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relationships and islam

Basically i have been with someone for a year a half. Now he is going to ummrah and wants to break up and stop what we are doing... ( he basically was with someone before me too, and they broke up because he went to ummrah, and then a couple of months later he was with me. Btw my family do know about us, but his don't because apparantly it isnt the right time to tell them)

Back to the story though, I got very mad and deleted him off fb after hearing he wanted to break up and also deleted his number and have not spoken to him. I was thinking about doing istikhara to see or get guidance of some sort into this issue?

Just wondering if it works? and If it is a good thing to do. Im actually hurt right now, as i want to spend my life with him, but don't understand how he could have been so cold towards me to just be like we have to end this. (i suppose i do understand in a way though, and am proud of him to go on ummrah) and i dont mind being in his life without dating a such if that makes sense?

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You can't do Istikhara for things like dating - it's contradictory in itself.
Reply 2
Avatar for Ash07
Ash07
hunny if he's leaving you for no good reason, he's not worth keeping.
Reply 3
Avatar for bumble_bee_zee
bumble_bee_zee
OP
Im not talking about dating... Im thinking about doing it to see if we have a future? I don't mind not dating now.... and hmmmm i suppose. I just wanted the muslim view as to istikhara really. Like what it is, what it does, if anyone has done it kinda thing :smile:
Reply 4
Avatar for tim3
tim3
17
interesting issue!!!
Can I be honest? if the guy is in relationship and can easily switch on and off like then either he is not interested or he does not desire women in general.
And when u bring this to islam.......i have no idea what to say. All i know as long as ou dont do anything physical i guess its fine to know each other before getting married. What do you guys say?
Reply 5
Avatar for TheNexus
TheNexus
I think he may have a problem with telling his family about his relationships. He might also be feeling guilty because of it when going on Umrah. Is your family OK with you being with him?

If I was you, I would forget about him if he doesn't want to be with you, move on and hopefully find someone else who wants to be with you.
(edited 12 years ago)
Reply 6
Avatar for TheNexus
TheNexus
Original post by tim3
interesting issue!!!
Can I be honest? if the guy is in relationship and can easily switch on and off like then either he is not interested or he does not desire women in general.
And when u bring this to islam.......i have no idea what to say. All i know as long as ou dont do anything physical i guess its fine to know each other before getting married. What do you guys say?


Not really, because you're not actually allowed to see or be with anyone who is not your Mahram.
Reply 7
Avatar for bumble_bee_zee
bumble_bee_zee
OP
Original post by tim3
interesting issue!!!
Can I be honest? if the guy is in relationship and can easily switch on and off like then either he is not interested or he does not desire women in general.
And when u bring this to islam.......i have no idea what to say. All i know as long as ou dont do anything physical i guess its fine to know each other before getting married. What do you guys say?


Yeah thats what i thought, and my extremely religious friend said the same!! I suppose i don't know, as i know he is interested, its more of a delicate issue. Like an inner debate with religion and feelings? :s-smilie:
And after 2 months he will be with another girl :colonhash:
Reply 9
Avatar for bumble_bee_zee
bumble_bee_zee
OP
Original post by TheNexus
I think he may have a problem with telling his family about his relationships. He might also be feeling guilty because of it when going on Umrah. Is your family OK with you being with him?

If I was you, I would forget about him if he doesn't want to be with you, move on and hopefully find someone else who wants to be with you.



His sisters know, but not his parents. This has always been an issue with me tbh! My family know about him, at first they weren't pleased but they're ok about it now. My mum even teases me about him.

I think maybe i should move on, but its a little hard when the person was your best friends, and then you were together for a year and a half.... Most of your life has gone if that makes sense? LOL (i sound retarded eek!)
Original post by Blackshadow
And after 2 months he will be with another girl :colonhash:



LOL will have to keep you posted on that :wink:
Reply 11
Avatar for tim3
tim3
17
Original post by bumble_bee_zee
Yeah thats what i thought, and my extremely religious friend said the same!! I suppose i don't know, as i know he is interested, its more of a delicate issue. Like an inner debate with religion and feelings? :s-smilie:

i dont know about gender segregation. All i know that women are supppose to dress modestly infront of men and i guess that should do the trick. But the thing why is he switching on and off like that? my advice to you sister...find out whether he really likes you or not.see if he isnt hiding anything. it better to be honest now and not get hurt in the future
Original post by tim3
i dont know about gender segregation. All i know that women are supppose to dress modestly infront of men and i guess that should do the trick. But the thing why is he switching on and off like that? my advice to you sister...find out whether he really likes you or not.see if he isnt hiding anything. it better to be honest now and not get hurt in the future


Thank you for the advice. I suppose i have to face him at some point and actually talk through this till some sort of conclusion has been found.

I'll just have faith that everything turns out for the best i suppose.
Original post by bumble_bee_zee
LOL will have to keep you posted on that :wink:


Fun fun fun!
Some people go to Yemen to get out of a relationship, others go to Mecca.
Reply 15
Avatar for tim3
tim3
17
yay us!!!!
we like fun!!
and dear sister if that man dosnt giv a positive reply just give him a tight slap on the face for playing with you like that and tell him not to do that ever again.
There are tonnes of good guys out there waiting for you.
Pray to Allah(swt) so that He fix a good partner for you.
He is the best decision maker!!!!
Reply 16
Avatar for TheNexus
TheNexus
Original post by bumble_bee_zee
His sisters know, but not his parents. This has always been an issue with me tbh! My family know about him, at first they weren't pleased but they're ok about it now. My mum even teases me about him.

I think maybe i should move on, but its a little hard when the person was your best friends, and then you were together for a year and a half.... Most of your life has gone if that makes sense? LOL (i sound retarded eek!)


1 and a half years..... MOST OF YOUR LIFE?!

You sure you feeling OK? :tongue:
Reply 17
Avatar for tim3
tim3
17
Original post by Dirac Delta Function
Some people go to Yemen to get out of a relationship, others go to Mecca.


LOL this is soooo funnny!!!
but actually to go for umrah or pilgrimage is very peaceful and a blessed thing to do.
:biggrin: i never did it but i plan to!!! inshAlllah
Reply 18
Avatar for Tfaska
Tfaska
No offense, but a guy who has a relationship but doesn't have the guts to be clear with his parents sounds a bit irresponsible to me and likely to hide things from you like he does with his parents. If you're serious about marriage though, definitely pray Istikharah.
I'm too young to know really.
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by TheNexus
1 and a half years..... MOST OF YOUR LIFE?!

You sure you feeling OK? :tongue:


We were best friends before being together in a relationship... We have the same friends, we go to university together, are on the same course, and probably talk to one another about 80% of the time...

So yes most of our lives...

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