[pnorm]

(Original post by Besakt)
I don't love them nor do I hate them.

How would I know if I love them?

If someone were to stab your parents would you cry?

[Besakt]

(Original post by pnorm)
If someone were to stab your parents would you cry?

I don't know probably not, but I wouldn't be jumping around with joy.

[Plumstone]

I love my mum, not just because she's my mother, but because she's an amazingly strong person who's gone through a lot, but still manages to do the right thing and be a great role model; we're really close and I hope that never changes.

My dad has hardly bothered with me since I was age - wait, no - since I was born. From the age of about 5 to 15, I put way more effort into our relationship than he ever did so although I tell him I love him, I don't actually mean it and if he died then I can't say it would impact my life that much.

My conclusion is that you should love your parents because of who they are, not just because they're related to you.

[TheProfessional]

Of course I love my parents, and I'm sure the feeling is mutual.

That doesn't mean I respect the way they think or act (although I often do), and it's not merely down to generosity either, although I am without doubt very grateful for all they do.

That said, what you (thread starter) seem to be feeling is not unheard of, while obviously rare...

[Gales]

I love my mother, although I haven't told her since I was like 8. I don't feel like we have anything in common though, and find talking to her a little awkward sometimes.

Abhor my father though.

[Besakt]

(Original post by Coeusful)
My girlfriend brought something to my attention today: I don't love, nor feel any kind of affinity towards my parents. Is that... odd, unusual?

My parents have fed, clothed, educated me, and will continue to support me throughout my life until they or I die -- I know that for certain; that's who they are. Moreover, I'm very grateful for that support. But still, on no conscious level can I say, Gosh, I sure do love mum and dad. I imagine one afternoon the school secretary will walk into the classroom and inform me that my parents died in a tragic car accident that morning. I imagine myself shrugging, finishing the class until the bell goes, and going home to sort out funeral affairs, etc. -- Morbid, I know!

What, on some subconscious level do I love my parents? If, say, they were to die, would I suddenly go, Well whattaya' know? I did love my parents all along! at which point all the characters in-scene would laugh and the credits would roll to a jolly show-tune? No! Surely not! Shouldn't love be felt and consciously acknowledged? I've felt love, or at the very least strong attachment, among friends and partners. My parents are flawed (good lord how they're flawed...) but they are essentially decent human beings, so they are lovable...

I'd prefer it if I weren't cast off as an ungrateful sod because I can't love my parents when they give me everything, gave me life, etc., etc.... As I said, I am grateful for their generosity. I was just wondering if anyone else is like this. I'm marginally worried about it.


Thanks!

I completely understand where you're coming from.

[jam277]

(Original post by staring.space)
Did you read this part?



I know a mate who's practically in the same situation as you, and whilst she hasn't seen her dad in years and her mum is a 'massive control freak' (and can be incredibly unreasonable) - she still tries to make something of it, as much as possible. They don't have the best relationship, but at least they try to respect what each other want. I think that's the most important thing, even if the relationship between child and parent isn't the best thing going.

See, that doesn't happen to me, she doesn't respect what I want so I just decide to do what I want anyway and forget her, so basically, I've had enough of trying, I'm just there because I don't have a place to live atm. If I go and live somewhere else and, that will cause my mum to fall out with that person which I don't want to do. So I have no choice.

[cl_steele]

they're my parents what's not to love? they brought me into this world and have given me everything within their power to make sure i succeed and i love them unconditionally for this and shall be forever grateful.

[AngryCheeseCake]

I adore my mother. She had quite a roigh time bringing my bro and me up with my Dad out of the picture.

I'm working on a relationship with my father. I do care about him, and I love him, but not quite in the same way as my Mum.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by TheQuietOne)
I'm not really allowed out. My parents tell me if I ever come home drunk/stay out too long/get a boyfriend/I don't call or text them about where I am often enough, they'll kick me out of the house. Most of my friends are the type who only go out to drink so I never really dare go along.

I'm living for my gap year though - 11 months in Hungary...FREEDOM!

Felt that I had to comment on your post becuase you are JUST like me, im 19 year old girl not allowed a boyfriend, not allowed to drink my mum expects me to text her the whole time im out and I have a curfew of 12pm also I read about what your dad did, my dad did that to when they thought I had an eating disorder he dragged me by my hair and mum chucked me out in my pjs in the rain and locked me out. Im on a gap year now but I wasnt allowed to go away im still stuck here in an odd morphed way im so glad that somebody else has parents like this I try to explain to my friends im not allowed out as my parents wont let me and all I get is 'your 19 you can do what you want' which clearly I cant.

And in response to the question the answer is I dont know. From the outset I hate my parents yes they give me everything but they have ruined/ controlled my life, yet if I look back into my childhood I loved them more than anything i dont know where it went wrong growing up I suppose

[staring.space]

(Original post by jam277)
See, that doesn't happen to me, she doesn't respect what I want so I just decide to do what I want anyway and forget her, so basically, I've had enough of trying, I'm just there because I don't have a place to live atm. If I go and live somewhere else and, that will cause my mum to fall out with that person which I don't want to do. So I have no choice.

Fair enough - I know with some people, there is no respect there. I wasn't aiming my post at you directly - I was just saying for anyone, if there is hope there, then try and make the most of it. I just know that after my mum died, there were some regrets there and even though I tried to do everything I could, nothing stops you from thinking you could have done more. When some people complain about the most trivial things to do with their parents, it often peeves me off because whether they die in a few months, years or decades from now, you do see the world in a very different way. But obviously your situation and mine are two completely different things.

[jam277]

(Original post by staring.space)
Fair enough - I know with some people, there is no respect there. I wasn't aiming my post at you directly - I was just saying for anyone, if there is hope there, then try and make the most of it. I just know that after my mum died, there were some regrets there and even though I tried to do everything I could, nothing stops you from thinking you could have done more. When some people complain about the most trivial things to do with their parents, it often peeves me off because whether they die in a few months, years or decades from now, you do see the world in a very different way. But obviously your situation and mine are two completely different things.

I understand your situation though, I get annoyed when people complain about trivial things with their parents, I hate people who complain because their mother asked them to clean the floor or said they're not getting money, that's when it's stupid, there are a lot worse situations there.


I think I lost hope when my mum spent a month arguing with me about going away to uni, when a year ago I specifically told her where I was going and she was completely fine with it and was fine until results day and she realized I was leaving the house(even though she was fine with it before) and tried to get all her friends and my family to convince me to stay, yet they all supported me but were too scared to tell my mum they supported my decision or try to convince her so it made the month I was still living with her complete hell. I got support, but what good did it do when they're not the ones in the argument or being forced to do absolutely nothing in their room but sleep until their mother went out of the house. She then deliberately provokes me to get a response until I say something, even if it isn't out of line and it's exaggerated to a new level and there's another argument.

2. Made me not talk to my brother for a year and a half and told me I'll get kicked out if I talk to him or let him into the house, all because he married a caribbean lady. We moved house and I couldn't even tell my own brother where I lived? She then allowed me to meet him and he wasn't allowed to drop me off to our house because she didn't want him to know where I lived.
3. Made me not talk to my other brother because he left the house, what kind of mother doesn't allow you to talk to your own family?!


You had a good relationship with your mother, but when you have experiences like this and you blow a bridge, you can't repair it. I can add more to the list which are worse than this tbh but you get the picture why I don't love my parents.

[limetang]

My parents can annoy me beyond belief, but I love them. They aren't perfect people. They don't always get things right, but who does? They've loved me, and supported me all my life. They've been through the absolute worst of me. I have put them through far more than they deserve. There have been times where I've made their lives hell. And people who can still love me after that sure as hell deserve my love in return. Unquestionably.

And I have to say. Being at university. Away from them has confirmed how much I love them to me.

[TheQuietOne]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Felt that I had to comment on your post becuase you are JUST like me, im 19 year old girl not allowed a boyfriend, not allowed to drink my mum expects me to text her the whole time im out and I have a curfew of 12pm also I read about what your dad did, my dad did that to when they thought I had an eating disorder he dragged me by my hair and mum chucked me out in my pjs in the rain and locked me out. Im on a gap year now but I wasnt allowed to go away im still stuck here in an odd morphed way im so glad that somebody else has parents like this I try to explain to my friends im not allowed out as my parents wont let me and all I get is 'your 19 you can do what you want' which clearly I cant.

It's awful I wouldn't wish this on anyone. In a strange way I agree though, it's nice to know I'm not alone in this. I also have the same problem with friends not understanding - they all haven't had curfews or rules since they were about 12.

As for my gap year, my parents were trying to force me to go to a university nearby so I could live at home. I knew I had to do something to avoid it, so I called an organisation in secret and arranged everything for a gap year, then applied for deferred entry to 5 universities as far away as possible.

I told them about all this while my grandparents and some family friends were there so they had to act happy. I got a lot of grief and a slap later on but because they acted so happy in front of family and friends, they can't force me to cancel anything or threaten to kick me out without attracting awkward questions. They still don't know that I'm going out of the country for 11 months though, else I know they would do something to stop me.

[SophiaKeuning]

I love my parents. I love my dad. But when I go to uni I know I won't miss him. Sometimes I wonder if I do love him, but I think I do. My mum on the other hand. I absolutely love her to bits and while I can't say it's the 'friend' kind of relationship where I tell her everything, we're sill extremely emotionally close. Who am I going to watch Pride and Prejudice and have a cup of tea with in halls?

[jam277]

(Original post by TheQuietOne)

It's awful I wouldn't wish this on anyone. In a strange way I agree though, it's nice to know I'm not alone in this. I also have the same problem with friends not understanding - they all haven't had curfews or rules since they were about 12.

As for my gap year, my parents were trying to force me to go to a university nearby so I could live at home. I knew I had to do something to avoid it, so I called an organisation in secret and arranged everything for a gap year, then applied for deferred entry to 5 universities as far away as possible.

I told them about all this while my grandparents and some family friends were there so they had to act happy. I got a lot of grief and a slap later on but because they acted so happy in front of family and friends, they can't force me to cancel anything or threaten to kick me out without attracting awkward questions. They still don't know that I'm going out of the country for 11 months though, else I know they would do something to stop me.

I know how that feels, in fact, my mum made me try and apply for unis closer to home this year, so I told her I'm only going to two, one don't allow second year entrants while the other one I'm unlikely to get into. It's sad.

[Jessca]

I respect my parents and I am grateful for what they have done for me - I can't say I love them..

[Gigamonkey]

I am very close to my parents, especially my mum. I even miss them when I am at school. I feel very comfortable talking to them both about pretty much anything, and if I need advice I would talk to them unless it's something they might not get, in which case I would talk to my brother (age 20, who I am also very close with). I haven't always been this close to my family but since the age of 16/17 I became much more appreciative of them. I love them all so much

[iSMark]

(Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
Do they tell you they love you?

My husband and his mother are like that. They love each other, but they never ever say it. I remember about 5 years ago my husband had an urge to tell his mother that he loves her, and it took him about two months to pluck up the guts to tell her. When he finally told her she was flabbergasted. She said it back, and asked him if he was ill or something lol.
They've not said it since.

I tell my mother I love her every time I speak to her. Same for my dad. And I tell my kids (and they tell me) about 27359723598234 times a day haha. I can't imagine not telling them that I love them, or vice versa.

That's completely different situations though, and it doesn't mean you're any closer to your parents.

[ArtGoblin]

Yeah, I do. I realise it more now I'm at university than I did when I lived at home. I actually really enjoy spending time with them. There's stuff I can talk to them about that I wouldn't tell anyone else, but then there's other stuff I have to keep secret too, like smoking (both types ). We never say 'I love you' though. They stopped years ago, and I don't ever remember my dad saying it.