Am I doing something wrong?

To cut a long story short, I was seeing a guy for a while and then he got a girlfriend. They're fairly serious, and I haven't seen him in person since shortly after we stopped seeing each other. However, we've been texting almost everyday, normally for a couple of hours until we fall asleep. Occasionally these texts end up getting quite personal - along the lines of 'I really miss you' (from both of us) and telling each other how much we think of the other one.

My worry is that some of this is crossing a line. He has a girlfriend, and we used to sort of be a thing, although it was never official. I'm also still in love with him. I realise I may not have given many details, but that's for anonymity's sake! Essentially, is it possible that me and him having such a close friendship is bordering on him cheating on her? Some of the things he says makes me think it is. And what am I supposed to do? I've told him in one of our many heart to hearts that if we did meet up I wouldn't let anything happen and would control myself, however much I like him, because I'm not prepared to be the girl who causes him to cheat.

Thoughts? Or am I overreacting? Is it ok for two people who used to be interested in each other to talk so often when one of them is attached?

Lol. And when it happens, of course, it will be totally unexpected and unpredictable. Who could have predicted that the power of passion would overwhelm all rational thought? When has that ever happened?

I'm just saying I don't want it to happen. I'm well aware that it might, which is part of the problem.

But if it didn't, if we managed to meet up and nothing physical happened, would it still be 'cheating'? I'm aware it's a subjective term and it's really up to whether his girlfriend thinks it is if she were to find out, but still, any advice could help me get my head round the concept!

Put yourself in the shoes of his girlfriend - would you be unhappy if you found out your boyfriend was texting an old flame, telling her that he misses her, and discussing whether or not they'd get physical if they met..?

I know what my money would be on. And you're still in love with him. So yeah, at the very least, you're doing wrong by yourself, as you're not giving yourself any chance to move on.

Put yourself in the shoes of his girlfriend - would you be unhappy if you found out your boyfriend was texting an old flame, telling her that he misses her, and discussing whether or not they'd get physical if they met..?

I know what my money would be on. And you're still in love with him. So yeah, at the very least, you're doing wrong by yourself, as you're not giving yourself any chance to move on.

It's beginning to look more and more like I should stop talking to him.

I just don't know if I have the strength to do that.

"The strength"? Oh, come on. Don't be such a wet limpet. I'm sure you've done a lot harder things in the past than cutting contact with a guy who is using you for ego boosts, and grooming you to be his bit-on-the-side if he feels like it.

You are in control of yourself, you have free will, you have willpower, you have an inner strength that is untapped and ready to be used - take hold of it, cut him out and allow yourself to move on to the far better things that are waiting for you.

I tried cutting him out once before, and it didn't work, because as soon as he texted me seeing how I was doing we started talking again. Fact is that I love talking to him and he's been such a huge part of my life over the last year that I can't imagine it without him in it. He's been very supportive through some difficult times - I know that him being possibly prepared to cheat on his girlfriend doesn't make him sound like a nice guy, but he is.

I'm just saying I don't want it to happen. I'm well aware that it might, which is part of the problem.

But if it didn't, if we managed to meet up and nothing physical happened, would it still be 'cheating'? I'm aware it's a subjective term and it's really up to whether his girlfriend thinks it is if she were to find out, but still, any advice could help me get my head round the concept!

So basically, you're aware you might have sex with him, are emotionally cheating with him, and have no intention of stopping doing so.

http://www.buzzle.com/img/articleImages/321818-163-41.jpg

Cheating refers to both emotional and physical stuff. A relationship has sexual elements and emotional elements.

So why did you come here again?

I suppose I was looking for clarification that this is a bad situation to be in from people who aren't my friends. Which I've now got. I just need to work out the best way forward and try to do that.

And it's not that I have no intention of stopping any of this. I am not going to sleep with him. However much I want to. That can't happen and it won't happen. It's the question of where exactly one draws the line between just friends and cheating and whether it's better to cut contact entirely or maintain a less close friendship.

It's easy to say you won't cheat now. If you were right next to him, insanely horny, feeling his breath on your lips after a long night of romantic conversations you might feel different.

Hmm. Much as I'd like to deny that, you're probably right.

The way I see it I have a number of options

1) Carry on as we are. Talking all the time but not meeting up
2) Meet up and keep it entirely platonic
3) Meet up and end up sleeping with him/kissing him
4) Cut down on the contact - chat once a week or so as a catch up - remain friends but not as close as we are
5) Cut contact entirely

I wish there was another option because none of those are really desirable or practical. Number 2 would obviously be the best one from my perspective.

I should talk to him rather than TSR, probably... bringing this up could be really difficult though.