I'm almost twenty...and all I really want right now is to experience having a girl :/

Right so basically as title says i'm one and a half weeks away from turning 20...still a virgin. I had something with this girl late last year (really first ever proper date and I actually felt properly happy and that everything was going to go right for me for once in my life) yet alas now she just seems to see me as someone she can use as an ego boost and text when shes bored but get with other guys and refuse to get with me :/.

Now I want to change this, i'm tired of having the self confidence of a mouse when it comes to dealing with girls in clubs (though oddly im fine in other situations), tired of getting the "banter" for being a virgin, tired of my self esteem crashing through the roof every time i think about it, tired of thinking about the one girl who's ever treated me like she cared for me and i don't really want much for my birthday, just a girl really who likes and respects me and who hopefully i'd finally lose it too , plus boost my self confidence up in general.

So yeah guys any advice? I've got a couple of nights out coming up before my birthday however last night i just ended up with a few rejections and my mates embaressing me by asking girls if they would dance with me (usually they shook there heads :/) .

Don't even bother wasting your time on that site. The only guys I ever chatted with on there were really weird. I've sampled like all of those sites (I'm not desperate I just get bored lol) and I've met a couple of really nice guys off smooch and badoo. Smooch and badoo are both free and generally just MUCH better. Also on smooch you can set filters so that men over or under certain ages or with children etc. can't contact you if you don't want them to.

I take back what I said last night; today was the final straw - I got a message from some **** giving me a lecture about Venus and Mars and it's imperative that I have 'x' amount of pictures on my profile! Bloke was giving me 10yrs anyway and was a skank! So I just thought that's it - getting rid of acc't! I'm so fed up lol

Yea, I don't know I've been talking to a few blokes @ the mo; so far seem interested and etc, but keeping my options open, not dwelling on it and etc. Gave one lad my number because he seemed genuinely interested, but just had a conversation with him and because I wouldn't send naked pictures, he's completely flipped! :/ Think I better ignore and block! But have had some strange lads; one got funny with me because on the 3rd message I wouldn't give him my number . . .seems really aggressive and put a lot of pressure on me. Another just kept on and on sending multiple messages if I didnt reply back in 5mins. So was blunt and just said ''biggest annoyance is hammering women with messages all the time'' - he hasn't said anything since! lol I felt mean bt he was getting on my nerves.

I had a nosey on Smooch and Badoo and the men in my local area are gross :/ I had a good search and nobody took my fancy at all. Thanks for those suggestions but already tried them.

Think I will just plod along like I have done and just wait and see .

Give her a compliment.. Avoid the 'beautiful eyes' stuff though... That really grates on me lol. Pay attention and say something really observant like 'Your hair looks really good, it must take you ages to get it that nice'. The beauty of clubbing is that if you've both had a few drinks it's seen as perfectly normal and acceptable to be talking about how cold it is/what you study etc. and then all of a sudden 'sorry but can I just say... *insert compliment*'.

Also.. it sounds bad but try 'targeting' the slightly curvier girls. For some reason I think we actually appreciate the compliment more because they're probably getting fed up of being in clubs full of stick insects that have everything on show. I'm by no means fat and I do get attention in clubs but it can be a little bit intimidating as a size 12 short girl dancing amongst size 6 giants with their lack of arse hanging out lol. You may also find that they tend to be a little bit more down to earth than the skinny ones in that particular environment.

Yeah you could always say to her outside like in a cheeky chappy sorta way 'so do I have a chance of getting a dance with you tonight?' I think it's quite nice and old fashioned when guys actually ask rather than appearing behind me and grabbing me lol. If you back inside together then she's definitely interested, ask her what she wants to drink rather than whether she wants one or not and you've got your foot well and truly in the door.

She'll be wanting to go back on the dance floor by this point and try doing things like kinda old fashioned like offer her your hand sorta thing to take her onto the dance floor and rather than putting your hands all over her give her a twirl instead and dance like that for a bit and then very gradually introduce the hands but put them on her waist and hips, never on the bum unless she's actually got her tongue down your throat and NEVER EVER NO MATTER HOW DRUNK YOU ARE ever touch her boobs. Unless of course she's a total whore and she puts your hands there herself which is incredibly unlikely lol.

Once you're dancing really closely together and her head is on your shoulder, that is the time to move in for the kiss and don't do tongues unless she introduces it because I know a lot of girls who don't like tonguey kisses and I don't know any who actually dislike kisses without tongues. So open mouthed with no tongues.

You're right, its perfectly ok to compliment them like that. But immediately after that if she says "Really? aww thanks" or somethin, what do I say to keep the convo going and not be awkward?

The asking her what she wants makes senses in this scenario as she'd be sober but if I were asking someone normally wouldn't that be presumptuous/as if I'm in a hurry? Also generally I would never buy a girl a drink, but in this case as I would have had some semblance of sober convo with her, should I be paying for it? It kinda goes against what I believe in though

You mean I should dance facing her at a slight distance for a bit, then go close grab her waist and dance slowly? How long exactly (in terms of minutes or songs!) would you recommend I wait before going for her waist? I'm not daft but getting some exact time period would give me more confidence

Thanks for the suggestions, those are awesome!

If she says 'really? aww thanks' just say 'yeah you're really pretty' and maybe ask her if she's single to keep the conversation flowing and that also gives her an opportunity for an escape route if she's not interested so that you won't be wasting time (or money on drinks lol).

Yeah definitely pay for it. It's a nice gentlemanly thing to do and it makes us feel nice about ourselves because it shows that you're enjoying our company. Why does it go against what you believe in?

Errrm.. maybe a couple of songs.. It depends really.. tbh time kinda goes out the window a bit in clubs after a few drinks. I'd say whenever it feels right but not longer than 10 mins (2-3 songs) or so or you may come across as being a little bit frigid or something. No waist is fine.. we don't tend to have any objection to a guy putting his hands on our waist. Bum touching is a different issue.

No problem

Makes perfect sense.

I could show her I'm enjoying her company in other ways? This might be idealistic but isn't buying a drink like trying to buy a girl's affection? Women aren't objects, they have feelings too lol. I find it demeaning to assume that the girl cant pay for it herself(not literally of course).

Yeah obv waist is fine I only asked how long would it be ok to wait before I held her waist/back since it would involve slower, potentially awkward dancing.

My questions are so noobish

Yeah definitely pay for it. It's a nice gentlemanly thing to do and it makes us feel nice about ourselves because it shows that you're enjoying our company. Why does it go against what you believe in?

Women still appreciate gentlemanly behaviour and it will get you far if you remember that.

Haven't read the whole thread but...

Don't listen to this OP. Never buy a girl a drink unless she's either a friend and will reciprocate or you're in a relationship with her.



Lol, there's a difference between 'gentlemanly behaviour' and paying for all her ****. This isn't the 1920's anymore, women have money too.

Nah.. I can kind of see where you're coming from though. I don't know about other girls but me and my friends definitely don't see it like that and we're not shallow or anything. It's like I don't think I've ever paid for my meal on a first date before.
I always offer to split it but I can't remember a guy ever agreeing to split it on a first date just because it isn't really the done thing I guess.. The fact that I go for slightly older men might have something to do with it (I'm 19 and they're always 23+) but yeah I quite like feeling looked after to a certain extent. Not like having things bought for me all the time but the odd meal and drink is nice and it's good to start how you mean to carry on. I've certainly never paid for my own cinema ticket or anything like that despite always offering to pay my way. You're much less likely to turn her off by buying her a drink than you are by not buying her a drink. Women still appreciate gentlemanly behaviour and it will get you far if you remember that.



No, don't worry! Us girls have it easy once we've spent hours making ourselves look nice lol

I never said he should 'pay for all her ****'. Buying a girl a drink is just a nice thing to do and it's a way of making us feel wanted. It definitely gives guys a bit of a head start in a club environment I think.

No, you didn't say OP to do that but you said you thought it was 'gentlemanly behavior if a guy offers to pay for your meal, drinks, cinema ticket etc. That is what I was replying to.

About the buying a drink:

Unless he's pretty sure it's going to lead somewhere it's best avoided. If she's attracted to you then she's attracted to you, buying her a drink isn't going to change anything except maybe make her think less of you.

The amount of girls I know who go out and don't spend a penny because suckers will be buying them drinks all night hoping she will repay him with sex etc is mind blowing. Girls won't respect him for trying to 'buy affection', it is just sad that some guys have to rely on this to have a girl stick around long enough for him to talk to her.

You may find it gives a 'head start' but in general this is the case.

This is what I'm unsure of. I know not all girls that would expect me to buy one would be shallow, but some may jus leave if they dont fancy me midway...without buying ME the return drink! I think I would appear more hard to get if I didnt jus buy any random girl a drink. And as a guy I would expect a girl to split the bill with me...offering to do so counts though I guess.

Yeah its good to show that you mean to carry on...I do that with friends I've jus met. But not girls I'm trying to pull, mainly cuz its unlikely I'll see them again, even if I do pull. So it makes me feel desperate actually, more than appearing so to the girl. I'll have to test out which approach works better haha! Fair point on the gentleman stuff though, sounds good.

I cant say this without appearing weird or as I'm if trying it on...but you sound like a really sexy chick (from your posts!) Its the combo of nice and promiscuous!

Don't even bother wasting your time on that site. The only guys I ever chatted with on there were really weird. I've sampled like all of those sites (I'm not desperate I just get bored lol) and I've met a couple of really nice guys off smooch and badoo. Smooch and badoo are both free and generally just MUCH better. Also on smooch you can set filters so that men over or under certain ages or with children etc. can't contact you if you don't want them to.

Badoo is good because there's a thing called the encounters game or something where it shows you pictures of different guys and says where they live and you say 'yes', 'no' or 'maybe' to them and if they've already answered the question for you then it'll show what they put and you'll get a list of mutual attractions. Also if you say 'yes' and they havn't answered it for you yet then if they do come across you and they say 'yes' then you'll get a notification and they'll go on your list so it works both ways if that makes sense. You should definitely try it if you're open to online dating. A woman who was on my college course met a man on there last year and now they're married.

I just went to try the Badoo site and straight away it came up with all this scam info I don't know if its the same with other sites but now i've been put off joining.

Yeah you can't expect a return drink lol gentlemanly behaviour is quite one sided. I don't think any girl would EXPECT you to get her a drink and that's why it's nice when one does. To be honest I don't get that many drinks bought for me (unless it's my birthday or something in which case my friends get me drinks) but it's because I don't really get into conversations with guys when I'm out because I'm not looking for anyone right now and I don't want to be a time waster. I think it's nice to buy a girl a drink after you've been having an actual conversation with her and if you're getting on well.

One time ages ago this builder guy started talking to me at a bar and he didn't even ask me if I wanted a drink lol he literally just said to the guy behind the bar 'make her something really strong'. It was like a £7 drink cos it was a long island iced tea with a load of other booze in it. Then his friend came over and they started organizing a fight so I necked it and said I should go find my friends.. Lol it's a good job I'm 3/4 irish or I would have been on the floor.

Haha... promiscuous? Purely out of interest what makes you think I'm promiscuous? lol

What scam info? I've been on it for years and I've never been scammed... You don't have to pay to use it.

if clubs are not the place to look for a gf, then where is the place to look for a girlfriend?