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Roommate issues with boyfriend

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Applying to Uni? Let Universities come to you. Click here to get your perfect place 20-10-2014
    • Thread Starter
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    This past week my ex boyfriend and I have been seeing each other again. I guess you can say we're back together again. Well anyways we've been hanging out a lot. On Valentine's Day we went out and whatever and came back to my dorm later that night to watch a movie. My roommates were still up so it's not like that was the problem and we went to sleep right after. We weren't loud or anything. All we did was sleep and wake up the next morning so that I could get to class.

    Two days later we hung out again, and we came back to my dorm while it was still daylight and chilled there for a little bit and then left. I stayed at his came back the next day and stayed at his again the following night.

    Now, yesterday which was a Saturday night, we made plans for him to come back to my dorm after he got out of work to just watch movies and fall asleep there.

    One of my roommates, the other went home that night, told me she thought I was going to a party. Which I did say but I also said that I might stay in tonight as did she...she was saying something about going clubbing in the city :rolleyes:

    Anyways, then she asked me if my boyfriend was coming over tonight and asked if he was staying over. I told her yes and explained to her the situation that he had to work early so he didn't want to drive back and forth. Then she asked me if it's alright if he doesn't stay over anymore because she's not 'comfortable' and that she'd allow it for tonight. What else could I say but alright? Pissed me off.

    I went down to meet him, told him the situation, and we decided not to go back up to the room. Next morning, I come back, and the door was unlocked, the lights were still on and she wasn't in there. like really...you're THAT uncomfortable? :confused: I don't get it.

    I don't know if it's because she has a problem with him specifically which I don't get because he hasn't done ANYTHING to her or if it's because she just doesn't want any guys over period which I don't think is the case. Or if it's because of her religion, she is from Jordan, but she has stated herself that she isn't religious at all so maybe she's just being one of those bitchy roommates that no one likes. I feel like I'm back at home again having to follow rules. What should I do? How should I approach this situation?
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    1) She's jealous/selfish
    2) She is a drama queen/bitch no one wants to live with
    3) If she claims to be religious, she is a hypocrit
    4) PMT?

    Just talk to her about it, ask why she is uncomfortable?
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    I'd try asking her to tell you the reason why rather than asking a load of students who don't know her to guess the reason.
    • 5 followers
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    confront her and ask her why. it is your home to and you have the right to have guests staying over, it doesn't affect her unless they use her stuff etc. which i am sure they don't..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What else could I say but alright?
    A myriad of different things. No would be a good start, or '**** you' if you really want to get the message across.

    Personally I'd ask why it makes her uncomfortable and tell her that frankly it's not her place to ask and it's your life. He's your boyfriend, it's your room, you can do what the **** you like.

    Sounds like a control freak.
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    You BF should cum in her cornflakes.
    • 4 followers
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    As long as its within your uni dorm rules for people to stay over and he doesn't actually do anything to offend etc your flatmate then there's nothing she can do, it's just tough for her.
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    (Original post by HP15)
    You BF should cum in her cornflakes.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^
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    Okay, the situation isn't ideal, but to be honest I think you should respect her wishes here. Having a stranger in your dorm is an uncomfortable thing - I share a room at uni and adore my roommate, but when she has male friends round I do find that I can't behave in the room as I normally would, and it's harder to relax. Best thing to do is to talk to her about it a bit more and find out why it makes her uncomfortable, but when you're sharing the place you sleep (which is pretty intimate, really) with others you have to be willing to compromise and consider their feelings.
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    Tbh she has no right to ask/expect him not to stay over anymore. Maybe compromise though (out of respect) that he only stays over once a week?
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Yea but you see the thing is we have a rule for the whole building which says you can have someone over as long as it doesn't make your roommate(s) uncomfortable...

    And I tried talking about it to my other roommate who just came back and she was saying how she thinks it is because of him personally. He reasons were: 'the personality he has isn't expected from him' to which i asked why? does he look like a bad kid? He is a very friendly and outgoing person...

    her other reason was that he could afford to clean up a bit and she was saying how the other day he was wearing gym shorts and some long sleeve shirt and whatever but i explained to her that he was just coming back from the gym and it was cold out so he just threw on a long sleeved shirt. i don't get how he dresses should affect anything...that's just really superficial.

    and her last reason was because they know how he treated me before. he was always nice but they were referring to when he cheated on me and left me for someone else. but im giving him another chance and frankly it's none of their business....
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    Are you ROOM mates our house mates? Do you share the same ROOM or just live in the same house/flat/apartment?

    If you share the same room I can see what she's getting at, but perhaps come to a compromise.

    If you only share the house, you can have whoever you want over.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by fran.ha)
    Are you ROOM mates our house mates? Do you share the same ROOM or just live in the same house/flat/apartment?

    If you share the same room I can see what she's getting at, but perhaps come to a compromise.

    If you only share the house, you can have whoever you want over.
    We're roommates as in 3 beds in one room. A college dorm room.
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    I personally can see what they mean. It can be really hard having someone in your personal space if you really dislike them. Perhaps ask them for specific reason as you can work on those more easily.
    Perhaps if you cool things down for a bit you might be able to gradually introduce him back into your rooms and friends space by getting them used to him again slowly.
    • 1 follower
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    You should meet your bf somewhere else. if your room mate doesnt like it, then so be it. its there room as well right. what if they bought back a tramp. how would you feel?
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    I personally would not like some random people hanging around the house I live in, I want to do stuff that I want to do, and if other people intimidate me in doing my stuff then I would be pissed off.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We're roommates as in 3 beds in one room. A college dorm room.
    It does make a bit of difference if your are actually ROOMmates, rather than just flatmates. If you're only flatmates, then it's your room and they don't really have a say in who you have in there as long as you aren't noisy/disruptive. However, I personally wouldn't feel happy with another (male) person staying the night in the same room I sleep in, hang about in, and have my personal stuff in.

    Perhaps what you need to do is come to a compromise where you give your roommates a few days notice that you'd like your boyfriend to stay over (so they can stay at a friends or go home for the night), and agree that he'll only stop over one night a week, or something like that?
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    Sharing a room is a whole different ballgame to sharing a house. When I read your original post, I thought you were in a flatshare situation and I was totally with you - your personal space (bedroom) is your personal space.. But actually, if your personal space is also their personal space, having other people in it (especially people they don't like) is really out of order. If i had someone else's boyfriend sleeping in my bedroom I'd be pretty heaved off too.
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    (Original post by La Songeuse)
    However, I personally wouldn't feel happy with another (male) person staying the night in the same room I sleep in, hang about in, and have my personal stuff in.
    Why does it matter if it's a male or a female..?
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    (Original post by Schroedinger's Pandora)
    Sharing a room is a whole different ballgame to sharing a house. When I read your original post, I thought you were in a flatshare situation and I was totally with you - your personal space (bedroom) is your personal space.. But actually, if your personal space is also their personal space, having other people in it (especially people they don't like) is really out of order. If i had someone else's boyfriend sleeping in my bedroom I'd be pretty heaved off too.
    This.

    OP, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like it if one of your room mates was having her boyfriend to sleep over often when you share a room together and have all your girly things lying around, get dressed in there etc, it is a bit strange!

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Updated: February 23, 2012
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