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Your experiences of psychosis

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    I have a long history of hearing three separate voices along with frequent touch sensations, as well as extreme paranoia.

    What are your experiences of psychosis?
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    I would write about my experiences, but I'm scared about who's reading
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    2 voices, talking to each other about me, like I'm not even listening in, but I am....always. I can't block them out. Nothing helps. Recently they've been louder and more threatening than ever before, consequently I'm getting next to no sleep and feel completely out of it. Everyday the stuff they talk about seems more and more real and I'm starting to really have difficulty drawing where the line is between reality and psychosis.

    Sometimes I see blood on people's hands, objects, clothes and all down my arms where I'm meant to cut, but not recently, thankfully.
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    A variety of strange sensations and experiences, auditory hallucinations, strong delusional beliefs that me being alive caused other people to die, believing that BT stood for broadcast telepathy and that phone operators could steal your thoughts if you used one (I actually threw my mobile off the top of a multi story car park because of it), ideas of reference, seeing figures that weren't there, objects and people warping/changing size. I spent periods of time in hospital because my CPN and family were afraid for my safety, and believed that me being detained was in my best interests. It seems bizarre even humorous now all of the experiences, but at the time it was genuinely terrifying.

    Tried a few different antipsychotics, and whilst some like quetiapine did work I often found the side effects more debilitating to live with than the strange experiences I was having. In the end personally I've found psychological interventions to be more effective than pharmacological ones, learning reality testing, learning to balance my workload so I don't put myself under stupid amounts of stress and thus trigger the symptoms to get worse, sorting out sleeping patterns so I'm no longer going days without sleep (another major trigger), cutting back on caffeine and alcohol, tracking my mood and working out reasons for any worsening in it. Much of it is now about prevention, stopping triggers from arising and managing them if they do. For me it's a case of force myself to get better through sheer force of will and determination, or put up with a lifetime of medication and the side effects that will bring. And whilst medication would be the easier route effort wise, I can't put up with the side effects and how they impair me so I have no choice but to take the mountain path instead and the ups and downs that will possibly bring.

    I'm not 100% back to how I was before I first became unwell, probably never will be again. Still suffer long periods of intense low moods and overwhelming desires for social isolation. But I'm sure with time I will learn to cope with those as well, adapt, and carry on. It's the best one can hope for so might as well grab the current momentum and get on with it rather hoping in futility for a complete return to the past

    That was a lot longer than I intended it to be, sorry for anyone who read that
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    My dishwasher tried to eat me.
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    I tend to have very strong delusional beliefs which are usually backed up by a couple of hallucinations.

    Most recently I've been seeing codes and patterns in alot of things and have had the belief that someone is trying to contact me.

    Before this I would hear the lights talking about their plan to end the world except it was in gibberish and the radio would translate it for me. Eventually I came to the conclusion I had to die to save the world - and was hospitilasied.

    I also have three people that are always following me and one ghost that is usually around when I'm unwell - and although I dont see them a lot of the time I know they are there and can communicate telepathically with them. They can also steal my thoughts and put thoughts in my head and force me to do things I don't want to do, which is pretty scary.

    That's all I can think of right now but if I remember more I'll add stuff.
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    Interesting reading people's experiences. My main one is voices. I've been hearing voices since I was about 5 or 6. These voices are a mixture of intrusive thoughts, dissociation, psychotic voices and religious voices. The first 3 have disappeared since I've been on aripiprazole, whilst my care team don't believe the religious voices can be treated medically :nah:

    My first episode was in my second year of uni. It's a bit of a blur but I distinctly remember deciding that my two Oxford tutors were colluding together to make me go insane, so that I'd kill myself. Looking back I've NO idea how on earth I came to that conclusion, but I genuinely 100% believed it at the time. It lasted a few days, maybe a week maximum. Then it went away and I thought nothing of it.

    In my third year, I casually mentioned to a welfare tutor that I hear voices (this was after two voices decided to have a screaming match across my head in the Bodleian library. That was fun ). She was like and asked me to see a GP. GP was like :lolwut: and sent me to my current psychiatrist. Shortly after this, I completely broke down and entered into a major psychotic episode. I don't remember much of it now apart from that it was bloody terrifying. There were lots of auditory hallucinations, extreme paranoia, suicidal thoughts and panic attacks. The episode climaxed in late March 2010 and gradually subsided over then. All in all, it lasted about 6 months.

    Then February last year, my body ended up reliving 2010's episode and creating a 2011 one :facepalm: That came along with tactile hallucinations, visual distortion and me needing to be accompanied pretty much everywhere I went. Not fun at all :no:

    Obviously it's February at the moment and so far there's been no sign of an anniversary effect episode. Fingers crossed there won't be one
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    I get really bad delusion of paranoia thinking people are out to get me, talking about me and a pair of eyes are following me no matter where I go as well as thinking someone is filming my ever move. I end up not leaving my room for days because I'm too paranoid to go out. Then I have auditory hallucinations which usually tell me to hurt myself or others to save the world as well as seeing a group of people who watch me and sometimes attack me. I hate it all, scares the hell out of me.

    I was sectioned about two years ago and was immediately told I had psychosis. Was put on a combination of anti psychotics and sleeping pills. The only drug i've positively responded to is olanzapine (which I'm still on), but recently my voices are louder than ever and are constantly telling me to throw myself in front of a train.
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    I have the voices telling me to kill and steal (not that I'm going to btw), calling me names and telling me people are out to get me. Except for the nice wolf who defends me when the voices are being nasty to me. And according to my friends, I'm very delusional. I feel like a secret society is out to get me and they're planting bugs so they bite me and control my life. I see weird things like bugs on the walls and cats smiling on the ceiling. I've also transformed into a cardinal and a fox but a lot of people tell me that's not possible. But I swear when I look in the mirror I see myself as a wolf.

    I also really confuse my dreams with reality. So I can't trust what I'm thinking sometimes. Also I get these thought blocks and I'm sure this woman is trying to steal my thoughts so she can broadcast them. I can hear people mentioning my name in public, on the TV and the radio. Psychosis is a very strange thing indeed. But it can also inspire art. I've made a lot of art based on my hallucinations.
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    (Original post by Barghest)
    I have the voices telling me to kill and steal (not that I'm going to btw), calling me names and telling me people are out to get me. Except for the nice wolf who defends me when the voices are being nasty to me. And according to my friends, I'm very delusional. I feel like a secret society is out to get me and they're planting bugs so they bite me and control my life. I see weird things like bugs on the walls and cats smiling on the ceiling. I've also transformed into a cardinal and a fox but a lot of people tell me that's not possible. But I swear when I look in the mirror I see myself as a wolf.

    I also really confuse my dreams with reality. So I can't trust what I'm thinking sometimes. Also I get these thought blocks and I'm sure this woman is trying to steal my thoughts so she can broadcast them. I can hear people mentioning my name in public, on the TV and the radio. Psychosis is a very strange thing indeed. But it can also inspire art. I've made a lot of art based on my hallucinations.
    I can relate :hugs: It's a horrible thing to go through. Do you take any medication for your hallucinations?
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    I can relate :hugs: It's a horrible thing to go through. Do you take any medication for your hallucinations?
    Yeah I was on Risperidone. But it wasn't affective enough so I've been switched to Seroquel XL. What about you?
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    (Original post by Barghest)
    Yeah I was on Risperidone. But it wasn't affective enough so I've been switched to Seroquel XL. What about you?
    I'm on olanzapine and it helped for a while but recently my voices are worse than ever. I've never been on risperidone but I thinking of asking my psychiatrist for a change in meds. What's it like being on risperidone, if you don't mind me asking?
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    (Original post by Barghest)
    I also really confuse my dreams with reality. So I can't trust what I'm thinking sometimes.
    I didn't know that was a symptom of psychosis. So many times I've been convinced that something has happened and it makes my girlfriend so mad that I believe the dream was real.

    (Original post by Barghest)
    Also I get these thought blocks and I'm sure this woman is trying to steal my thoughts so she can broadcast them. I can hear people mentioning my name in public, on the TV and the radio. Psychosis is a very strange thing indeed. But it can also inspire art. I've made a lot of art based on my hallucinations.
    I keep majorly getting thoughts that people are stealing my thoughts as well, I found wearing a hat kind of helps, even more so if you line the hat with aluminum foil.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I keep majorly getting thoughts that people are stealing my thoughts as well, I found wearing a hat kind of helps, even more so if you line the hat with aluminum foil.
    I do this all the time. I've got two hats that I wear together as though it prevents people from putting thoughts into my head.
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    I might be switched to Olanzapine if the Seroquel doesn't kick in.

    I don't mind at all. At first you're completely sedated. I was sleeping all day. But eventually the drowsieness goes away. Also you want to eat loads of junk so I had to be very careful I didn't gain weight. I was 8 stone and I put on a whole stone from eating so much. :/ Also it can sometimes cause indegestion, but that goes away too. I definitely think if the meds don't work you should ask to switch. Good luck to whatever happens.
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    (Original post by Barghest)
    I might be switched to Olanzapine if the Seroquel doesn't kick in.

    I don't mind at all. At first you're completely sedated. I was sleeping all day. But eventually the drowsieness goes away. Also you want to eat loads of junk so I had to be very careful I didn't gain weight. I was 8 stone and I put on a whole stone from eating so much. :/ Also it can sometimes cause indegestion, but that goes away too. I definitely think if the meds don't work you should ask to switch. Good luck to whatever happens.
    I know it's not first priority but I'd be wary of taking olanzapine if you really don't want to gain weight. I've put on three stone since I've taking it. They put me on it initially to help me gain weight (secondary to the psychosis of course) because I was anorexic, and by God it works. I'm on 20mg now, so the maximum dosage and it's not working so I really need to switch.

    Thanks for answering.
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    I do this all the time. I've got two hats that I wear together as though it prevents people from putting thoughts into my head.
    I've just started to do this, in order to stop people from taking thoughts out my head - amazing how well it works although I only have a balaclava so it gets very hot haha
    #1

    I spent a year believing everyone in a position of power (teachers, parents, managers, bosses etc) could read my mind and was out to get me if I thought anything bad. I used to try not to make eye contact and to keep my thoughts 'pure' and not think that I knew they could see what I was thinking. If I accidentally thought about a swearword I got terrified that they'd 'hear' it and punish me. However this just vanished after a while and I've had nothing else since.

    I had a close friend who became convinced that she was an angel sent down from Heaven to save the world. She thought some catastrophe was coming that would wipe out the human race unless she sacrificed herself when she saw a 'sign' it was about to happen. She left school soon after that and I never found out what happened to her.
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    (Original post by 35mm_)
    I know it's not first priority but I'd be wary of taking olanzapine if you really don't want to gain weight. I've put on three stone since I've taking it. They put me on it initially to help me gain weight (secondary to the psychosis of course) because I was anorexic, and by God it works. I'm on 20mg now, so the maximum dosage and it's not working so I really need to switch.

    Thanks for answering.
    Ah ok thanks if I do have to switch I'll be careful not to gain weight. I've got a high energy breed of dog so I'll take him out on extra walks. Hopefully the Seroquel will start working soon. I think it's already being quite effective.
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    Has anyone here been with the early intervention team? I have an appointment soon and I'm not sure what to expect. Do they just sit and chat with you?

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