What do you do if a girl is in a relationship?

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There's a girl I really like but unfortunately she is in a relationship. I understand it's not cool to break them up, and I would never dream of doing such a thing. This means it's probably not okay to tell the girl you like her.

On the other hand, is it okay to drop subtle hints you like her? If this girl does like me too, she would need indication to break up. Girls will often not go through such a thing if they do not think there is a chance.

As I said again: I'm a nice guy and would NOT come on too hard, I just want to know what people think is okay and what is not. I think this girl might like me, which is why I'm asking, we have been friends for three months.

If she's recently gotten into a relationship think you should tell her...

Reply 21

JD.27

A girl's not an object that can be stolen, people in this thread seem to have forgotten she is a human being with her own mind and free will. If you feel like she'd be better off with you and her current bf isn't doing it for her then hang around. Don't instigate problems between them but feel the situation out a little.

This also doesn't mean she'd do it to you, a girl only cheats if she's not seuxally or emotionally fulfilled, if this guys ticked these boxes then you may as well cut your losses and move on.

Reply 22

sophisticated

You already made this thread OP, did you not like the answers you got in the first one?

As I said, move on, and don't be an a-hole that ruins other people's relationships.

Reply 23

riotgrrl

Sounds to me like you've already made up your mind...

Reply 24

Anonymous #3

1) Make it known.
2) Be all lovely and romantic.
3) Wait for her to either a) split with her boyfriend, b) friend zone you (most likely) or c) become comfortable with the idea of cheating on her boyfriend (very unlikely but possible).

Little-to-no morals required. They get you nowhere.

Reply 25

Yellowranger

Original post by Anonymous

This is really important.... Do you know her boyfriend?

Reply 26

Anonymous #4

I've been 'the other guy' in this story. My girlfriend and I have been together for four years and have a 1 year old son. She's in uni and twice has she had guys befriend her and then a few months later express their romantic interests. The one who came along after the birth of our son did not appear to care that his interest could put our family unity in jeopardy and severely hurt her chances of being able to finish university (a child and two students requires careful time management which is more or less impossible to accomplish alone).

I would give you this advice:

If the girl is your friend, then you have already been 'assessed' as boyfriend material. Even those in the strongest of relationships may imagine themselves in better situations with more desirable partners, and if you are close then she will undoubtedly have considered you in this way. She is, however, still in a relationship and you must assume that she has made the decision to continue that relationship because she genuinely wishes to be in it.

Assuming anything else, such as that she doesn't know what she's doing, or that the other guy is exerting undue influence on her, has two effects. Firstly, it perfectly justifies intervention because her relationship is 'not really real' (you can see the truth, but she cannot). Secondly, and this is the part you will find difficult to reconcile, it also means that she is incapable of making informed decisions about her own life, and therefore as liable to make a bad decision by choosing you as she is by sticking with her boyfriend.

You can see how allowing her to make her own decisions is the morally superior option here. By assuming that this girl is bright enough to make up her own mind, you not only elevate her status to one which is superior to a domesticated animal (a good thing, I hope you agree), but you also save her and her boyfriend a lot of heartache. If she returns the interest, then you will become 'the other guy' and the chances of your relationship getting off to a smooth start will be somewhere in the region of impossible. If she says no, then your friendship will become incredibly awkward and you will probably drift apart in the following weeks and months.

The conclusion is this: If you want to have any chance with her, and if you want to respect the decisions she has made in her life, then leave it alone. Stay friends with her and, at most, ask her how her relationship with her boyfriend is. If you're not confident that she has ever thought of you in that way, asking her is likely to get her to do so. So will telling her about the part of your romantic life which does not involve her (e.g by telling her that you're waiting to meet the right person). You must assume that any sensible girl will make the correct decisions about her future - any other conclusion means that your love interest is, in your view, incapable of making her own decisions. Treat her with respect and don't fall into this trap. Date other girls and see if your interest in her is still there. If it is, bide your time and if things go wrong for them, then tell her how you have felt and you may discover that part of the reason things didn't work out was that she had her mind on someone else.

Reply 27

Anonymous #3

Posting anon in case anyone recognises my username etc. etc....
Interested to see how things are going with you, as I'm in the same boat. Got off with a girl who has a boyfriend, felt guilty, went over to say sorry, but we started getting on really well and we started meeting up and cuddling, holding hands in my room. Feel like a bad person but her boyfriend made her cry last time he visited, so I like to see myself (however naive it is) as the knight in shining armour. He's been visiting for a week in which obviously I haven't seen her. Doubt she'll split up with him but eh, I don't mind being the comfort at uni while he's away.