I really don't know what to say. Some things are so hard to put into words.
But here goes...
I feel deeply sad and sorry for you, for all the things you have been put through. It's not right and it's not nice. You didn't deserve any of it and none of it is your fault. It knocked you down big time and you are not to blame for that. It's hurtful, and now you are so damaged.
I understand why you suffer from depression sometimes. I understand why you feel so suicidal. It was the most devastating time to be in the hospital after your suicide attempt. But it's nice and such a relief to know that you are trying to get help, and soon you will start to rebuild your life. I understand why you think so negatively. I understand why you are so paranoid. I understand why you have very little faith in humanity. I understand that you are so hurt, and I feel hurt for you. Even when I am happy, I feel hurt, anger and sadness for you, because I know you feel that way too. I know you feel a lot of pain in your heart, and I feel that pain too.
I understand you, even when no-one else in the world does. I stick with you, even when no one else does. I support you even when no one does. I guess it's you and I against the world!
But seriously, no one deserves to to go through what you did. I am sad that you went through all the things you went through, but I am even more saddened by the fact that it has completely destroyed you. It's not your fault at all. People around you who should have loved/helped/supported you failed you massively.
The demons are well and truly present, even when you shall enter recovery. It guess the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" isn't always true to be honest. I guess you will have to learn to live with the demons and control them. Here's hoping therapy will work.
I know you feel weak physically and mentally a lot of the time, and I do too. It is not easy feeling so emotionally drained, and I feel that way too, but I really really want you to recover and get better. Hopefully you when you start living your new life you can keep your demons at bay.
Hopefully there will come a time where you can be a normal person living a normal life.
Last edited by Dee Leigh; 14-07-2012 at 00:27.
I've pushed my luck too many times with you, so I don't want to risk it by talking to you again. I want you to hear this from me, though, because it really is important to me. I guess that's why i'm posting here. I guess that's why i'm posting with my user rather than anonymously. If you read this then maybe you were supposed to hear this.
I know i've said this to you already, but it was a bit ago and there's been no rest-bite for either of us to really miss the other. You may never miss me, and if that's the case then fine. But please, if you do miss me, just come back. I know i'm not going to get you back how i'd like to have (as much as I believe I can be the type of guy you want, and as much as I believe 'never say never') but maybe as a friend, you'd miss me. Maybe more, I dunno. Hope more than anything talking there.
Just, please, if you ever miss me, don't be stubborn and think it's not worth it. I still want you in my life in any capacity. If you want the same, whatever it may be, tell me and i'll make it work. I know i'll miss you. I just hope you'll miss me too.
Last edited by Schmucks; 14-07-2012 at 19:14.