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I feel so disconnected from my parents' culture...and it has been making me depressed

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey

    I quoted you before about going to uni in London.

    Well I recently got an offer from a uni up in the North-East of England, so I've decided I shall be going there in September. It's for the best. I love London but I need to get away from my parents.
    hey!
    I was actually wondering how you were getting on... nice to hear from you. congrats that's awesome!
    you'll enjoy the northeast
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    (Original post by Dominic101)
    The poor food for one and the general condoning of physical abuse towards
    children. Also the fact that children are deemed as lasts to their elders and are meant to be treated with respect and the large amount of casual racism.
    Poor food? Maybe person who made it for you can't cook properly-Nigerian food made well is amazing and well seasoned. Physicalbuse? You mean discipline, thats what they know.I don't support ott discipline, only a minority take it overboard.There is huge emphasis on respect for elders and it should be. Casual racism,please explain.
    (Original post by someonesomewherexx)
    Shame, the spraying was one of the highlights of a traditional wedding for me as a kid
    Still spraybut here in the UK it with dollars, don't ask why.
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    (Original post by Ebuwa)
    Poor food? Maybe person who made it for you can't cook properly-Nigerian food made well is amazing and well seasoned. Physicalbuse? You mean discipline, thats what they know.I don't support ott discipline, only a minority take it overboard.There is huge emphasis on respect for elders and it should be. Casual racism,please explain.

    Still spraybut here in the UK it with dollars, don't ask why.
    Dollars :confused: but then, nigerians :rolleyes: ...
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    (Original post by someonesomewherexx)
    Dollars :confused: but then, nigerians :rolleyes: ...
    Haven't you ever been to a UK Nigerian party? I think because of the conversion rate.
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    (Original post by Ebuwa)
    Haven't you ever been to a UK Nigerian party? I think because of the conversion rate.
    Kmt. Are you the thread starter?
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    (Original post by Ebuwa)
    Yes they are
    No they ain't, you need to sign the registry book to make it legally valid. but if you just plan on using customary tradition then sure. otherwise no.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't really believe it my mum still wont shut up about the fact that without a traditional Nigerian ceremony, my wedding and marriage and be invalid in accordance with British law and British officials and authorities.

    I wish she'd shut up otherwise I'm gonna have to consider cutting her out of my life as well.
    utter rubbish, like they give a toss about u eating kola nut and drinking palm wine or whether your husband's mates wipe the floor with their new agbadas to beg your hand in marriage abeg. all they want to see is registry certificate.
    anyway why would this matter? are your parents planning on marrying you off to someone in nigeria for you bring back into the country as your husband?
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    (Original post by Crazy Paving)
    Kmt. Are you the thread starter?
    Did I say I was. Abeg leave me.

    (Original post by Wahala)
    No they ain't, you need to sign the registry book to make it legally valid. but if you just plan on using customary tradition then sure. otherwise no.
    Yes they are as you have said in your penultimate sentence. My parents traditonal marriage was recognised under British law by HMRC-they didn't have a registry wedding.
  9. Offline

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    (Original post by Ebuwa)
    Haven't you ever been to a UK Nigerian party? I think because of the conversion rate.
    Yeah, a few but they never sprayed money
  10. Offline

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    (Original post by Ebuwa)
    Did I say I was. Abeg leave me.
    Abeg own up.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Dominic101)
    The poor food for one and the general condoning of physical abuse towards
    children.
    This is something that I've always noticed from a young age unfortunately. I don't mean to be rude but even when you go onto the African society, I notice attitudes like this.

    (Original post by Dominic101)
    Also the fact that children are deemed as lasts to their elders and are meant to be treated with respect and the large amount of casual racism.
    That's true unfortunately. There seems to be a backwards view of children should be seen and not heard. They are not individuals with their own minds and they know nothing. Respect works one way. I know a lot of Nigeria families and this is the case As a child or young person we'd have no social standing.

    What do you mean by 'the large amount of casual racism'?
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Dominic101)
    The poor food for one and the general condoning of physical abuse towards
    children. Also the fact that children are deemed as lasts to their elders and are meant to be treated with respect and the large amount of casual racism.
    Oh yeah by the way, the food is great, imo don't see what's wrong with it. I love it Do you prefer English food? Can you cook at all?
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by arbaaz)
    hey!
    I was actually wondering how you were getting on... nice to hear from you. congrats that's awesome!
    you'll enjoy the northeast
    Thank you! I can't wait!
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    (Original post by Crazy Paving)
    Abeg own up.
    Abeg(gi) stop arguing, I'm enjoying this way more than I should
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Wahala)
    utter rubbish, like they give a toss about u eating kola nut and drinking palm wine or whether your husband's mates wipe the floor with their new agbadas to beg your hand in marriage abeg. all they want to see is registry certificate.
    anyway why would this matter? are your parents planning on marrying you off to someone in nigeria for you bring back into the country as your husband?
    I hope not. But anyway, no they aren't, my mum keeps bringing it up for us to remember when we get married. She'd rather we got married in Nigeria.
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    (Original post by Crazy Paving)
    Abeg own up.
    Abeg shutup, I no wan wahala.

    (Original post by someonesomewherexx)
    Yeah, a few but they never sprayed money
    whaaaaat. Thats unheard of.What tribe(party)?
  13. Offline

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    (Original post by Ebuwa)
    Abeg shutup, I no wan wahala.



    whaaaaat. Thats unheard of.What tribe(party)?
    I'm Yoruba, but I happen to have very posh relatives who don't believe in such practices...Lol
  14. Offline

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    (Original post by someonesomewherexx)
    Abeg(gi) stop arguing, I'm enjoying this way more than I should
    :rofl2: Finally a good Nigerian girl.

    (Original post by Ebuwa)
    Abeg shutup, I no wan wahala.
    KMT, I am Igbo, not Yoruba.
  15. Offline

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    (Original post by Ebuwa)
    Yes they are as you have said in your penultimate sentence. My parents traditonal marriage was recognised under British law by HMRC-they didn't have a registry wedding.
    yea because presumably they already had an established married life... in op's scenario, it won't apply.


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I hope not. But anyway, no they aren't, my mum keeps bringing it up for us to remember when we get married. She'd rather we got married in Nigeria.
    you need not worry yourself with such detail. what if your partner and his family insist on a london wedding? what then? some naija peeps here can't even be bothered with doin traditional .

    (Original post by Ebuwa)
    Abeg shutup, I no wan wahala.
    then don't mention my name, i'm like the candy man
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Wahala)
    you need not worry yourself with such detail. what if your partner and his family insist on a london wedding? what then? some naija peeps here can't even be bothered with doin traditional
    To be honest, I'm fed up with my parents trying to dictate my life and trying to impose certain views on me that I hope by that time not to be so close in contact with them by then.

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Updated: January 15, 2013
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