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Feel so lonely and depressed at university :(

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Applying to Uni? Let Universities come to you. Click here to get your perfect place 20-10-2014
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    Before I came to university i was happy as could be, i wasn't that confident but i had some self esteem and got on with everyone. I'm not one to argue etc so i always found myself with a lot of friends surrounding me.

    However ever since i've started university, everything has went down hill My decision for university was pending on results day because i got BBB instead of ABB, i did eventually get accepted - however as a result i didn't get my first preference at halls, and was put in non alcohol accomodation.

    My hallmates there were born again christians, were very shy, rarely emerged from their room and didn't even go to the cinema never mind clubbing, so i made no friendships there. My course hours are really short - 10 hours a week, so after making no friends in my non alcohol accommodation or class, and crying every evening down the phone to my parents, i decided i would put my name on the waiting list to move rooms.

    In the middle of November I got placed in normal halls. I really tried to make an effort buying a box of sweets for the kitchen, knocking doors to introduce myself, and made an effort to go out clubbing or shopping with them, even if i did have work to do! However I still feel like an outsider because i'm just treated like the new girl who moved in late i feel like i'm tagging along.

    My self esteem has went to 0, i'm always thinking im worthless and that i must be horrible if no one likes me i cry everyday when i come home from class, and i've started to get really nervous in social situations. I'm convinced everyone is staring at me, that i'm hideous, and my heart starts racing. All i want to do is go home in crawl in bed.

    My friends from home are sort of caught up in their new university life, and i'm even starting to get paranoid that they don't like me. I can also never accept compliments from my boyfriend - i always think he's lying, no one could ever love me, and i start to cry :\ my life is one big mess.

    i know this is a bit of a rant, but has anyone else felt this way at university? i thought it would be such a fun and exciting time, but its been the worse experience of my life so far.
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    (Original post by SingMeALullaby)
    My friends from home are sort of caught up in their new university life, and i'm even starting to get paranoid that they don't like me. I can also never accept compliments from my boyfriend - i always think he's lying, no one could ever love me, and i start to cry :\ my life is one big mess.
    I can relate to most of what you posted but especially this, my lack of friends here is affecting my relationships with other people & I'm just down generally, making me seem even more antisocial so it's a bit of a vicious cycle I don't even want to go out much just have people there to talk to/who want to talk to me and I've tried everything. Even people from my school who came to the same uni seem much better settled in so I must've done something wrong

    I posted a similar thread on tsr somewhere a while ago and the only responses were from people in similar situations so I guess at least we're not alone! Uni is massively overhyped imo. Are you in an LDR or is your boyfriend close? If so surely you'll be able to get through? If not I sympathise with it entirely as I just end up counting down the days to when I see him/go home, two things I'm having to do all the time to get away from uni as much as possible Sorry I can't be of much help but I really sympathise!
    #1

    This is so similiar to me its scary If you looked at my Facebook you'd think i was having the time of my life but i'm so lonely and i can't take much more of this.

    I moved halls too and i do have a group of 'friends' but i really don't understand them. One day they will say hi, and they will knock for me if they're doing something. I always get invited for predrinks and nights out. But some days i will be completely ignored. One of them has just invited a few people out somewhere and blanked me even though i was in the room! I can't tell if these people like me or if i'm just a tag along..

    I haven't made any friends on my course and i can't see how i will because there aren't enough contact hours. My subject has 3 hours per WEEK. I've had the day off today and so far it has been - wake up at 3pm, go for a walk, sit on my laptop. The only social interaction i've had was a brief conversation with my friend when i was going to the shower. Nobody has asked me to live with them next year and i have nobody to ask, my self esteem (which was never high anyway) has plummeted and i don't have any confidence when talking to people as there is obviously some glaring reason why nobody likes me.

    At least you and the other girl who posted have boyfriends. I'm craving a relationship so much at the moment and i'm certain this is because i'm really lonely and miss the emotional closeness. But it's making me feel even worse because nobody has shown any interest :sad:

    I'm completely lost about my housing situation and i feel so lonely. I'd give anything to have 1 person who i'm close with and i can open up to I know if i don't meet people this year i probably never will which is terrifying me. I can't do another 2 and a half years of this. All this is meaning i have no motivation to do the work on my course.
    #2

    I understand what you mean about being worried what your new flatmates think. At my uni everyone goes out with their flatmates, as I don't get on with mine I've been looking for others to go out with, like you I have few contact hours on my course, and although I know others in my halls I have to ask to go out with them and I feel so awkward doing this, I'm sure they must find me annoying asking and then 'tagging along'.
    #3

    (Original post by SingMeALullaby)
    Before I came to university i was happy as could be, i wasn't that confident but i had some self esteem and got on with everyone. I'm not one to argue etc so i always found myself with a lot of friends surrounding me.

    However ever since i've started university, everything has went down hill My decision for university was pending on results day because i got BBB instead of ABB, i did eventually get accepted - however as a result i didn't get my first preference at halls, and was put in non alcohol accomodation.

    My hallmates there were born again christians, were very shy, rarely emerged from their room and didn't even go to the cinema never mind clubbing, so i made no friendships there. My course hours are really short - 10 hours a week, so after making no friends in my non alcohol accommodation or class, and crying every evening down the phone to my parents, i decided i would put my name on the waiting list to move rooms.

    In the middle of November I got placed in normal halls. I really tried to make an effort buying a box of sweets for the kitchen, knocking doors to introduce myself, and made an effort to go out clubbing or shopping with them, even if i did have work to do! However I still feel like an outsider because i'm just treated like the new girl who moved in late i feel like i'm tagging along.

    My self esteem has went to 0, i'm always thinking im worthless and that i must be horrible if no one likes me i cry everyday when i come home from class, and i've started to get really nervous in social situations. I'm convinced everyone is staring at me, that i'm hideous, and my heart starts racing. All i want to do is go home in crawl in bed.

    My friends from home are sort of caught up in their new university life, and i'm even starting to get paranoid that they don't like me. I can also never accept compliments from my boyfriend - i always think he's lying, no one could ever love me, and i start to cry :\ my life is one big mess.

    i know this is a bit of a rant, but has anyone else felt this way at university? i thought it would be such a fun and exciting time, but its been the worse experience of my life so far.
    I'm in a similar situation, it started really good for me, since September it's just gone down with the occasional week where it's just on the same level, then it keeps going down

    I've decided to let go to be honest, if people want me around and have fun, they can come to me, i'm tired of trying
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    thanks for all your replies it makes me feel a bit better than i am not the only one! it seems like everyone else has a big group of friends and then there's me walking to class alone, sitting in class alone, and tagging along with my hallmates wondering what have i done wrong!

    i try to be strong & think oh well i don't care if i'm alone, i'm done trying, but deep down i really do care!

    are all of you first year?
    the whole prospect of having no one to live with next year as well is making me really down
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    Okay let's get a bit of perspective here. Loads of people all disillusioned that uni didn't turn out to be the big fun they expected. You're not alone in feeling like this - it just seems like it. Inevitably some unis are better at helping with socialising, new student events, clubs etc. Consider joining some clubs if possible. It all seems like a big effort but it's one way to meet people who aren't on your course. Don't limit your friendships to course mates or hall mates. Don't panic about housing. Many of those who have their houses all sorted now will have fallen out before next year, believe me. Don't impose yourself on other people but throw out suggestions of the 'I'm off to ....for coffee, they do great cakes, you coming?' type. That way you go off anyhow for coffee, as that was pre-planned, and you don't lose face if no-one comes.
    And be reasonable - the weather is foul, it's February, you don't have a monopoly on being miserable - we're all at it! Now go buy yourself a bunch of daffs!
    #1

    (Original post by SingMeALullaby)
    thanks for all your replies it makes me feel a bit better than i am not the only one! it seems like everyone else has a big group of friends and then there's me walking to class alone, sitting in class alone, and tagging along with my hallmates wondering what have i done wrong!

    i try to be strong & think oh well i don't care if i'm alone, i'm done trying, but deep down i really do care!

    are all of you first year?
    the whole prospect of having no one to live with next year as well is making me really down
    I agree with you. I've even had to resort to lying and saying i have somewhere because everyone else is going on about how excited they are etc and it makes me feel like utter ****. All my friends think i've got a house and theres nobody who i feel able to talk to about this. I don't know who to ask or where to look :sad:

    I feel so sad seeing all these threads. If i had any suspicion that someone at my university was feeling like this i'd try my damn hardest to get to know them.
    #4

    same position
    #5

    I was kinda in a similar position in my 1st year, i missed out on halls and got put into a house. I didnt make any friends (bar aquiantances) until the end of year 1, and now i hang out with them at uni. Uni aside though i am lonely and bored a lot of the time but the large work load helps with that a bit. I just kept thinking 'if it really gets that bad i can always leave' and tbh i think term time goes quick anyway. I definitely had much higher expectations about uni but i guess thats just life. IMO if uni makes you very unhappy and your not absolutely set on the course/career your working towards then leave and do something that makes you happy, you can always go back or to a different uni (although at an inflated price). Its just advice though.
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    Since my friends have all gone to uni it feels like I have no friends anymore. I have one or two people who I hang out with but It feels like I barely connect with them... I mean I barely connect with anyone so that's nothing new. But now I barely go out and I'm just left on my own in my room alone and depressed. I actually don't know what to do about it. I try and get talking to people or meeting people and it just always goes wrong. I can't connect with anyone - small talk is extremely difficult for me.
    I was really looking forward to seeing a therapist today for the first time and it just didn't go to plan. I didn't feel I was able to properly express myself or get what I wanted to get off my chest.
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    I completely agree. All my friends from school seem to have settled in so easily whereas I've done the opposite. I've been friendly, talked to people, gone to societies but nothing seems to work. Everyone sticks with their housemates and wants to make new friends. As for my housemates, they're all different to me, leave me out and are all moving in together next year. I'm actually thinking of transferring universities to make a fresh start. As sad as it is, it's good to know I'm not alone.
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    i am exactly the same, i wouldn't say im a quiet person but all my flat mates are so quiet and we just didnt gel properly and when they were sorting out houses i didnt have the money for a deposit so they went and got a house without me. i thought id be okay coz my hometown is only an hour away from my uni and i have the option of living with my boyfriend and commuting but im scared this is going to lead to me feeling even more uninvolved in uni. i was also unlucky that i fractured my ankle in the first term so missed out in soo much so i feel a bit out of it now im back at netball coz they all know each other so much better now and i dont know whether to ask people i play netball with if they've sorted houses but then i'll feel dead odd coz i dont know them well enough, i dont know what to do either
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    i hate it as well, if you don't make friends within the first month noone even wants to know you, i just keep myself busy to get it over and done with and the time flyes by.
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    (Original post by toddman10)
    i hate it as well, if you don't make friends within the first month noone even wants to know you, i just keep myself busy to get it over and done with and the time flyes by.
    That's so true! It's ridiculous! So much for university being somewhere where you can have a great social life! I hate when people are like well it's clearly your fault or you're not being sociable enough. I've tried but like you said, no-one wants to know.
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    I know this sounds really weird, but is there any way you could try to arrange a sort of 'students who don't feel settled in' kind of group through the student union or something? There's probably many other students in similar situation at your uni, who you just haven't come across. If the union would organise and publicise it, it may help to bring some of you together to meet etc and meet some new people who are also a bit on their own.
    I'm not at uni, hopefully will be going in September, and this is the biggest fear for me - especially as I don't really even have any friends now at college! Who knows how much of a loner I will be come October!!
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    All these replies are so negative!!

    Hey what about meeting people from your course? There must be people that you sit with or something on your course?

    Im in my second year and im not as good friends with my flatmates from last year, however i have a really great bunch of friends on my course. Im not a massively social person either, however i ended up being events organiser of a society and joined quite a few others (although i rarely go to most of the other societies :P).

    As long as you meet some people from the course then you can easily build more relationships. My group is always expanding, we chat to the 'quieter' people aswell and if you guys look hard enough- you'll see a nice group of people who you'll be able to join and im sure they will accept you with open arms.

    I would say- don't just accept having 'no friends'. Its never nice to be alone especially at university when you're far away from everything else. Don't be afraid of just starting a conversation with someone as well, chances are they might actually enjoy chatting to you.
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    I have spoken to a few people on my course and outside of course over the past 5 months and I know I will never make proper friends at uni because my confidence has taken a battering, people speak behind my back all the time 'that guys really weird' how can they call me weird when they haven't said one word to me? I wouldn't want to be friends with people who treat people that way anyway. I had zero friends at school for about 3 years so I am used to it and uni is practically part time compared to school so it isn't a big deal.
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    also, a girl was complaining the other day because she was put in a group with people 'she doesn't talk to' that just explains it all i think.
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    (Original post by SingMeALullaby)

    My self esteem has went to 0, i'm always thinking im worthless and that i must be horrible if no one likes me i cry everyday when i come home from class, and i've started to get really nervous in social situations. I'm convinced everyone is staring at me, that i'm hideous, and my heart starts racing. All i want to do is go home in crawl in bed.

    My friends from home are sort of caught up in their new university life, and i'm even starting to get paranoid that they don't like me. I can also never accept compliments from my boyfriend - i always think he's lying, no one could ever love me, and i start to cry :\ my life is one big mess.
    :facepalm2:

    I can never understand how these two statements can crop up in the same post. I dunno about everyone else but if I got a girlfriend all my social anxiety issues would be gone with the wind.

    Anyway OP you have been there what 2 and a bit months? Did you expect to be best of friends with your new hallmates in that time?

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