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feel initmidated by my friends :(

i've come to university and ive made 4 awesome best friends, they are like the life of the party kind of girls! they are so funny, full of personality, never a dull moment, crazy, always have great stories to tell and stuff. I love them so much but i feel so initimidated and overshadowed by them. Im very shy, quiet and introverted and generally find it quite hard to get close to people.My friends are quite touchy feely aswell, they'd hug each other and lift each other up, kiss on the cheek, rest on each others shoulder, dance sexually with each other and say sexual things to each other in a jokey way like how BFFs do and call each other bitch/ho/slag in a joking way. but I'd never feel brave enough to be like that with them. In the past, i havent had luck with making friends, when i try to get close to people it backfires on me and i get hurt badly, secondary school and college was pretty lonely for me, so i came to uni and decided i wanted a fresh new start, nobody needs to know that i was a lonely girl and all.but now i feel like instead of having a fresh new start, i should have had the foundation for a good social life at university. everytime i go to see my friends i feel awkward when they all have blackberries in their hands, texting away and receiving texts every minute and receiving calls while im just sitting there, and i look at my friends rooms and see tons and tons of pictures on there wall and in frames of all their friends at home and family, pictures on holidays, proms, parties etc, and i dont have any of that, ive got a very small family and we never go on holiday, and i dont have many pictures worthy of putting on my bedroom wall, maybe like 3, it seems trivial, but it shows that you have a life and many friends and people who care about you, when i leave their house i cry on the way back home. How do i get over being so intimidated by them?I love them so much and i want to really deepen my friendship with them, but ive never really had bestfriends in the past, only acquantances, so i feel like i dont really now how to be best friends with them. The leap from being forever alone to having a close group of friends was too far a leap for me. Sometimes i feel like they have their lives and im just bothering them, i dont know, but they are not mean at all they love me and always want me to see them, i dont know, how can i overcome something like this? has anybody experienced something like this?
Reply 1
I know how you feel. I'm lucky enough to have some awesome house mates now (or four of them, hardly know anyone else at uni) but it's still hard to shake off the feelings you've had growing up. It almost feels like you're not good enough or fun enough right? That everyone else is out having a fantastic life and you're not. Or at least that's what I feel sometimes. The thing to remember is that you don't have to be like everyone else, I've never really been on holiday either but I just joke that it's cuz I'm poor ;P Keep bothering them if you like them and stop thinking of yourself as the outsider. They probably don't mean to make you feel excluded, it's just past experience making you feel that way. Don't worry and go out and have fun :smile:
Reply 2
A university student. Yet doesn't know how to write in paragraphs.

What is the world coming to.
Reply 3
Not really experienced such a thing, but I do think you're over-worrying.

I mean, look at it this way, if they're so awesome, surely they can afford to be selective of friendships. If they "love (you) and always want (you) to see them", there can't be too much of a problem. It's nothing to be in tears about anyways. Just.. be confident, that's really it. Every time I feel even a tiny self-conscious thought creep into my mind, I shake it off before it develops. And I make sure, no matter what, I do whatever my concern was warning me off, usually in a more outrageous fashion than I originally intended, as a form of compensation.

Relish the fact that it's all in your control. A wise guy once told me: In high school, you don't choose your friends. They are given to you. Uni's different. And the only 'losers' are the ones who think themselves so. Would you look up to someone insecure? It's all a matter of perspective: you could be bounded in a nutshell and count yourself a king of infinite space, were it not that you have bad dreams (yes, yes I did just paraphrase Hamlet :P).

I've been grounded since Aug and I can't see anyone/do anything till uni, if it's any consolation :P. I mean, not everybody has the same definition of 'living', but if you don't feel you 'have a life', then get one. You clearly can, if you really want to. And to be honest, you need to relax around them. You can't possibly deepen a friendship if you're intimidated to tears. They're human, you're human. They love you. You love them. They've had their experiences, you've had yours. You know what you need to do, you know how.
(edited 12 years ago)
Reply 4
Original post by Thebestgod
A university student. Yet doesn't know how to write in paragraphs.

What is the world coming to.


You forgot your question mark :P And, I'm not sure if the non-sentences work.

I'm only messing <3

My post probably has a myriad of errors.
Original post by alevelshmaylevel92
x


Oh bless you, you sound like the female version of me.

I guess you aren't really used to the idea of being accepted? That sounds really upsetting to say but if you were lonely in college and suddenly have a group of friends at uni its so easy to feel insecure. I'm exactly the same, i've known the group i'm part of for 3 months and i'm only just starting to realise that they DO like me and want me around. Trust me if they didn't want you around you would know, especially with girls. It takes time to form close friendships with people.

Most of my friends have pictures everywhere too, they've got a good life back home and i have absolutely nothing. There isn't 1 picture on my wall and my family never bother to get in touch. I will freely admit i've cried about this multiple times, you do think that nobody cares about you/you've missed out etc and i feel so inferior to other guys my age. Try and remember that you are making up for it now! You've had a really **** time but you've picked yourself up and things have got much better, that is reason to be happy not upset :smile:

I really didn't want to reveal my past either but some of the girls have noticed that something is up and i have told them that i didn't have a great time at college, i'm having trouble settling in etc and they have been so nice and helpful to me. Would you feel comfortable doing that? It really helps having a friendly face to talk to.

Hate to go anon but i PM'd you earlier, so i hope you can figure out who this is :smile:
Reply 6
You cant see the wood for the trees. There are actually a lot of things you can do here to get over these negative feelings. They may seem superficial at first, but remember that once you do something enough, it actually becomes reality. Example: I get invited to stuff quite often, and a lot of the time cba. I go and try and seem like I'm having a good time even though I'd rather be at home watching boardwalk empire. After half an hour, I'm not acting anymore - I actually am having a really good time.

First thing's first: you need to keep these friends, but make some new groups. Where did you meet thbese girls? Your course? Join a soc or do some volunteering, and create a second grup of friends. This will make you feel less reliant on these girls for your happiness, and you'll soon find that you too are reeiving texts and calls when you're out.

Secondly, what on earth is stopping you from putting pictures up in your room?! Do it!

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