Dear you,
It's taken me a long time to get to where I am now, and it'll be even longer until I'm completely over you.
I feel so many conflicting emotions, I'm so angry, so upset and hurt but also I feel guilty for letting go when I promised I never would, and I feel sorry for you as I know you're the way you are due to your own troubles.
I'm almost glad you turned everyone aganist me becuase if you didn't I wouldn't feel as angry, therefore feeling for gulity and sad for you.
I wish I knew if you ever truly loved me or not, why did you have to do all them things to me? It wouldn've been so perfect, my life, your life, our life together I would never have left you, cheated on you, I would've done anything for you, I loved you more than I thought it possible to love someone, you were the first and only man I've ever loved.
Even now I feel partly to blame for all them times you hit me, them times you accused me everyday of cheating or lying, I almost understood how you told me never to talk to any man, or would scream at me if I so much as looked at some other man.
Why did you never trust me? I did nothing to you, yet you did so many things to me. I cryed so many times, I had panic attacks when you screamed at me, I just couldn't take anymore, I couldn't take not knowing when you'd suddenly lash out at me for doing something wrong, I was so scared all the time, so much so that I felt physcially ill many days.
You made me feel I was to blame, I thought I was, if I just didn't do that or this, you'd love me more and change. You wouldn't abuse me every single day, you wouldn't hit me, or choke me until I thought I might die.
The times I was with you were both the best and worst of my life. I'll never love anyone more than I once loved you, nor hate anyone as much, as I gave you everything you could've ever wanted, yet all you gave me was torture, day in day out.
Even though I think I'm over the way you treated me I'm not, I feel so stupid to allow you to do that, you even said yourself, you did it because I allowed it.
Oh how I remember your mind games, the way in which you'd lie so effectlessly and manipulate me until I did everything you wanted, you did that to me on purpose. Why did you do that to me? You made me feel like crap, you made me cry ON PURPOSE, all I did was love you. How could you be so cruel?
Well thanks to you I can't trust another man. Thanks to you, I'm lonely all the time and doubt every move I make. I can't make decisions anymore, I don't trust my own judgement at all.
I also want to thank you for making me aware, for making me stronger and giving me a preview of the life I'll have if I ever let a man control me like that. Thanks for forcing me to stand up to you, to think for myself and giving me the courage to know even though somethings scary, I still have to do it.
I'm more confident now, I'm not as scared to go out in the real world and get a job in a city I've never been before, becuase you showed me what my life would've been like if I hadn't got the courage to go out into the world, and it's not a life I'd wish on my worst enermy.
I forgive you for everything you've done to me, and wish you nothing but happieness and joy in your life, and finally find a life to be happy with, without the need to bring others down to make yourself feel good.
Love forever, me.