[Stiff Little Fingers]

(Original post by Nut.)
That's the interesting thing - my new CPN up here really wasn't happy with the meds that I've been on in the past and currently, and promised me that "their psychiatrist could do a better job", then when I actually met with this psychiatrist (with the CPN present) she decided to just keep me on the same meds because "they're working".

I think in reality she thinks I've got BPD (wrong) so she's reluctant to medicate the 'bipolar'.
I'm left here wondering exactly how many depressive, manic and mixed episodes I need to have for them to stop thinking " childhood abuse = BPD and never anything else".

Maybe we should all take turns to follow bad psychiatrists around so they know how paranoia feels

Well it's that or revision *shudder* so why not?

(Original post by angelbones)
Why does it keep posting me anonymously?! RAARGH.

with that e-coli thing - if it's a purely objective thing, where the lecturer doesn't have to make a choice, then there's no reason for people to think you're lecturer is favouring you. It's just further proof that you're awesome.
Good luck with the student rep thing

[Anonymous]

(Original post by avhhs)
Hey At least you've been having a pretty good time (unike me ). Don't worry about that person who won't talk to you now. If they really were your friend they wouldn't behave like that.

Really understand how you feel by not having anyone to talk to

Good time? Hahahaaa. It's been crap

(Original post by Alofleicester)


with that e-coli thing - if it's a purely objective thing, where the lecturer doesn't have to make a choice, then there's no reason for people to think you're lecturer is favouring you. It's just further proof that you're awesome.
Good luck with the student rep thing

I know, but... Ack. I don't know.

Think I should just go to bed

[laut_biru]

(Original post by Nut.)
Maybe we should all take turns to follow bad psychiatrists around so they know how paranoia feels

That's the kind of plans they'd lock us up for, and yet they call us overly worried and paranoid

[angelbones]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Good time? Hahahaaa. It's been crap



I know, but... Ack. I don't know.

Think I should just go to bed

Oh FFS, did it again...

[Nut.]

(Original post by laut_biru)
That's the kind of plans they'd lock us up for, and yet they call us overly worried and paranoid

They'd never catch me, I'll disappear into the ether

[warp2125]

(Original post by Phoenix07)
Nah it doesn't show up if I quoted you and you were anon sorry forgot about that! But thats good then, glad she apologised for being horrible to you, and at least now she realises what she has done!

Feeling better now thats all sorted hun?

No.. I'm in pain... I fell over in the park because of the rain.... All the paths were slippery. I had a rucksack full of books plus my laptop... I had done something to my back... Lol.. It's really sore... Taken loads of pain killers and gonna have an early night.... Sorry won't be about this evening... But you prolly have loads to do.

[Meaty_man]

(Original post by angelbones)
Why does it keep posting me anonymously?! RAARGH.

(Original post by Anonymous)



Big ramble. Nothing that actually needs to be spoilered, it's just... long, and I don't want to take up a big chunk of page. Not necessary to read it.

Spoiler:

Show

I put my name forward again to be a student rep, only to find that I'm running against someone who used to be my friend and now won't talk to me at all. Ouch. I didn't get it last time, and I really doubt I'll get it this time. I know more people on my course by this point and I'm friendly with them but... I don't think they'd vote for me. I'm already disappointed but I don't want to just pull out of the running because I'll look like a stroppy child.

In the class this afternoon we got our gels back (with E. coli spread on them). The person who did the best gel and had the most separate bacteria colonies won a prize. And, er, I won it. I was really happy and proud for a minute because it was the first time I'd spread gels, and then remembered that in the first week of uni we'd had a competition with the same lecturer to take a photo of an animal, and I won that too, and then got really embarrassed because what if people thought that the lecturer was favouring me? I'm very chatty with them, we get on well, and it's not favouritism, but what if other people see it like that?

Anyway, I got back to my flat after the class and made dinner and watched a new episode of GA (and cried). And then listened to music (and cried). And later tonight I'm going to go for a run and then have a hot shower and probably cry in it again.

I've been pulling my hair again and my bald spot's coming back. I'm pulling at my fringe too now because it's long enough to poke me in the eyes and I should really cut it but I don't have the money for a haircut and I'm trying to grow it and I would cut just the fringe myself but I know I'd screw it up and look like an idiot.

I slept with my friend again on Thursday. I don't know why. God, I keep doing this to myself. I know he'll never actually get together with me, I know I'm just a **** to him, and I can convince myself all I like when I'm lying there napping in his arms that it's something more than sex, but it's not, and the only person I'm hurting by doing this all the time is me.

I feel like I have no one to talk to. Not my friends, at home or at uni. I might go and see the uni counsellor that I saw before, but I don't know where I'd even begin.

****.

You know, i wish i could cry, it's a way of releasing all your emotions that are bottled up, but i can't anymore, and because of it i feel like some kind of empty shell. Theres no harm in crying, but it obviously indicates you aren't feeling well.

Don't worry too much if you don't get voted in as a rep. I tried running for treasurer last year for one of our societies (so kinda similar in some respects), and though i was there much longer than the other person running for the position, knew a lot of the people in the society and had helped out the society with a bunch of things, i lost. I think partly because i was up against a girl.

Sadly, when it comes to being voted for something its mostly a popularity contest, so the extroverts tend to win. If you do get voted in gratz, but if you dont, you won't have the stress that comes with it

Its funny that being a genuinely good student/pupil brings so much hatred from peers, even at higher education. People will always see the bad before they see the good in someone, and assume the worst rather than the best...and then there's jealously. Theres lots explanations for why people may look down on you, but none of them are valid. Stand tall, keep being awesome, and eventually you'll see that people are using your standards as a goal to aim for, which is something to be proud of. That said, take that with humility when it happens.

The sleeping with the friend thing is kind of natural, to seek comfort in someone you know. Personally, i think the fact you have someone you can have sex with whenever should give you some confidence in your looks and personality, but i'm biased since i havent been with someone for over 3 years.

You'll get over him eventually, i know that sounds cliche but its true, from personal experiance. It's just the time it takes can last a while and be painful.

I would mention this depression to a GP if you haven't already, depression and anxiety problems are a common thing they deal with, and they deal with it all professionally, they can give you more options. As for your counsellor, mention as much as you can; the more you tell them the more they can help. Its like with anything, the more information you are given the more you can work out to fix things.

As for the friends thing, theres always us peeps on here ready to chat

[laut_biru]

(Original post by Nut.)
They'd never catch me, I'll disappear into the ether

Yes dear.

Can I come disappear with you?

[Anonymous]

so the mirtazapine works pretty well, slept for 15 of the last 24 hours now awake and making myself a curry

also, wtf is it with the dreams im having, vivid and weird doesn't even begin to cover it :/ sufficed to say the one I just had has creeped me out somewhat!

hope all the brilliant people here are doing well?

[Nut.]

(Original post by laut_biru)
Yes dear.

Can I come disappear with you?

But of course!

[SciFiRory]

(Original post by Anonymous)
so the mirtazapine works pretty well, slept for 15 of the last 24 hours now awake and making myself a curry

also, wtf is it with the dreams im having, vivid and weird doesn't even begin to cover it :/ sufficed to say the one I just had has creeped me out somewhat!

hope all the brilliant people here are doing well?

this is me btw, silly anon button!

[laut_biru]

(Original post by Nut.)
But of course!

Can be really annoying and ask you to be on skype? I wanna chat about something with you, and PM's get so damned tiresome.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Meaty_man)
You know, i wish i could cry, it's a way of releasing all your emotions that are bottled up, but i can't anymore, and because of it i feel like some kind of empty shell. Theres no harm in crying, but it obviously indicates you aren't feeling well.

Don't worry too much if you don't get voted in as a rep. I tried running for treasurer last year for one of our societies (so kinda similar in some respects), and though i was there much longer than the other person running for the position, knew a lot of the people in the society and had helped out the society with a bunch of things, i lost. I think partly because i was up against a girl.

Sadly, when it comes to being voted for something its mostly a popularity contest, so the extroverts tend to win. If you do get voted in gratz, but if you dont, you won't have the stress that comes with it

Its funny that being a genuinely good student/pupil brings so much hatred from peers, even at higher education. People will always see the bad before they see the good in someone, and assume the worst rather than the best...and then there's jealously. Theres lots explanations for why people may look down on you, but none of them are valid. Stand tall, keep being awesome, and eventually you'll see that people are using your standards as a goal to aim for, which is something to be proud of. That said, take that with humility when it happens.

The sleeping with the friend thing is kind of natural, to seek comfort in someone you know. Personally, i think the fact you have someone you can have sex with whenever should give you some confidence in your looks and personality, but i'm biased since i havent been with someone for over 3 years.

You'll get over him eventually, i know that sounds cliche but its true, from personal experiance. It's just the time it takes can last a while and be painful.

I would mention this depression to a GP if you haven't already, depression and anxiety problems are a common thing they deal with, and they deal with it all professionally, they can give you more options. As for your counsellor, mention as much as you can; the more you tell them the more they can help. Its like with anything, the more information you are given the more you can work out to fix things.

As for the friends thing, theres always us peeps on here ready to chat

Thanks, man.

I already have a GP (on medication at the moment - thinking I might need to go back and get the dose increased). I might go. Might not. Might go and see the counsellor too (for the first time since November )

[Sabertooth]

(Original post by Nut.)
That's the interesting thing - my new CPN up here really wasn't happy with the meds that I've been on in the past and currently, and promised me that "their psychiatrist could do a better job", then when I actually met with this psychiatrist (with the CPN present) she decided to just keep me on the same meds because "they're working".

I think in reality she thinks I've got BPD (wrong) so she's reluctant to medicate the 'bipolar'.
I'm left here wondering exactly how many depressive, manic and mixed episodes I need to have for them to stop thinking " childhood abuse = BPD and never anything else".

Maybe we should all take turns to follow bad psychiatrists around so they know how paranoia feels

Ah yes another person for whom they jump to the BPD conclusion. I know all about that one. You could always ask for a second opinion?

Oh man...I want to do that so badly. I'll hide in the bushes outside their house and take photos of them getting dressed in the morning.

(Original post by Anonymous)
so the mirtazapine works pretty well, slept for 15 of the last 24 hours now awake and making myself a curry

also, wtf is it with the dreams im having, vivid and weird doesn't even begin to cover it :/ sufficed to say the one I just had has creeped me out somewhat!

hope all the brilliant people here are doing well?

Sounds pretty normal for mirtazapine, I had the exact same symptoms. The dreams are kind of fun in a way until they get scary then they're scary as ****. Should wear off after a little bit though.

[Meaty_man]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks, man.

I already have a GP (on medication at the moment - thinking I might need to go back and get the dose increased). I might go. Might not. Might go and see the counsellor too (for the first time since November )

Do both, wont do any harm :P I don't think they care when u last saw them tbf, they'll just be doing their job.

The way i see it, give it a few years and we'll all be paying a lot of our money to the state. Problem is, theres these ***** out there that sit on their arses all day smoking, drinking, stealing, breaking stuff and intimidating others, and my money will go to HELP some of them...something im not happy with.

So ok government, if you're gonna be like that, im milking the **** out of you.

[Libris Dedita]

(Original post by Anonymous)
so the mirtazapine works pretty well, slept for 15 of the last 24 hours now awake and making myself a curry

also, wtf is it with the dreams im having, vivid and weird doesn't even begin to cover it :/ sufficed to say the one I just had has creeped me out somewhat!

hope all the brilliant people here are doing well?

Yeah, I had the same. Such weird dreams :/ on the bright side, I swear it's bringing creativity out, which for a(n amateur) musician/music scholar is awesome.

[Meaty_man]

(Original post by Libris Dedita)
Yeah, I had the same. Such weird dreams :/ on the bright side, I swear it's bringing creativity out, which for a(n amateur) musician/music scholar is awesome.

A lot of drugs can activate more of your brain, bring out creativity and help to solve problems in a similar way. Shame those drugs are illegal .__.

[kahinalouise]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I am having the Samaritans contact me soon, but honestly I'm fine.



Was having one of them moments.

oh I understand, please keep your self safe. did they call back and are you feeling a bit better now

[SciFiRory]

(Original post by Sabertooth)
Sounds pretty normal for mirtazapine, I had the exact same symptoms. The dreams are kind of fun in a way until they get scary then they're scary as ****. Should wear off after a little bit though.

well, not scary yet, lol, just really really strange

(Original post by Libris Dedita)
Yeah, I had the same. Such weird dreams :/ on the bright side, I swear it's bringing creativity out, which for a(n amateur) musician/music scholar is awesome.

ah, cool good luck with your music! if I had anything to be creative about it might help me lol, but I don't really do much atm :/


also remembered not to anon my post for once!

[rmhumphries]

For anyone who is having problems with Anon

I have made a greasemonkey script which unchecks the box for you automatically if it is checked by default on page load. Shouldn't affect your ability to post anon, and you have the option of it working TSR wide or just on dep soc.

To install, install greasemonkey for firefox. Chrome automatically has support.

Then, for dep soc only de-auto-anon install this script or for TSR-Wide install this script.

Let me know if you have any problems ^_^