There's a lot I want to say to you, but I don't want this to end up like Rachel's letter to Ross (rambling on for 18 pages- front and back) so will try to stick to what's most important.
I'm sorry for being so confusing these past few months but, to be fair, it's your fault that I've been this way. I have a difficult time trusting you or fully believing anything that you say these days. Because of you and how you ended up treating me, I am this cautious, cynical, skeptical person. I don't think you realise but it cut me really deep and although I've healed, the scar is still there and it's changed the type of person that I am. You've said sorry; I forgive but I can't forget.
Despite everything, I have to admit that I still have a soft spot for you, and if I'm being honest with myself, I think I always will... You were the first guy I had real feelings for and I won't ever forget that. We only really knew each other for about 7 months, but you were this new, exciting and amazing person in my life and I still can't believe a guy like you would ever want to get to know a girl like me. During that time spent with you, I learnt things about life and myself; you don't realise the effect you had on me.
I really miss you and, believe it or not, I really would love to hang out and spend time with you again, but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's been over a year since we hung out and I feel like we can't just go back to how it was. You have a girlfriend now and you've even moved into a new home together. I am happy for you but it just makes me sad that you never had those feelings for me, which I had for you. I hope you two are happy together and make sure you treat her right.
I hope that one day I will feel able to hang out with you. I don't want all contact to be lost and our friendship to be over (again) just because you've moved a few miles further away. Please don't ever forget me because I still think about you a lot and I miss seeing your handsome face. I wish things were different but I am happy that we're at least on good terms after everything
Last edited by RolyBholi; 18-02-2012 at 23:17.
I don't think I've ever been this close to anyone before, and I've never felt like this about anyone before either. It's like having a best friend and boyfriend all rolled into one. I feel more comfortable around you than I do around anyone else, and ever have done around anyone else, and I feel like I've revealed aspects of my personality to you that I didn't even know I had. We've only known each other for 4 and a bit months but it feels like so much longer because of all the time we've been able to spend together.
I don't know if you're the person I'll be spending the rest of my life with but I know that right now, I love you, and I know that if this ended in the near future, it could destroy me. I love you and I love how close we are, but it also makes me feel a bit vulnerable. I often don't open up to people because when I was younger people often would abuse my trust in them (and I would only confide in them about little things but when you've told someone not to tell anyone something and they do, it's betrayal, right?). There's also the whole "first relationship" thing - your first relationship often doesn't last, does it? I really want things to work in the long term. I'd like to think though that if for whatever reason they didn't, we could still remain friends seeing as we get along so well if you take the romantic and sexual attraction out of the equation.
I wish that I could see myself the way that you see me. I hate how you're always telling me that I'm beautiful and that I'm an amazing person yet I still sometimes can't stand the sight of myself in the mirror and feel like an awful person. I'm so worried that I'll end up revealing a side of myself that you don't like and this'll be over because I have put people off me by doing that in the past - I've got too comfortable around them and they've seen me for what I really am and left. I'm worried that I'm too dependent upon you for my happiness; in the past I've put all of my eggs in one basket so to speak in friendships and just ended up getting hurt and being left without close friends because I concentrated so much on that one friendship.
I'm sorry we haven't had sex yet. I want to; I think about it and we've come so close, yet something always stops me. I think it's just me not being comfortable with myself as a sexual being. Before I met you I rarely thought about sex and had never been sexually attracted to someone and it's still taking some getting used to. I know deep down that you're not going to leave me because of that but it's still a fear that I have for some reason.
Once again, I love you.
Last edited by BlueSheep32; 18-02-2012 at 16:46.