Jealous when BF goes out

This is a silly, silly problem, but I get very...well...sort of Jealous when my BF goes out. like when he says 'I'm going out on.... you don't mind do you'
its like he asks me, but lets me know he's going anyway, he plans it all, says to everyone he'll go, then just says to me 'oh yeaah, you don't mind do you?' for some reason I get really jealous, well I feel it's jealous. it's more like a feeling of like I don't want him to go. how can I slove this?

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Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Pretty Boy

I think you're in danger of being controlling.
One person cannot and should not own or control another.
What your feeling is natural insecurity but you mustnt act on it.

Good Quote : If you love it, let it go. If it comes back, its yours for good
if it doesn't, it never was. - DMX

that is a good quote, thanks. how do you stop being so controlling?

Reply 2

Leigh

You aren't my girlfriend are you?? :p:

She gets very jealous, which I understand; she worries about me being out in that kind of environment (she needn't) but also gets a bit upset seeing as she can't come and we rarely do things together involving my friends, and she feels a bit shut out.

Perhaps ask if you can come occassionally? Even if you don't enjoy it, or he wants to be with his friends, just go once to see what it's like, perhaps put your mind at rest?

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

don't worry i get the same, i'm not as bad now, used to get paranoid when he went to work christ! it gets better if u keep talking about it though

Reply 4

username30638

Anonymous

It's a slippery slope... may seem silly but it can be the death of a relationship. Are you jealous just because he is going out and you're not, or do you fear that he is seeing other girls while he is out?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

jeff's_dead

I don't know really, I mean if he's going to look at other girls, he'll find a way to do it somehow, so that doesn't bother me really. it's not the fact that I'm not going, I'm not sure what it is.

Reply 6

rosetinted

Has he ever done anything to make you feel jealous before? If not then you have got to get over this. Nobody likes a control freak!

First you need to identify what it is you're jealous of. Is it him going out? Him enjoying himself without you? Him being around other women? Him not inviting you? If you figure out exactly what it is you're jealous of then you can figure out a way to start dealing with it.

A relationship when you're together 24/7 and don't get alone time is too stifling for most people. It's healthy to spend time apart. What's stopping you going out with friends and having a good time once in a while and leaving him at home?

Reply 7

MNBStyle

Anonymous

First off you really need to work out why exactly your being jealous, then take it from there.
Are you jealous because your not part of his plans???
Are you jealous because he might be with other girls???
until you work out what your jealous of you can't work on solving it.

Reply 8

bluejeansdave

Anonymous

Look its part of life, if your a couple and like each, you should have no worried. If your bf appears to go out without really telling you, it could well mean he is thinking that you and him a couple that both know each other and you know you can trust him. Or on the other hand you could think to yourself he won't tell me too much, or tell me about 15 minutes before he wants to go out, cause he is going to have fun with another gal.........

Either way you need to sort this what could be a big nothing problem out, or you get yourself really in all kinds of sh*t.

Reply 9

gemma123

I think its normal to feel this way, however you shouldn't make him feel bad about going out as he may start resenting you. As long as he tells you where he is going and leaves his phone on so you can contact him then its ok. Showing your insecurities is a big mistake as he would think you don't trust him. Try going out with your friends without him and see what his reaction is.

Reply 10

silence

how long have you been going out?

Reply 11

Latty81

sounds like you feel very insecure hun, you need to get out more with your mates and build up some trust with this guy if you wanna stay with him. Have you been in a relationship in the past and ever cheated on someone? Cos thats where insecurity like this normally comes from. I should know..... I watched Trisha !!! :-)

Reply 12

blahblah08

Honestly, I used to feel the same way too. There was the whole insecurity issue with me and my boyfriend, because he happened to confess his love to another chick while we were going out (his ex-crush) that really threw me off the loop. However we sorted things out and obviously it was a really shaky ground for me .. but eventually I just learnt how to trust him and I knew that when he went out he wouldn't mess around with other chicks.

I love it when we have our alone time .. but still, a guy's gotta have their own time with their boys just like how we need ours with our girls. What about having a girls night with your girls ... and do the same back to him? "Oh.. I'm going with the girls tonight to the club.. you don't mind do you" Usually they do, but it'll just be plain hypocritical if they say no. Then tell them afterwards how you had a blast dancing with your girls on the platform and how guys kept offering you guys drinks and dances :wink:

He'll bound to be grinding his teeth with jealousy ... and will want to spend more time with you than usual.. because he knows that he's got competition.

It works.

Reply 13

Lynnie

I used to be exactly the same to my boyfriend, we were in each others pockets for 2 years solid and then when he went to uni things were so bad. But, now in his 2nd term since christmas things have been great. Part of the reason is i saw how much my jealousy and insecurity got him down and i made it my mission instead of sulking everytime he went out, to send real sweet texts so then all he could see was the nice side of me. Ok, every now and then i fall back to being real nasty but you got to think that the more he sees a horrible and angry side the more distant you will get. Once i realised that and started to change things have been great! Whenever you get jealous instead of feeling down do something sweet like write him a letter or send a sweet text it makes you feel 10xbetter!

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

silence

how long have you been going out?

Just over two years

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Lynnie

Thats a really great idea :smile:

Reply 16

manthi

I dunno about everyone else; but I would love it if my girlfriend was possessive like that!!

Reply 17

pumpkin7

i get like this, but it is normally only because my bf is with his best friend and decides to 'plan' things - like say holidays..ppth.. or because i think he is probably having more fun without me and has forgotten about me. i know it is all in my head.
though sometimes i do think about who is actually out at night.. like scary chav people.. and then i get worried.. thankfully though my bf doesn' go out much at night.. just plays his dumbass game instead.