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Opposite gender friendship.

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    90% of my friends at uni are male just because thats who I ended up living with in 1st year I don't feel like that makes me a slut, although I have got funny looks in the past off girls who have liked any of the guys i'm usually with! One girl who likes my friend even asked someone the other day who the hell i was and what I thought I was doing with him! XD
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    (Original post by shiinkii)
    Dont know If you've noticed but you come across as an arrogant self righteous jerk. Ask your girlfriend.. or boyfriend.
    Instead of calling me names could you just explain what 'awkwardness' you're talking about?
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    Positively sinful, yes :rolleyes:

    Seriously, I do find it difficult not to fool about with friends I find attractive Kinda destroyed what was a beautiful friendship by seducing a girl and twisting it into a rather inequitable relationship

    (Original post by LipstickKisses)
    My friends are almost exclusively male. Not all of them want to sleep with me
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    (Original post by screenager2004)
    Instead of calling me names could you just explain what 'awkwardness' you're talking about?
    It's essentially male nervousness/confidence issues related to their female love interests.
    They start trying to impress/woo them, the dynamics change, etc.
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    (Original post by JGR)
    It's essentially male nervousness/confidence issues related to their female love interests.
    They start trying to impress/woo them, the dynamics change, etc.
    But Shiinkii said that the two people asked were just friends, so the guy wasn't trying to impress/woo them in the first place. So why is it awkward?
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    (Original post by screenager2004)
    But Shiinkii said that the two people asked were just friends, so the guy wasn't trying to impress/woo them in the first place. So why is it awkward?
    As I understand it, "just friends" for them does not preclude them from flirting/attempted wooing etc.
    A lot of guys will do it out of habit or without overtly realising anyway.

    That in itself however is not really a problem. It's when guys say that them doing this and then being turned down is grounds for immediate termination of the friendship that puzzles/disappoints me.
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    (Original post by Trailblazer)
    Yet again it comes back to a girl being in denial about her guy friends. Think about that 70% of your friends who are guys. If you placed a certain, unconditional offer on the table to each and every one of them, how many do you think would say no?
    I'd say about 60% would jump in the air and say "hell yeah lets do this".
    The next 35% would say "Its a good idea, but it may get a little complicated" - they are your smart guy friends.
    The final 5% may say "eww no way, you're like my sister" - these are your true, best guy friends, they either have no libido or they are gay.
    Awrite, calm yerself doon there eh? :eek:

    Hrmm to be fair, I sort of see what you're getting at? The guy friends I've had my whole life, before uni, that I grew up with...well, those are the guys that, at age 3, we were eating crayons together and playing with caterpillars and stealing each others' toy trucks and peeing our pants together and stuff like that; I honestly do consider them to be like my brothers, and I think they feel the same about me. I suppose they'd be in that 5% you're referring to.

    The "70%"? Well, in all honesty, before we got to know each other very well, there were a few "complications" as you say...but in spite of that, we've gotten to be better friends for it, and while there was a bit of awkwardness at first, we realised that we're a bunch of uni freshers, **** happens, and that's no reason we can't be good mates.

    And, while there is still a bit of a..."grey area", per se, with a particular mate of mine, the banter has not yet been taken down a notch, and things are looking up.

    So while I'll acknowledge that there is a definite potential for some of these "grey areas" that you can run into when in a guy/girl friendship, I don't think it's fair to say that I or any of the other girls saying the same thing are "in denial," I'd just say that, while there might be these complications you talk about, none of them are enough to ruin what's at the end of the day, a great friendship between a guy and a girl.
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    I've always got on with guys more than I do girls, like others have said, there's less bitchiness, and I can have more of a laugh with them for some reason. I've always found a big difference between guys I'm friends with and guys I'm interested in..sometimes the first one grows into the second, but I know my boundaries (:

    I'm not saying all of my friends are male, but I generally, 70% of the time get better conversations out of males...
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    (Original post by shiinkii)
    Ahhh don't be sad. At least now you understand why he goes quite or acts weird when you talk to other guys. You don't seem like a crazy witch, you might not but to me it almost kinda sounds like part of you likes him too aha
    Hmm I do have an attraction to him, but it's not enough for a relationship. I only want friendship and he knows that. I've never tried to be anything more.
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    (Original post by screenager2004)
    Instead of calling me names could you just explain what 'awkwardness' you're talking about?

    (Original post by JGR)
    It's essentially male nervousness/confidence issues related to their female love interests.
    They start trying to impress/woo them, the dynamics change, etc.
    The awkwardness is discomfort between the two friends, mostly as one friend will feel like their feelings are being exposed. I know a few people like this, who are different genders and bestfriends. Whenever I would ask if one of them liked the other, there would most certainly be red faces, avoiding eye contact etc and the answer is not always immediately clear. Where as two unattracted friends would just laugh it off or play along/ joke about it etc.
    I advice you to check out the ladder theory, the concept of it Basicly describes what my argument is.
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    (Original post by Rhi_Chemo)
    Hmm I do have an attraction to him, but it's not enough for a relationship. I only want friendship and he knows that. I've never tried to be anything more.
    http://www.relationshiptheory.com/20...ladder-theory/

    That's the link to the ladder theory which Basicly supports the concept of my argument. Can you read it and tell me whether you think its true or not. I would appreciate it.
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    (Original post by shiinkii)
    http://www.relationshiptheory.com/20...ladder-theory/

    That's the link to the ladder theory which Basicly supports the concept of my argument. Can you read it and tell me whether you think its true or not. I would appreciate it.
    I cannot definatly say if its true or untrue. however i can see that it does explain some real life situations I have encountered.
    I personally think you have a valid argument with this theory.
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    (Original post by shiinkii)
    http://www.relationshiptheory.com/20...ladder-theory/

    That's the link to the ladder theory which Basicly supports the concept of my argument. Can you read it and tell me whether you think its true or not. I would appreciate it.
    Personally I disagree, for several reasons

    1) If a guy is just a friend I make it crystal clear
    2) I've had 'potentials' become friends and friends become 'potentials'. I wouldn't say I have 'two ladders'. Some people are just friends, but that's if they're not attractive to me, which would go for guys too. They're not going to suddenly find someone hot who isn't their type due to lots of time together. It also implies that not many guys will spend time with unattractive women they have things in common with, and it only takes a look around to tell you that's not true. A friend who I find attractive, I wouldn't discount due to them being friends.

    May work for some, but it isn't all.
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    (Original post by Blackshadow)
    Does she go Imperial? :awesome:
    Whats so spechhial about Imperial?
    (Original post by strawberry)
    if there was something wrong with that, then I'm in trouble. my career field is 91% male.
    What field you working in then?
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    (Original post by LipstickKisses)
    Personally I disagree, for several reasons

    1) If a guy is just a friend I make it crystal clear
    2) I've had 'potentials' become friends and friends become 'potentials'. I wouldn't say I have 'two ladders'. Some people are just friends, but that's if they're not attractive to me, which would go for guys too. They're not going to suddenly find someone hot who isn't their type due to lots of time together. It also implies that not many guys will spend time with unattractive women they have things in common with, and it only takes a look around to tell you that's not true. A friend who I find attractive, I wouldn't discount due to them being friends.

    May work for some, but it isn't all.
    This is what you don't get. You may see them as friends, but they see you as a potential shag. As I've said all along, it is how straight males feel, not females.
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    No its perfectly normal to have either male or female friends at any given time. Some of my best friends are female
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    (Original post by screenager2004)
    So you're now saying women lack logic?


    Seriously? You wanna say that?
    It doesn't mean they are stupid. This is a whole different ball game altogether. Women on average tend to think more emotionally than males do. Most of the time what they say they are going to do and what they do (what actually happens) are two completely different things. Too many times have I heard a girl say she hates a guys guts and then found out she slept with him a few days later is unreal. I've heard of sweet innocent quite type girls do crazy things like have sex in a field with some smooth talker. I don't know, its one of the things I'll never fully understand about women.
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    (Original post by LipstickKisses)
    Personally I disagree, for several reasons

    1) If a guy is just a friend I make it crystal clear
    2) I've had 'potentials' become friends and friends become 'potentials'. I wouldn't say I have 'two ladders'. Some people are just friends, but that's if they're not attractive to me, which would go for guys too. They're not going to suddenly find someone hot who isn't their type due to lots of time together. It also implies that not many guys will spend time with unattractive women they have things in common with, and it only takes a look around to tell you that's not true. A friend who I find attractive, I wouldn't discount due to them being friends.

    May work for some, but it isn't all.
    1) You make it crystal clear that he's a friend. So you Basicly put him on your friendship ladder and also inform him? You have effectively just supported a point in my argument. Thank you.

    2) I'm honestly not quite sure what you're saying here. It seems like you are saying if some one is not attractive to you, you would keep him as just friends (friendship ladder) rather than put them on your potential ladder. As a guy, for me to become friends with a female I need to be initially attracted to them. As I write this I just realised how true it is, thinking about it, although on a smaller scale there is no close female friend of mine I haven't contemplated having romantic relations with. This supports the ladder theory, that males only have one ladder.
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    (Original post by shiinkii)
    1) You make it crystal clear that he's a friend. So you Basicly put him on your friendship ladder and also inform him? You have effectively just supported a point in my argument. Thank you.

    2) I'm honestly not quite sure what you're saying here. It seems like you are saying if some one is not attractive to you, you would keep him as just friends (friendship ladder) rather than put them on your potential ladder. As a guy, for me to become friends with a female I need to be initially attracted to them. As I write this I just realised how true it is, thinking about it, although on a smaller scale there is no close female friend of mine I haven't contemplated having romantic relations with. This supports the ladder theory, that males only have one ladder.
    1) No. I don't have a friendship ladder, like everyone else in the world, I have people who are attractive and people who aren't. If I have a friend, it doesn't mean he's 'friend zoned' or on the friend ladder. There's no reason I won't date him if I find him physically attractive. This does not just apply to women. Your point also stated women led on men they are not attracted to, I pointed out I do not do this. Using your ladder theory, he should then stop being friends with me and move on to another girl, right? My male friends that I am not attracted to do not do this.

    2) Not all guys choose their female friends based on their attractiveness though. What a lot of people are failing to do is realise that what they do =/= what the whole of their gender does. Do you really think all people with the same reproductive organs behave in exactly the same way?
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    (Original post by LipstickKisses)
    1) No. I don't have a friendship ladder, like everyone else in the world, I have people who are attractive and people who aren't. If I have a friend, it doesn't mean he's 'friend zoned' or on the friend ladder. There's no reason I won't date him if I find him physically attractive. This does not just apply to women. Your point also stated women led on men they are not attracted to, I pointed out I do not do this. Using your ladder theory, he should then stop being friends with me and move on to another girl, right? My male friends that I am not attracted to do not do this.

    2) Not all guys choose their female friends based on their attractiveness though. What a lot of people are failing to do is realise that what they do =/= what the whole of their gender does. Do you really think all people with the same reproductive organs behave in exactly the same way?
    1) The ladders are an analogy. In this case the friendship ladder is your friends that you don't find attractive and the guys you find attractive will be your potential ladder.

    2) The difference between my argument and yours is that what I say about women has already been confirmed in this thread by other girls and what you're saying about guys is based on your own assumptions, so in my eyes your credibility is minimal.
Updated: February 10, 2012
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