Why did you come back? I thought you were happy in Sheffield with her. I was doing relatively fine until I saw you in your damn car with her. Why are you here? This isn't fair.
I can't keep living like this, you're slowly killing me.
Every time we're together it's fantastic, you say everything you know I want to hear (and the stuff I don't want to but need to) and then you ALWAYS go and sleep with someone else. If there is really something that badly wrong with me, why is it always me that you come running back to? Why is it always me that picks up the pieces for you? Why can't you just leave me alone?
You've been playing this game for 7 years now. I've run away and worked in 5 different countries in poor attempts to escape. I've been with other guys. I've ignored other guys. I've spent days with you trying to just be friends like we used to be. I've spent days avoiding you. Nothing works.
What do you want from me?
I can't move on, apparently, it's just never going to happen. I can't be happy with anyone else because they're not you. I should be over the moon about the fact that they're not like you, but I'm not.
I miss lying on the sofa in our dressing gown with your cat attacking my legs watching scrubs re-runs. I miss aimlessly driving around the countryside just chatting. I miss telling you off for smoking even though we both know you're not really going to listen to me. I miss laughing with you. I miss hearing you talk about cars. I miss listening to your dreams. I miss talking about our plans. I miss seeing your photos on my computer. I miss seeing those stupid little post-it notes you used to leave me. I miss finding engine oil EVERYWHERE. I miss my best friend. I miss you.
You can't keep running back to me when you get bored with your latest girlfriend. I know how much it hurts to be the one that gets messed around, I can't do that to someone else.
You have to leave me alone.
I'm scared that I'm going to feel like this forever and I'm never going to be happy with anyone else because they're never going to be you. I hate that I always feel like this is my fault. I hate that I still can't accept that you're just an idiot. I hate that I still find reasons to blame myself for all of this.
I acted stupidly in the past cos I used to like you so much. When I was with you last night, I finally opened up about it, but you got angry, you said you couldn't take it anymore. The tube journey alone together, although it was only one stop long, was too awkward to handle; we didn't hug each other like we always do when we say goodbye. It was painful even though I don't feel that way about you anymore.
Now, it actually hurts to think about how you're mad at me and I hope to god that we can talk about it soon.
I loved you with all my heart, I gave you everything I had to offer, even though you didn't say those 3 words back to me I appreciated that you didn't cos I knew that when the time came where you did say them back to me I knew you would truly mean them. But you never did, after months of me thinking we were ok you broke my heart into a million billion pieces. Now 4 months later and I'm tearing up on the inside at the thought of seeing you again in Sept when we both go back to uni. I hate the fact you're still friends with JD who was an utter c**t to me and I hate that you don't show you care about me anymore. I thought I meant much more to you than the way I've been treated since the break up. I secretly hope you want me back and tell me you want to give us another chance and that you do still have feelings for me because then for once I'll hold all the power. You have truly made me understand there being a fine line between love and hate - I hate you and yet even though I am no longer in love with you I still have love in my heart for you. I wish you would drop off the face of the planet, I wish I never had to see you again or hear from you again but we're in near same friendship group and I'll never be able to escape you. I wish I could tell you all this but with the promise I made for a clean slate come Sept I can't. Thanks for making me feel cursed.
Last edited by Charlottelisabeth; 20-07-2012 at 01:58.
This is the last time i'll write one of these. I can't do it anymore.
I loved you, and i'd have moved mountains for you. All you did in return was leave and then treat me like nothing. You've lied to me, hurt me, crushed me and delierately attacked me to hurt me more. You're a shell of what I used to know. I have no idea if what I thought of you was ever real or if you had me fooled. I loved you, but that you doesn't seem to exist anymore. The you I knew would never have been so deliberately attacking or hurtful.
I go away for a week in about 5 minutes. I'll not be looking at your facebook etc in that time. If I can do a week, I know I can go my life without you. I seemingly have to now - And with the way you've treated me recently, i'm better off without you.
I love you so much that it hurts on it's own merit. But the way you have treated me (and you know how you've treated me) has been unfair and cruel. You laugh about it with friends now, but I know you can see deep down what you're doing and what you've done has just crushed me. You told me you hated yourself for it - I believe you do. I have no idea why you kept on going, then.
This is the final time i'll ever allow myself to say it - I love you. Goodbye.
I have no idea what I am suppose to even think of you right now. Last night when I asked for a word and I told you I liked you, you said my friend had already told you. So it wasn't much of a surprise to you. Now, I don't remember if we kissed, I was pretty drunk, but I am sure we did.. just like I know for sure you tried to get your hand in my pants..now that I stopped you . I know all of this is complicated anyway because you have a girlfriend but last night you seemed to like me to. My friend has said that if you was single I would have the chance and I didn't think I would at all, but then last night made me think maybe I would. I guess you changing your mind about coming back to mind wasn't a decision I liked, it would of been nice just to talk and not do anything. But I understand. Gosh knows when I will see you again or talk but I bet it will just be awkward. I wish one day you like me too..
Where do I start? When we were together, we so happy. The day you surprised me in Melbourne was the happiest day of my life... I still cant believe you flew to Australia just to see me.
New Years Eve 2007 in Sydney was the single most best day of my life. I thought we would be together forever... I still remember so clearly the first time you kissed me. Midnight, Sydney, NYE, fireworks, our song. Incredible.
Then you broke my heart.
In fact, 'broke' is an understatement.
You broke my heart and crushed it into a billion million pieces.
I was devastated.
And now you are married. And I hate to say it, but your wife is the most beautiful person both inside and out and you are so lucky to have met her.
So WHY are you texting me and messing with my head and heart?!
It took me so long to get over you... In fact, I still dont think I'm completely over you even now.
When I read your latest text this morning, telling me you had a dream that you and I were getting married and how when you rolled over in bed this morning expecting to see me... you saw your wife... and you were disappointed... What do you expect me to say?!!?!?!?
I cant cope with this anymore.
That's why this message is a goodbye message.
Once I have pressed 'send' on this email, I am not going to have contact with you again. It's not because I hate you, It's because I love you and your wife does not deserve to be hurt the way you hurt me in the past.
I will NEVER be the other woman, NEVER. In two weeks I will be moving to France to start a new life. Yeah, we joked that one day it will happen, so now you've given me the push that I needed to start a new life. Away from you. So, thank you... I guess.
Make your marriage work. Forget about me and please dont contact me again.
I just want to say this for the last time... I love you Spud.
I wish things were different, I wish we had the same plans, the same hopes for our futures. I wish you could have tried to make it work, i'm not sure if it's because you couldn't be bothered anymore, or that you think I deserve someone better than you. But I don't. I've never met someone as kind, funny, caring, amazing and loving as you. I'm so glad I waited for you and shared my first everything with you.
I have had the best 2 years of my life and you have made me so happy, happier then I could have ever of imagined. I'll remember all the things we did together, even if it was just walks in the park, or laying next to each other for hours on end talking about anything and everything. I don't think i've ever laughed so much with someone, but I don't think someone has made me cry as much too.
I'm sorry for being me, overly emotional, I can't count the amount of times I used to come crying to you about things, and you'd always comfort me and make me feel better. But now i'm crying and you can't, and probably won't ever comfort me again in the way you used to.
It makes me sad knowing that you'll never hold me in your arms, kiss me or sleep next to me again. Since we broke up i've been holding onto the hope that somehow we'll get back together again, that you'll change your mind and we'll be together forever like I naively always thought. But I know realistically it won't happen. I need to stop clinging onto a false hope, otherwise i'll never move on. Right now I can't see myself with anyone else, but I know we both need to move on.
I'm so glad that we're still friends and we can keep in touch. I know that this will make it much harder for me to move on, but your friendship is the most important thing to me. We were best friends before and in our relationship, and we both want to keep that, and I thank you for valuing our friendship. But for now, i'm not sure we can be good friends until i'm over you. I know I won't ever won't be completely over you, I know I will always hold special feelings for you and if we see each other again, it will bring back old memories. But this is something I want to risk to keep you in my life.
I guess this post is my way of saying to myself that I need to realise this part of my life is over and I need to start moving on with my life, looking at all the good things I have. I understand you realised a while ago.
Thank you for always being there for me, for understanding me like no one else, improving my self esteem so much, giving me compliments each day, cute kisses, amazing hugs, intimate moments, silly nicknames, hours of laughter and some of the best memories i've ever had <3
I love you so much and I wish you so much happiness, you mean everything to me and you'll always hold a place in my heart.
i hadn't saw you for about two weeks, which wasn't the worst thing in the world, i had thought about you but not seeing you made things slightly easier. i saw you yesterday, and it just hit me like a train how much i actually do like you.
i'm used to not feeling anything for anyone, but you've just destroyed that. i'm not sure whether to be thankful or not.
4 months later, and I'm still at sqaure one. I still have no idea why you left, and jump every time I hear the phone in case it's you. I really do need to talk to you, because you have no idea how seriously ill I am.
I'm beginning to feel like the 4 years we spent together mean nothing. I know you didn't cheat on me, but boy did you move on quick. I so want to believe that he had nothing to do with why you left, like you promised he's not, but I'm not sure that I do.
You knew that I depended on your support, and I am sorry for leaning on you so hard in the 6 months before it ended, and even sorrier for not telling you why. I just hope I get a chance to tell you before it's too late.
These past few months have been a living hell. Everything that's happened has just been compounded by the fact that I haven't had your shoulder to cry on. As soon as one hour after the last time I spoke to you, it started. Hollie, the cat we got together, died. You don't even know, because I haven't been able to get in touch. I've been asked to leave my house, my home, and I've got nowhere to go.
I know you never knew them, but that other couple I told you about every now and then- Tom and Amy- are both dead too. They got attacked and beaten, and they raped her violently. I saw her in hospital before she went, and she just seemed so... broken. Luana, as well- she took an overdose when she heard about the attack.
If ever I've needed you- if I've needed anyone- it's been now. I just don't get why you left, without warning, and then told me that you didn't try and fix things first because we weren't worth fighting for.
If I'm still capable of travel, I'm still going to Paris at the end of August. South Africa was amazing, but you really should have been there. I wish I'd not kept the fact that I bought tickets for you as a surprise. I should have told you on Valentine's day, when I bought them. I'm still quite surprised Mai didn't tell you I'd paid for it anyway, even when it transpired we wouldn't be going as a couple. God knows I tried hard enough to let you know.
There's a load more that I want to say, but I don't really have the words. I'll love you until the end.
Tonight was meant to be a laugh. I mean, ffs you were the one who invited us over. And then all you do is sleep and leave us with the moody one. Now fair enough, you were tired, you hadn't slept but it's your fault and you should of gone bed as you knew you had invited us to hang out. But instead you was all ****in' emo and sleepy.
Neither of you had the ****ing right to slag her off. She didn't deserve it and you both know it isn't ****ing true. I didn't think either of you were heartless but I guess it shows that you both are.
I know we met not too long ago, but I felt an instant connection with you. I think you felt the same as well, but i know I'm not the only guy you had a connection with. From the start I knew if I got to know you I would become infatuated with you. This happened and now you are all I think about. I feel like I've known you my whole life, and I trust you so much already.
You're smile is amazing and makes me smile when I look at it. You are always so happy and cheerful, which I love. You're always there being positive and helping those in need.
Hopefully in the future you will feel the same about me, as I've never felt like this ever. I just hope this doesn't end with me heartbroken, but I know I'll move on, well hopefully....
Time is moving fast, and maybe we'll hang out in the next few weeks.
The next time I write in this thread, I hope we're together
I miss you so much today, i thought by now youd be in contact with me.. but its been 3 weeks of nothing.
Did a year of us being together really mean **** to you?
Try to remember that (what sounds like a breakup) always causes people to react in a way you wouldnt expect. Dont try to read into too much, because the vast majority of people read into things wrong after a relationship has ended, and usually over things like this.
A year is a long time, comparitively three weeks is nothing. Things wont have changed, if he's a good guy/girl.
I hope I'm not being greedy by doing two, but they make more sense if you read them together.
We've been sat together in classes for ages now, and I always look forward to those classes - you brighten up my day, even if you don't know it. You're a good friend to me and I was kidding myself when I thought I maybe meant something more to you - you could do so much better! You're not perfect by any means, you have a temper. You can do the most rash and humiliating things if you've been wound up, but you're also a more sensitive, kind and talented person than most people see. Anyway. It was a bit like someone winded me when you casually told me "no, you shouldn't believe "that rumour" that I like you" and when someone told me who you wrote that song about. But I never told you, and I'm glad, because I don't want to destroy what we have, which is something I treasure
Well, we've been together since just before my birthday, and I'll admit, even though I knew we'd only been together a week or so, and so didn't expect you to get me anything, I was a bit wounded that you didn't, and I know you knew when my birthday was. A card or just a text would have been nice.
In every other way though, you've been the best boyfriend you can be, and you really deserve someone better than me, who's always late when we meet up, and who rarely responds to your casual texts. I asked you because I knew you had feelings for me, and you were lovely, and it was new and exciting. A couple of months in though, and I still haven't found that spark. I'm sorry I've left it so long because it's less fair on you, but I think I'm going to end it soon. I'm so sorry. I hope you find someone who really deserves you and doesn't get distracted by cute boys who are nowhere near what you are.
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