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Depressive mood swings are worrying me

I'm currently in the midst of a depressive mood swing. It started 1 hour ago and will last until I come to the conclusion as to why I got into this state and resolve it. Resolving this mood swing can take hours, or days. I don't know how long this one will last but hopefully tomorrow I'll habour a brighter outlook on my life.

This depressive episode started 1 hour ago when I was searching through facebook looking at people I know and what they're up to. Everyone does this but it's how I react to the situation that's rather worrying because after seeing someone who has a bf/gf and is doing well for themselves, I try to map their life onto mine.

I find it's not compatible. Then I go about finding why it isn't compatible and evaluate why my life shares dissimilarities with theirs. After wracking my brains and wearing myself out mentally I finally come to the overwhelming realisation that whatever I do, my life won't be the same as theirs. At this point, I feel a sinking sensation and start asking questions such as 'what if', 'but', 'maybe', - all conditional phrases that attempt to beg the question 'I'm unhappy with my life and want to be in another person's shoes'.

This uncompability and uncertainty makes me mad. I enrage with jealously, such furiousity that I deem everything worthless and below me. I wish an end on the human race and the entire universe. If I can't have happiness then you can't, no one can. I wish I had the power to stop everything know and cast those who're content with their life into a maw of destruction and relentless agony. After all you're nothing but a number. An insignificant nothingness. You won't be missed when you leave this world. Many more people like you will take your place. This is what infuriates me the most. Even if you die, then they'll still be 7 billion people out there will the potential of producing another you.

The only solution is to eradicate everyone.

Reply 1

O'Donovan

You just have to accept the fact that you're a total mess, and everyone else is living the life of Riley.

Perhaps God is punishing you for something you did in another life.

Perhaps God is just punishing you for fun. Maybe you're just a big joke to him.

On a side note... I think we've all been through that "eradicate everyone" phase. Turns out, it's quite difficult to achieve.