[Stiff Little Fingers]

(Original post by 05sykesd)
A biologist walks into a bar and asks for a pint of energy, the bartender sais "that's 80p"

Do you want to hear a joke about element number 116? Uuh...

[Mati1]

(Original post by HighwayUnicorn)
Once upon a time, a little boy finished his first year of elementary school. It had been a very tough transition from pre-school to kindergarten, but he had worked very hard at learning to read and he made a lot of friends. His dad said, "Son, you did a great job this year, and as a reward, I will get you a present. What would you like?"

"I want one pink ping pong ball," said the boy. His dad thought that was strange and asked why. The son said, "Don't worry about it, I'll tell you when I graduate from high school."

The next year, he finished first grade, and once again his dad was very proud of him. He was doing really well in math and spelling, and he had lots of friends. "Son," said his dad, "You had a great year. What would you like for a present?" "I want five pink ping pong balls," said his son. "What are you going to do with all these pink ping pong balls?" asked his dad. "I'll tell you when I graduate," said the son.

A few more years passed, and soon the son finished fourth grade. He got decent grades and he had started playing soccer. His dad said, "Son, I'm so proud of you, and I'm going to get you a present. What would you like?" The son said, "I want 25 pink ping pong balls." His dad said, "Son, I'd really like to know what you are doing with all of these ping pong balls." The son said, "Dad, I'll tell you when I graduate."

A few years later, the son finished 6th grade. It was another tough transition into middle school, but he had kept his grades up and he was still playing soccer. His dad said, "Son, you did a great job this year. What would you like for a present?" The son said, " I want 100 pink ping pong balls." "Son," said the dad, exasperated, "what are you doing with all of these ping pong balls?" "I'll tell you when I graduate," he replied.

8th grade was another good year. The son got good grades and even ran for student council. Even though he didn't win, his dad was really proud of him, and offered once again to get him a present. "I want 500 pink ping pong balls," said the son. "Son, please tell me what you are doing with all of these ping pong balls," said his dad. "I'll tell you when I graduate high school," said his son.

Freshman year: going to high school was tough, but still good. He ran for student council VP and won. He also made the varsity soccer team and started playing football. His dad was so proud of him. "Son, you are amazing! I will get you a big present this year. What do you want?" "I want 1000 pink ping pong balls," said his son. "Tell me what you're doing with all of these pink ping pong balls!" demanded his father. "I'll tell you when I graduate," said his son.

Sophomore year was another great one. He was reelected to the vice presidency, and played varsity football and soccer. He also joined 6 clubs and got his driver's license. "Wow son, I'm so proud of you," said his dad. "I'll get you a really nice present. What do you want?" "I want 5000 pink ping pong balls," said his son. "Son, what could you possibly want with 5000 pink ping pong balls?" said his dad. "I'll tell you when I graduate," said the son.

Junior year was very tough academically, but he still got straight A's. He also got perfect SAT scores, was a captain of soccer and football, was the president of his class, and was a member of every club in the school. His dad was overwhelmed. "You are the best son any father could ask for. I will give you anything you want! I'll get you a car, a laptop-- anything! What do you want, son?" "Dad, I want 10000 pink ping pong balls," said the son. His father couldn't believe it. "Son, what are you doing with all of these ping pong balls," he asked. "I'll tell you next year when I graduate," he said.

Senior year was perfect. He was the valedictorian, captain of every sports team in the school, a member of every club, and got into every college he applied to, including Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Oxford, and Cambridge. He was also very sexy. "Son," said his dad, "You are the greatest person on the face of the earth. It is a privilege to be your father. I will give you anything you want. Money, cars, a house-- anything you want, you name it, it's yours. I am so proud of you." "Dad, I want 100,000 pink ping pong balls," said his son. "Son, you're a senior now. Please tell me what you're doing will all of these ping pong balls." "I'll tell you tomorrow night after graduation," said his son.

The next day, the son was driving to graduation and was involved in a horrible car accident. The doctors told his dad that he was in very critical condition. His dad went over to his bed and told him he loved him and how proud he was. Then he asked the question that had ben plaguing him for so many years: "Son," he said, "I have to know. What are you doing with all of those pink ping pong balls?"

The son opened his mouth to answer him...

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And...

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and

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He died.

Anything for a cheap laugh eh?
Good one.

[RetroRocker]

(Original post by Alofleicester)


Do you want to hear a joke about element number 116? Uuh...

I would make another science joke, but all the good ones argon.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my HTC Wildfire S A510e

[violetta12]

Yo momma's so fat, when she sat on an ipod, it bcame an ipad! XD
oh, nd, yo momma's so old, when she farts, dust comes out.
had me crackin'up..

[Raheem786]

(Original post by Mati1)
Anything for a cheap laugh eh?
Good one.

Me


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[Ben,]

When I was 6, my uncle ejaculated on me.

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Glad I got that off my chest.

[amirlad]

A man walks into a pub then proceeds to climb up the wall, get to the ceiling, walk across the ceiling (upside down) until he is directly above the bar stools. Then he jumps down and lands right infront of the bar, doing a front flip in the process. then he orders a pint of bitter.

the publican says 'oh that was strange. he normally orders lager'

[acer0951]

Lool this made me crack up!!!!


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[Architecture-er]

"Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear."

I see quite a few people have been equally unoriginal, and just gone to anti-joke




"When my grandad was ill, my grandma used to rub lard into his back. Unfortunately he went downhill pretty fast after that".

[Raheem786]

(Original post by acer0951)
Lool this made me crack up!!!!


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Epic! #IfYouKnowWhatIMean


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[adam_johnson]

(Original post by 05sykesd)
A biologist walks into a bar and asks for a pint of energy, the bartender sais "that's 80p"

Hahaha


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[Raheem786]

There are 3 people: Shut up, Trouble & Manners
They all wet for a picnic at the park. Trouble got lost; so Shut up & Manners went to the police station
Shut up went in whilst Manners stayed outside
Once inside, the policeman asked him his name. To which he replied "Shut up"
The policeman said "Where are your manners!"
Shut up replied "Outside"
The police officer then said "Are you looking for trouble?!"
And Shut up replied "yes"




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[Umer786]

(Original post by Raheem786)
There are 3 people: Shut up, Trouble & Manners
They all wet for a picnic at the park. Trouble got lost; so Shut up & Manners went to the police station
Shut up went in whilst Manners stayed outside
Once inside, the policeman asked him his name. To which he replied "Shut up"
The policeman said "Where are your manners!"
Shut up replied "Outside"
The police officer then said "Are you looking for trouble?!"
And Shut up replied "yes"




This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Haha... Brilliant!

[Multitalented me]

Have you heard of the new movie constipation? Yeah it never came out.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

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No idear.

Two aliens walked into a bar. You would have thought the first one would have seen it.

I went to the zoo the other day. There was only a dog in it - it was a shihtzu.

A classic Tommy Cooper gag: "I said to the gym teacher: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: 'I can't make Tuesdays.

Why can't you get a drink at Old Trafford?

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Because all the mugs are on the field & all the Cups are at Stamford Bridge