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Dear You...

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    (Original post by Chrisofsmeg)
    It took me two years to write this down, but it's about time I dealt with this.

    Dear You,

    I miss you. I'd like to think you're able to read this, somehow. I hope that you still exist, in soul, if not body. I hope that you found what you were looking for - the peace that you never found in life. I feel very alone without you. Nobody understands me quite the way you did. Nobody makes half the effort to make sure I'm ok as you did.

    I wish it hadn't come to this. I wish, hell, I wish a lot of things. I wish you hadn't reached a point that you couldn't cope with life anymore. I wish that you had been able to talk to me about what was bothering you. Even now, almost two years to the day, I'm still not exactly sure what triggered you to do it. I don't despise you for what happened, because I've been on the brink myself - but you know that. I just wish I could've helped you and that you had told me what was wrong. Then I would've thought more carefully before answering your question. You asked me a basic question about the antidepressant you were on. I gave you an answer. We asked each other questions about that kind of thing a lot. My answer to your question and the knowledge it gave you was responsible for your death. *I* was at least partly responsible for your death. If you'd told me how bad you were feeling I wouldn't have given you that knowledge. But I should've known how you were feeling. We were close enough that we damned near finished each others sentences.

    You were my best friend and the big sister that I never had all rolled into one, and above all else, you were a wonderful person. You believed in me when I never did, you got me to deal with how I was feeling, physically and mentally, and get help before it was too late, on both counts. If only I could have done the same for you. You were such a kind person, caring and compassionate - albeit with a scary, cold mask that you put on around everyone else. I'll hate myself for the rest of my life for my part in what happened to you, even if it was accidental. I should have known better, and I'm so, so sorry. I love you, my dear old friend. See you on the other side, love. If by some miracle, this message ever reaches you, say hello to my mother for me, please. I miss her too.

    Bye Sis,

    All my love,

    Me

    This actually made me cry
    #34

    Dear you,

    I'm so sorry for all the times I messed up. We were best friends you could tell each other anything but when I hid those things from you (don't know why because I knew you'd found out eventually), you never could trust me again could you? And I knew that deep down. I know you gave me many chance to come clean and I never did and you didn't tell me you knew till months after. Even though you forgave me, I just keep messing up didn't I? You were the kindest, sweetest and handsome man I have ever had the priviledge of being friends with, but you know me I had to mess it up somehow. Im sorry that we haven't spoken in months, I'm even more sorry I deleted your number and that I'm the reason we haven't spoken. I hope you're well. I'm so sorry for what happened and I hope you can forgive me.

    Love me </3
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    Dear you.

    I wish you knew the real me, but if I showed you who I really was, would you guys accept me? It's annoying that all of us who are friends think I'm a certain way, but I've changed a lot over the past year, no one really knows who I am anymore and I'm too scared to show people the real me(I don't think you guys really knew how I am in the first place though). My friends at uni know a bit about the real me that you don't know, but they don't actually understand how I feel about things, it's weird, I know I don't tell you guys what I actually think about things, or I do it to less important things in a jokey way, maybe it's because I'm a bit stubborn and try to man it out, maybe it's because I won't like the advice you would give or you may not accept me because of it or I don't wanna show you the real me or a mixture of the 4.
    My thoughts are jumbled and mixed. I really dunno what to say.

    yours sincerely

    Dear you,

    There's another letter, I don't want to talk to you ever again if I could do it without it affecting me, heck, I dunno what's worse, giving you a fake hug telling you that I missed you or having your company and annoying me in the process and me having to tolerate you. You've burnt the bridge and I'm not repairing it, you don't know that there's no bridge yet, but I hope you try to walk on the bridge and fall down to the ground, it would make my day.

    yours sincerely


    me

    Dear you.

    If I ever see you, I'm going to punch you in the face, you weren't there for me, left me when I was a baby, try to come back into my life for a month or 2 when I was 8, then you ****ing leave again and never come back to make an effort, **** you! Then you try to come back into my life at the age of 18 when I'm a grown man, go die in a hole, I'll only go to your funeral (if I ever get in contact with you)to make sure your dead.

    Yours sincerely

    from me.


    Damn this thread really helps.
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    Dear You,
    I'm sorry. I miss you and I need you back. I shouldn't have tried to break us, and I should have talked to you more. But you're gone now, and I think you've all but forgotten about the 5 years we spent loving each other in and out of a relationship. And I'll let you go because I believe that maybe one day, and I hope, you'll remember the person you fell totally, completely, helplessly in love with. And i loved you too. You made me go through emotions I had no idea I could feel. You taught me to live, and to open myself to love. YOU made me who I am, because of the things we did, said, shared and the immensity of the love you gave me.

    So, I'll close my eyes, and remember those times. They are my only company now. I won't hold on to you, if you don't want me to. I will always love you.

    Me.
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    Dear You,

    I never met you, but i knew you. I never see you, but i knew what you looked like. You inspired to change my life in a way that no one else had. People on the outside see you as my obsession, but i see you as my bigger brother. You left us so young, but for a better place. I feel greedy in the way that i feel you should have been here longer, you inspired so many people. So, rest well on Mt Olympus, atleast you have been reunited with the cat of the gods!

    Love Me.
    #35

    Dear You,

    I want to start my life again. I've been wanting to do this for quite some time now, but as fate/luck always seems to do, it intervened at the most unpredicted of moments. The following moments have been my happiest in a long while. I feel something again. And I'm going to do my all to make certain things up to you and showcase my fufilled personality and not a fragmentation of lots of little both good bits and even more bad bits. Life has poked me in the face (as opposed to a punch, kick etc) at certain intervals and I've relented. No more. By the end, I shall be who I really am and will live life like I've just been born and am going to die tomorrow. I wish to begin certain relationships all over again from this point forward also.

    Love me
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    Dear You,

    Even though I convinced myself that the end of our relationship was your fault, I now realise it was mine alone. Every chance I've had to mend it, I've ****ed up. I just hope that one day you forgive me.

    Me.
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    (Original post by jam277)
    Dear you,

    There's another letter, I don't want to talk to you ever again if I could do it without it affecting me, heck, I dunno what's worse, giving you a fake hug telling you that I missed you or having your company and annoying me in the process and me having to tolerate you. You've burnt the bridge and I'm not repairing it, you don't know that there's no bridge yet, but I hope you try to walk on the bridge and fall down to the ground, it would make my day.

    yours sincerely


    me
    ah man, I know that feeling!
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    (Original post by Chrisofsmeg)
    It took me two years to write this down, but it's about time I dealt with this.

    Dear You,

    I miss you. I'd like to think you're able to read this, somehow. I hope that you still exist, in soul, if not body. I hope that you found what you were looking for - the peace that you never found in life. I feel very alone without you. Nobody understands me quite the way you did. Nobody makes half the effort to make sure I'm ok as you did.

    I wish it hadn't come to this. I wish, hell, I wish a lot of things. I wish you hadn't reached a point that you couldn't cope with life anymore. I wish that you had been able to talk to me about what was bothering you. Even now, almost two years to the day, I'm still not exactly sure what triggered you to do it. I don't despise you for what happened, because I've been on the brink myself - but you know that. I just wish I could've helped you and that you had told me what was wrong. Then I would've thought more carefully before answering your question. You asked me a basic question about the antidepressant you were on. I gave you an answer. We asked each other questions about that kind of thing a lot. My answer to your question and the knowledge it gave you was responsible for your death. *I* was at least partly responsible for your death. If you'd told me how bad you were feeling I wouldn't have given you that knowledge. But I should've known how you were feeling. We were close enough that we damned near finished each others sentences.

    You were my best friend and the big sister that I never had all rolled into one, and above all else, you were a wonderful person. You believed in me when I never did, you got me to deal with how I was feeling, physically and mentally, and get help before it was too late, on both counts. If only I could have done the same for you. You were such a kind person, caring and compassionate - albeit with a scary, cold mask that you put on around everyone else. I'll hate myself for the rest of my life for my part in what happened to you, even if it was accidental. I should have known better, and I'm so, so sorry. I love you, my dear old friend. See you on the other side, love. If by some miracle, this message ever reaches you, say hello to my mother for me, please. I miss her too.

    Bye Sis,

    All my love,

    Me
    not ashamed to admit I wiped away a tear after that.

    I can't begin to imagine how hard it was for you to write that, thank you for sharing.
    #36

    Dear you,

    I love you. I can't tell you enough, but I love you. Everything about you, I love your eyes, the fact they turn bright red when you're hammered, the way they look tired after 10pm, how blue and clear they are. I love the skin on your neck, its incredible softness, that little spot next to your growing beard that's untouched by hair. I love the way you make up pointless lies. I love that you share my love for bad romcom and bad tv shows. I love sleeping in your arms, I love when you kiss my head when it's resting on your chest, I love when you grab my hand in the middle of the street, I love seeing you walking from a distance towards me, I love your drunken phone calls at 4 in the morning, I love how loving you are when you had one too many, I love the fact you still call your mum "mummy", I love listening to your CDs in your car, I love waking up next to you, I love everything about you.
    I can't wait to get to know you even more, I can't wait to go to your parents' home and see the hills you were on about, I can't wait to go to our little gateway in Liverpool, I can't wait for you to come to my parents' home, I can't wait to see where it is going.
    Oh and I can't believe we haven't met before. There's nothing that could make me happier than I am today, and that's thanks to you. I don't think you realise how much it means to me. There's not a single thing I would change about you.
    I thank you for understanding I need to have my own life, I thank you for trusting me and never questioning me, I thank you for being the way you are, in every single way.

    You're the first person I fell in love with, and I just wanna tell everyone. Especially you. I don't think you realise this yet.

    I love you

    Me
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    Dear Me,

    You're strong and you're beautiful. You'll get over this and you'll move on, just like you always have before. You will find someone to love you and fill you completely, but until then, keep loving yourself and being happy with who you are. The rest will fall into place.

    -Me.

    ---

    Dear You,

    Not sure you realize this, but that fateful evening of chat changed my life and made me realize I couldn't fake being in a miserable relationship anymore. Know that you have unintentionally returned a large piece of my soul to me. Sometimes all it takes is a chat with the right person at the right time to realize I am worth more than I was allowing myself, and you did just that. So thanks.

    -Me
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    (Original post by Dorito)
    ah man, I know that feeling!
    Yeah man, it's terrible. I just get annoyed. I really don't want to hug the person, but I'm just expected to.
    #29

    (Original post by Dorito)
    How can you be so sure? :hmmm:
    Your post history.
    #37

    Dear You,

    I can't imagine my life without you, and I'm so scared that it's coming round so fast. I'm secretly hurting because you don't want to put the effort in to make it work, but I can't bring myself to tell you that, and that I hate the fact you're letting your past experiences affect us now. I try to convince myself it's the best thing to do as well, but in the back of my mind I think it's because you don't love me enough to want to try. I know I love you more than you love me, and that hurts too. More than anything it hurts to think of being "one of your exs" and to think of someone else holding you and loving you like I do, and you loving them too. I wish you cared enough to try.
    #38

    Dear you

    I once thought you were Mr Perfect and different in many ways to people i have met. We shared the same interests and you were ever so nice to me. You looked out for me and we talked nearly everyday...when you actually wanted to talk to me. Now all of a sudden because youve met new people you've forgotten about me. Whenever i want to talk to you, you're just cold and heartless and never seem to want to talk to me. You lie when you say you care and the fact that we havent spoken for 3 weeks today whereas for over a year we always spoke. You made me happy but now thinking back you upset me more than made me happy. I trusted you with things ive told nobody...and i obviously told the wrong person. Yes you're on TSR but i dont think you'll realise its you because you probably dont remember how long its been since we've spoken. But if you do thanks for making my life hell for the last few months.
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    I just wanted to write a quick message to let you all know that I'm very grateful for your replies and support. It's much appreciated. It was very difficult to get it down, but I'm glad I did. I've never really told anybody the entire story before. I didn't go into detail about everything because it's a bit too personal, but the majority of it is there.

    I doubt I'll ever be able to forgive myself. She was is my best friend and my sister and she always will be, and I will always love her, but I let her down. However, judging by the reactions to my last post, perhaps I'm not as much to blame as I thought I was. I don't know. I'll always be guilt-ridden. It has changed me so much. She's the second person that I've loved that took her own life, and it takes a toll.

    Not too long before her death, I promised her that I'd get out of my crappy relationship and look after myself - and I did just that. I also promised her that I'd do everything I can to reach my dream and become a doctor, and I'm pretty damned close now. I'd like to think I've done what I can to honour her memory. Her husband never liked me all that much because she told me things that she couldn't tell him. There was nothing romantic there in the slightest, she was just afraid that he'd leave her if she told him some things about her. She told him in the end though, and he stuck around, and I'm proud of her for that. I'm proud of her for a lot of things, but that was especially difficult for her. I misjudged him, he was actually a very nice guy, and we patched things up after some time. I'm glad we did, because even if I could do nothing to prevent what happened, at least I was able to help him through it a little.

    At any rate, I just thought I'd give some backstory, and let you all know that at least some good things came out of it.

    Thank you all for your support :hugs:
    #39

    Dear you,

    I don't know what I did to deserve the treatment you gave me. ALL I ever wanted to do was to give you my love, to make you happy. And all you ever did was take advantage of me.. I hope you have some feelings for me, and its just hard for you to express because I love you. I wish one day you will realise just how much you hurt and upset me. I know it was me that didn't want to continue what we had.. But you've got to understand that I did it to protect myself, when you push someone so far, the only thing they can do is jump, and cut you off.
    I want to move on with my life and if i've ever done anything to hurt you please forgive me.. Maybe things could have been different but I would never want to go back now.

    Love me.
    #27

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Dear You,

    I can't imagine my life without you, and I'm so scared that it's coming round so fast. I'm secretly hurting because you don't want to put the effort in to make it work, but I can't bring myself to tell you that, and that I hate the fact you're letting your past experiences affect us now. I try to convince myself it's the best thing to do as well, but in the back of my mind I think it's because you don't love me enough to want to try. I know I love you more than you love me, and that hurts too. More than anything it hurts to think of being "one of your exs" and to think of someone else holding you and loving you like I do, and you loving them too. I wish you cared enough to try.
    This is what hurt me the most as well. The idea that someone would rather just walk away than make you think you are worth fighting for is gut wrenching. :hugs:
    #40

    Dear You,

    Your were always quiet one at school to me, but I still thought you were something different. I'm so glad I found an excuse to talk to you, and you started to talk back. I was gutted when I found out you had a girlfriend, but I still really love your company, and how our friendship is really coming on. Seeing you for a drink yesterday was lovely, and I hope you enjoyed our banter as much as I did.

    Still hoping.

    Love me. xx
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    (Original post by Chrisofsmeg)
    I just wanted to write a quick message to let you all know that I'm very grateful for your replies and support. It's much appreciated. It was very difficult to get it down, but I'm glad I did. I've never really told anybody the entire story before. I didn't go into detail about everything because it's a bit too personal, but the majority of it is there.

    I doubt I'll ever be able to forgive myself. She was is my best friend and my sister and she always will be, and I will always love her, but I let her down. However, judging by the reactions to my last post, perhaps I'm not as much to blame as I thought I was. I don't know. I'll always be guilt-ridden. It has changed me so much. She's the second person that I've loved that took her own life, and it takes a toll.

    Not too long before her death, I promised her that I'd get out of my crappy relationship and look after myself - and I did just that. I also promised her that I'd do everything I can to reach my dream and become a doctor, and I'm pretty damned close now. I'd like to think I've done what I can to honour her memory. Her husband never liked me all that much because she told me things that she couldn't tell him. There was nothing romantic there in the slightest, she was just afraid that he'd leave her if she told him some things about her. She told him in the end though, and he stuck around, and I'm proud of her for that. I'm proud of her for a lot of things, but that was especially difficult for her. I misjudged him, he was actually a very nice guy, and we patched things up after some time. I'm glad we did, because even if I could do nothing to prevent what happened, at least I was able to help him through it a little.

    At any rate, I just thought I'd give some backstory, and let you all know that at least some good things came out of it.

    Thank you all for your support :hugs:
    I'm sure your sister is very, very proud of you working so hard to achieve your dreams!
    I know that you will never forget her and you will always love her but I hope it gets easier for you in time. Perhaps having written it down is the first step towards that

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