rather more amiable.

(Original post by bullettheory)
Had a terrible appt with my CPN and Psychiatrist. They did the whole "What do you think we should do" routine, which didn't help, and when I said I was confused and didn't know what to do, they just sat there in silence until I said something. I find the whole experience with them is really invalidating, and I never feel they understand me. Ironic how we talk about invalidating experiences in DBT, but the majority of my contact with the CMHT (with the exception of the Social Worker who does my DBT with me) is extremely invalidating.

I'm lowering the dose of one of my meds (Mirtazapine) to hopefully make it less sedating, but I may feel worse emotionally. I don't really know. Neither do they. They keep saying how I look more happy and how I'm wearing shorts so I must be feeling better... but I still feel like ****. I don't know, a lot of people say I seem happier but I don't feel it. I don't know what I feel. Sometimes I think maybe subconsciously I am making everything up and I am a great big attention seeker. But maybe the ADs are working, I don't know. I'm just one big confused emotional mess

I think you will find that the correct answer is always 'invade Poland'.

Maybe you could try confronting them about how you feel like they're not really working with you, and ask them what they think they and you can do to find some common ground? That might stump them, or possibly even lead to you getting more out of seeing them.

Have you identified any ways of your own to measure how well/badly you're doing mentally? Like I find that my concentration and motivation tend to come and go in accordance with my mental health, and I also tend to be more outgoing when I'm not so depressed. It's good that other people think that you seem better - it could be that the process is just too gradual for you to notice, or even if it's just that you've got a bit more energy to make yourself appear more like normal it's still a step in the right direction.

(Original post by 35mm_)
So I go see the psychiatrist, and she wants me on a mood stabilizer. She prescribes me Carbamazepine. I ask if this means I can come off of my Olanzapine or at least reduce it, but she says no. I'm worried I'm on too many meds. I'm currently on 200mg sertraline, 10mg procyclodine, 20mg olanzapine, 10mg diazepam, 5mg nitrazepam and now 400mg carbamazepine. I am really worried. I know that my meds are keeping me relatively stable though because a few months ago I decided not to take my meds and I ended up going a bit mad.

Hope you're all well!

Bloody hell! Do you ever pop them all together and play tiddlywinks with them?

(Original post by Aemiliana)
I felt like crap last night so I went on a self help book buying binge. £40 later and I finally have that CBT workbook my CPN told me to get when I saw him 2 years ago, books on stopping emotional and binge eating, a book using CBT again to beat depression and a book on stopping procrastination. I had better be ****ing perfect by the time I've finished reading all these!

I might have to borrow that one on procrastination off of you...

(Original post by Nut.)
Just got a text from a rather lovely young man I met in hospital.

It would be right when I'm about to go home for Easter .

Still, I can see him when I get back.

I hope that you'll submit this young man for approval by the Society before engaging in any untoward activities with him.

(Original post by kiss_me_now9)
This may not work very well as I'm on my phone under my duvet... God I can't deal with this any more everything is on top of me, I haven't feel like this in years. I'm so frustrated with life, with my BFs life, with the way the world is, things I can't change. I hate this country and indeed the world with its selfishness and greed. I have no-one to call or text as I have no friends and my BF isn't replying to me again.

Spoiler:

Show

I got thinking about some what ifs - I'm too fragile and weak for the harsh realities of life. All the what ifs ended with me killing myself and I honestly think that would be the solution to most of my problems; the only thing that stops me is my family. I think I've hit rock bottom its taking all the strength I have to not hurt myself right now

On Depression Society Island duvet-huddling will be an Olympic sport.

Spoiler:

Show

You feel weak and fragile now, but this is when you're at a low point. But it's obvious that you can be strong - it takes strength to be in a long-distance relationship, and to continue your studies even when you're struggling to find motivation.

We've both been posting in this society for a while now (lucky us ), and I know that for me at least there have been a lot of periods of time, sometimes quite lengthy, where I've not seen any answers other than suicide. I expect that's the same for you. And I know that every time it feels like rock bottom. But it doesn't last forever. And we've both got good things in our lives, like you've got your boyfriend and I've got my sister, and we do still manage to live our lives despite everything. Besides, you've yet to experience the highlight of anyone's life: attending a fun-filled depsoc meet!

[rmhumphries]

In other news, bowling with a beard may have made me one or two new friends. Cue anxiety and negative thoughts.

[superwolf]

(Original post by rmhumphries)
In other news, bowling with a beard may have made me one or two new friends. Cue anxiety and negative thoughts.

New friends? You must cultivate them! Either it goes well, in which case woop, or badly, in which case we (that is, the non-vegetarian members of depsoc) eat them. Win-win situation.

[rmhumphries]

(Original post by superwolf)
New friends? You must cultivate them! Either it goes well, in which case woop, or badly, in which case we (that is, the non-vegetarian members of depsoc) eat them. Win-win situation.

Two new friends, aye Walked them home, like the honourable gentleman I am xD

Can impress Prof Adams with my integration with people in Nottingham.

Got letter for psychologist today that she sent to Adams, will show you when your next in Notts

[superwolf]

(Original post by rmhumphries)
Two new friends, aye Walked them home, like the honourable gentleman I am xD

Can impress Prof Adams with my integration with people in Nottingham.

Got letter for psychologist today that she sent to Adams, will show you when your next in Notts

A true gent.

Indeed, and that is how you win at life.

I do like reading through other people's medical notes. Will look forward to it.

[Phoenix07]

(Original post by avhhs)
Make that the night before with me . So nothing to be embarrassed about.

I think nights just give you a chasms chance to have a rest. But sometimes you find that you don't have enough time .

I dunno what happened today. Had just been feeling happy for some reason. It's still continuing . I'm just imagining conversations between me and my best friend, or thinking about my imaginary friends .

Don't worry about that!

haha yes but I should have started my dissertation more in advance

Well glad thinking about your friend made you happy hun, and I hope that your being happy has continued to this morning

I constantly worry about rambling though I spend my life doing it but I am so tired this morning, and actually got some sleep last night .... grrrr it is just annoying now can't concentrate when this exhausted constantly!

You alright then?

[Nut.]

(Original post by superwolf)
Mr Quetiapine is not a friendly man. However if you like I could introduce you to Mr Gin and Juice, who I find to be rather more amiable.

Mr and Mrs Psychiatrist have also warned me away from the alkeyholes too

(Original post by superwolf)
I hope that you'll submit this young man for approval by the Society before engaging in any untoward activities with him.

[ViceVersa]

Feel a bit better this morning, head massively hurts though which is to be expected. No one's in the house so going to spend a day being lazy and trying to cheer up even more. All my friends are going to watch the Hunger Games later but **** that.

(Original post by superwolf)
Sorry to hear that. Still, you were probably too awesome for him anyway.

Look after yourself, and look on the bright side - now that you're single, you're free to come chasing after me.

Thank you, and haha thanks

I don't really see the point right now, but yeah I'll try to look after myself. And haha you haven't even met me yet Would love to though

Hope you're okay x

[Aemiliana]

(Original post by superwolf)
I might have to borrow that one on procrastination off of you...

I'll probably tidy my room or work to avoid reading it. I am a die hard procrastinator. I am Emperor of the Procrastinators and all shall kneel before my almight procrastinating prowess!

[Stiff Little Fingers]

(Original post by Aemiliana)
I'll probably tidy my room or work to avoid reading it. I am a die hard procrastinator. I am Emperor of the Procrastinators and all shall kneel before my almight procrastinating prowess!

I reckon I could rival your procrastination powers.

Got to challenge a friend to the game of drink first though.

[Aemiliana]

(Original post by Alofleicester)
I reckon I could rival your procrastination powers.

Got to challenge a friend to the game of drink first though.

Yeah, I've got to watch 90210, but we'll get around to it...

[Stiff Little Fingers]

(Original post by Aemiliana)
Yeah, I've got to watch 90210, but we'll get around to it...

Oh, that reminds me. I need to get round to watching the new season of South Park as well, but yeah, we'll have a procrastination-off at some point.

[ViceVersa]

(Original post by Aemiliana)
Yeah, I've got to watch 90210, but we'll get around to it...

I love 90210!

[Aemiliana]

(Original post by Alofleicester)
Oh, that reminds me. I need to get round to watching the new season of South Park as well, but yeah, we'll have a procrastination-off at some point.

Yeah, sure... We'll do it eventually.

(Original post by ViceVersa)
I love 90210!

Same. I don't actually have to watch it because I'm all up to date, but re-watching it wouldn't hurt...

[kiss_me_now9]

(Original post by superwolf;36931130
On Depression Society Island duvet-huddling will be an Olympic sport.

[spoiler)
You feel weak and fragile now, but this is when you're at a low point. But it's obvious that you can be strong - it takes strength to be in a long-distance relationship, and to continue your studies even when you're struggling to find motivation.

We've both been posting in this society for a while now (lucky us ), and I know that for me at least there have been a lot of periods of time, sometimes quite lengthy, where I've not seen any answers other than suicide. I expect that's the same for you. And I know that every time it feels like rock bottom. But it doesn't last forever. And we've both got good things in our lives, like you've got your boyfriend and I've got my sister, and we do still manage to live our lives despite everything. Besides, you've yet to experience the highlight of anyone's life: attending a fun-filled depsoc meet![/spoiler]

Nothing I do is ever good enough. In my midterms I got a B, B-, C and an F (really upset about that, completely cocked up the stats exam) and whilst I know that the Bs are good - especially as the B is worth about 45% of that module - they're not enough. Not good enough. Not perfect. Mind you, I think if I got A*s I still wouldn't be happy :/ My friend who I go to lectures with always gets above an A but she works so so hard she deserves it, Idk. I don't deserve those Bs, I've been to about four lectures this semester :/ Then at the same time I think if I did go to lectures etc. I could get those grades. But it's not motivation enough....

Spoiler:

Show

I'll add 'dep soc meet' to the list of things I have to do before I die then

I feel especially bad because I'm supposed to be ok now... When all I want to do is go crazy, run away and do something very stupid.

[thatsthebadger93]

In not so good news, after almost a year of being stable my sister thinks she might be starting another psychotic episode. I really wish I could help, but I have no idea how.

Spoiler:

Show

what's the point of being here if I can't even look after people I care about? I'm struggling anyway and I know if anything happened to her, selfish as it sounds, there's no way I could carry on

[Anonymous]

Recently I've been rethinking my whole life.

I read this BBC article about how Buddhist monks were found to be the happiest people in the world. Scientists did brain scans measuring things like serotonin and they found that Buddhist monks were significantly happier than other people.

That got me reading a few Buddhist books and I really like them. Buddhists abstain from sex, they abstain from acquiring material possessions, they don't get married and they don't have kids. So why on earth do we as a society go on to do the exact opposite to what they do ? Spending years at university doing a degree I don't even like just so I can get money to buy things I don't need. Putting up with relationships that are nothing but spending time trying to guess what the other person is thinking and lets face it statistics show it will all end up screwing up.

I don't want to be in a relationship anymore. Me and my gf are happy but every time I see her talk to a guy it annoys me. Even though I trust her I can't really trust her. People let you down its all they do.

I want some time to myself to find clarity and a sort of calmness about my mind that I've been reading about. The problem is what if my depression is causing all this ? Then I dump my gf and drop out of school and then a year later realised i've messed up. I actually really believe in this though. Part of me just wants to go and become a monk and live peacefully somewhere without having to worry about being rich and handsome for society. Putting up with relationships with friends and partners that lets face it are never as perfect as you see on t.v.

[Aemiliana]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Recently I've been rethinking my whole life.

I read this BBC article about how Buddhist monks were found to be the happiest people in the world. Scientists did brain scans measuring things like serotonin and they found that Buddhist monks were significantly happier than other people.

That got me reading a few Buddhist books and I really like them. Buddhists abstain from sex, they abstain from acquiring material possessions, they don't get married and they don't have kids. So why on earth do we as a society go on to do the exact opposite to what they do ? Spending years at university doing a degree I don't even like just so I can get money to buy things I don't need. Putting up with relationships that are nothing but spending time trying to guess what the other person is thinking and lets face it statistics show it will all end up screwing up.

I don't want to be in a relationship anymore. Me and my gf are happy but every time I see her talk to a guy it annoys me. Even though I trust her I can't really trust her. People let you down its all they do.

I want some time to myself to find clarity and a sort of calmness about my mind that I've been reading about. The problem is what if my depression is causing all this ? Then I dump my gf and drop out of school and then a year later realised i've messed up. I actually really believe in this though. Part of me just wants to go and become a monk and live peacefully somewhere without having to worry about being rich and handsome for society. Putting up with relationships with friends and partners that lets face it are never as perfect as you see on t.v.

I know a married, well-off, degree-educated Buddhist with two kids. The monks might abstain from all that but it doesn't mean that you can't finish your degree and stay with your girlfriend if there are no issues.

A top tip many friends who've been through depression always say: never make important decision when you're depressed.

[kiss_me_now9]

(Original post by Aemiliana)
I know a married, well-off, degree-educated Buddhist with two kids. The monks might abstain from all that but it doesn't mean that you can't finish your degree and stay with your girlfriend if there are no issues.

A top tip many friends who've been through depression always say: never make important decisions when you're depressed.

I need to get that tattoo'd onto my forehead or something...